


Fading Zen (Larry)

by LemonSuccubus



Series: Zen Series [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: ALL THE GOOD STUFF, AU, Angst, Athelete!Harry, BoyxBoy, Breathplay, College Student, Consensual But Not Safe Or Sane, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fading Zen, Fanfiction, Fluff and Smut, Future AU, Gay, Harry Styles - Freeform, Harry helps him feel safe, Harry plays water polo, Idk this was my first story, It's actually applicable at one point, Kink, Kink Exploration, Kink Negotiation, LGBT, Larry Stylinson Is Real, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, Louis' scared af to fall in love again, M/M, Massage, Niall was Harry's first crush, Rimming, Slash, Smut, Spanking, Student!Harry, Styles - Freeform, Zouis is the past relationship, and Louis is a masseuse who's actually a mess on the inside, but some crazy stuff too, fading, harry - Freeform, idk call it what you want, its a mess but I hope you enjoy, larry - Freeform, larry smut, larry stylinson - Freeform, louis - Freeform, massage au, masseuse au, masseuse!Louis, or more for the whole story cuz Louis is cray, spa, stylinson, the masseuse fic, there's one incident of a non-negotiated kink whoops, tomlinson - Freeform, water polo, zen - Freeform, zouis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2015-11-27
Packaged: 2018-04-06 10:18:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 119,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4217910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LemonSuccubus/pseuds/LemonSuccubus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fading: /fādiNG/  1. To gradually grow faint and disappear.<br/>Zen:  /zEn/  1. A state of focus that incorporates a total togetherness of body and mind. </p><p> Louis Tomlinson is a massage therapist who may appear to be the epitome of 'zen' on the outside, but couldn't be more opposite on the inside.  He has never been great with relationships; and he's definitely never been with anyone like Harry Styles before.  Harry is a college student and athlete with a wild past of his own.  Their relationship has potential... If both of them can learn to properly deal with the demons of their past.</p><p>COMPLETED. BOOK 1 OF 2, BUT ORIGINALLY WRITTEN TO BE A STAND ALONE BOOK</p><p>Warnings:  Smut. Experimentation with kinks. Language.  Repressed anger and depressive moments.  Mention of previous abusive relationship. Two instances of drug use and one instance of joking about rape. Unbetaed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Thank you so much Betty!"

"Anytime Louis! I hope you know how much I appreciate you."

Louis grinned, "How could I not? You have been my client since I started practicing! Nobody else has been around as long as you."

Betty picked up her purse and opened up the door. "You know it's only because I think you're cute!" This made Louis smile fondly at the elderly woman. She reached around for a hug that Louis returned, and then she pinched his bum. Louis yelped and laughed as their embrace ended.

She walked down the steps of the spa, "Now don't get into any trouble dear! And keep those boys and girls away from you. They cause more trouble than they're worth!"

"You know you're the only one for me Betty!" Louis waved and called to her as she walked to her car. When he saw her waving and driving away in her car he closed the door and turned around.

Now then. Seven in the evening and he's the last one here, as always. Seems as if he'll be getting out of here at a decent hour for a Thursday. He looked around at the empty spa. All of the booths and rooms cleared out and all of the lights still on. He grabbed the till out of the register, went into his office and set it on the desk, then picked up the closing checklist.

He glanced at the schedule for tomorrow on his computer. A couple of new clients, a sports team, one client coming in to get her eyelash extensions fixed (he would have to talk to Jannis about that tomorrow), and regulars were on the books for tomorrow. He turned his attention away from the computer. The inspection started with making sure all of the employees' booths were clean, tidy, and orderly.

Next he went into the massage rooms to check that the masseuses' had cleaned up and turned off the mini water fountains, iPod stereos, rock heaters, and ambient lamps. The last room was the one he was most recently occupying with Betty. He set down his checklist on the nightstand in the room and started with changing the massage table linens. He hauled them downstairs and threw them into the washing machine with the rest of the towels and linens along with some soap and turned on the machine.

He took a step over to the refrigerator next to the washing machine, crouched down and checked inventory on the soda and drink supply. He shoved his hand in and started shuffling through the beverages.

Hmm.... 17 Sprites, 15 lemonades, 13 vitamin waters, 7 Smart waters, 12 Pepsis, 5 iced teas, and 1 Coke. He opened the drawers to check his stock of pineapple Chobani yoghurts, pint sized Boom Chocolatta Ben and Jerry's ice creams, and emergency Blue Moons. He would have to pick up a couple more beers soon. How long have those Sprites been there? Like a month now? And we just stocked up on the Coke on Mond-

THUMP

Louis' hand jerked and knocked over a couple of cans on the rack.

The bloody hell was that? I locked the door and everyone is gone.

He shook off the noise, pulled out his phone, opened the notes, and typed in what he would have to pick up from the store. Along with the perks and pay of managing a spa and being a masseuse, he also was the one solely responsible for running the day-to-day operations. Which included tedious things like changing the broken light bulbs and keeping the drinks stocked.

Standing up, he grabbed a Blue Moon, then shut the refrigerator. He would give himself the pleasure of extra relaxation while balancing the till and ordering inventory in his office.

Popping the cap off the beer, and making his way up the stairs, he heard some shuffling coming from the lobby.

Well let's hope it's just someone asking for directions and not a serial killer. Best worst case scenario, it's an unarmed burglar. Oh well. Who would miss me really? Gary might miss me. Then again, he's an Axolotl salamander and could probably just keep eating and re-growing his tail to sustain his lif-

"Hello? Is anyone still here?"

Louis froze.

He peeked around the corner at the top of the stairs.

No one in the hallway or lobby... great.

He held his unopened beer up like a bat as his only defense. He could still hear the soft sounds of massage music coming from his massage room. Stealthily creeping down the hall and around into the lobby, he made his way to the other side of the spa and heard the footsteps coming from his office.

He peeked into his office and saw the back of a man's head.

Brown curly hair, maybe 5'11", black sweatpants, black hoodie, black beanie, and running shoes. Definitely some thug up to no good. Probably looking to hit and run with the till on my desk. Dammit. Both hands appeared to be holding something in front of him. Oh god what if it's a gu-

"Hello!"

Louis screamed and readied his weapon.

The man had turned around. His eyes darted from Louis' petrified face to the bottle held up like a sword. "Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to know if you were still open. The lights were on, so I wasn't sure..." His voice faded off at the end and he apprehensively took a step backward.

Louis looked immediately to his hands. The man was holding his left wrist with his right hand. Long fingers wrapped around his wrist, which appeared red and quite inflamed. Tendinitis? He noticed a cross tattoo a couple inches down from that. Now that the threat was neutralized, Louis lowered his Blue Moon. He let his gaze trail up to the man's face.

Holy shit. Lips. Jawbones. Lips. Eyes. Lips.

"Shit. Fuck. Oops, I mean dam- crap! Uh, sorry. What?" Louis was a stuttering mess. He could feel his cheeks heating up, now probably the color of the man's- very sexy man's- very sexy wrist.

"Hi! Sorry, I just saw the lights still on and wanted to know if you were open?" He spoke slowly and phrased it as a question.

Taking Louis' silence as a demand for explanation, the man started speaking again, "My wrist was cramping in practice today, then I think maybe I sprained it because my team mate clothes-lined my arm pretty good and my coach needs me to be in top condition for our game Saturday and told me I should go see about a massage and so if it's not an inconvenience, do you have a masseuse who could help me out a bit? Sorry I know it's late. I can come back tomorrow."

He seemed genuinely concerned and apologetic and Louis finally came to his senses. He thinks that's probably the fastest the man has ever spoken in his life.

"No, no! It's fine. Uh, I'm Louis. I manage Serenity and was just closing up. But I'm a masseuse too. I'd be happy to take a look at your wrist. Sorry, didn't catch your name?"

You're an adult. Act professional.

"Oh thank you so much! You're a lifesaver. It's Harry. Harry Styles. What was yours?" Harry's face lit up into a huge grin.

Holy shit. Dimples. Lips. Eyelashes. How old is he? Fuck!

"Louis Tomlinson!" Louis quickly pivoted around so his back was to Harry. If there was any hope of maintaining professionalism, he has to pace himself with the glances he allows to end on Harry's very perfect and very sexy face. Lucky for Louis, the end of his pivot ended in his hips slamming the door jam loudly. He coughed to try and cover it up, and knew his face was bright red again. He tried to sound confident when he next spoke, but it came out rather shakily, "Follow me this way Harry."

Harry seemed to stifle a giggle but followed Louis nonetheless. They made their way to Louis' massage room, ambient music still playing in the background, and Louis motioned for Harry to sit on the massage table. He set his beer on top of the checklist that was still on the nightstand and went to the corner closet to pull out his massage chair and heard the table give way to Harry's weight. He sat down and wheeled over to Harry.

Louis avoided eye contact and managed to level out his voice. "Alright let's take a look at your wrist."

Louis reached out and took Harry's left wrist. He tried desperately to ignore the spark that hit him upon contact with Harry's skin. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

It was red and a bit inflamed. Hmm... doesn't look like typical tendonitis.

He smells of chlorine and soap.

"You said it was cramping before your teammate hit it? Wait, what sport do you play?"

"I play water polo at the college. Yeah, it just kinda happened. It's been a long week of drills and training- getting back in shape and everything from summer. I didn't have any problems until today and it just kind of froze up on me."

Disregard the thoughts of legal-aged-Harry in a Speedo.

"Right. Okay, it sounds and looks to me like you've just been overworking your hands. The overworking caused the cramping, then the hit from your teammate seemed to just exacerbate the problem a bit more. Nothing a bit of massage and anti-inflammatories won't fix. Stay right here."

Louis got up and walked back to his office grabbing his bottle opener and bottle of Naproxin. He made his way back to his massage room, grabbed his drink and popped off the cap. He handed it to Harry who looked a bit confused. Then Louis held out his hand, and Harry opened his other and watched Louis drop the two pills into his palm.

Louis dared to peek at Harry's face. Harry smiled gratefully at him and took a swig of the beer, then dropped the two pills into his mouth and swallowed.

Harry handed the bottle back to Louis who set it back on the nightstand. He took a breath then returned to his seat and grabbed Harry's wrist again.

Focusing his gaze downward again, trying to not think of the steamy Indiana Jones scene he asked, "Where does it hurt?"

Harry shrugged a bit. "I dunno. Mainly just on my wrist, a bit up the forearm, then like a straight line from my wrist to my index finger."

Louis applied massage cream and started rubbing Harry's wrist. He could feel where the cramping was. "Yeah that makes sense. Since your hand is now compromised, you'll have to take special care to prevent stenosing tenosynovitis or else you could cause some permanent damage." Louis looked up to make sure Harry was listening.

Harry looked utterly confused. "Stan-sing what?"

"Stenosing tenosynovitis. It's quite common among water polo players. It's basically an inflamed tendon that starts at the tip of your index finger, and can end up going all the way up to your elbow if you're not careful." Louis fingers were now working up his forearm.

I'd be happy kiss every inch up your arm until it feels better. That helps sometimes too.

"Well I'm glad I am in the care of such a knowledgeable professional. I like your music too by the way. I prefer a bit more of a Sanskrit style, but this definitely seems like it would appeal to the larger masses as far as their idea of relaxation goes."

This caught Louis' attention. "Sanskrit? What do you know about that?"

Harry seemed humored. "Well, if you're asking literally, it's the primary liturgical language of Hinduism, the philosophical language in Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism, and a literary language that was used as a lingua franca in the Indian culture. As far as music goes, Kirtanas, and bhajans of Sanskrit are popular throughout India; and it's used extensively in the Carnatic and Hindustani branches of classical music."

Louis hands stopped working as he stared at Harry's beautiful mouth from where the pretentious words just left.

Arrogant much?

Harry seemed to catch on and started rambling. "Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like an ass. I spent a several months in India and did lots of yoga and shit and we're on the India unit in Anthropology right now. We literally covered it today, so it's just super fresh in my mind. Sorry."

He resumed massaging, this time rubbing the inside of Harry's palm. The pads of his fingers were touching Harry's cross tattoo as his thumbs did the work. "No, no. It's fine. You just really caught me off guard for a sec. What are you studying then?"

Fuck- those fingers. And his hands are so soft. God how I'd like to feel those fingers in my-

"I'm majoring in Anthropology. With a minor in journalism. I hope to travel and write articles or blogs about cultures."

Anthropology. Right. Did he already say that? Water polo and Anthropology. Harry. Minoring in journalism. Commit all this information to memory for no reason other than fantasizing about a future that will never happen because you're doomed to be alone.

"Well Harry, that should do it for tonight. Assuming you have practice tomorrow, try to take it easy, otherwise it will cramp up again. Take some more Naproxin in the morning. If you can, give yourself a quick rub down before practice." Louis removed his hands and mentally face palmed himself for that unintentional innuendo. Harry didn't seem phased.

"Sure. Thank you so much Louis, you've been a huge help. What do I owe you?" Harry asked, searching Louis' face.

How about your body? A kiss? A date? Damn it Louis, grow the fuck up.

Louis smiled, "Don't worry about it. It's on the house."

Harry raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Please, let me pay you. My wrist feels a hundred times better already." He stretched and flexed his wrist as if to prove his point.

"Nope! Your money is no good here." Louis stood up and started walking towards the door. Harry followed closely behind. He ushered Harry to the front door.

Don't linger. Don't make it awkward. Be quick about it. He's not even gay. Act professional.

"Harry, it was a pleasure meeting you this evening. I'm glad I could help you and hope that your wrist gets better." Louis held a steady gaze with Harry and offered hand out for him to shake.

Harry's eyes lit up and he smiled at Louis. "Thanks Louis. Like I said, you're a lifesaver." He took Louis hand and Louis could feel himself start to sweat and he immediately looked away and withdrew his hand from the source of the sparks.

Damn it! How does he not feel this? You're crazy Lou. He's not gay. He's not gay. You're just going crazy because it's been years since you've been laid. Ignore it like you've ignored the others. You're 25 for goodness sake. Pull yourself together.

Harry turned around and walked through the threshold of the spa. Louis looked back up. When he got to the bottom of the steps, he waved goodbye. Louis returned the gesture, then closed and locked the door.

He took a deep breath.

4 seconds inhale, 6 seconds exhale. Breathe.

Okay. Where the hell was I?

Balancing the till. Right.

Louis walked to his massage room, grabbed his checklist and beer, turned off the lights and music and headed to his office.

He sat down at his desk and stared at the money for a good two minutes. He slowly raised the Blue Moon to his lips and tried to not think about Harry's lips recently touching the same rim.

He took a deep breath and got to work.

~~~~

I'm a generally new author here, so comment & kudos if you'd like and let me know what you think <3

Thxx :D


	2. Chapter 2

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=ei5nk7)

~~~~

Louis woke up to his alarm at 7:00 the next morning. He turned it off and set his phone back down. The sun was only starting to rise, and his glow in the dark stars still stood out on his ceiling. The colorful glow in the dark paint splattered all over his walls mocked him.

I really need to repaint my room. It's been 3 fucking years.

He looked over to Gary. Gary seemed to be content and sleepy in his tank. The UV light above his aquarium made him look glow in the dark as well, and it seemed that he chose to go for a pinkish-white color today.

"Gary, you're so badass. Only you could make pink look hardcore."

Gary didn't acknowledge him.

Louis sighed and picked up his phone. He pulled up his notes and calendar and mentally prepared for the day.

~~

He made his way to the grocery store first to pick up the necessary drinks, then headed towards the spa to get started on the opening chores.

He smiled as he walked through the threshold and got to work.

8:30 and the estheticians, massage therapists, and receptionist started coming through the door getting ready for their days. There were almost 20 people total working at the spa. Louis looked around with pride as his employees all arrived with happy demeanors, and a good work ethic.

He decided he definitely would have to do something nice for them soon before the holiday season came up and they all would have crazy schedules.

He's been at Serenity for two years now, and most of the crew had been here longer than Louis. When the management position opened up six months ago, he immediately was nominated by all of his co-workers. They all looked up to Louis.

He felt it would work nicely into his life. He didn't have as large of a clientele as some of the others, so he wouldn't be as tied down. He definitely had enough experience and respect from employees and their clients to be able to transition into a management position smoothly.

He prepared a green tea, and walked up to the front desk to check on Kara. She was only hired a month ago after their previous receptionist eloped and fled town with a simple text to Louis that said 'Peace out bitch. You'll see me on the movie screens.'

Kara sat up straighter as she saw Louis approaching. "Morning Kara! How's it going?" He sat the tea down on her desk and motioned for her to drink it.

She smiled with fondness and admiration. Trying her very best to sound professional and enthusiastic she responded. "It's going very smoothly Mr. Tomlinson! It's a beautiful day out and we are all booked out. I suspect a prosperous quarterly report with how this month has been going."

Louis chuckled. She tried so hard to make a good impression. She was going to college for business and took her job very seriously. "I've told you dear, call me Louis. And yes, the spa has been doing very well this quarter. Would you be interested in staying back with me sometime in the next couple weeks and I can go over some of the account reports and inventory with you?"

Kara nearly jumped out of her seat. "Yes! Yes! I mean, yes Louis, it would be my greatest pleasure to accompany and shadow you for the duration of the filing of, er, the uh... Yeah, I'd really like that. Let me check my calendar and I'll let you know?"

"Very good love. Let me know if you need anything today." Louis walked away to make a tea for himself and head to his office.

He took care of most of the paperwork and floor operations in the mornings, had lunch at noon, then would typically spend his afternoons and evenings as a masseuse.

His office was clean. He sat at his desk and turned on his computer. While he was waiting for his computer to boot up, he blew on his tea and took a sip.

"Fuck!"

He always burns his tongue. He never has the patience to wait for it to cool off. Plus, once his tongue was burned, it killed all the sensation, and he could drink the rest of his tea without waiting for it to cool down.

His desk was littered with a couple neat stacks of papers, a paper weight, a couple of novelty items that his employees had given him as gifts, and the photo his mom took of him and his mentor the first day of his massage therapy apprenticeship at 20 years old.

Today is a good day. I can do this. Positive energy flows in and out of me. Breathe 4 seconds in, 6 seconds out.

His computer notified him that it was turned on. First things first. He opened up his music library and put on some relaxing, upbeat music. Next, manage the social media and online presence.

He was halfway through posting a special discount deal when someone knocked on his door jam. It was Jannis.

"Jannis love! Just the girl I want to see. Come on in and take a seat."

Jannis was the newest esthetician at Serenity. She had only recently graduated school, and was maybe 19 years old. She walked forward with trepidation and sat down across from Louis.

She looked up and started, "Louis, I'm so sorry. I just wanted to come and talk to you about today. Last week I did eyelash extensions on one of my clients, and I got a call from her the next day saying that most of them came off when she showered. So I rebooked her for today. I didn't realize until this morning that my glue is expired, and it was my last bottle. None of the other girls are offering eyelash services, so I don't have any glue to use on her. I would run to the store, but I have facials and pedicures until then. Should I reschedule her, or reschedule one of my facials? And I'm so, so sorry, you can raise my commission for today to make up for the -"

She was breathing heavily and looked close to tears now. Louis stood up and cut her off, "Hey, hey, it's okay dear." He walked around and pulled her into a hug. "Take deep breaths. Everything is just fine. I have some time; I'll run to the store for you. Go make yourself a cuppa, sit and relax in my room until your first appointment arrives."

She took a shaky breath and pulled away from the hug. Her cheeks had a couple tearstains, but she was smiling. "Thank you so much. I'm so sorry, it won't happen again."

"It's quite alright. Now go make some tea!" He playfully shooed her away and she laughed and exited his office.

Okay. Unplanned run to the supply store. I'll just take some time off of my lunch hour. I'll grab some food while I'm out and about.

Louis walked out to the floor where most of the employees were.

He raised his voice slightly, "Does anybody else need anything from the beauty supply? I'm headed there now. If you can't think of anything right now, you have 15 minutes to text me what you need."

One of the younger lads, Blake, spoke. "I am a bit low on vanilla paraffin."

Blake was cute. Louis nodded. "Vanilla paraffin. Anyone else?" Silence. "Okay, I will be back in 45 minutes."

Louis got in his car and headed to the store. He arrived 10 minutes later. In the middle of looking through different kinds of eyelash glue, he received a text.

Hey, srry I just noticed Im out of medium grit pumice stones. Thx.

It was from Carrie. She's lucky. She only had another two minutes until Louis left.

She been doing this for ages. How does she not have a grip on personal inventory by now?

Louis grabbed the glue, medium grit pumice stones, and paraffin wax and made his way to check out. Back in his car, he drove to Panera to pick up lunch for later on.

He arrived back at the salon exactly 45 minutes later and distributed the items to Jannis and Carrie. 

~~

It was a little after two in the afternoon and he had just finished his lunch and completed all of the necessary office work. His first appointment was at 2:30. He walked into his massage room and realized he had not put fresh sheets on. The last person on his table was Harry. He looked at where he had been sitting last night.

I wonder if I smelled the spot if it would smell like hi-

Louis physically slapped himself across the face.

For fucks sake. How old are you Tomlinson? 12 years old? Perverted?

Well, maybe he was right about the perverted part.

"Uh, Mr- uh Louis? Are you okay?"

Kara stood in the doorway with a shocked look on her face.

Ah shit.

"Yes! Just waking myself up a bit. I always get tired after lunch." He lightly slapped his cheeks a couple more times as if to demonstrate that it was a normal thing for him to do.

Kara looked unsure. "Right, no that's fine. I always get tired after lunch too. Um, I was just letting you know that the sports team is here a bit early. I thought you would want to come and meet the coach and distribute the clients accordingly."

"Perfect. Thank you Kara. I'll be up in just a minute."

She left.

4 seconds breathe in, 6 seconds breathe out.

He quickly put some sheets on the table and turned on his mini water fountains.

Louis confidently walked up with his best professional 'I'm the manager look' to the reception desk and saw an older man with a handlebar mustache conversing with Kara.

That must be the coach.

There were 7 other guys sitting in the lobby, chatting idly with each other or on their phones.

The lobby smells like chlorine.

"Hello sir! I am Louis Tomlinson, manager of Serenity. Thank you so much for coming in today."

"Jim. Call me Jim. No problem! I just wanted to give my boys a beginning-of-the-season surprise. They've been working hard all week and I want them to be in full mental and physical capacity to perform for tomorrow's early morning game."

Stop jumping to conclusions Tommo. Stay composed.

"Of course Jim. What a thoughtful coach. Now, do any of your boys have any medical conditions or requests that I should be aware of? I will do my best to match them with the massage therapist I feel to be most suitable for them."

"They're all pretty easy going. Most of them prefer girl masseuses, but I understand that's not really gonna be feasible, so they can get over their homophobic ways. Alvin's really squeamish, so just don't have anyone go too hard on him. Then Brad needs a good working-over on his shoulders."

Disregard the prejudiced information. Separate work and emotions.

"I can assure you all of our massage therapists show the utmost professionalism during the sessions. Now I have 8 boys on the books from 2:30-4:30. Will you be joining them Jim?"

The bell chimed and a blob of black clothes and brown curls walked through the door.

Louis' stomach dropped. He immediately tried to look preoccupied and grabbed a pen and notepad from Kara's desk. She was eying him curiously.

"No. Harry here is your eighth guy. He just takes 10 times longer than anyone else to do anything. Except in the water. He's like a dolphin on crack in the water."

You know dolphins are one of the only species to engage in homosexual activities for fun? No, I'm sure he doesn't. And I'm sure Harry's not gay. And I'm sure this whole fucking town is homophobic.

"Right then. We'll have Alvin with Selena, Brad with Lawren-"

"Louis?!"

Fuckmylife. Fuckmylife. Fuckmylife. Fuckmylife. Fuckmylife.

"Oh Harry! Hello! What a surprise!"

Jim looked between the two. "Harry m'boy, why didn't you tell me you knew the manager here? I could have gotten us a discount." Jim tried to sound like he was joking, but it was obvious he wasn't.

Harry turned to Jim, "I only met him last night coach. I came here after practice and he did a good number on my wrist. See?" Harry swiveled his wrist around to prove his point.

Jim looked pleased. "Well if he was able to do so great with your wrist, let's hope he can work out whatever is going on with your shoulder too. You looked tense during practice today. We can't have that same problem tomorrow."

Harry nodded and looked to Louis.

Speak. Make words. Control the situation. You're 25.

"K, well I'll have Kara assign the rest of the boys out. Follow me this way Harry." He turned around quickly and his hip knocked over a rack on Kara's desk.

God fucking damn it!!

He didn't bother helping Kara pick up the rack of papers he just knocked over, and opted instead to quickly pace towards his massage room. He heard Harry not trying to hide his laughing this time. Then heard footsteps following closely behind him.

He stalked into his room without looking at Harry. He motioned towards the massage table.

Harry stopped and looked a bit confused. "Er, so where do I change?"

"Shit, right, sorry. So just get changed and lay face down on the table. Your clothes can go in the cubby over there. When you're ready for me to come in, there is a button on the underside of the table. Push that and it will turn the light on the outside green, then I'll know to come in."

Harry seemed to be much more interested in the décor today than he was yesterday. His eyes trailed from the certificates and paintings hanging on the maroon walls, to the nightstand, to the coat rack, to the sofa in the corner, then to the large bookshelf which held an array of oils, an oil diffuser, rocks, crystals, water fountains, pamphlets, books, pictures of Louis throughout his career, the iPod stereo- and Louis' favorite- his mini sand Zen Garden.

"Fancy. I like it."

"Yeah, it's nice. By the way, sorry again about yesterday, I just kind of thought you were a burglar. I'm not particularly used to anyone but myself being in the spa so late at night."

Harry smiled and waved it off. "Well it's good to know that you're the kind of guy that faces danger head on. Even if it might end badly."

"Well, I'll just be out here. See you in a few."

Louis walked out of the room and closed the door and walked calmly into his office. He shut his office door and grabbed one of the decorative pillows on the corner room sofa. He calmly pulled the pillow up to his face and screamed into it.

He placed the verbally abused pillow back on to the sofa.

In for 4 seconds. Out for 6 seconds.

He opened the door to his office to see a concerned looking Kara.

Really?

"Hey Louis. Uh, I just wanted to let you know that everyone is assigned out to massage therapists. We're giving the coach a free manicure and pedicure while he waits on the team... Is that okay?" She paused. "And um, are you okay?"

"Yes, and yes. Thank you Kara."

She turned and walked to the front again. Louis waited outside the massage room door. The light was still red. He pulled out his phone, realizing that he didn't have music playing. He connected it to the Bluetooth and pulled up a playlist he thought Harry would like. The light turned green.

Louis knocked, "All ready in there?"

He heard a faint "Yes."

~~~~~


	3. Chapter 3

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=5n9cp5)

~~~~

He opened the door, stepped inside, closed and locked the door, then turned off the lights. The room was silent aside from the running water and dark with minimal ambient lighting. "Is Sanskrit okay?"

Harry seemed to be smirking as he replied. "Yeah of course."

Louis pressed play on his phone and the music played softly through the room.

"Harry, before I get started, I'm just going to feel your body a bit to get an idea of where you are tightest, and also I'd like to ask you a few questions."

"Sure."

Louis strapped on his waist belt of massage lotions and oils then stepped towards Harry. The sheet was draped across his back. He took a deep breath and gently placed his hands on top of the sheet that was covering Harry's back. "So, how many massages have you had previously? Do you have a preferred technique? And other than your shoulder and wrist, are there any areas of concern?"

Louis' hands started feeling on top of the sheet as he closed his eyes and palmed Harry's muscles.

Tightness on the left deltoid. Knot in the right rhomboideus. Right and left teres major and minor. Obliques are tense. I wonder if his-

"Well I've only ever had a few massages before really. I had one in India. Then two here in Arizona. I don't think I have a technique preference. Though all the massages I've had have been by girls. So this is a bit new. My neck is tense just from throwing the ball in practice a lot. Just er, well, don't touch the backs of my knees please. I'm fine with anywhere else though."

Only because Harry couldn't see him, he raised an eyebrow. "Of course. If anything I do hurts you or makes you uncomfortable, please let me know. If there's anything in particular that feels good, you can let me know by saying so, or some of my clients prefer exhaling loudly. Either works. Do you have a preferred smell?"

Louis folded the sheet down to the top of Harry's bum. Harry grumbled an "Okay. And I like vanilla or cinnamon... or peppermint."

For my own sanity, let's keep the aphrodisiac qualities to a minimum. Peppermint it is.

He pumped the massage oil into his hands and rubbed them together to warm them up. He started gliding his hands across Harry's back. He took his time with long strokes until he could feel Harry relax under him.

Perfect. Neck and shoulder time.

He pulled his chair over to Harry's head so that he could have easier access to his neck. He tried to not think about the fact that if Harry opened his eyes, he would be staring directly into Louis' crotch.

He dug his hands into Harry's shoulder. Lightly at first, then he slowly increased the pressure. He heard a loud mix between an exhale, a sigh, and a moan come from Harry. Louis froze. And maybe his pants tightened a little when he could feel Harry's warm breath brush the tops of his thighs.

"Was that too hard? Er, are you okay?"

"Fuck, that felt amazing. Can you do that again?"

Louis shakily replied, "Yeah... yeah of course."

Louis' hands resumed working Harry's neck and the tops of his shoulders with more pressure than he began with. He could see Harry tensing then relaxing. Harry's breathing increased in volume and frequency. Louis tried so hard to not focus on the breaths tickling his legs and crotch, and instead focus on the movements of his hands.

Harry let out a sigh that bordered more on the side of being a moan.

Deep breaths Tommo. Deep breaths. Stand up and get your blood flowing. You can do this. It's only been 15 minutes.

Louis abandoned his chair and opted for standing up. He tried adjusting his weight back and forth while simultaneously working Harry's shoulders and now deltoids. This didn't help the situation in his pants, as it only gave it more room and freedom.

For fucks sake Lou. Keep it down. Body odor. Throw up. Poop.

That did it.

Okay. We're in control again.

Louis moved to the knot in his rhomboids where he suspected Harry would move more to the pain side of the spectrum.

He was right. Harry went rigid. Though Louis was softly working the muscle, he could tell it was still making Harry tense.

"Harry, just try and take some deep breaths. You have a pretty bad knot right here, and I won't be able to get it out if you're tense."

"Sorry, I didn't realize I had a knot there."

"It's fine." Louis murmured. 15 minutes later, and he had the knot worked out. He massaged the rest of his back until there weren't any traces of tightness.

Shit. Next is his bum.

Practicing self-control, Louis closed his eyes and pulled down the sheet. His hands found their way to Harry's gluteus muscles, and he started massaging by feeling alone. It was a technique his mentor had taught him.

"Let the muscles speak to your hands. Feel the energy of the body. What is it saying to you? Don't rely on sight for everything."

He felt Harry shift underneath him. Louis raised his hands off Harry's skin and opened his eyes.

"Uh, are you alright? Is this uncomfortable for you?" He spoke softly.

"No, it's fine. Sorry. Just.. uh. It's fine. You're good." Harry shifted again then took a deep breath.

Louis was now staring at the half of Harry's ass that was revealed.

Well, that looks 20 times better than it felt. Continuing on.

Louis willed his body to control itself. He finished the left side and moved to the right. He felt Harry shift underneath him again and paused for a second. He heard a deep exhale, then decided to just keep going.

Once the gluteus muscles were done, Louis pulled the sheet back up to Harry's shoulders so he wouldn't get cold. Then he moved to the bottom of the massage table and lifted the sheet up to the tops of Harry's thighs.

Is there any place that he's not incredibly toned? Jeez.

He started on the hamstrings first, and made sure not to let his hands trail too far up and in, so as to not make Harry uncomfortable. Harry seemed to be relaxed.

Time to work on his feet. Louis' specialty. He spent months with his mentor just focusing on the art of foot massage and foot zoning. Harry seemed to really enjoy the next 25 minutes that Louis worked his feet, only shifting once. The soft music still bouncing softly through the room was mixed with Harry's loud exhales.

Then up to the calves. Again, the muscle there was very prominent and Louis wasn't surprised. Harry seemed dead on the table, and Louis wasn't sure if it's because he was asleep, or because it wasn't particularly pleasuring for him. He was taking longer and longer strokes up his calves until he seemed to remember Harry saying something about-

"Aaaahhhhh!" Louis' hands shot off the backs of Harry's knees like they were on fire. Harry's whole body stiffened and his head lifted off the table as his arms scrambled to cover his legs with the sheet.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so, so sorry Harry! I forgot you said-"

"Could I just have a minute please? Please go. Just give me a minute." Harry sounded out of breath.

Louis immediately left the room and shut the door harshly behind him without a word to Harry.

What the actual fuck?!

He collapsed down the side of the wall and held his knees close to his chest.

What the fuck just happened?

Louis tried to slow his breathing. He didn't realize he was hyperventilating.

Calm down. It's okay.

Not it's not! You just fucked up the whole massage! He specifically told you to not touch one area, and you touched it. Damn it, you're such a failure Louis. Why do you think you're cut out at all for this job? You can't even do the simplest things right.

He noticed a presence beside him. He looked to his left to see Kara sitting next to him, offering him a fresh cup of Yorkshire.

He gratefully took it, blew on it, and took a sip.

"Fuck!"

He burned his tongue. Kara looked extremely concerned, but stayed silent.

"Do you have the time love?"

Kara pulled out her phone. "It's 3:50. The coach just started his pedicure, he's on his third Coca-Cola and the girls are having a ball flirting with him. The spa is running efficiently. Everyone's appointments have been on time. We sold a lot of retail to one of our clients who just barely left. The new clients rebooked a follow-up appointment and were very impressed with their experience here today."

He nodded and mentally blessed Kara for answering all the questions he wanted to ask. There was still control. Things were running smoothly. Everything is okay.

4 seconds in, 6 seconds out.

He took a large swig of the tea and looked up to the red light above his door. It turned green a second later.

"Thank you Kara. Remind me to pick up a bouquet of flowers tomorrow morning will you?"

"Yes Mr. Tomlinson. I'll set an alarm and text you tonight around 9. You're doing a great job." She offered him a weak smile.

Louis stood up and handed the cup back to Kara. He shook out his limbs and composed himself. He opened the door and saw Harry sitting upright on the massage table with his feet dangling over the edge. He was holding the sheet scrunched around the bottom half of his torso and it draped down to his kneecaps. Louis noticed two swallows tattooed onto his pecs, and a butterfly on his torso. His breathing seemed to calm down, and he was looking at the floor.

Louis shut the door and turned on the light. He waited for Harry to speak, not really sure where this was going. It was an awkward silence with a bit of tension. Louis shifted his weight onto his other foot, still looking at Harry.

Harry looked like he was going to say something, but nothing was coming out.

Louis spoke instead, "Again, I apologize Harry. You still have 40 minutes left of your massage. I would be happy to finish it for you, or if you'd like, you can just have the time to yourself. You are also free to leave or get another service done by anyone else in the spa."

Harry looked up at Louis. "Could I have a cup of tea?"

Catching Louis off guard, he just nodded his head and left the room again. He went over to the tea station.

Shit. Of course I didn't ask him how he takes his tea or what kind he likes.

May as well just get him what I like. That's a good place to start.

He made a cup of Yorkshire and put 5 sugar cubes in it. He made his way back to the massage room and closed the door behind him. Harry was still sitting on the edge of the table fiddling with the sheets. He held the cup out for Harry to take.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." Louis still wasn't sure what to do.

Harry patted the spot on the massage table next to him.

Okay then.

Louis sat down next to Harry. They both stared at the wall in front of them. There was a clock and a blue abstract painting that accentuated the maroon vibe of the room. He could see Harry out of his peripheral vision. Harry lifted the cup to his lips. He took a sip and Louis watched his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed.

"What the fuck is this?"

Fail. Disaster. Louis, you're a failure.

"Uh, Yorkshire with... a few sugars."

Harry laughed. "You take your tea really sweet, don't you?"

Louis looked over to him and smiled, "Yeah, sorry about that. I forget that my 'normal' qualifies as 'way-too-sugary' for other people."

Harry tried another sip then scrunched his nose up. He turned to Louis and handed him the tea.

Louis laughed and took it from him, setting it in his lap. Louis tore his gaze away from Harry before his eyes could have a chance to trail downward.

No, Harry is not sitting next to you completely naked.

Harry spoke. "So, who is the guy in all your pictures? With the dark hair?"

Taken aback, Louis looked around his room until he remembered that he did in fact have multiple pictures of himself and others on his bookshelf. This was a topic Louis wanted to avoid.

"Well my dad is in one of them. He has kind of medium brown hair." His voice trailed off at the end.

Harry looked over at Louis expectantly. "Interesting, I didn't know you were Pakistani. Your dad looks quite good for his age too."

Louis sighed. "I'm English and Belgian, not Pakistani. That is er, well was my mentor. So uh, what got you interested in Anthropologie?"

Harry accepted the diversion. "Honestly, it's just something that I kind of gravitated towards. Then I went to India for 6 months and decided that culture is what I'm passionate about. I went as soon as I graduated high school. Then got back in time for the college semester to start. Now I've been in school for 4 years. About to graduate with my bachelors, then transferring to another college to complete my Masters. Sorry, I'm rambling now. He smiled at himself.

Louis sipped the tea amused. "Doesn't bother me at all. Please keep rambling."

Harry smiled and started to tell Louis about his family. His mom lives in Tucson. He was an only child, like himself. He loved the water since he started taking swimming lessons at age 4; started water polo lessons at 7, and played through high school. He helped the team get a national championship, then was offered a partial scholarship to ASU. He works part time at Anthropologie (ironic Louis thinks) to help make up for what the scholarship doesn't cover. He gets on well with his team, but only has one close friend. He's 22 years old and turns 23 in February. He backpacked from Kashmir to Chennai, and his favorite parts of the Indian culture were the food, music, Vastu Shastra, and spiritual aspect of the culture. He has a large grey cat that looked like a raccoon named Meeko because Pocahontas is his favorite film.

He hasn't said anything about a girlfriend.

Louis smiled to himself and continued sipping on his tea. He loved Harry's voice. It was slow, smooth, and calming. He almost forgot about the fact that he was sitting next to him in nothing but a sheet.

Right. Should I ask about earlier? Would that ruin the moment? Do I want to know? Is any of this even going to matter?

Louis almost opened his mouth to speak when he looked at the clock.

4:25. Shit.

"Oh, Harry. I didn't see the time, sorry. I don't mean to cut you off because you've been absolutely lovely to talk to. But you should probably get changed now. Unfortunately I still have a couple of appointments after you."

Harry shrugged and smiled at Louis. Louis stood up and walked out of the room. The door opened a couple minutes later and Harry walked out dressed in his black sweatpants and black hoodie.

"Hey, thank you for today. You are a very talented masseuse. My back feels like it was injected with Ambien or something." He rolled his shoulders around and stretched his neck form side to side.

Control. Over body and mind.

Louis smiled and looked away from the very attractive man in front of him. "I'm very glad Harry. I always love having satisfied clients. I'll walk you to the front. I have to thank your coach, then see if my next appointment is here."

Louis led the way back to the front, thanking the coach, and saying goodbye to Harry and the rest of the team- making sure to let them know that their next massage would be 20% off. Once they were out the door, Louis had Kara order a gift basket to be sent with a thank-you note to the team, then ushered his next client to the massage room.

Running 8 minutes behind. It's okay.

When he entered the room again to start the massage on his client, a paper on the nightstand caught his eye. He walked over to pick it up. It read:

Thanks for letting me chat your ear off. Id love to give you the same pleasure with me. Drinks sometime? Text me 623-777-9999

-Harry xx

Louis cautiously grinned as he shoved the paper in his pocket and started the next massage.

~~


	4. Chapter 4

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2v9b244)

~~

Louis sat at his desk. 8:59. It was a long day. A good day. But a long day. He still had about an hour left until he got everything tied up and ready to leave for the night. He pulled out the piece of paper from his pocket and set it on his desk.

Wanting to be impulsive, he pulled out his phone and started a text message to Harry. He deleted it 3 times before he had something he thought sounded good.

His phone vibrated as 'Kara' flashed across his screen. He opened the text from her.

Hey! Friendly reminder to pick up flowers tomorrow morning. Hope your evening is going better than your afternoon. Have a good night (:

He closed out of the text. And set an alarm in his phone for tomorrow morning.

Flowers. For Kara. That I had her remind me about. Right.

He laughed in spite of himself.

Back to the task at hand.

He opened up the draft to Harry. He deleted it again. Instead he sent:

Hey, it's Louis

Simple, but effective.

Totally lame.

He's never gonna text back you twit.

His phone vibrated. He flung his phone out of his hands in surprise. He looked in horror as his phone flew across the room, turning his 'Worlds Best Boss' mug into a graveyard of glass on the hardwood floor.

Damn it. Really?

He punished himself by going to get the dustpan and cleaning up his mess before reading the text. The glass was all collected into the garbage, and he carefully picked up his phone.

Cracked screen now. Awesome.

The screen was still visible and he unlocked his phone. He opened his messages to see that Harry had texted him back.

Hey, its Harry ;) I take it you dont text often?

Louis scoffed.

Of course I text often. I just wasnt sure how to approach the conversation. I didnt have many options to go off of.

Eww. Too wordy.

He sent it anyway.

He turned his attention back to his paperwork. He heard his phone vibrate, but chose to continue working on the spa ledger. Several minutes later, his phone buzzed again. He raised an eyebrow and opened his messages.

Ooo idk you could have said 'harry! ive been dying to text you all evening. whats up?' or 'nice note, i love ur handwriting' or 'come give me a heart attack again and break into my spa'

This made Louis laugh. He looked at the most recent text.

Sorry, did I offend you? :(

So he wants cheeky Louis, does he? He'll give him cheeky. And maybe try to get some information out of him.

Sorry young Harold, some of us have managerial duties to attend to. I, unlike you, must prioritize my time and not spend it flirting with girls at frat parties.

He sent it. Then re-read it.

Shit. You sound like a fucking asshole. You really don't text often.

He was about to type up an apology text when his phone buzzed.

Cheeky bastard! Girls huh? Didnt know u were into that. fyi, im busy studying and have no desire to go to frat parties anymore. U must have me confused with my teammates lol

How did he turn this around into asking me about my sexual preferences? This conversation seems to be going downhill quickly. Abort. Abort. Go back to safe topics.

So what did you end up doing after our nice talk this afternoon?

Perfect. Diversion master at his finest.

Wanting to get some more work done and not come off as desperate, he shoved his phone in the drawer and picked up his pencil again. He wouldn't get done any quicker by texting Harry the whole time. 15 minutes later he pulled out his phone. He had two messages.

Yeah! Had a nice wank. It was really relaxing.

Louis' jaw dropped.

What the fuck?!

He paused his music and re-read the text message out loud to himself.

"Yeah, had a nice w-a-l-k- WHAT THE HELL TOMMO? You're so out of it."

He decided he needs a day to himself. Tomorrow was Saturday. He only worked a half day tomorrow. He looked back down at his phone.

Yeah! Had a nice walk. It was really relaxing.

Anyway, nice talking to you today. Thx again for the massage. I gotta hit the hay. Early game tomorrow. Wish me luck Xx

And of course he waited 15 minutes to look at the stupid texts. Now he couldn't even tell Harry to sleep well, or good luck at his game tomorrow morning. He has one of three options. One: Send him a text and risk waking him up. Two: Wait until morning like a stalker to tell him good luck. Three: Ignore him completely and risk coming off more arrogant than he's already portrayed himself to be. He hates when he over thinks everything.

Fuck it.

Good luck at your game tomorrow! If you win, celebratory drinks on me. If not, we'll have a wine and cry night with Titanic. Deal?

He stared at his phone.

It buzzed.

Deal ;)

~~~~~~

Louis woke up extra early the next morning. He took an extra long shower, perfected his hair into a quiff, and took some extra time to tell Gary how special he is. On the way in to work, he picked up a bouquet of flowers and wrote a thank-you note for her always putting up with his antics. He set it on Kara's desk.

The day passed quickly and he still hadn't heard from Harry. Kara was thrilled about her flowers and wouldn't stop thanking Louis all day. The spa was running smoothly and clients were happy.

When 1pm rolled around, everything was ready for him to leave. He straightened up his desk and looked at the picture of him and his mentor.

Zayn.

He put the picture in one of his desk drawers.

Heading to his massage room, he grabbed his Bluetooth speaker, waved goodbye to Kara and set off in his car.

First stop, car wash. Because how can you not feel that much cleaner afterwards?

Louis loved the carwash. The loud noises and sounds of the carwash were soothing. He left feeling shiny and clean.

Next, yoga in the park.

Louis arrived at his favorite park. It is his favorite park because there isn't a playground and it's in a 'shady' part of town. This means it's vacant 99% of the time.

He parked and grabbed his travel yoga mat and Bluetooth speaker and walked across the grass to his favorite corner with a sapling. Well, it wasn't so much a sapling anymore. Louis had planted it when he was 18, so now it was starting to look more like a teenage tree he thinks.

He decided to turn on some Thai meditation music. With his yoga mat rolled out and his music on, he started through his yoga routine. He spent a long time holding each of the poses so as to increase his flexibility- something he was quite proud of.

After the exercise portion was complete, he laid down into corpse pose to meditate.

Clear your mind. Continue breathing. 15 seconds inhale, 20 seconds exhale. Feel the energy moving through my body. I am balanced and complete.

Birds were chirping in the background. Louis loved listening to the sound of birds. His favorite were the White Throated Kingfisher. It was the first bird he saw and heard when he exited the airport. When him and Zayn were studying with the monks in Thailand, they would get up every morning at sunrise to do yoga. One of the first birds awake was the Kingfisher.

Zayn.

Louis opened his eyes. He turned off his music and stood up. He grabbed his things and walked back to the car.

Still no text from Harry. That's fine. I'm still due for my chocolate bath.

Louis got back to his flat and brought the stereo and chocolates in the house. Dropping the stereo off in the living room, he made his way upstairs and ran a scalding hot bath. He squirted half of the soap bottle into the bath so that there would be an obscene amount of bubbles when the tub filled. He set the chocolates down next to the faucet.

Louis undressed out of his sweaty clothes and threw them into the hamper across the hall in his room. Back in the bathroom now, he dipped his toe into the water.

Fuck!!

His skin turned bright red on contact with the hot water.

Well, now that that's over and done with...

He placed his foot back in again. This time it didn't burn. He slowly eased the rest of his body into the mountain of bubbles, and soon he was laying down, with only his arms and head above water.

He reached over for his chocolates and popped one into his mouth.

"Mmm!" Louis moaned as the chocolate truffle melted onto his tongue.

He smiled and promptly ate all of them much quicker than he believes truffles should be eaten.

Louis sat in silence letting his mind wander. He thought about work until he got bored, because he feels like that's what his entire life revolves around at the moment anyway. He thought about Gary, then realized he's already thought about everything there is to do with Gary. He briefly thought about wanking, then decided it would ruin his 'zen vibe' he has going. His mind wandered to Harry.

He decided he needed a new hobby.

He shouldn't be obsessing over the boy. He was sure Harry didn't do the same for him. Hell, he had probably forgotten about Louis by now.

By getting a new hobby, he would have something to preoccupy his mind and time with. Maybe he would take up whittling. Or making friendship bracelets and selling them on eBay. He refused to let Harry have such an influence over hi-

Bzzzzzzzzz. Bzz. Bzzzzzzzz.

Louis jumped out of the water, creating a mini tidal wave and overflow of water onto the floor, and ran to the source of the vibrating. Apparently he left his phone in his pant pocket, so he jogged across the hall, leaving a trail of bubbles and water behind him. He tore his clothes out of the hamper and retrieved his phone.

It was a text from Harry.

WE WON!!!!!! U still good for dinner? :D

Louis smiled to himself and tried to suppress any kind of weird excitement noise that may have come out of his throat.

Is this now a date? Do I bring up the fact that I only actually offered to take him for drinks? Is his team going to be there?

Play it cool. Plan for the best, expect the worst.

Congrats! I think I can fit you in my busy schedule. When and where?

He smiled to himself. There may be hope for him yet with texting. His phone buzzed.

Kyoto Sushi House. 15 mins?

Fifteen fucking minutes?!

He typed: c u then

Louis chucked his phone onto his bed and started running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. He threw a handful of pellets into Gary's aquarium, not even measuring out his pet's dinner. He pulled out the first pair of clean briefs he saw- blue with white and red stars.

Sure, we'll do a red and blue theme.

He always had to match his underwear to his outfits. Grabbing a navy blue v-neck and white pants, he quickly dressed himself, then ran to the bathroom. His feet were sopping wet from all the water on the floor, and he was grateful he hadn't put on socks yet.

Combing his wet hair, he put some product in it, then blow dried until it sat in his favorite half-quiff/half-fringe look. A bit of hairspray, and the look was complete.

He looked behind him in the mirror. The tub was still full.

Definitely don't have time for that.

He scurried out of the bathroom, trying to simultaneously drag and dry his feet on the carpet as he went, and picked up his phone from his room. He took the flight of stairs three steps at a time, almost tripping once or twice. After he got his wallet and car keys from the kitchen counter, he noticed his feet still weren't dry. He grabbed his navy blue vans and ran out the door.

"Siri, how to I get to Kyoto Sushi House?"

He jumped into the car, threw his shoes in the back, and shoved his keys in the ignition.

"Sorry, there are no places called kotosushi in Phoenix."

"Damn it! Navigate to Key-oh-toe sushi house."

He put the car in reverse and backed out of his driveway.

"Sorry Lewis. I do not understand 'damn it navigate to Key's Toe Sushi House.'"

He had 3 minutes to get to wherever the hell he was going. He started driving towards the downtown area.

"Fucking twit! How the hell do I get to the closest fucking sushi place around here?"

All of his cool was lost.

What a waste of a relaxing day.

"Searching the web for 'closet fucking in sushi places.'"

Oh my gosh.

He cancelled Siri's web search and dialed Harry. Harry picked up on the second ring.

"Are you standing me up for our date, or are you lost?" Harry's voice was laced with humor.

Louis fought the urge to squeal, yell, and sassily retort all at the same time. He took a quick breath. "Sorry, I'm lost. Would you mind giving me directions?"

"Sure. It's actually kitty-corner to the park that is 3 blocks down from your spa. I figured you would know where it is." Harry's voice muffled at the end and he laughed. Louis assumed he was conversing with the hostess.

Oh.

Louis turned his car around. "Great, I'll be there in 5."

"Okay. I'll get us a seat and get drinks ordered. See you in a bit." There was a noise that signified a disconnection. Harry had hung up.

He held the home button of his phone. It beeped.

Louis sighed. "Sorry for losing my cool Siri. I didn't mean it."

"No need to apologize Lewis."

He ignored the fact that he felt the need to vocally apologize to his inanimate computer, and set his phone in the cup holder. He turned on the radio. Katy Perry's newest hit was playing through his speakers.

By the time the song had ended, he was pulling up into the parking lot. He parked and opened his door. He was about to step out onto the ground when he felt more of a breeze than he should have against the newly washed skin on his toes. He was bare foot.

Of course I fucking forgot socks.

Louis retreated back into his car and grabbed his shoes from the backseat. He laced them up and tried pulling his pant cuff down to cover his bare ankles.

He confidently strode into the restaurant. He had never been here before, and felt like he walked into Japan. Everything was themed properly, and he only saw Japanese employees. He idly wondered if the menus would be in Japanese. The hostess was really cute. She smiled at Louis as he approached the station.

"Hello ma'am! Louis Tomlinson. I am meeting Harry Styles. He already got us a seat. I, er, I'm not sure if it's just us, or if he brought friends with him."

"Of course Mr. Tomlinson. Harry is right this way." She ushered Louis to the back of the restaurant. 

~~


	5. Chapter 5

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2n0ix6p)

~~

There were privacy tatami mats and curtains hung around each individual booth, so he couldn't see or hear anyone else in the restaurant. The music was traditional Japanese, and was neither too soft, nor too loud. He thought that was odd, as restaurants usually are way too noisy for him.

She parted one of the curtains. Louis saw Harry. Harry looked Louis up and down and smiled. Louis returned grinned back as he noted Harry's quiffed hair and white scoop-neck with a silver cross hanging on a dainty silver chain. Harry was alone. It was one of the booths where the table was built into the floor.

Louis noted Harry's brown shoes, which were not sneakers, at the entrance of the booth. He stepped forward and blushed as he took off his shoes, then sat down on the floor across from Harry, hoping he wouldn't notice, and dangled his bare feet into the pit below.

Harry was the first to break the silence. "So is the no-socks-thing a fashion statement, or has it just been a while since you've done laundry?"

Louis laughed. "Yes actually! Have you seen these ankles? You wouldn't want to cover them up either if you had these babies. Fashion is all about showing off your best assets."

This made Harry raise an eyebrow and chuckle.

Very smooth Tommo. Keep it going.

"You look quite nice this evening. I can't say I've seen you in anything other than your sweatpants and sweatshirt."

Harry shrugged. "Honestly it's easiest since I basically live in my swimsuit. I don't have much time to put a lot of effort into dressing up because school and work are only a few hours each day, then I'm busy at practice. By the way, that's Yorkshire with 3 lumps. Hope that's okay? I wasn't sure if that was sugary enough for you or not, so I just guessed. Here's the sugar."

Harry passed the small jar of sugar over to Louis. He gratefully accepted it. Harry watched in interest as Louis scooped two more spoonfuls into his cup.

"So then. Congratulations on winning by the way! Was it a good game?" He stirred the sugar around.

A look of pride flashed across Harry's face. "Yes it was! But if you want a play-by-play, feel free to look it up on the site. I have a pet peeve for trying to repeat an event that someone wasn't at. Or just come and watch next time. Then you won't have to ask me."

"That'd be grand! When is your next game?" Louis lifted his tea and took a sip. "Fuck!"

Louis looked around horrified as he realized he said that out loud. Harry was laughing and grabbing his stomach.

"Oh my goodness. Sorry. I shouldn't be laughing. Your face was just priceless." Harry took a sip of his tea. "I'm pretty sure the booths are soundproof. They have double tatami mats, as well as curtains. Plus there's music going. People care too much about their own conversations to listen in to others."

The curtain parted and the waitress appeared.

"Hello, my name is Ashi. I will be your server tonight. Are you ready to order?"

Louis looked to Harry to order first while he rapidly flipped open his menu and scanned his options. He heard Harry finish up his order.

Quickly Tomlinson, quickly! Uh, 'H' and 'C'!

He picked the first sushi rolls he saw with those letters in them.

"Uh, I'll take a Hako Roll and a Crunchy Roll."

Sure. Those sound good.

The waitress finished writing down the order. "Your order will be here soon. Thank you!" She bowed then left.

There was silence. Louis watched Harry pick up a tokkuri that he didn't notice on the table. Harry turned the ochoko next to it right side up and slowly poured the steamy, clear liquid into the cup. He offered it to Louis.

"Are you trying to get me drunk before our food even shows up Harold?"

Harry smiled. "Maybe I am. Maybe you need to not be so skeptical. By the way, I should let you know now that it's just Harry."

How to respond. I don't know how to respond. Why is my body malfunctioning? Louis, say something.

Louis took the cup of sake and took a sip to give himself a moment. The scalding alcohol burned as it made it's way down his throat. He already felt better. "'Just Harry', you're really good at not answering my questions I've noticed. You also seem to like to put a lot of words into my mouth." He took a longer drink this time. His glass was empty.

Though I wouldn't mind you putting other things in my mouth.

Put the sake down and wait for your food Louis.

He set his cup down and looked at Harry.

Harry's lips formed into a smile. "I believe that is the only question you have outright asked me, as most other things seem to have been insinuations. And if the way I choose to answer your questions bothers you, then don't ask them." His words were harsh, but his tone was completely light and friendly.

Louis scowled at Harry, again, not sure how to respond. He liked it better when Harry was doing the majority of the talking. "Fair enough. But why don't you tell me more about you? I thoroughly enjoyed listening to you yesterday."

Harry looked uninterested as he poured himself a cup of sake. "Louis, it's my turn to listen to you. We can only have so many more one-sided conversations. I know you like to avoid a vast majority of your past, and I know you're all about being in tune with the present et cetera. But part of getting to know someone is by learning where they came from and how they developed into who they are today." He flicked his eyes upward to meet Louis somewhat petrified gaze.

Fuck food.

He filled his second glass with more sake. "What do you want to know?"

"Tell me about your mentor."

Louis' brain short-wired. He drank some more sake. "Uh, Zayn. He, uh. Well. I was in school. They taught us all through school that if we wanted to be a successful massage therapist that we should either study abroad or get an apprenticeship. Zayn came to my school a week before my graduation. He presented to my graduating class that that he was looking for an apprentice and if we were interested, then we should talk to him. He not only offered a paid apprenticeship, but a promise of keeping any clients acquired during that time, and he would take us to Thailand to study massage therapy, culture, chi, and other things. I would have been a fool to not offer myself to him. So that's exactly what I did. He accepted me with no questions asked, and the next week he started training me. I apprenticed under him for two years." He poured his third glass.

Harry nodded thoughtfully, encouraging Louis to continue.

Louis shifted his eyes back and forth. He took a sip of his drink. "That's really all there is to know about him."

This made Harry frown. "Really?"

"Yes really. What else do you want to know?" Louis felt bad for being short with Harry.

Harry pushed. "I want to know what you're not telling me."

Louis sighed, trying to keep his head in wits. "And what might that be Harry?"

"I don't know, why don't you tell me Louis?" His eyebrow was raised and his tone was slightly condescending.

Louis slammed his hand on the table making the silverware rattle.

"What do you want to know Harry? That Zayn and I fucked the day we met until the day he left me alone, high, crying, and bleeding in a foreign country? That my life was perfect until I fucked myself over by falling in love with someone who didn't share the same feelings? That I actually don't have any self-composure? That everything on the surface is a façade and I'm moments away from cracking at any time? That you confuse the absolute fuck out of me by being so sweet and approachable, yet make me completely insecure with your confidence and forwardness and... and... I don't even know what the hell it is. I can't figure you out, just like I have never been able figure myself or anyone else out the last 5 years of my miserable and fucked life."

No, he would most definitely not say that. Instead he took a deep breath.

Two could play at this game.

"Do you think of this as a date?"

Harry looked amused, but not mocking. "Would you like me to?"

Damn him.

"So you are gay?"

"I believe sexuality is fluid." Harry took a sip of his sake.

What does that even mean?

"Why didn't you want me to touch the back of your knees?"

Harry looked at Louis. His eyes shifted, looking unsure for a moment, then he lightheartedly shrugged. "It's my biggest erogenous zone. My fetish. One of my kinks. Whatever you want to call it. Now, you've been quite inquisitive, and I feel I've been quite cooperative. Would you mind answering a few of my questions?"

Louis tried to hide the multiple emotions rushing through his veins, not sure what to do with this newfound information. Apparently Harry didn't have many boundaries or trust issues. He looked at his empty sake cup and managed to calmly form a sentence. "I'm not ready to tell you anything more of Zayn."

"And I'm okay with respecting that. That wasn't going to be my question anyway." Harry spoke softly and it made Louis feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Louis looked up at Harry and contemplated his response. On one hand, he could shut down this date, or whatever the hell it is, walk away with minimal ego and pride damage, and not too much information about his personal life leaked. On the other hand, he could keep taking steps into the dark, having no clue where things may end up with him and Harry.

He took a breath. "I'll tell you anything else you want to know."

Harry looked happy with Louis' answer. "Do you trust me?"

This was an interesting question. Louis had only known the guy for 3 days. Why would he trust Harry? He hasn't given Louis any reason to. Then again, why wouldn't he trust him? He hasn't done anything wrong. "I'm not sure. I think I want to trust you. It's just been so long since I've given that to someone, you know? I think it would take me a long time to get to that place again."

Harry looked thoughtful. "What are your plans for your future?"

This was an unexpected question. "I dunno. I stopped planning for my future a while ago. I found it inhibits being disappointed when I turn every corner. I'm able to enjoy the present more fully. I'm happy with managing Serenity. I don't really see myself doing anything more or less."

"Why did you text me and agree to dinner with me?"

Louis stared blankly at Harry.

Is it normal for a person to be so direct?

Why did Louis agree to dinner?

"Because I think you're intriguing and attractive. Honestly, I haven't a clue what I'm doing and haven't thought ahead one bit. It's been years since I've made it this far."

"And how far are you willing to go?" Harry inquired.

Louis searched Harry for traces of underlying meaning. He only saw sincerity. "Again, I don't know. I'm basically flying blind here. Taking figurative steps into the dark. So bear with me, yeah?"

Harry nodded. "I'll be understanding of you if you're willing to be open and give it a chance."

"Give what a chance, exactly?" Louis had to hear it come from his mouth.

"Us." That one word made Louis stomach drop. The anxiety started kicking in.

Luckily the waitress chose that moment to part the curtain and broke some of the tension that had built up between the two. "Here is the Dragon and 8 sashimi for you." She set the plates down in front of Harry. "And for you, the Hako and Crunchy roll." She set Louis' food down.

The waitress left and silence filled the booth. Louis decided to dig into his sushi to help offset his premature intake of alcohol. He pulled the little dish close to him, filled it with soy sauce, and mixed a generous amount of wasabi in with it. He expertly used his chopsticks to place a roll in his mouth. He looked up at Harry and saw that he had mirrored his actions.

Louis swallowed. "You like lots of wasabi too?"

Harry responded, covering his mouth as he was still chewing. "I became rather fond of spicy food in India. Everything tastes bland to me if it doesn't make me sweat."

He could see Harry's eyes crinkle behind his hand, showing that he was smiling. Louis likes Harry's eyes he thinks. They seem to be green. Very light green. He hadn't noticed that before. His thick eyelashes framed his eyes and were very long.

And very sexy.

They'd look even sexier with my cum dripping off of them.

Louis' eyes widened.

Calm the fuck down Louis.

Louis cleared his throat. "So, tell me exactly why are you interested in spending time with me?"

Harry poured himself another cup of sake and took a drink. "I find you intriguing as well Louis. If you'll allow me to do so, I would like to spend time with you. Whether that be as friends for now or forever, I enjoy your company."

Friends.

"Do you trust me?"

Harry laughed. "You're using all of my questions!"

Louis timidly smiled. "They are relevant and good questions I s'ppose."

"Yes. I trust you."

Louis went back to sipping on his tea and paused for a moment. "Why?"

"Why not? You've done nothing to make me believe you're a conniving and manipulative person. I've been burned by people in the past too, Louis. In different ways than you obviously. I was wary and skeptical of others for some time, but I decided a while ago that I would rather give friendships and relationships everything I've got. I like to explore the fullest of what each relationship has to offer. I'd rather that than live with regrets the rest of my life."

Louis didn't know if that was the smartest or dumbest thing he's ever heard. The gravity of that statement also floored Louis. He pushed it to a dark corner in his mind for now. He just hummed in response.

The rest of their dinner was eaten in a comfortable silence.

~~

"Where did you park?" Louis and Harry made their way out of the restaurant.

"I actually had a friend drop me off. We carpooled to and from the game."

"Let me take you home then." Louis offered and turned in the direction of his car.

Harry laughed. "Just because I'm open for anything, doesn't mean I'm easy." He winked and Louis blushed.

"N-no," Louis stuttered, "I meant, drop you of at your uh, house. Sorry. I mean, unless you want to er-"

"Louis, I was kidding. If you would like to spend more time together, then I'm fine with that. If you need space, that's okay too. But I am fine to walk. I'm a big boy. The college isn't too far anyway. I live in a flat just outside of campus."

Louis thinks he needs some time to think on everything that has just happened. "Right. Okay then. Well, I'll just be going. Let me know if you have any trouble getting home. Thanks for tonight."

Harry smiled and stood anticipatory of a hug. He looked encouraging, but non-expectant. Louis stepped forward into Harry's embrace.

God he smells fucking delicious. Like chlorine and raspberries.

Chlorinated raspberries.

He could feel Harry's curls tickling his cheek. And before he could let himself relax into the hug and really feel Harry's body, Harry was pulling away.

Way too fucking short. I suppose it's better than pressuring me into getting physical so soon.

But what if that's what I want?

No Louis. You're not ready for that. Don't go near it with a ten-mile stick. You're too fucked up.

Harry seemed to be examining Louis' reaction closely. Louis turned on his heel and got in his car without so much as a 'goodbye' to Harry. Louis was about to pull out of the parking lot when he chanced a look in his rear-view mirror at Harry. Harry was standing in the same spot looking at Louis' car, biting his lip thoughtfully. Louis saw him nod once to himself, then head off in the direction of his house.

~~~

Thank you so much for reading!

Comment and vote if you're liking it so far. Any feedback is greatly appreciated :) Thxx


	6. Chapter 6

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=33aatdl)

~~

Louis was on his doorstep and shuffling around for his keys. He leaned his shoulder on the door and it opened with the weight of his body. Louis tripped over the door jam and fell backwards onto his doormat. He was still a bit fuzzy in the head from the alcohol.

Apparently he forgot to lock the door.

Great.

Louis looked upside down at the state of his house. At least his home didn't get burglarized as a result of his impulsive rush out the door earlier this evening.

25 years old, and he's obviously not responsible enough to be a homeowner.

He sat up and kicked off his shoes. Standing up, he closed his front door, not bothering to lock it, and headed to the kitchen. He opened the fridge.

You just ate. What are you doing?

Louis shook his head at himself. It was only 8-o'-clock. He went upstairs and into his room. He picked up some of the clothes that had been strewn across his floor and put them away.

He caught sight of his bathroom and realized he left the tub filled. He walked over to unplug it and sat on the edge of the tub as he listened to it swirl down the drain.

Friends.

Is that what you want? Isn't that safest for now?

Remember what happened with Liam? What makes you think this will end any different? No one is trustworthy. And a relationship with him? Forget about that altogether.

Louis had a terrible track record with ends of both friendships and relationships.

"Time is the only thing that will heal the deepest wounds Louis."

Zayn's words echoed in his brain.

He stared at the draining water.

Harry's face popped into his mind.

"Do you trust me?"

He pulled out his phone and opened the browser.

In the search bar he typed: How to trust people

While he waited for the search results to load, he went and sat on his bed. The first thing that came up was an article by Oprah. He laughed in spite of himself.

He read the article and took from it that he was cynical, refused to see the good in himself and others, and feared being seen as naive.

Well they're not wrong.

Zayn had pretty much destroyed his innocence. Not that Louis didn't give it to him willingly and desperately. Yes, he was a virgin when they met, but Louis had done everything up to the point of sex with many others. Louis knew what giving up his virginity would mean, but didn't realize the innocence that would be destroyed would be his child-like trust and love of life. He was too young and didn't know what he was getting himself into.

"Louis, you're so young." Zayn laughed and bopped his nose.

Louis swatted his hand away. He pleaded, "Then teach me. Teach me to be like you. I don't want to be young."

Zayn cupped Louis' face in his hand. He kissed his nose and whispered to him. "It will happen in time love. All in good time."

Louis remembered having that conversation with Zayn hundreds of times. It always ended with Zayn or Louis fucking each other.

He hated being young. He hated it.

Louis pondered on that thought. It had been a long time since he let his thoughts travel this far. He hadn't opened this part of his memory since Zayn left him. Aside from his rush of adrenaline and emotions with Harry the last few days, he doesn't remember the last time he felt excited about life since Thailand, and that scared him.

Who had he become? What had he done with himself the last three years?

One of the years was spent lost in depression. Lost in chasing highs and orgasms with people he couldn't give less of a shit about. The last two had been spent rebuilding his life and his walls. Working at Serenity and trying to find peace again.

After all of that, on the outside he seemed put together, balanced, and successful. Inside, he couldn't be more opposite. He hadn't managed much more than creating a believable shell of a person for others to look at. What did he have to offer to anyone?

Nothing.

Boring. Empty.

Those would be good words to describe himself.

God, he felt like he was a 60-year-old hag. Cynical, empty, and distrustful.

Old.

He sat straight up, phone flying out of his hand. "Gary!!" His head snapped his head towards the white amphibian. "Oh my fuck!" He punched his pillow. "I'm fucking old! Goddamn Zayn! God damn it Louis!" Understanding and wrath boiled up in him. Rage flowed through his body.

He bitterly grabbed the lamp on his nightstand and threw it against his door. It shattered and the glass scattered all across his carpet. The sound of the breaking glass was satisfying and fueled him further. He was irately striding back and forth in his room now.

"Damn it Gary! Damn my fucking life! Damn Zayn the mother-fucking piece of shit! Worthless fucking twat!" Louis grabbed the jar of Thai sand, sitting next to a picture of him and Zayn playing and smiling in Bangkok, from his armoire and indignantly threw it at the door. Sand and more glass now accompanied the broken lamp.

"Louis you fucking child!" He was sobbing now. Picking up the framed picture, he held it against the wall with his left hand and punched it with his right hand, releasing all of his fury. His knuckles were bleeding and there were shards of glass stuck in his hand. The frame dangled from the grasp of his left hand, and he let it fall to the ground along with the photo and remains of glass. His right arm buckled and fell to his side.

Louis' eyes clenched shut and his chest heaved up and down as he supported his weight with his left hand against the wall. Tears now silently flowing down his cheeks, he tried to calm down.

Five minutes later and he managed to stop crying.

2 seconds breathe in. 4 seconds breathe out.

His breathing slowed and he could feel his head throbbing. He slowly opened his eyes. There was a dent in the drywall.

He turned his head to look at his floor. He walked over to where his phone laid on the floor and picked it up. He sat on his bed and opened his nightstand drawer. He reached in with his left hand, parting through all of the items there.

Journal, lube, 3 chap sticks, pens, massage oil, condoms, vibrator, pencils, nail clippers, handcuffs, flashlight... I've got to clean this out... coins, gum, tweezers- there!

He pulled out the bag of red, circular pills that he hadn't touched in two years.

He sat cross-legged and set his phone and the bag of ecstasy in front of him. He contemplatively looked at them both.

Which one? Which one?

Hmmm.

If one fails, I can always default on the other. He doesn't have anything to lose.

He reached for his phone and typed a text to Harry.

Dont mean to bother u. If youre not busy, I could use a friend. 4994 vista blvd. Front door is unlocked. In my room.

He would give it him 5 minutes to respond.

Turns out that wasn't necessary. Almost immediately he received a text back.

Glad u missed me so soon! Ur cryptic message has me wondering what ur doing in ur room. Nonetheless, be there in 15.

On a normal day, Louis would smile. Maybe laugh and get flustered. But he stared at the screen emotionless and set it down next to him. His right hand started throbbing, glass shards still embedded in and sticking out of his knuckles. He laid down and set the bag of red pills atop his chest and stared at the ceiling.

The sun was setting and the glow-in-the-dark stars were starting to appear neon green. The neon paint and sparkle embedded flecks on his walls were starting to light up the room in different colors and hues.

He remembers when his room felt like a safe haven. The center of his creativity and lust for life. A symbol of what his and Zayn's relationship was. He and Zayn had spent an entire day making over Louis' room; flicking paint on the walls, ceiling, and each other. Fucking each other in the pitch black as the paint lit up their skin and Louis' teeth as he smiled and laughed at life. Paint getting all over as they rolled around on the carpet. He turned his head to the side. The stain on the carpet was starting to shine through the diminishing light.

His hand was throbbing. He lifted it up to look at it. Blood streamed down his hand and wrist. He flexed and clenched his fist, and could feel the sharp edges cutting deeper and wider into his skin. He loved the pain. He felt alive. With each pulse, more blood trickled down his arm. He loved the beautiful color of his blood.

He noticed the glass creating a rainbow reflection against the walls and in Gary's tank.

Ironic. Something so colorful and beautiful, caused by a situation bred from anger and hate.

Louis hates himself like this. It's too much for him to handle. He started to untie the bag of pills on his chest. Aware that there's still strong alcohol in his system, he knows it's a bad idea but doesn't care enough to make himself stop.

Harry is taking too long. I need relief now.

He thought he could hear an engine in the distance. It was loud. A truck? Maybe a motorcycle? Maybe it was Harry. He would wait another moment to see if the sound got closer.

Definitely a motorcycle. Harley?

The vehicle got louder and louder and Louis could hear it pull up into his driveway.

"Fine. Harry it is." He spoke softly to Gary.

He heard Harry kill the engine, then the door open.

"Louis? It's me. Don't panic... I'm not here to steal anything."

This made Louis' lips curl upwards the slightest bit.

Harry's boots sounded up the stairs, then Louis saw Harry. Louis watched Harry with an impassive face. Harry stopped in the hallway outside his door.

Harry took in the scene. Louis looking disheveled, wrecked, bleeding, and exhausted, laying on his bed, bag of red pills laying on his chest. Piles of sand and glass strewn from the hallway, halfway into Louis' room. A lampshade and larger chunks of what used to be the base of the lamp and light bulb. A ruined picture frame and photo between the foot of Louis' bed and armoire. Harry's neutral expression quickly turned somber.

He looked to Louis. "Did you take any of those?" He gestured towards the ecstasy pills.

Louis only shook his head.

Harry nodded once and offered a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Be right back."

Louis could hear Harry shuffling downstairs, rummaging through closets. Harry made his way back up a couple minutes later with a vacuum, broom, dustpan, and garbage bin.

Several minutes later and Harry had the mess cleaned up. He went into the bathroom and Louis heard a few drawers open and close. Harry gently sat on Louis' bed next to him and set down the first aide kit and wet cloth. He grabbed the bag of pills and re-tied it, then put it in Louis' open nightstand drawer and shut it.

Harry looked to Louis' face and scanned it up and down, checking for injury. He slowly lifted his hand to Louis' cheek and stroked it softly, waiting for a reaction for Louis. When none came, he moved his hand to pick up Louis' arm. Slowly, Harry pulled out the shards of glass, sterilized the wound, cleaned up the blood, and bandaged Louis' knuckles. Harry put the tools back in the kit on the nightstand and clasped his hands in his lap, looking at Louis.

Louis' eyes searched Harry's face. He opened his mouth and whispered. "Stay."

Harry stood up off of Louis' bed. He grabbed the first aide kit and exited the room. He returned a few minutes later with two cups of Chamomile tea. One was set on Louis' nightstand. Harry sat at the edge of the bed and sipped on the other cup, watching Louis.

Louis sat up and stared at Gary's aquarium. He walked across the room, measured out his pet's food, and dumped the pellets into the water. He turned around and stepped in front of Harry. They gazed at each other. Louis' hands fiddled with the hem of his shirt, then he lifted it up and over his head, exposing the full view of his stag and heart tattoo on his upper bicep and 'It Is What It Is' tattoo written across his décolletage.

Maybe Harry can help me forget. Just for one night. We never had a future anyway.

Harry stood up and placed his cup on the armoire. He reached and took the shirt from Louis' hand and tossed it in the hamper. His eyes trailed across Louis' chest, down to his white pants. His hands reached for the button of Louis' pants. Louis felt Harry unbuttoning and unzipping him. He closed his eyes and felt Harry's hands pull down his trousers. He was reminded of his blue, white, and red star briefs he chose to wear. Pushing his self-awareness away, he stepped out of the pants as they hit the floor. He heard the thud of his pants landing on top of the other clothes in his hamper. Then Harry was rustling with the bed sheets.

His eyes snapped open when he felt his feet leave the ground. Harry had picked him up bridal style. Louis looked into Harry's eyes. They were stoic, but soft, and softened even further when he looked at Louis. Harry's eyes flicked from Louis' eyes to his lips, then he returned his focus to walking to the head of the bed.

Louis was lowered down and situated into his bed by Harry. He watched Harry questioningly, not sure of what Harry would do next. His unasked question was answered when Harry removed his clothes and left them on a pile on the floor. He was in black briefs and climbed into the bed facing Louis. Harry pulled the covers to their waists and fluffed both pillows. Harry encased Louis' entire body spooning him, and he closed his eyes.

Louis fell asleep wrapped in Harry's arms.

~~~~


	7. Chapter 7

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=ezk5r7)

Dedicated to the lovlies: Roxxi_4, xKireyy, and Crazywriterlover17

~~

The sun shined through the glass of Louis' bedroom window. The first thing he felt was an uneven weight distribution of his mattress. The second thing he felt was Harry's light breathing tickling his face. Louis' breath hitched.

Harry's voice was barely above a whisper. "Do you have to go into the spa today?"

Louis barely shook his head, still being more on the side of sleep than awake.

"Would you like me to leave now?"

Eyes still closed, Louis responded by reaching his arm over Harry. He felt Harry pull him tight to his body, making Louis the little spoon. Harry's breathing slowed again, and his arm rose up and down with the pattern.

Okay. Morning time. Let's assess. Sunday: No alarm set for today. It's probably about 8 because I normally can't sleep past then. Slight hangover because I didn't drink enough water. Slept through the whole night. Harry is in bed with me.

Why?

Harry. We had dinner. Came home. Drained the tub. Thought about shit.

Right.

Destroyed my room. Almost relapsed.

He remembered his right hand. He wiggled it around a bit and realized that he did indeed punch a glass photo frame into his drywall and ruin his knuckles.

That's going to suck trying to massage tomorrow. I'll see if Blake can cover my clients while this heals up. Good going Louis.

Now, why didn't he end up taking the pills?

Texted Harry instead. He came over. Cleaned up his room. Louis was about to come on to him, then Harry put him in bed.

Hang on.

Louis moved his body around a bit. Harry's breathing was slow. He probably fell asleep again.

Yes, that is your bare skin on the sheets. Oh goodness, please say I'm not naked.

Louis tried to surreptitiously move his hand down to feel his crotch.

Underwear, okay that's goo- motherfucker!!

He had a boner and was now acutely aware of every contact point between him and Harry at that moment. He felt like his body broke out into instant sweats. And gosh, when is the last time he showered? What if he smells? Morning breath!

Now that his body had his attention, he could feel his cock throbbing and begging for relief. He tried to keep himself from hyperventilating.

Okay breathe. You bathed yesterday. Probably have a bit of alcohol sweating out of your pores, but probably nothing Harry hasn't dealt with before. Just don't breathe on him and you'll be fine. As for your other problem....

Louis had one of three choices.

One: Get up as quickly as possible, get his blood flowing, go pee, cold shower.

Two: Get up as quickly as possible, wank in the shower.

Three: Stay in bed with Harry and...

Damn it. He really should have gotten off yesterday, and he wouldn't be having this problem right now. His underwear felt increasingly tighter. Harry's hand was only about a foot away from his crotch.

Okay. Well one is definitely out of the question. Two would be an okay option. Three, would Harry even want....

Louis shifted slightly and pushed his bum into Harry. Harry was most definitely hard, and felt it twitch on contact. Louis' stomach flipped inside out.

Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope. Evacuate immediately.

Louis' eyes popped open and he hastily clambered over Harry. Harry grunted as Louis knocked the wind out of him with his knee. Louis toppled onto the floor, caught in the sheets, bringing Harry halfway off the bed with him. Harry was wide-awake now, franticly trying to form a question and figure out what was happening. Louis' face turned the color of a tomato.

He stood up as quickly as possible, yanked open his nightstand drawer, grabbed his vibrator, hid it from Harry, and ran out of his room. "Showering! You can eat breakfast or something! I'll be back!" He exasperatedly yelled to Harry.

Louis slammed the bathroom door shut behind him. His heart was racing a mile a minute and he was shaking. Actually shaking.

Fuck Tommo, you have absolutely no dignity.

His ever-stiffening erection promptly shut him up and reminded him of where his priorities lie. He turned on the shower, impatiently waiting for it to heat up before he stepped in. Pushing aside the earlier humiliation of running from his emotional and sexual debilitations, he took a deep breath, inhaling the steam of the shower. He switched the vibrator in his hand for the bottle of shower gel. He squirted it into his other hand.

Placing the bottle back down, he started to rub the smooth gel into his skin. Every point his hands contacted his skin felt like all of his nerve endings were exploding.

Jeez, how long has it been? Like a month?

Definitely too long.

He let his hands continue to roam across his body, squeezing his sensitive nipples and feeling it send a blazing fire to his cock. He applied more gel to his hands and started stroking himself and fantasizing of the sexy man 15 feet outside his shower.

Oh Harry, that feels so good baby.

He continued to tug on himself, imagining Harry in the shower with him.

"Tell me how much you want me Harry."

"God Louis, you're so hot. I need to take you right here."

Louis grabbed and squeezed his bum with his other hand, imagining it as Harry. He opened his eyes to pick up his vibrator, turn it on, and coat it with soap.

"You ready for this Louis? I'm going to wreck you so good. I want to hear you scream my name."

"Y-yes Harry. Please. Please fuck me so good."

He pressed the vibrator to his hole and forcefully pushed it in. He felt the vibrations rack his overly sensitive skin from the inside out.

Louis moaned out. "Aaaaahhhh!"

"How does that feel? You feel so fucking tight around my cock. Louis, you know you want this as much as me. Do you know how much that turns me on?"

Louis continued stroking himself with one hand, while the other pulsed his toy in and out of himself. The water droplets hitting his back reminded him of Harry's curls tickling him.

"H-harry. Oh fuck, that feels so fu-fucking good. O-oh my gosh." He gasped out.

He knew he wouldn't last much longer. It has been too long. He pressed the front of himself up against the cold tile of the shower, sending a shock wave through his whole body. He removed his hand from his cock and started pulling on his hair, knuckle scabs ripping open and starting to bleed again from too much use.

"That's a good boy. I want you to come untouched. I know how you like it rough."

He pulled on his hair harder, pressing his cock into the shower wall as hard as he could.

"I love dominating you. Lou, if you could only see yourself right now."

The vibrator was getting thrusted into Louis as far as he could get it in, and finally hit his prostate.

"Ah Harry, yes, right there! Right there! I'm s-so close!"

"Cum for me love. Let me see your cock throb and release everywhere because of me. I want to see you completely wrecked."

"AAHH!!" All of the pressure released in white streaks against the shower wall as Louis' orgasm hit him. He could feel the echo of his yell ring in his ears.

He panted heavily as he rode out his high and came back down to normalcy. Pulling the vibrator out and feeling self conscious of having such an intimate masturbation session, he looked around him to make sure nobody was actually there with him.

He sighed with relief and embarrassment realizing what he had just done.

Unless he left the house, there's no way Harry didn't hear you. You have no concept of decency anymore.

Louis finished his shower as quickly as he could, dried himself, got dressed, and brushed his teeth in record time.

Noticing that Harry wasn't in his room anymore, he made his way downstairs, determined to act completely normal. The smell of eggs hit his nose.

He raised an eyebrow in interest. He skeptically peeked around the corner and saw Harry in the kitchen. There was music coming from his phone- District 78? He was dressed in yesterday's white V-neck and black skinnies and leaned over the griddle making what appeared to be French toast.

Louis loudly stepped off of the stairs to let himself be known. He looked at the floor and made his way over to take a seat on one of his bar stools. He timidly trailed his eyes up to Harry. Harry was looking at him now, smiling gently. He paused the music. "How are you feeling?"

Tired. Hung-over. Still horny. Hungry. Happy. Upset. Confused. Excited. Anxious.

"Okay, I guess."

Harry set down two Naproxen along with a glass of orange juice for Louis. "Orange juice helps heal everything. It's my secret remedy."

Louis gratefully ingested the pills and gulped the orange juice. It tasted so good. So fresh. "I'm glad you've made yourself at home." His eyes searched around the kitchen, trying to find something to stare at. "Um, about last night. I'm really sorry. I don't normally get like that. But thank you."

Harry set down a plate of French toast and eggs in front of Louis, accompanied with a fork, butter, syrup, and tea. He started to eat the stupidly perfect food.

This is nice.

"No need to thank me. Really, thank you for texting me. I'm glad you trust me enough to have asked me over. And I'm glad I could be here for you. That's what friends are for." Harry walked around the counter and sat next to Louis, starting to eat his own breakfast.

Trust. Friends.

"Harry, I need to be honest with you. I'm a really bad friend. And an even worse... more than friend. I just don't want you setting your expectations too high. I'm just really emotionally unavailable in all senses of the word. I'm thoroughly fucked up and there isn't really any way for me to be fixed." He fixed his gaze on his orange juice.

"I'm like a window that's been smashed to shit. The only way to have perfect glass for your window again is to just replace it." He turned his head to look at Harry. "There isn't any hope of putting broken glass back into its original form."

Harry set down his fork and locked eyes with Louis. His voice was steady, "I've always preferred stained glass murals to perfect and seamless vases. Stained glass has so much more character. So much more of a story to tell. Each different and broken piece comes together to make something so much more beautiful than one piece alone could. There are a million perfect vases and they all look the same. I don't know why anyone would waste their time with one of those." He picked up his fork and continued to eat his breakfast.

Louis stared at the side of Harry's head. He decided he didn't want to quite digest all of that yet, so instead went back to eating.

After breakfast was finished, Louis looked at Harry. He didn't look like he planned on leaving any time soon. Louis didn't want to ruin or call attention to anything, so instead, stood up and started cleaning his dish. Harry followed, and silently helped him dry the now clean dishes.

Louis acknowledged Harry to signal for him to come upstairs. Louis grabbed a spare toothbrush and handed it to Harry. He left him in the bathroom to go get a fresh pair of briefs and socks for Harry to wear. He set them on the bathroom counter and smiled gratefully, white foam dribbling down his chin. Louis laughed and turned to go downstairs. Grabbing his keys, yoga mat, and wallet, he sat on his couch, waiting for Harry to be done.

A few minutes later, Harry came down the stairs grinning. Louis stood up and smiled back at him. Harry followed Louis' lead and put on his shoes.

Louis opened the front door and fancily waved his hand to usher Harry out the door. Harry chuckled and stepped out of the doorframe. It was sunny and there were fluffy white clouds in the sky. He grabbed his second yoga mat out of the trunk of his car and handed it to Harry. They walked in silence, Louis wondering if he should be the first to break it. Harry had to be wondering where they were going. It seems he wasn't interested enough to inquire.

"So, why ecstasy?"

This took Louis aback. Out of all the questions, he didn't think this would be the first Harry would choose.

"Do you want the long, or short answer?"

He saw Harry smile. "Definitely the long answer."

Louis pondered thoughtfully for a minute. "Well. For one, it's liberating. I love structure, but I hate feeling trapped. When I feel trapped in myself or a slave to my emotions, it's my way to escape self-awareness and... and my overly critical mind. There isn't any pain or bad memories. All the good stuff is heightened. I feel more. Not emotionally, but physically. Only the present. And it's stimulating and exciting and so fulfilling." He looked over to Harry who was still strolling alongside him with his hands in his pockets. He looked thoughtful but non-judgmental and was watching his feet as he walked.

Louis continued, "I'm not addicted or anything. I mean, it would be a lie to say that I wasn't ever addicted. But I'd say I was addicted to the feeling I got, not necessarily the chemicals in the pills... If that makes any sense at all. It probably doesn't." He shook his head to himself.

"Anyway, I used the entire year after Zay- yeah. I've been clean for two years. I keep my bag because I guess it just makes me feel secure. Like, I always have an escape route if I need. Yesterday was the closest I've ever gotten to relapsing. I dunno. I just... had a lot of epiphanies yesterday I s'ppose. It was a lot to deal with. Kind of like a giant flaming lorry hitting my body and uh- er, sorry. I'm totally rambling nonsense now." Louis laughed humorlessly at himself and his cheeks pinked ever so slightly.

Harry looked up to Louis. "You may ramble as much as you'd like, for as long as you like." And he gave Louis the most damn genuine smile he's ever seen in his entire life.

They were at the park now. Louis veered into the green grass with Harry.

He shuffled along, trying to draw attention away from himself. "So, er, aside from alcohol, what's your poison?"

"Well, on particularly bad days, I'll down a pint of cyanide."

Louis' head snapped up accusingly in disbelief at Harry.

Harry buckled over and laughed. Louis broke out into a smile, laughing as well, then smacked Harry in the arm with his rolled up yoga mat.

"Hey, hey! No need to get violent shawty!" Harry playfully batted away Louis' weapon with his free hand.

Louis' jaw dropped. "Okay, firstly, you did not just call me shawty!" He smacked Harry's head with the mat. "Secondly, I'm not short!" Louis went to hit Harry's arm again, and Harry started to run ahead of him, laughing. Louis chased after him. "And thirdly, I'm not a girl!!"

Harry abruptly stopped and turned around to face Louis. Louis, not anticipating Harry's sudden action, ran straight into him, effectively knocking them both over and onto the grass with an 'oomph' and squeals from both of them. Limbs went everywhere, yoga mats flew out of their hands, he felt an elbow to the ribcage, and a jolt of pain to his bandaged hand.

He was on top of Harry.

The color of the grass accentuated Harry's eyes into a hue that he didn't know existed.

He couldn't remember how to breathe. He could feel Harry's heart beating from the sudden spurt of cardio; and he knew Harry could feel, maybe even hear, his own heartbeat pumping out adrenaline.

Harry spoke breathily. "At least I called you a sexy girl." And Louis' eyes frantically looked up and down Harry's flawless features, not sure what he was looking for.

Harry's eyes flicked from Louis' concerned eyes, back and forth to his mouth. Louis watched as Harry craned his neck up and placed a kiss so feather light to Louis' lips, that he wasn't even sure it happened. Harry's head fell back into the grass and he looked to the sky and smiled.

Louis had no idea what was happening. The world could have ended in the last minute, and he would be about as useful as a DVD rewinder.

In a swift shift of movement underneath him, he saw the world spin, then felt his back hit the ground. He could smell dirt, grass, and raspberries. Harry was on top of him.

"Now Mr. Tomlinson, are you going to tell me why you've brought me into such a shady part of town to an abandoned park?"

Louis, barely being able to perform base mandatory functions that would ensure his existence, like breathing, just shook his head and smiled.

Harry smiled a toothy grin back, and sat up on his haunches. He brushed the grass and dirt off of himself and onto Louis' body. Louis blinked and was brought back to reality. "Rude."

Harry stood up and offered a hand to Louis. He accepted it and stood on wobbly knees. Choosing to not acknowledge what just happened, he walked over to his deserted yoga mat and sprawled it out on the soil. He sat down on it and sat in Lotus position with his wrists resting upturned on his knees. "I like this park because no one is ever here. Plus, there's not a playground, so that means if there ever is anyone here, they won't be incompetent, defenseless, ankle-biters."

Harry unraveled his yoga mat next to Louis'. "You don't want kids?"

"You want kids?"

Harry shrugged. "I've always wanted kids."

Okay, and we are definitely not having this conversation right now.

"You're quite young to want kids."

Shut up Louis. Stop now.

"I guess I just always have. And to answer your question from earlier, I'm not much into drugs. I was always too busy with water polo being my priority. I never wanted to risk compromising myself in that way. Though, I can't say I haven't made up for it with alcohol unfortunately. I've drunken myself into oblivion alone on several occasions. A bit hypocritical hmm? Moderation with drugs, but had no problem ruining myself with booze."

Glad that no more was said on the subject of children, Louis nodded thoughtfully at Harry's words. "We're all hypocrites in our own way I think. It's just human nature, innit?"

Harry smirked at Louis. "Yeah. It is. Now, show me your yoga moves. I can't say I will have the finesse that I'm sure you possess, but I've done this once or twice and will give it my best shot."

Louis smiled and felt a rush of excitement. He was in his element.

Forty-five minutes later, and they had completed Sun Salutation twice and Harry was halfway through Moon Salutation. Louis had to stop twenty minutes in because his right hand and wrist were giving out and he couldn't risk damaging it more than it was injured already. Instead, he opted to help Harry with his yoga positions.

Taking it very seriously, Harry was sweating and breathing heavily.

Louis would be lying if he said he wasn't amused.

"Harry, this should be relaxing. Your body is becoming one with the earth. Imagine yourself as the elements which you are emulating."

"Lou, you make this look a thousand times easier than it actually is. Plus, you're more flexible than any girl I know."

Louis smirked in satisfaction to himself. "It's not about flexibility. It's about proper form and practice. And your hips Harry. Just..." He reached to adjust Harry's hips and arm placement. "It's Revolved Side Angle Pose. Your arm creates a diagonal line. And your feet, here..." He swiveled one of Harry's ankles to correctly point outward.

"Fuck, Louisthisisn'tgoingto-" Harry fell face forward on all fours into the grass.

Louis stared at his ass.

Yep. 10/10 would top and hit it hard.

Louis looked down from his bum, down his thighs, and his gaze rested on the backs of his knees, covered by his black pants.

I wonder...

He had been caught staring. Harry couldn't be too surprised at this point. Louis tried feigning a look of disinterest, put his nose in the air, turned around and picked up his mat.

Harry was laughing and sitting cross-legged now.

"Excuse me Harold. I'm not sure what you find so entertaining about me, as you're the one on the ground." Louis responded pertly.

"Yes, but I'm not the one who looks like he has a stick up his ass. I thought you'dve walked that off by now, it's been a couple hours." Harry smiled devilishly.

This set off a million red alarms in Louis' brain as he spun around to incinerate a blazing hole through Harry with his eyes. This just made Harry's grin look more triumphant.

Louis turned back around irritably, leaving his mat, and marched away towards his house. Harry ran up behind him and grabbed his elbow. "Hey, hey, hey. Don't be like this."

Louis stopped and placidly looked at Harry. He would not let his every emotion be revealed on his face for Harry to read. Nor would he stay around for Harry to patronize at his expense.

Harry's voice was subdued. "I was only playing. I apologize though, I didn't mean to undermine you. It doesn't matter to me what you do, when, or with whom- whether it be in your mind or reality." His eyes glimmered with a gentle smile. "I'm not here to judge. Just here for you."

Louis took a breath in. He forgot how sensitive he can become at times.

"No, you're right. You were only playing. I'm sorry for over-reacting." His expression turned to humor as he said his next thoughts. "Besides, I know I wasn't exactly being quiet about it. I'm not good at leaving much to the imagination."

Harry giggled and looked away shyly. "You didn't have to. You kind of left your bathroom door unlocked, and I just wanted to check and make sure you were okay. Apparently that was unnecessary, as you had a good grip on yourself." Harry laughed at his own pun.

Louis tried to hide his look of petrification and instead tried to cover it up with a cheeky response. "You would, you fucking pervert!" He playfully smacked Harry's hand to let go of his elbow. "Now let's get some lunch, yeah?"

He was still completely unsure as to what Harry's original plans consisted of this weekend and how he had managed to occupy every moment of it instead; but he was 100% okay with it and hoped nothing would change anytime soon.

~~~~


	8. Chapter 8

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2w3qftd)

~~~

"Where do you want to eat? Are you in the mood for something in particular?" Harry scuffed his foot against the pavement as they walked.

"Hmm." Louis looked to the sky thoughtfully. "I could go for a small sweet chicken dish and a light vinaigrette salad." He heard Harry's footsteps stop behind him. Louis halted and turned around to look at him.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "A small. Sweet. Chicken dish." He paused. "And what else?"

Louis scowled slightly. "A light vinaigrette salad."

"Right. A light vinaigrette salad." Harry repeated. "At least I'll never have to worry about you making decisions." His tone was light-hearted and he laughed.

"Eh, I suppose I'm pretty opinionated about most things. If I don't already have a decision made, then it's better to make a quick one rather than waste my time. It gets things done more efficiently, you know?"

Harry started walking again. "You definitely sound like a you manage a business. Though I wouldn't expect a massage therapist to be so impatient. Then again, I knew you weren't a patient person from the moment I saw you." His eyes lit up as he looked at Louis.

"Oh? And why is that?" Louis fished for more information.

Harry shrugged. "It's just the vibe you gave off. And maybe the fact that you wouldn't stand in that office and talk to me for more than a minute before disposing of me in some way."

Did I offend him?

"I mean, I wasn't trying to dispose of you at all. I was just trying to solve the problem. I-I didn't offend you that night, did I?" Louis' stomach started to bubble with anxiety.

Harry looked shocked. "No! No, not at all. I just could tell you were eager to do something about it. It's a good thing. You're a doer. Not many people are doer's anymore. You are quick thinking on your feet. And that's balanced out well by your whole stationary, relaxed, Zen-energy thing you've got going."

Louis nodded his head once. If only Harry knew what was inside. "So, chicken? Salad? Something else? Aside from pizza. I will knee you in the kidney if you say pizza."

Harry let out a hearty laugh. "Sweet chicken and a light salad sounds delicious. Pizza is too greasy and for me. I'm watching my girlish figure anyway." Harry batted his eyelashes and rubbed a hand up his hip and waist playfully. Louis laughed at his childish antics. "Besides, it's polo season, so I have to make sure I'm eating clean."

"Okay, well I know the perfect place then. And we're almost there. It's a French restaurant." Louis responded.

"French?" Harry hummed thoughtfully. "Do you speak any other languages?"

"I'm quite fluent in Spanglish." Louis smirked to himself.

"Really now? You must tutor me in your ways Mr. Tomlinson. I've tried for years, and it just doesn't seem to be coming to me." Harry's voice was laced with humor.

"I don't know Styles. People pay me big money for my time. I think I'd be too expensive for you." Louis retorted sassily and flipped his fringe out of his face.

Harry sniggered. "You would be a posh bastard. Let me guess, you're demanding and expect the other one to do all the work? Won't accept anything less than their very best? And probably require 100 percent of their attention?"

Louis had a feeling they weren't talking about tutoring anymore. "I'll have you know, I am not a posh bastard. Nor do I expect others to do all the work. Everything is a fifty-fifty effort for both parties involved, regardless of their perceived role. And I am not an attention whore, thank you very much."

This effectively seemed to silence Harry. Quite the feat he thinks. It was just as well because they had arrived at the restaurant. Louis opened the door for Harry.

"Hello and welcome! Two today?" The host greeted them.

"Yep!" Louis chirped.

"Right this way sirs." The host ushered and sat them at a booth with a window.

They sat down and ordered waters. Once the host left, silence settled over the table.

Louis was about to ask if something was wrong with Harry but closed his mouth when Harry spoke up. "I'm sorry about my earlier comment. I think I offend you a lot with the things I say, and I'm sorry. Sometimes I can tease too much."

Louis was stunned at Harry's statement.

"No Harry, you're fine. Sorry, sometimes I'm just a bit sensitive." Louis paused and Harry looked at him with fondness. "Honestly, this is the closest I've gotten to anyone in years. I know it probably sounds really stupid. But if I'm not being professional, I just... Well, I'm just not used to being personable. Talking to someone in a friendly manner is all good and fine. But anything deeper than that- I'm just really out of practice. Sorry."

Harry nodded in understanding. "That's totally fine Louis. I'll just keep that in mind a bit more. We'll ease you back into being a normal human being again." And with that, Harry bit his lips and wiggled his eyebrows at Louis, making Louis burst out into laughter.

The rest of their lunch went in a similar fashion. Louis making it his sole purpose to make Harry laugh as much as humanly possible. It seemed that Harry was doing the same, as Louis' cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing so much.

When the check was paid and they exited the restaurant, they walked back to Louis' flat. The stroll side by side was casual and enjoyable, the conversation ranging from their opinion of cars to weather patterns.

In the driveway was Louis' red car and Harry's motorcycle that he hadn't paid attention to on his way out of the house that morning. It was indeed a Harley.

I can't decide if I would love or hate to take a ride on the back of that with him. On the pro side, we have being squished extremely close to Harry. On the con side, there's the almost guaranteed boner I would get from the stimulation. Hmm. Decisions, decisions...

"Louis, thank you again for texting me last night. I had such a great morning with you. I actually have to go to polo practice now though. Coach requires double practices on Sundays. So, I'll catch you later?" Harry was smiling, and Louis felt jealous that Harry didn't seem to be having any kind of separation anxiety.

"Sure. Thank you. For everything really." Louis looked at his feet. He felt his body become hostage to Harry as he was pulled into a tight hug. Louis felt like he was being hugged by a space heater. Or maybe that was his own veins lighting on fire. He slithered his arms around Harry's waist.

So warm. Raspberries. Mmm.

Louis could feel Harry nuzzling his head into his hair. "Have a good day Lou." And with that, Harry squeezed him a bit tighter, then let go and walked over to his bike.

He pulled a helmet out of one of the side bags, squished it over his curly hair, then turned on his bike. The engine roared to life and he slowly backed it out of Louis' driveway. He waved goodbye to Louis before driving away, engine waning with the increase of distance.

Louis stood in the driveway and mulled over everything that had occurred since last night. He heard his neighbors door open, and saw her start to walk out to her mailbox. He took this as his cue to run inside and become busy. He hated talking to her. Well, it was mostly him listening to her talk about the most meaningless and arbitrary things. So he avoided her at all costs.

Safe in his house, he sat down on the couch and opened up a text to Blake.

Hey, my hand got a bit injured over the weekend. Would u mind taking my clients tomorrow afternoon?

He walked upstairs into his room and undressed down to his briefs and socks because it's Sunday and he has no place to be. He decided on taking a nap. When he was in bed, he saw a text come in from Blake.

Sure! Anything for u!! Hope it gets better. Lmk if u need a doctor. I took a nursing class once in college lol :-)

Louis smiled to himself. Blake was so sweet. Little does he know that he had already been doctored and would not be in need of his services. It was kind of him to offer nonetheless.

Thanks :)

And with that, Louis snuggled into his comforter and fell asleep.

~~~~

Louis woke to the purple and orange sunbeams peeking through his blinds. The sun was setting.

"Ugh, Gary, I slept way too long. Why didn't you wake me up?"

He pulled himself out of bed, fed Gary, and walked downstairs to the kitchen. He decided to play some music, so he pulled out his phone. When it lit up, he noticed that he had three text messages- all from Harry.

Hey! Im at practice now, but ill text u after?

Sooo, don't know if u got my last text or not cuz i havent heard from u... but practice is over. Hows it going?

Are you ok? Am I being a clingy friend? :O

He noticed that the last text had been sent only a couple of minutes ago and laughed to himself and typed a quick reply.

Srry, I was taking a nap! Your not a clingy friend.. I wwould be worried about me too if i were you, so no worries. How did practice go?

He sent it then sighed at himself when he saw all of his typos. Texting would be the death of him. His phone buzzed.

Does somebody need to go back to English class? ;P Practice was good except all my muscles were dead from our yoga sesh earlier lol. Just going out to eat with Nialler now.

Who the fuck is Nialler?

Nialler?

He waited by his phone for 10 minutes until he realized he probably would not be receiving a response, which bothered him more than it should have.

Harry is just a courteous person. He didn't text all day when he was with me. He's obviously going to do the same with everyone else.

Louis shook off that thought by creating a dubstep Pandora station and putting it on his speakers. He shuffled through his drawers and pulled out a pot.

We'll go for bowtie alfredo pasta.

He shook his hips to the music as he filled the pot with water and put it on the stovetop to boil. He searched for an alfredo sauce recipe on his phone then

slid across the kitchen in his socks to where the pasta and other ingredients were stored.

He started mixing and blending the necessary ingredients in a separate pot for his sauce. It's been forever since he's listened to dubsetp and he was really getting into it. He put a colander in the sink for when the pasta was done. While waiting for the food to simmer, his hips shaking got some arm movements involved, and before long, he was freestyle dancing in his kitchen. His hand was swinging the spatula and flicking sauce everywhere, but he didn't care. He felt carefree and excited and alive.

"All the boys flappin' gums about how they're hard, bitch I'm harder! Martyr to the swag on the corner! Beat your girl up with the drums as the bass makes that bitch cum!"

He was in the middle of a fancy boy-band spin when he noticed the water boiling over.

"Shit!"

Trying to take a step forward, the momentum of his spin made him slip on his socks and fall on his bum. He scrambled off the cold tile and blew on the pot, trying to get the bubbles to go away. When it got down to a manageable level, he drained the pasta into the sink, then rushed to get his sauce off of the stove. Luckily nothing had burned.

He prepared himself a bowl of dinner and took in the state of his kitchen. He would have to clean up the sauce from everywhere. No matter though. It was all done in good fun and was worth it.

Louis was eating and decided to text Harry because since when were there restrictions on when you could or couldn't text your friends?

Btw, you never told me when ur next polo match is! I want to be there with a megaphone to cheer for you!

He turned off the music, slid his phone into the band of his briefs and took his bowl of pasta into his living room. Deciding on Lord of the Rings, he put the film in and snuggled into a blanket and pillow to finish up his dinner.

When the Fellowship was traveling through the Mines of Moria, he jumped as he felt his phone vibrate his crotch.

He unlocked it and smiled when he saw Harry's name.

Niall is my best mate, we live together. Its this saturday! 9am atthe college. Bring ur megaphone and a swimsuit!

What. The fuck? 'Live together?'

"Excuse me?" He paused his movie to glare at his phone in silence for longer, willing the words on the screen to change.

Wait. Why do I care? It's his fucking life. Nothing changed between yesterday and today. He's always lived with this 'Niall' character. Are they close friends? Obviously if they went to dinner together. What if Niall likes Harry? Have they ever done the dirty? What if Harry likes being with Niall more than me? Has he ever slept almost naked with Niall? Do they know each other well?

"Ugh!" He threw his phone to the other end of his couch and pressed play, turning up the volume for the upcoming war scene. It was moments like these he felt good about spending $6,000 on his home theatre system.

When the credits rolled and he was genuinely concerned for Frodo and Sam abandoning the rest of their party to travel to Mordor, he got up to put The Two Towers in and saw his phone light up from across the room.

He had calmed down by now and felt like he could better control unwanted responses. He walked over and opened his phone to see he had a text from Harry.

So ill see u saturday i guess? Heading to bed. Night.

That seems a bit cold. Maybe I shouldn't have ignored him for 40 minutes. Jeez Louis, you're such a twat. Now think of something to make up for your douche-baggery.

Heck yes! I'll be there with my confetti and posters and ill bring my swim trunks lol. Nighty-night! Sweet dreams!

He sent it.

Wow. Really Louis?

So maybe he was a bit overzealous. Oh well. His phone buzzed again.

Lol.

Lol? All he gets back from Harry is an 'Lol'? Is there even a response to that? Was he mocking him?

"I hate texting!"

He got up to make himself popcorn before begrudgingly putting in the next Lord of the Rings movie.

~~~~~~

Louis woke up to his alarm. He wiped the drool hanging from his chin into his empty popcorn bucket and groaned.

Monday. Let's do this.

Going through his morning routine, Louis made it into the spa right on time to start getting it opened for the day. The employees started filing in and Louis greeted them all with a happy face. Because he wouldn't be doing his afternoon appointments, he would be doing only office and managerial work and be able to leave earlier than normal. He can't say he was altogether too disappointed.

"Blake, can I see you in my office for a minute?" Louis called down the hallway to where he saw Blake pass by.

"Sure! How is your hand by the way?" Blake chirped and joined Louis in his office, sitting on the chair across the desk from Louis, swishing his blonde hair out of his face.

I'm not normally one for blondes, but his hair though...

"My hand has been better. But it's definitely healing. I just wanted to thank you for taking my afternoon appointments. There's no way I'd have been able to do them in this state." Louis swiveled back and forth gently in his chair.

"It's really no problem, I'm happy to help. Let me know if there's anything else I can do for you, yeah?" His blue eyes twinkled at Louis with fondness.

"How about you let me treat you to lunch? It's the least I can do for you. Do you have time today?" Louis checked the spa calendar he had pulled up on his computer.

"Are you sure? I have a break from eleven to noon. I really wouldn't want to impose. I know you're so busy. You're always putting so much time into running this place so smoothly, I can only imagine you have better things to do." Blake spoke smoothly and eyed Louis with intent.

"No, no! Like I said, it's the least I can do. I'll come grab you at eleven. Let me know if you need anything until then." Louis dismissed him.

Blake stood up. "Of course. Thanks so much." With one last smile to Louis, he turned around and walked out of his office.

His ass looks quite lovely in those white jeans....

Louis shook his head and got back to his office work.

~~~


	9. Chapter 9

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2iut5bt)

~~~~

Eleven-'o-clock and Louis felt jittery.

I just need caffeine. I'm fine.

He left his office in search of Blake and instead bumped into Kara.

"Mr. Tomlinson! I'm so sorry! I am so clumsy and careless! Are you alright? I heard about your hand..." Kara rambled running her hands through her short hair.

Smiling but looking over her shoulder for a certain blue-eyed blonde, he blandly responded. "It's Louis. And yes, I'm alright. Thank you for asking." He set a hand on her shoulder to move her to the side.

"Wait! Mr. Tom- Louis." Louis turned his attention towards her. "I was actually just coming to drop this off for you. I just- well, my mom taught me lots about homeopathic remedies, and I thought this could help you." She held a jar of indistinguishable ingredients mixed together. "It's extracts from onion, vinegar, essential oils, and crushed tea leaves. It should help your hand heal quicker."

He raised an eyebrow, but accepted the gift nonetheless. "Thank you." He smiled at her. "Oh, and also, I know it's short notice, but I've had a bit of an opening in my schedule for tonight. Would you be interested in staying back and seeing more of what I do for payroll and receiving?"

Kara nodded her head furiously, "I would be most honored to be graced with your presence and knowledge this evening! Shall I just come into your office at five then?"

"Yes, yes, that will be fine. And I'm sorry, but if you'll excuse me." Louis started down the hall again. He turned a corner when he felt another body collide into his own.

For the love of-

"Hey! So sorry! Didn't mean to run into you."

Louis was very aware that Blake was holding tightly onto one of his arms from their near crash. "No worries. Let's go, shall we?" He immediately put distance between himself and Blake.

Deciding to drive Blake to a nice Mexican restaurant, they arrived and got a table for two. Louis kept the conversation light, but noticed that Blake kept asking more and more personal questions, which Louis did his best to answer without sounding to vague or giving away too much information.

"So Louis, what did you do before you worked at Serenity?" Blake was stirring his lime water with his straw in-between taking bites of his burrito.

Louis awkwardly scratched the back of his head. "Uh, I just took some time off of school to travel a bit and just kind of relax. Have you ever traveled?"

A flash of sadness went across Blake's face. "No. The furthest I've traveled is just up to Washington. Where did you go? And how long were you gone for? Did you just go by yourself?"

Holy fuck. Fire hose of questions. Be tactful Louis.

"Uh, I went to Thailand for a bit with my mentor. Anyway, did you do an apprenticeship after school? And do you plan on staying in Arizona?" Louis poked around at his food. His burrito was quite greasy, and he wasn't one much for unnecessary fat.

Okay good. Get the focus off myself.

"Thailand?! Is that where all the pictures were taken that are in your massage room? And was that your mentor then? He's quite attractive you know. You're quite lucky! I got an old guy for my mentor. I plan on going wherever my partner wants to move to." Blake smiled at Louis.

Ignore the first part and, oh good! He has a partner already. People go on about their significant other for days, so let's go there.

"Oh, you have a partner? That's wonderful! I always thought you were single. So is there anywhere in particular that you two have in mind?"

Blake laughed lightly and looked straight at Louis. "No, I'm single. I hope to find a wonderful and attractive boyfriend soon though. Do you have a boyfriend?" He smiled as his eyes grazed over Louis, unnerving him.

Louis shifted in his seat and looked around the restaurant.

Do I bother denying that I'm gay? Why is this so much more comfortable with Harry?

Harry.

Louis started nodding his head convincingly. "You know, yeah I do have a boyfriend actually. He's a really great guy. About 5'11", really athletic build. He plays water polo. We've been together about a year now."

Five days; a year; same thing. Kindly back the fuck off now. Please and thank you.

Blake looked surprised, but a smirk flashed across his face and he reached across the table to pick up Louis' hand in his. "The one that came in on Friday? Well Louis, if you ever want to try something different out- someone more... gentle, I'd be happy to oblige. He wouldn't ever have to know." His fingers grazed over the tops of Louis' bandaged knuckles. His skin was soft.

Fuckfuckfuck. Abort. Evacuate. Leave.

Louis mouth opened to start forming words. "Um. You know what? Blake, this has been lovely. We really should get going back to the spa though. Thank you again for taking my clients this afternoon. I really do appreciate it." Louis withdrew his hand from Blake's and reached into his wallet to grab a fifty-dollar bill. Not bothering to ask if Blake was done or wanted a box, he stood up and tossed the cash onto the table to exit the restaurant.

Without looking behind him, he got into his car and started it, hoping that Blake was coming close behind since he stupidly offered to drive him to a restaurant eight miles away.

A minute later, Blake slid into the passenger seat and looked to Louis. Louis turned on the radio and took a deep breath. Michael Jackson started playing through his speakers so he turned it up loudly and rolled down his windows and sunroof to discourage any conversation.

He felt stupid and horrible. But what were his options?

After arriving back at the spa, he dismissed Blake out of his car. He stayed sitting in the drivers seat to cool off. He turned the terrible 80's station off so that he could hear himself think.

Okay. That plan horribly backfired. Hopefully Harry never shows his face at the spa again while Blake is around.

Harry.

He was basically finished with most of his work for the day and had a few hours to kill. He pulled out his phone.

So, why two swallows and a butterfly?

Hoping for a speedy reply to distract him from having to do things, he tapped his fingers impatiently on the steering wheel. A black cat ran across the hood of his car. His phone buzzed.

Why a stag and heart? Ur patronus and a childhood ideals of love?

Touché. You have to give to receive.

He cracked his knuckles to prepare for typing out his answer.

Male stag represents realization of bliss. Hes half of the final stage on the path of yana (buddhist path to sublimity and wisdom). I got it after 7 months thailand and i felt i achieved bliss scholastically and emotionally.

The other required half is a female deer, which is the realization of emptiness. U need both to complete the path. Instead of getting a female deer, i got the incomplete heart when i realized my heart was empty and void and i fully understood yana. I got it a week after zayn left me in thailand.

He sent it and waited for a response. He started a frustrating game of Flappy Bird to occupy himself for what he suspected may be a lengthy response. He was about to beat his highest score when a text came in.

In the maithil/hindi culture birds represent conjugal happiness and spiritual freedom. I got 2 because u need 2 people for the conjugal part of 'conjugal happiness' lol.

I got it about 2 months into my travels while staying near nepal when i realized traveling (and all of life really) was pointless without someone to share it with. Tho there is lots to learn about oneself before u can really be with someone long term imo.

Louis' heart rate increased for reasons unknown to him. He typed a text back to Harry.

And the butterfly?

He was about to open up his game again when a text came through from Harry.

You didnt tell me about the ink on ur chest :)

Louis laughed and shook his head to himself. Fair game.

Lol ur all about compromise arent you? I got it 2 years ago when i pulled myself out of my self-made pit of hell that revolved around sex, drugs, and rock&roll lol. I looked at myself in the mirror and was disgusted with who i became. But to move forward, i had to accept the stupid choices I made. Thus, 'it is what it is'. Now, ur moth? ;)

He got bored of Flappy Bird and moved to Candy Crush. He only got passed the first level when Harry texted him back.

I think theyre pretty :)

Louis snorted and typed a reply.

Seriously? Lol

Back to Candy Crush, he got to level 7 and started getting frustrated. He decided to leave his car since it was getting hot, and went into his office as stealthily as possible so as to avoid a certain blonde-haired blue eyed someone. He closed his office door and plopped down onto the corner sofa, kicking his feet up on the arm and his head rested back on a pillow. He pulled out his phone to see a text from Harry.

Butterflies are beautiful in the air, but die in the water. I come alive in the water, but i would die if i tried flying. Idk. Theyre like my spirit animal. Like the yin to my yang i guess.

Louis smiled at that and was about to put his phone away when he remembered that Harry had another tattoo that he hadn't asked about yet.

Im out of tattoos, so what can i exchange for the details of the cross on your hand?

Harry's hands. Harry's fingers. Mmm.

He decided that if he was going to commit to texting Harry until closing, that he would need a cuppa and a blanket. He got up and made himself a Yorkshire with 5 sugar cubes. His phone vibrated in his back pocket as he was finishing up his tea. Back on his corner sofa, shoes kicked off, he read the text.

Ill collect my debt from you at a later date and just tell you :). I was raised catholic. Right before my dad died, he told me to never turn my back on my religion. Tho im not strictly religious anymore, i lean more towards hinduism (that's the spiritual freedom part of the bird tattoos), but i also didnt want to turn my back on my dad or how i was raised. So its my way of remembering him and how ive grown into the person i am today.

Louis really liked Harry he decided. He kept the conversation going with Harry, trying to take in every detail he could about him. His cheeks hurt from smiling like an idiot at his phone for so long, thoroughly enjoying Harry. He felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulder. He just felt... lighter when he talked to Harry. Louis only stopped once he heard a knock on his door and Kara walked in.

Louis stretched his arms out and stayed on the couch. Kara looked baffled. "Grab my laptop and pull up a seat love. Grab a cuppa if you'd like. There's chocolate and Yeager in my bottom drawer."

Kara stared wide-eyed at her normally professional boss. She rigidly went over and picked up his laptop and scooted the chair closer to Louis. She held his laptop out for him to take. He waved for her to keep it in her lap. Still silent, she folder her hands on top of it.

"Well go on." Louis encouraged. "Just open up Excel. It should be in one of the more recently opened documents. My apologies in advance for anything you may not want to see on there, but what can you do? I'm only a person." He smiled to himself and thought about Harry.

He heard Kara hum as she navigated Louis' computer. Louis was in the middle of a long note he created in his phone of questions he wanted to ask Harry that he hadn't gotten around to yet.

Kara spoke up. "So, um. What do I do?"

"Right. Pull up the spa report for this month from the admin panel on our website, it's bookmarked in my history, then just put the information into the spreadsheet and it basically does it for you. It's a piece of cake."

Harry's favorite cake was red velvet.

Louis smiled.

He heard a squeak from Kara. He curiously looked over to her. Her cheeks were bright red. "Something wrong dear?"

She spoke quietly and timidly. "N-nothing. Just looking. Submis- um, your history. Just looking for the website."

Whoops.

He laughed and thought of Harry. Apparently Harry wasn't one much for porn, as he was too picky when it came to the actors and actresses. Yes, they even talked about that.

Harry was at polo practice now, and Louis turned his attention back to dominating Candy Crush. Kara worked next to him silently as Louis absentmindedly thought through all of his and Harry's conversation topics, occasionally giggling to himself.

Kara seemed to be concentrating really hard, and about an hour later she signed and handed the laptop to Louis. "I think I did it. Can you double check?"

Louis scanned over the spreadsheet briefly and nodded approvingly. "Very good Kara! You really are a natural."

She beamed with pride. "Thank you so much! It was hard at first, but it got a lot easier after the first section. Seriously, thank you so much Louis. Do you need help with anything else tonight?"

"Mmm, yes. Go grab the closing checklist. Top drawer. Grab the chocolate too please."

Harry prefers dark chocolate.

She got up to put his laptop back on his desk, got the chocolate from the bottom drawer, and shuffled through the top drawer. "Oh, did you mean to have this out on your desk?"

Louis looked up. She held the picture of him and Zayn. "Sure. Just put it next to my computer. On with the checklist love. And chocolate. Please."

She tossed the chocolate bar to Louis and he caught it in midair. "Let me know if you need help with anything on there. I'll be here." He peeled away the wrapping and bit into the sugary treat, not paying any attention to the suggested break lines in the bar.

He gazed at his office ceiling and bounced his feet up and down. He could hear Kara stumbling around the spa opening and closing cabinets. He smiled to himself.

I like sharing the responsibility. This is nice.

He enjoyed the rest of his evening, helping Kara close up the spa from his sofa in the corner.

~~~~~


	10. Chapter 10

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2ec279v)

~~~~

The week passed by too painfully slow for Louis' liking. He texted Harry when he could, but found that he was quite busy during the week. Louis was pretty sure he had his schedule generally figured out though. He had it in a note in his phone.

Wake up: 7am

Work: 8:30-12

Lunch: 12-1

Study: 1-2

School: 2:30-4:30

Polo practice: 5-7:30

Dinner: 8

I'm definitely not a stalker.

He only prays that Harry never sees the stupid amount of notes that he keeps about him.

His hand had gotten significantly better by the end of the week; not needing a bandage anymore. He was able to take his clients back on Wednesday when the stiffness had started wearing off. Kara's mom's witch brew seemed to help his cuts considerably. He would have to remember to ask her about that in the next couple of days.

Kara had stayed back every day after closing to help Louis with paperwork and accounting. She had become much faster and learned quickly. Though the Yeager had stayed untouched, Louis had ordered dinner in for them a couple of times so that she wouldn't be starving by the time she got home each night.

He was feeling overall pleased with his life when he locked the door to his flat and opened the door to his car. Showered, shaved, and swim trunks in hand, it was 8:30 and he was on his way to Harry's game. Luckily for him, he already knew where the college was located and didn't have to go through another terrible experience with Siri.

He pulled into the parking lot of what looked like the fitness complex at 8:45 and cheerily hopped out of his car with his bag of drinks, granola bars, and swim trunks. There were lots of other cars around as well as a giant Le Bus,and he saw dozens of bodies bustling around the pool.

It was a beautiful, sunny day as he approached the pool, and the smell of overpowering chlorine and wet cement hit his nostrils and instantly made him nervous. There was loud dubstep warm up music blaring from the outside speaker system.

Harry. Oh gosh. It's been a week. You've only been able to text him. What if you're incredibly socially awkward in real life with him?

Calm down Louis. Act cool.

He took a deep breath, shifted his sunglasses on his face, and strode confidently over to the bleachers, keeping his eyes focused on a specific empty spot about four rows from the front.

That's my spot. Nobody will take that spot.

He could do this. Just focus on one thing at a time. So he made it to his newly claimed seat, then sat down and settled in, grabbing a granola bar and a can of lemonade out from his bag. He had to act natural. Like he belonged there and it wasn't any sweat off of his back to be witnessing such an event. 

Chewing on his chocolate-chip granola bar, he decided to be brave and looked up. Everyone seemed to be in high spirits and energetic for the beginning of the game. Aside from mostly families and other faculty and students buzzing around, he saw a large cluster of almost naked polo players in and at the side of the pool.

They're all in Speedos.

He gulped. He felt surrounded by firmly toned spandex butts and became very self-conscious of his own rather curvy bottom. He shifted in his seat and took another self-depreciating bite of his chocolaty bar.

Where's Harry?

All of the teammates were in swim caps, so he couldn't find him by looking for long and curly hair. He started scanning all of the guys that weren't in the pool. Some of them had their backs to him, so he couldn't see their chest tattoos. He saw one of the players sitting on the side of the pool who had two birds on his chest, similar to Harry, but no butterfly. Besides, Harry had a broader chest than that kid.

Turning his attention to the players in the water, it was a bit more difficult to decipher who was on which team and who had tattoos. Not having any luck finding Harry, he decided to take in more of his surroundings and enjoy his lemonade.

Not too much later, a countdown timer buzzed loudly, signifying an end to the warm up time, and the referee blew his whistle. The crowd all quickly shuffled to their seats and the players in the water organized themselves for the beginning of the game. Louis scooted towards the edge of his seat.

The ref blew his whistle and dropped the ball into the center of the pool. One player from each team sprinted towards the center to the ball, while the others swam to their positions.

He squinted his eyes looking at the two sprinters making their way towards the center of the pool. The one with his back to Louis was obviously going to make it to the ball before the other. His freestyle strokes were filled with a finesse and speed that Louis thinks dolphins would be jealous of.

That one's definitely Harry.

Sure enough, as the ball was snatched up with time to spare, his body swiveled and Louis caught a glimpse of the butterfly that claims residence on Harry's abs.

Someday I'm going to cum on that butterfly.

He sipped his lemonade and continued watching the game. Both teams scored twice in the first quarter. During the break, a couple of players got switched out.

Second quarter and Harry was the sprinter again. Giving the team no opportunity to have the ball, he scored right away. By half time, the score was 6-6 and Louis had eaten 3 granola bars and gone through an entire can of lemonade. He saw Harry get out of the water and shake some of the water off his body as he reached for a red Gatorade and chugged half of it in one try.

He definitely used to be a drinker. All we need is some sexy runway music and this scene will be complete.

Water was dripping from Harry's body in a similar fashion to which drool was dripping from Louis' mouth. One of Harry's teammates came up to him, slapping him on the back and making Harry nod at something.

The friend passed Harry an orange wedge. Sucking on the orange, he turned and seemed to scan the audience. Louis tried to make himself as small as possible. The team huddled again and Harry's fantastic ass was making all the other asses look sad and jealous.

The ref blew the whistle again and the teams got back in the water; Harry along with them. He seems to be quite valuable to the team. Again in the position of sprinting, Louis knew Harry's forte now. Unlike the other quarters though, about 4 minutes in, Harry got subbed out after being shoved under water then swearing at the other team. He was obviously frustrated as he took a seat on the sidelines. 

No longer interested in the game, Louis observed Harry. Harry grabbed a banana and the coach walked over to him. He seemed to be scolding Harry and Harry didn't seem to be too phased. He ate his banana slowly as he acted interested in what the coach was saying.

Interesting. I thought Harry took this really seriously.

The coach left Harry to his banana, and once he finished it, he threw the peel behind him and put his head in his hands until the end of the quarter. When the whistle blew, Harry's head shot up and he stood up, ready to be put back in. The coach walked over to talk to him again, patted him on the back, then Harry jumped into the pool and swam to his beginning position.

Last quarter, and the score was 11-10. Harry's team being ahead by one point. Again, Harry successfully obtained the ball and scored almost instantly. Louis stood up and cheered with the rest of the crowd. It was getting closer to the end of the game and everyone was really anxious.

The game ended when Harry was pushed underwater again and missed the last shot; leaving the score at 13-14. The other team won and Harry looked pissed.

He heard Harry yell a stream of profanities directed at the offending player and the referee. Harry's coach started yelling at Harry to shut-up, and one of Harry's teammates started yelling at him.

Louis felt very awkward.

Another teammate of Harry's came up behind him, ripped off his swim cap, and dunked him underwater. Louis gasped as he saw Harry thrashing around, obviously surprised by his lack of oxygen and hostility from a teammate.

Harry surfaced again, brown hair laying flat and dripping down his face, and started holding his teammate under the water. He seemed to be laughing, but Louis wasn't sure. The coach's swearing wasn't letting up any, and Harry finally let his mate surface for air. Harry swam away much faster than the other could even pace with, and got up out of the pool and shook his hair like a dog.

What the hell?

He didn't realize he'd be seeing Harry's angry side, followed by Harry and a teammate drowning each other.

After walking by and congratulating the other team, everyone started clearing out of the fenced area. Louis sat awkwardly awaiting Harry's acknowledgment to his presence. He was grateful he brought another lemonade so that he would have something to occupy himself with.

When Harry's team dispersed and left the area, Harry turned his attention towards the stands again.

Shit. He's looking for me.

Looking to both sides of him, he saw that he was one of a few people left in the stands. He shuffled his feet and adjusted his sunglasses. He looked up again to see Harry with a large grin on his face heading towards him. Taking a deep breath, he stood up, plastered a smile on his face and started towards a basically naked, dripping wet Harry.

"Louis! You came!"

Focus Louis. Focus.

"Of course! I wouldn't miss it for anything! And I didn't realize I would be experiencing one of your near death experiences either. Are you alright?"

Harry stopped just short of him. "Yeah! That was just Niallar. Sometimes I get a bit worked up and he just helps cool me down. He always knows what's coming to him afterwards though."

"Oh cool. You'll have to introduce me to him sometime."

Harry's mouth was being flooded by the water that was dripping from his hair, but it didn't keep him from smiling any less. "Definitely! You'll love him. So, did you bring your swim trunks?"

Louis blushed and looked at his feet. "Yeah, er, where should I get changed?"

Harry shrugged. "I can hold a towel up and you can strip right here. All the women and children are gone anyway."

Harry turned to go get a towel and Louis headed back to the stands to get his bag. They met at the end of the pool and Harry held up the towel in a circular shape around Louis' waist. Louis turned a dark shade of red as he turned away from Harry to drop his trousers and pull his swimming attire over his dark red briefs.

"Were you planning on leaving your shirt on Lou?"

Louis turned back to face Harry. "Uh, no. Just, waiting for you?" It came out more as a question. "I mean, are you ready?"

Harry questioningly raised an eyebrow. "Right, lemme just grab my shorts."

Dropping the towel, he ran over to a duffle bag and pulled out yellow shorts.

Bless him for bringing something to cover up that Speedo. Though I don't know how much that will actually help, as those shorts are still sexy as fuck and quite revealing.

Harry smiled as he sauntered back over to Louis. "Ready now?"

"Yeah." Louis whispered. Good thing all of his self-confidence chose this exact moment to go down the drain.

Harry took this as his cue to take off Louis' shirt, then picked him up and threw him into the pool.

Louis flailed and screamed as he left the warm comfort of Harry's arms and felt the chilling water envelop his body. He swam to the surface, shook the water out of his face, then spit water he accumulated in his mouth onto a laughing Harry.

"Your screams are actually the best, oh my goodness. And don't you know spitters are quitters? I expected more from you Tomlinson." Harry was still laughing.

"Hey! You're the one that threw me in, unannounced and rudely." He swam over to the edge to get out of the pool. He stood next to Harry staring at the pool and shivering. "And now I'm freezing."

"How are you freezing? It's like 95 degrees out! Are you actually a reptile?" Harry looked baffled. Louis just shook his head. "Here then, I'll warm you up."

Harry opened his arms and Louis snuggled into his chest. Louis smirked, shifted his weight, then hurled himself and Harry into the pool. Louis was pleased with his cleverness as Harry looked stunned and they fell into the water. They both surfaced and Harry looked disapprovingly at Louis.

"Tosser! Get over here before I give you trust issues!" Wanting to preempt getting drowned, Louis went underwater and swam next to where Harry was treading water.

Louis surfaced, wiped the water out of his eyes and realized he was inches away from Harry's amused face. Water was dripping off of Harry's eyelashes and beadlets dripped from his lips into the water. Louis was mesmerized with Harry's wet lips and an image of him mauling Harry with wet swimming pool kisses was flooding his mind when his mouth started saying words that he didn't approve of being vocalized.

"Friends. Is that okay? Just friends?"

A look of confusion crossed Harry's face, and Louis was sure that his expression mirrored Harry's. "Yeah, of course Lou. Anything is okay." His eyes now looked as if someone just shared their biggest secret with him.

Wanting to run and hide in a hole for the rest of his life for saying something he couldn't take back, he decided to break the tension by splashing water onto Harry. Harry responded instantly and splashed him back with a smug face.

After an hour of racing each other across the pool (Louis lost every time), and showing off their fanciest jumps and dives, they sat at the edge of the pool kicking their feet around in the water.

"So I thought you did really good in your game today. Thank you for letting me come."

Harry shrugged. "Eh, I've done a lot better. Sorry you had to come to a game where we lost."

Louis shook his head. "No, I thought you were brilliant. But, why did your coach pull you out during the third quarter?"

"Jim can be a real dick sometimes. But he knows me really well unfortunately. I get so fucking pissed when I get shoved under water during games. It's just so juvenile and desperate. Anyway, if he wouldn't have pulled me, I would have started taking cheap shots at that other player. I'm typically a patient and understanding person, but in something like water polo, there are strict rules and it's not always obvious when those rules are broken. When people break them it just really fucking gets to me because they're taking advantage of the ref not seeing." Harry huffed in frustration.

Wow.

"Oh." Louis blandly said. Curious about what made Harry look uncharacteristically uninterested in his game, he asked, "So, uh, what did your coach say to you then?"

"Just the usual. Told me not to let it get to my head." Harry said nonchalantly.

"Anything else?" Louis prodded further. Harry looked curiously at Louis. "Y-you just seemed really, uh, interested in what he was saying."

Harry laughed. "It was that obvious?" Louis nodded. "My coach just really enjoys making homophobic remarks about the other teams we play against. It helps pump the other guys up, but it honestly just pisses me off. So I guess in a way, it gets me pumped up too- but more so in an angry way. I don't know if that's to the teams benefit or not."

Louis nodded thoughtfully, displeased about Jim's coaching methods. "So you're closest to Niall then? Does he know you're bisexual?"

"Yeah, he's the only one that knows. Unfortunately he had to find out by coming home early one night a while back. Everyone on the team, including him, is straight. The coach has jokingly asked me a few times, but I've just denied it to prevent any drama with the team."

Louis looked at Harry and smiled. "Do tell about this incident. I want details."

Harry smiled back and looked reminiscent. "Well, I had a couple mates over, hanging around and listening to music. We were all drinking a bit and a few girls showed up. Then everyone started getting naked and we all just kind of started dancing, then dancing turned into a bit more and we all ended up on the floor humping each other. I believe I had a girl sitting on my face and a guy riding my dick when Niall walked in. Poor Niall."

Louis was trying so hard to look casual, but was very aware that his jaw was hanging open and he had about 3,000 questions to ask. "Y-you've had, uh, been in an o-orgy?"

Harry looked thoughtful. "I mean, if you want to call it that, then sure. It was back in my freshman year of college. It was quite the experience, though I don't think I'd want to do it again. You've never been in a threesome or anything?" He turned his attention back to Louis.

Louis moved his wet hair away from his forehead. "No, never had sex with more than one partner at a time. I mean, I saw it going on at a couple of parties and raves I went to; and one time I was invited for a threesome, but I never did it. I guess it just doesn't really appeal to me. Even when I was mindlessly fucking faces with no name, I preferred it to just be me and the other person."

"How romantic." Harry jeered and nudged Louis' shoulder.

"Psh! Right. I think you take the award for romanticism here. Goodness. Girl on your face and guy on your dick." Louis muttered.

"Don't make me throw you in again." Harry taunted.

"Okay, okay! I just got warm again, don't torture me." Louis pleaded.

Harry scowled. "Fine. But tell me something I don't know about you."

Louis laid back on the hot cement and looked to the sky. There were a few sparse fluffy clouds in the sky. "Zayn helped me paint my room. I need to repaint it. And I need new carpet."

Harry laid down next to Louis and stared at the sky with him. "When were you going to do that?"

Louis thought about it for a couple minutes. Re-doing his room would be a large commitment. It would be him letting go of Zayn- no, letting go would be telling Harry everything. This would be a step towards that though. He definitely couldn't have Harry help him with his room- that would be destining things to end like Zayn. Then again, Harry is a friend and not a boyfriend. But Liam was a friend and look at how that turned out.

"I think too much." Louis sighed.

Harry sat up and held out a hand for Louis. "Let's go shower then and see if we can't get your mind to calm down."

~~~~~


	11. Chapter 11

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=289am3a)

~~~~

Louis took Harry's hand as they headed towards the showers. Harry held the building door open for him and Louis waited for Harry to catch up, since he didn't know where the showers were. A couple halls and turns later, they were in a deserted locker room.

Harry walked over to one of the lockers and twisted the dial until it popped open and revealed a gym bag of what Louis suspected were clothes.

Ah shit.

"You wouldn't happen to have any spare towels or clothes would you? I kind of didn't think that through when I left my house this morning." Louis scuffed his foot on the tile.

"Only one towel unfortunately, so I hope you don't mind sharing. And I have a spare set of clothes, but no extra underwear, so looks like you get to go commando." Harry's tone was very whimsical and he was wearing a grin that could split his face in two.

Louis rolled his eyes. "Sure, sure. That's fine. But if I get crabs, I'm blaming you."

Harry held up his hands in mock offense. "I'm offended that you think I have such poor hygiene. Furthermore, if you were paying any attention to my clean shaven body in a small and tight Speedo, you would have noticed that I have no where for the little crabs to reside."

It's true. Louis did, in fact, notice what he could of Harry's immaculate manscaping job, and also knew that there was probably a very low chance of him contracting any kind of STD from Harry. But just to be sure...

"You haven't ever had, you know..." Louis trailed off hoping that Harry would understand his question.

"Have I ever had a sexually transmitted disease? No, I haven't. Though I do normally get cold sores after giving people oral. I got it checked out and tested, and I am Herpes-free in the genital area. My mouth however has a recurring case of Herpes Simplex A though. It's the kind that only transmits mouth-to-mouth. What was it that the doctor said about it? I believe his words were 'You've got a dirty mouth.'" Harry chuckled and grabbed his bag and headed back to the shower area. "What about you?"

Trying to quickly file that information into the 'Okay To Have Bareback Sex With, But Don't French Kiss' file, while simultaneously pondering the virtue of his barely-Harry-kissed lips, he responded and followed Harry. "No, never had an STD. Zayn was clean and he was my first, and I used a condom with everyone else."

Confused at the pause in Harry's step, he saw a look he couldn't decipher. Then it hit him.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck mother fucker. He wasn't supposed to know about Zayn.

Harry spoke. "You didn't have sex until you were 20?"

Okay. He could have asked a worse question.

"Erhm, yeah. I mean, I had messed around quite a bit before then..."

Harry was silent and continued towards the showers, organizing the things in his bag.

Oh God Louis. Way to make it awkward. Say something funny.

"So are we showering together or separate?" Louis mentally slapped himself across the face for saying that before thinking it through.

Harry froze, then turned around slowly with a smile on his face. "Well Louis, you should know I don't shower with just any of my friends. Niall is probably the only one that is allowed that privilege. But since you're you, I suppose I can make an exception. Just leave your fantasies and sex toys outside for now."

What the actual fuck did you just get yourself into? Why the- what the- Louis you're a fucking idiot. Come on, you can recover from this.

"Oh please Harold, don't flatter yourself. I have my priorities in order, and getting off in front of you is not one of them."

Lies lies lies lies lies lieslieslieslieslies.

Technically not a lie because you're friends. Friends don't get off in front of each other.

More lies.

Which part?

I don't even know anymore.

"You could have fooled me." Harry smiled brightly at Louis and turned on two faucets right next to each other on the multi-spouted shower in the middle of the room. He pulled down his banana colored swim shorts and Louis wondered if he was going to take off his Speedo.

He didn't.

Louis didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed. Shaking off the thought, he shimmied out of his swimming trunks, grateful that he chose his flattering crimson colored spandex briefs to wear today.

He followed Harry to the shower. He always preferred the private showers to the ones in the middle of the room, but Harry is probably used to using these ones because of being on the polo team.

Louis would have to devise a way for them to share a private shower. Maybe he just liked being in really close proximity to Harry. Maybe it made him feel safe. Maybe he was just a horny bastard. Maybe it was a bit of all three. No one would know.

Louis watched Harry wash himself, then shampoo his hair and he was hit with the smell of raspberries. He picked up the shampoo bottle.

Raspberry Cream.

That makes sense.

He flipped the shampoo bottle around in his hands. "Do you mind if I use this?"

Harry looked amused. "Unless you brought your own. What's mine is yours."

"That's quite generous of you." Louis squirted some into his hands and started scrubbing at his scalp.

"That's what friends are for." Harry stated.

Louis turned to look at Harry who had his eyes closed and was focused on rinsing out his hair.

'Friends' is a safe place for now. I'm not ready for more. It wouldn't be fair to lead Harry on thinking he has a chance when I don't even know what I'm ready for. Especially when we have no idea what to expect from each other. Which reminds me...

"You mentioned with water polo, you play strictly by the rules. Is that how you are in relationships too?"

Harry worked conditioner into his hair. "Yes. If I'm committing myself to someone, they damn well better be committing to me as well. I get that people mess up, and I'm fine with second chances, but if they break my trust a second time, it's guaranteed they'll do it a third and I have no leniency for that. What about you?"

Louis switched bottles with Harry so that he could put conditioner in his hair. "I honestly don't know. I never officially went out with anyone in high school. It seemed like the guys that were into me just kind of wanted me for a bit of foreplay then wouldn't talk to me again. With Zayn, I had the gall to ask him out after about three months of our fucked up relationship. But I believed everything he told me and never once thought about him being with another, nor did I ever think about being with someone else."

Louis started soaping his body. "Things changed a lot though after Zayn left me. I was sick of always being the one taken advantage of. I started searching out those weaker than me and sexually taking advantage of them like I had done to me. Never anything unconsensual of course. But they were always the twinks at the club. Really easy to spot. I basically just looked for a ghost of myself at 20 years old."

He looked at Harry who was still listening to him attentively. "So anyway, I don't really have strict relationship rules per say; seeing as I've only been in one serious relationship that involved me asking how high he wanted me to jump when he looked at me. Have you been in many relationships?"

An emotionless smile crossed Harry's face. "I tried over and over again with girls in high school and was severely disappointed each time. I never really loved any of them anyway, so it's not like I was terribly heartbroken, mostly just pissed off. When I barely started college I dated a really nice lad for about a month, but he kept lying to me about menial things and when he confessed a second time to lying, that was it for me. It starts with menial things, but it will always end in a big thing if you let it get that far."

Harry was soaping his body up now. "So anyway, after that is when I opened myself up to just partying and non-committal relationships. It was so much easier that way. No expectations on either part, which also meant no rules broken. It also means they can be dropped the moment they're more trouble than they're worth."

Jeez, he's blunt.

Harry seemed to be done with his thought, so Louis spoke up. "Don't you think that's a little harsh?"

"Would you keep someone in your life if they brought you more grief than joy?" Harry rinsed his back off in the water.

Nope. Why do you think Liam's gone?

"I guess not." Louis spoke only loud enough so that he could be heard over the sound of the water hitting the tile. "What are you doing this weekend?"

"Nothing that can't be rearranged."

"Help me renovate my room." It wasn't a demand, but it definitely wasn't a question.

He heard Harry hum. "Let me just finish up."

Harry got more soap, turned around, and washed the areas beneath his Speedo. When he was all rinsed off, he handed the soap bottle to Louis. Louis accepted it, switched places with Harry and Harry turned around. He washed and rinsed himself, then turned off the shower. Louis was feeling light headed. He wasn't sure if it was due to lack of food or the situation he was currently in.

Harry reached for his towel and handed it to Louis, then turned around again. Louis took off his now drenched crimson underwear and dried himself off.

He stepped over to Harry's bag, grabbed the sweatpants that looked smallest, then held the towel behind him for Harry to use. He placed his wet underwear in a grocery bag that he suspected was for wet clothes. Louis pulled an enormously oversized hoodie over himself and saw Harry stepping out, dried off and ready to get dressed.

Louis turned around while Harry put on the other pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. "Did you drive or walk?"

Harry started packing the things back into his bag. "I just walked. I'm really close to campus."

Louis turned to face Harry. He was zipping up his duffle bag. "Kay."

They were silent the rest of the way to Louis' car. It seemed blurry and hazy outside. The heat started getting bad this time of the day. He offered his last granola bar to Harry who took it gratefully. "May I look through your CD's?"

Louis nodded.

Harry shuffled through his CD's then put one in the player. John Mayer started playing softly through his speakers.

They pulled into the Home Depot parking lot. Louis and Harry headed straight for the paint section.

"What color?" Louis asked looking at the paint options.

"Blue-grey and mahogany trim?"

"Perfect." Louis brought the swatches to the paint mixer. "2 buckets of the blue, and one of the brown." She nodded and took the swatches from him.

Next they went to the carpet section. "What color?" Louis turned to Harry.

Harry pointed to a medium sandy swatch that had accents of mahogany and grey.

Louis picked up the swatch walked up to the guy behind the counter. "150 square feet of padding and this carpet please."

The guy looked gruffly at Louis. "Do you have staples and something to set the carpet with?"

Louis nodded. The man spoke again. "Do you want this delivered or in the back of your car? We have enough in stock that get it for you right now."

"My car is fine. It's the red Veloster out front." Louis handed the man his credit card.

The man looked at Louis like he was on acid and spoke slowly. "You rode a red velociraptor here?"

Harry burst out into laughter beside Louis. Louis looked unamused. "The red hatchback. The red Hyundai hatchback. Jeez."

Understanding flashed across the employee's face as he took Louis card and ran it. He didn't say any more. He gave Louis his card back, and Louis set his car keys on the counter for him then walked away.

Harry followed closely behind. Louis made his way back to the paint counter, pleased to find that both paints were finished mixing. The lady thanked him and handed him the three buckets of paint.

Louis grabbed the blue paints, and Harry grabbed the brown. He checked out at the front of the store and when they exited, they saw the workers finishing up with putting his new carpet in the trunk of his car.

Louis was starting to feel nervous. Anxious. The sun seemed really hot in Harry's hoodie.

He could feel the change in the air. It was tangible. It was felt in the weight of the paint buckets in his hand and could see it in the fullness of his car. It was smelt in the scent of Harry all over and next to him. His control was slipping out of his hands as the paint now was. He was vaguely aware of buckets hitting cement; he started seeing blue and black. He managed to whisper out a "Haz" before he lost consciousness.

~~~~


	12. Chapter 12

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2ed4oeq)

~~~

Louis heard muffled rumbling. He heard music.

Slow Dancing in a Burning Room?

He felt the low vibrations of a road. He felt something soft against his cheek and something warm on his thigh. He felt heavy. He felt something restricting his chest and touching his neck. His mouth was dry and his lungs felt tight.

Am I in a car? Can I breathe? What's happening?

He inhaled sharply and opened his eyes. Everything was moving. His sat forward and head snapped around to take in his surroundings. A seatbelt held him against his seat and sweatshirt tumbled down into his lap.

He was in a moving car. There was a roll of carpet to his left, and above it he saw the face of Harry peeking over it. Harry's hand was resting lightly on Louis' thigh. Louis was shirtless.

"You're okay Lou. It's okay." He paused. "You passed out in front of Home Depot. You were only out for about three minutes. We're on our way back to your house. When was the last time you ate and drank water?"

Louis was silent.

What day was it? Home Depot.

He had to backtrack from there.

A shower with Harry because...? Pool. Polo game. Right. It's Saturday.

"I had an egg for breakfast and a granola bar and two lemonades at your game."

"Thought so." He looked over to check on Louis again. "Your breathing was normal. Your heart rate was just really slow and you were really hot. Just a bit of heatstroke. I'm assuming you don't spend much time in the sun?"

Louis let his head fall back onto the headrest and his eyes fluttered shut. He slowly shook his head from side to side.

"We're right around the corner from your house. Hang on for just a bit okay?"

Louis nodded. Harry's voice was dwindling away.

"Lou, speak for me please. You need to stay awake so we can hydrate your body quicker. If you faint again, it may be a while until you wake back up. Here, squeeze my hand."

Louis held onto Harry's hand. He barely managed to whisper a "kay."

"Do you want me to roll down the window a bit? Would you like some fresh air?"

Louis lightly squeezed Harry's hand three times trying to signify a yes. Harry apparently got the message as Louis felt cool air on his face. He felt Harry's fingers rubbing his hand.

"We're pulling in your driveway now. Stay with me."

He could do this. 30 more seconds till he's inside his house. The car came to a stop and he heard Harry's car door open. Moments later he felt his seat get unbuckled and Harry's arms wrapped around him. He was carried bridal style and Harry fidgeted with the lock as Louis rested his head on Harry's very comfortable shoulder.

In his flat now, he was set down on his cool living room couch. "I'm grabbing you some water. Try to open your eyes."

By the time he had his eyes half open, he was being handed a cool glass of water with a straw in it in one hand, and some crackers in the other. He sipped on it and the chilled water was refreshing in his dry mouth.

"I'll bring everything in. Just try to wake up a bit more okay? Take it easy." Harry's voice was soft against his ear, and he felt fingers brush his fringe out of his forehead.

20 minutes later and Louis felt significantly better. Harry had been shuffling in and out of the house bringing in the items and putting them in his front room. Feeling embarrassed but determined, he stood up, put Harry's sweater back on and went in search of Harry. He was locking the front door when Louis walked in.

Louis spoke up softly. "Hey, I'm really sorry about that." Harry turned to face him. "That was quite humiliating. That uh, doesn't happen often. Thank you though. I'm really sorry you had to witness that. You really are more than welcome to leave and do whatever you were originally going to do this weekend. I need a good project to work on by myself anyway." He lightly pushed on the roll of carpet padding with his foot.

"Unless you want me to leave, I'm actually still fine to help you. I've already called Nialler and told him that I'll be doing an extreme house makeover all weekend." He smiled at Louis and sat down on the couch. "Plus, as your friend, it would be irresponsible of me to just leave you after such an event. What if you have a concussion or something and I leave then you start seizing in your sleep and die tonight and I could have saved you?"

Friend.

Responsible.

Wait...

"You would want to stay over tonight?" Louis felt extremely awkward and childish. He shouldn't have said anything.

"I don't have anything against it. I presume your room will be in shambles, but I'd be happy to sleep on the floor while you take the couch so you can be more comfortable. I really am concerned though. I don't think your lizard is capable of calling 911 in case of emergencies."

Louis smiled. "Gary. Yeah, he's basically only useful when it comes to needing someone to talk to. And he's an Axolotl Salamander. Not a lizard."

Harry stood up and stretched. "Right then. Let me make you brunch first, then we can get to work. Sound good?"

Louis started towards the kitchen. "Yeah. I really can cook though. It's fine. I think I have some pasta left here somewhere..." He bent over and started shuffling through his cabinets. He froze when he felt hands on his hips. Louis slowly stood up straight and turned around.

Harry was maybe an inch away from his face. He could feel his breath brushing against his nose. Blue eyes looked directly into green. Harry spoke so silkily that Louis was surprised chocolate didn't actually start dripping out of his mouth. "Go sit down Lou. I don't want you overworking yourself."

With weak knees, Louis closed his eyes, gripped the counter, and slowly ambled around to the barstools on the other side. Not even caring what Harry made or how he made it, Louis folded his arms on the table and leaned face first into the nest.

Harry is going to be the death of me.

Louis jumped when he felt a hand rubbing up and down his back. "Hey Lou, you alright? Did you pass out on me again?"

Louis looked up to Harry who had his hand on his back and the other holding a plate of the most delicious looking and smelling burrito that he had ever seen in his life. He locked eyes with the bundled beans and fell in love with Harry a little bit.

"No, just fell asleep. You made this? Is this mine?" He said, eyes still locked on what he would claim as his meal regardless of Harry's answer.

Harry replied humorously. "Yes, it's yours. I figured you'd be pretty hungry. Mine is over by the stove."

Louis grabbed the not-too-greasy burrito, not even minding that he was probably being rude. Leaving Harry burritoless, he ravenously attacked the singed tortilla. Harry just laughed and set the empty plate in Louis' sink. He picked up his plate and sat on the barstool next to Louis.

Louis was halfway through his burrito. "This," he chewed and swallowed his piece, "is the most fucking delicious creation I've ever tasted in my entire fucking life. What is your secret ingredient?" He took another bite.

Harry looked pleased. "Semen."

Louis choked and rice flew onto the counter as he coughed. Harry burst out laughing and was lightly patting Louis' back. "I'm so sorry, I should have waited until you were done swallowing."

Louis tried to calm his coughing but wasn't very successful. His voice was extremely hoarse. "No, it's-" cough "fine. I just" cough "forget-" cough "how blunt you are."

Louis didn't have time to feel humiliated by the fact that there was still rice coming out of his mouth because he was starting to actually fear for his ability to intake air.

Harry quickly got up and got a glass of water for Louis. "Here, drink. I'm so sorry. You'll still want to cough, but it will help clear out your throat."

Louis nodded, still coughing. He gratefully took the water and started chugging the liquid. It hurt his throat and it felt like there was too much pressure in his esophagus for him to swallow, but he did it anyway.

He gasped for air when the cup left his lips and lightly coughed a few more times.

"Fuck. I can breathe again. I don't know if you being around me causes me bad luck, or if I'm lucky that you're always here for my unfortunate events to save me. Jeez."

Louis wiped his face and Harry smiled. "I'm really so sorry. Are you alright?"

"I feel like you've asked me that too many times today." Louis stood up to get a wet paper towel and start wiping off the counter. "I'm fine though. Now that the disaster was averted, we can continue eating. Then we'll get to work, yeah?"

Harry nodded and Louis sat down. He skeptically picked up what he hoped was a faux semen burrito and continued to eat it.

If his semen tastes this damn good, then I want him cumming in all my food.

Louis lifted the cool rim of the glass of water to his lips and eyed Harry with his peripherals. He was almost done with his food.

After they both finished their food, Louis stood up reinvigorated, and they made their way upstairs.

Louis clapped his hands together. "So! I guess just start moving all this shit into the spare room? We'll figure it out as we go along!"

Harry reached into his back pocket. "Yeah! Music?"

"Definitely." Louis strode into his room to start stripping his bedding.

Pink Floyd started playing through Harry's phone speakers and they started moving things in and out of Louis' room. Once all of the furniture was out of his room, they ripped up the carpet and pulled out the padding.

With the paint tarp set down on the floor, they decided to take a break and sat down in the front room with bottles of water. Louis was slouched against the back of the couch. "I'm definitely choosing the music for painting. No offense, but Pink Floyd is not my cup of tea."

Harry turned to Louis, holding a hand against his heart in mock offense. "I cannot believe you don't appreciate the artistic abilities of Mr. Roger Waters! Not only that, but it's classic."

Louis smiled sweetly and lifted his eyebrows. "Maybe I am just okay with the fact that the 80's were left behind 3 shitty decades ago and appreciate newer music with advanced talent." Upon seeing Harry's jaw drop in horror, he jumped up to lunge out of the room.

"How dare you insult my music!" Harry yelled chasing after him. Louis ran through his kitchen laughing and into the living room. He felt his arm get yanked back and he lost his footing. He fell face first into the carpet with one Harry Styles' full weight crushing him into his floor.

Still giggling and squirming, he tried to get out from under Harry. Harry had other plans for Louis apparently. Louis was stretched out starfish style and pinned down by Harry. No amount of squirming would be able to free him now. Harry looked triumphant and held tightly onto Louis wrists with his hands, and had his legs locked tightly with his own. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry." Louis muttered, trying to not laugh and wanting to get out from Harry's grip.

"I don't know Lou. You don't seem very sorry. You were quite rude. You don't ever see me making fun of your music now do you?" Harry's eyes were teasing but his tone was steady.

Louis clenched his jaw shut tightly. He could feel laughter bubbling up inside. Laughing felt like the only way he could deal with the situation he was currently in. He shut his eyes and tried to take a deep breath, but when he opened his mouth to exhale, he fell into a giggling fit. "I'm sorry Harry. Pink Floyd is just so.... So... And your face..." He was laughing too hard to finish his sentence.

Louis abruptly shut up and eyes flew open when he felt something large, wet, and loud invading his ear. Curls tickled his face and he screeched at Harry's tongue in his ear. Harry's tongue withdrew back into his mouth and he started laughing loudly into Louis' ear. Louis felt Harry's grip diminish and he took the opportunity to push Harry off him. Harry was still laughing and Louis used Harry's sweater that he was still wearing to try and dry off the insides of his demoralized ear.

When Harry's laughter died down next to him, he half-heartedly hit his chest with the back of his hand. His chest was nice, so Louis decided he'd leave his hand there for a moment because goddamnit this was America and he could do whatever the hell he wanted.

Louis smiled to himself. Well, more to the ceiling. He was contemplating painting his whole damn house orange with neon green spots because it would reflect his mood so well at the moment, and he didn't ever want to lose this feeling.

He felt Harry's hands rest on top of his hand. He turned his head to look at Harry. Harry reminded him of a tragic Shakespearean love interest who commits suicide at the end of the play. His eyes were closed; he was smiling lightly, wild curls going everywhere, and both hands holding something precious close to his heart.

At that thought, Louis was hit with a feeling that was warm and uncomfortable. Letting himself feel it for only a moment longer, he withdrew his hand before he could put a name to that emotion.

~~~~


	13. Chapter 13

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=zoc38)

~~~

Harry opened his eyes curiously at Louis.

"Time to paint! And this time I get to chose the music."

Harry returned Louis' smile. "Alright. And what music will you grace us with today oh Wise One?"

Louis scrunched his nose at Harry. "You will be graced with the wonderful works of the Friendly Fires." 

"You do realize Friendly Fires is a heavily based 80's band?" Harry asked quizzically.

They both sat up. "Like I said, I like the good parts of the 80's that is still around today... Just with a few modern updates and better singers! Now come then."

Making their way upstairs again, they taped up Louis' room, Friendly Fires playing from Louis' phone. Ready to be painted, they started on the first layer of blue-grey. It was a nice and light color Louis thinks.

Not too dark or moody. But not too happy either. Just right.

By the time the whole room had one layer over it, they had a window open to air out some of the smell, and the sun was setting. It had gone rather smoothly, nothing too disastrous happening. The worst damage was a couple footprints across the tarp from when Louis accidentally stepped backwards into the paint tray.

Setting the paint roller down, he turned to Harry. "Shall we call it a day Harold?"

"Shall I tell you again that my name is just Harry?" Harry countered back.

"Only if it helps you sleep at night. I shall call you what I please, when I please. Now Harold, would you like Chinese, Indian, or sandwiches delivered for dinner?" Louis questioned, not wanting to let Harry win.

Harry lightly huffed. "Chinese sounds good. No noodles though. That shit is disgusting. Maybe just vegan eggrolls and fried rice without pork. I have to stay low on grease for the season."

"I said 'delivered'. Delivered Chinese. Not 5-star gourmet Chinese delivered to you on a silver platter. Damn." Louis shook his head. "Sounds like we're ordering sandwiches. Would you like a vegan sandwich on 8-grain wheat with light mayo and ginger on the side?"

"You know a place around here that has 8-grain wheat?" Harry looked to Louis like he held a magic genie lamp.

Louis furrowed his eyebrows. "No you dolt! I was being facetious. God. How do you eat anything ever?"

Harry looked defeated. "Oh. I normally make my own food. I had to learn to cook because everyone at the dorms only ever orders pizza and it was making me gain ungodly amounts of weight that didn't help me in the water. I could- I could make waffles if you have the ingredients for it?" He offered.

Louis felt bad.

You're a jackass.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean for that to come off so rude. I think it's great that you eat healthy and stuff. Um, what are some things that fall within the parameters of your proper diet?"

"Well fish is always a safe route. Do you have any frozen fish?" Harry still spoke with some reluctance.

"I don't. In fact, I'm just about out of groceries. Would you be up for a trip to the store?" Louis tried to sound encouraging. He felt like he smacked a puppy.

"Yeah, that'd be fine. Do you, er, have any clothes I could change into? I've just kind of been in these all day."

And at that moment, Louis remembered that he was not wearing any underwear and was still in Harry's sweatpants. "Yes! Actually, we should both change. Thank you for lending me all of your clothes."

Going to Louis' armoire in the spare room, he scuffled through the drawers to find clothes for Harry. "Electric orange or fuchsia?"

Harry quirked an eyebrow but contemplated the question nonetheless. "Let's go with fuchsia."

Louis flung bright fuchsia underwear at Harry's face and continued searching his drawers. "Daffy Duck okay?"

Harry smiled this time. "I love Daffy Duck."

A Daffy Duck t-shirt was thrown in Harry's general direction behind Louis' back. Then he found the pair of soccer pants that were always too big for him and threw those at Harry too.

"There you are. You can change in the bathroom. I'll just get changed in here."

Harry nodded. "Thank you for the clothes and thank you for keeping my motor reflexes on point." And with that, he smiled and left the room.

Louis put on the electric orange underwear, matching soccer pants (in a smaller size that he had purchased after realizing the other was too big), and an old band tee he had from several years back.

Meeting downstairs, they both put on socks and shoes and made their way out the door. Louis started up his car and they went to the Safeway around the block from his house.

Upon entering the store, he instructed Harry to fill the cart with whatever he would eat on a normal, healthy night. Harry closed his eyes and seemed to go into a zone, fingers patting gently against each other. His eyes opened, and Louis watched with fascination as Harry walked to the produce and meat section and carefully inspected multiple fresh salmon filets and prudently scrutinized the produce.

He really makes it seem like an art form.

Furthermore, he looks really good in my soccer pants.

He observed Harry handpick the best asparagus stalks from each bunch and create his own bundle.

You go Harry! I like a man that knows what he wants.

Louis was entertained as Harry then studied the fresh spices and seasonings. Opening up all of the little boxes they came in, he examined every inch of the leaves and stems, checking for any mold or imperfections.

Holy fuck. Will I ever leave this grocery store?

Louis smiled at Harry's perfectionism, despite the amount of time it took. Next his attention was turned to the lemons. These seemed to particularly interest Harry for reasons unknown to Louis. All he knows is he's never been more convinced that someone was creating a spiritual bond with a sour, yellow, fruit in the middle of a grocery store.

Next, Harry picked a lime quickly, then moved towards the fruits. Louis watched what he believed was some type of mating ritual between Harry and a pineapple. After carefully weighing it with his hands, he gently scratched the bottom of it with his fingertips then brought it to his face. His eyes were closed as he sniffed it. Then Louis' mouth opened in disgust as Harry licked the bottom of the pineapple.

No wonder he has fucking Herpes in his mouth. Good Lord, he has no boundaries with it.

Trying to compose himself before Harry spotted his antipathy, Louis wondered what else Harry would choose for this immaculate dinner.

Pineapple in cart, he observed Harry open every single blueberry box.

Oh boy. Asparagus 2.0. Here we go.

As suspected, Harry hand-picked each blueberry that would fill the two casings he placed in the cart.

Harry looked at the cart thoughtfully with arms folded and standing in a judgey position for about two minutes. "That will do." And then silence ensued as Louis watched Harry stalk to the front of the store with his cart full of dinner.

Louis trotted to keep up with Harry, and fumbled with his wallet, handing Harry a twenty-dollar bill. Harry shook his head and waved Louis off, still stuck in whatever grocery store trance was happening. 

Timidly putting his 20 back into his wallet, he continued as a bystander to whatever phenomenon he was currently witnessing. Louis was not allowed to carry any bags, and Harry asked that all were placed at his feet for the car ride home.

Okay then.

It was dark and cloudy out. It looked like rain. Back at the flat, Harry still had the look on his face. Louis wasn't sure whether to be really impressed or start worrying. He opted for the first.

He sat back and Harry turned Louis' kitchen into his bitch. If Louis hadn't been with Harry all day, he would have sworn it was actually Gordon Ramsey turning normal silverware into fancy cooking utensils that Louis is positive he didn't own before.

30 minutes later and Louis had a plate of actual perfection in front of him. Seared lemon-lime salmon, steamed and seasoned asparagus, and bright yellow and blue fruit arranged around the dish like a fucking work of art.

Harry sat next to him with a matching plate.

"Am I supposed to actually eat this, or just take a picture then frame it on my wall?"

Harry turned his attention to Louis. "You eat it of course. Why would one make food just to take a picture of it?"

Louis just shook his head and rolled his eyes. Harry spoke again. "If it feels too formal, we can eat it on your living room couch?"

He mused for a moment, then decided yes, the couch would be the perfect place to desecrate this platter. He stood up, Harry following, and plopped down on one end of the couch.

When Harry sat next to him, he lifted his legs up and over Harry's lap so that his shins were now used as Harry's dining tray. Harry didn't seem to mind at all, so Louis stuck a fork into his fish and almost cried when the taste registered in his mind.

"Harry, why the hell are you not a professional chef? Not that I've eaten at many fine-dining eateries, but your food is ridiculous. You should open your own restaurant."

Harry smirked around his forkful of food. "Naw, I just enjoy cooking is all. And I don't like over-complicating food. I like letting each taste be distinct and only using flavors that will enhance the natural one. It's not rocket science."

"It may as well be with what I saw you do at the store. Holy shit. I would have thought you went to school for years to critique food." Louis responded in-between bites.

"Eh. I just think people get lazy when picking out their food. If they're going to be eating it, they may as well choose the best option available to them. But not everyone cares like I do, and that's fine. They always leave the best options for me." He smiled deviously.

Once dinner was eaten, dishes were in the sink and Louis felt the perfect amount of full- the food not having been too heavy. "Shall we grab blankets and pillows to make our beds then?"

Harry perked up with excitement. "Yes! Where are they?"

Louis squinted his eyes and pursed his lips.

Where the crap were all his spare linens? Has it been that long since I've had company over? Good hell I'm such a hermit.

He snapped his fingers. "Ah yes! The laundry room and the upstairs hall closet."

"Perfect. I'll get the stuff from the laundry room and you tackle the hall closet?"

Louis nodded. "Meet you back here in three!"

Louis hurried upstairs to his destination and decided to bring down all of the pillows and blankets because why the hell not?

He tripped into the living room into an even larger pile of fluffiness. Apparently Harry had brought out everything too. Struggling out of the sinking pile that engulfed him, he grabbed a hand that Harry offered for him.

Harry looked to Louis. "I'm like 99.9 percent sure that this occasion calls for a blanket fort. What do you think?"

Louis looked at Harry with caution. "What are we, a couple of seven year olds here?"

Harry just smiled and picked up a blanket. "Why not? Unless you had a traumatizing experience building or inside of a blanket fort."

Louis decided that okay; he'll let himself be a bit childish.

It's been more fun than trying to grow up has ever been.

Many failed attempts later, blankets and pillows were strewn all across the living room. It resembled more of a giant nest than anything else. It looked... cozy.

"Okay, I don't know about you, but I think we failed miserably. You misled me with your overconfidence." Louis accused.

Harry just plopped down into a pile of comforters. "Half the fun is the trying part. You know, I don't think I've ever built one successfully before? But I still try. Even though I know I'm destined to fail."

Louis sat next to Harry. "When you put it that way, it sounds quite... hmm... literary I think. Anyway. Maybe we were just going too big. Let's maybe try starting small?"

Louis stood back up and offered a hand to Harry. He paused a moment, then took it, standing up next to Louis. "Alright. So, how do we start small?"

Sizing up his living room, Louis thought hard. "Let's use the window behind the couch, and just try draping the area between that and the lamp. And let's use this lightweight blanket."

Harry picked up the designated blanket and they successfully created a ceiling for their fort. Working with a smaller section, they were able to create a four-walled fort with a top that spanned from the couch and halfway into his living room. Enough room on the couch for Louis, and more than enough room on the floor for Harry.

They brushed their teeth and stripped down to their underwear. Harry had a very light and warming energy, which made it easy for Louis to be almost naked around him. Normally self-conscious of his body, he found himself not being worried or preoccupied with thinking about it.

Louis lay down on the blanket covered couch and stared at the blanket ceiling. "Harry?"

Harry was on the floor right next to the couch. He was also staring at the ceiling. "Hmm?"

"Do you believe in true love?"

There was silence for a couple of minutes, but Louis knew Harry was still awake. "Yeah. Yeah I do. Do you?"

Louis pulled the covers from his waist up to his chin. "I don't know. I used to. Do you think it can exist with more than one person? Or does that make it less true?"

He heard Harry shift around beneath him. "I think love is experienced differently with each person you fall in love with. As long as you're being sincere, then it would make it a true love I think."

Louis felt the exhaustion from the day hit him. His body felt really heavy and his emotions hit him in an all-engulfing way. He started to tremble. "D-do you think there can be two at the same time? Or does one invalidate the other? If it's true, do you think it's possible to move on if they're not in your life anymore?"

Harry took a deep breath in. "I definitely think we're capable of having true love with more than one person at a time. Just because you have feelings for someone else too doesn't mean that you don't love the other."

Harry was silent for a moment. "And no. I don't think true love ever leaves someone. I think it can... Fade a bit. Maybe if you're not in close proximity to the person. But I don't think it ever actually leaves you. I think the phrase 'giving your heart to someone' is a lot less philosophical and a lot more literal than people think. Loving someone like that... It's a part of you forever."

Louis' eyes felt hot and blinked a tear out of his eye that ran down the side of his cheek. He tried to steady his breathing.

4 seconds in, 6 seconds out.

Louis spoke softly. "How many times have you been in love Harry?"

Harry's tone matched Louis'. "Just once I think. You?"

"I think just once as well." Louis was whispering now.

Harry's hand reached up on the couch for Louis. He grabbed Harry's hand and snuggled into it. "G'night Haz."

"Night Lou."

~~~~~


	14. Chapter 14

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=4gj33s)

~~~~

Louis woke up sweating and couldn't remember where he was. There was too much give beneath him for this to be his mattress.

Blankets?

Yes. The blanket fort.

Though a blanket was covering the window, he could tell the sun was starting to rise. He sighed and cursed his inability to sleep in.

Sunday morning.

He peeked over the edge of the couch and saw Harry sleeping, spooning with a plethora of pillows. Louis smiled.

He quietly got up and tiptoed over Harry to go upstairs. He slid into some gym shorts, brushed his teeth, then went into his room. It was still cloudy and moody outside.

It's so different. So completely different.

Just changing the wall color with one layer of barely opaque paint made Louis reevaluate his decision.

There's no going back at this point though. It's done. It can't ever go back to how it was.

It is what it is.

The only way is forward.

Louis picked up a paintbrush and sat in one of the corners that needed detailed attention. He thoughtfully applied multiple layers on the area until the necessary amount of layers had been applied.

Setting the paintbrush to his side, he laid on his back and closed his eyes. He could hear raindrops start to splash onto his window.

~~

Not realizing he had fallen asleep on the tarp in his room, he woke up to the sound of Harry's footsteps crunching on the floor. He opened his eyes. Harry was in gym shorts and looked like he had combed his hair.

"Have you been here a while?"

Louis looked up and out the window. Rain was dribbling down the pane, soft pattering noises filling the room. "No. Maybe an hour? I didn't mean to fall asleep."

Harry sat down next to Louis. Louis liked this. It was easy.

No pressure.

"Thank you Harry." Louis looked up to Harry. "You make it easier to be..." He felt a certain way but wasn't quite sure how to say it. "Easier to be me, I suppose would be the right way to say it. Thank you."

Harry smiled down at Louis. Louis loved that they didn't always have to talk to communicate. Words were sometimes too loud to express emotions. The silence between them said enough.

I love the sound of rain.

Harry seemed very interested in Louis' arm. He scooted over to pick up his right arm and started tracing his stag and heart tattoo. "I really love these. I think they say a lot about you."

Louis tried not to fidget at the feeling of Harry reading him like an open book. "And what might that be?" He looked at Harry curiously.

"That you know true bliss and you know true emptiness. Not many people are dynamic enough to have experienced so fully both ends of the spectrum. And of those, even fewer are conscious of it and choose to learn from it."

Harry's voice was so soft and fond that it made Louis start to feel more vulnerable than he was comfortable with. He looked at the window with streaks of water running down the pane to try and avert his thoughts.

Why Harry? Why am I letting him have such a profound effect on me?

Maybe because everything has felt different with Harry. But why?

Why has this been so different? So easy?

Harry traced up and down Louis entire arm. "I hope you know you're a really special person Louis. You really are. Please don't ever forget that."

And maybe that's why. Louis could feel his blood pulsing and eyes watering again. Not wanting to cry in front of Harry, he tried to think of happy things. His happiest memories as of recent started flashing in his mind's eye.

He thought of Harry spouting off to him about Sanskrit.

He thought of Harry's feather light kiss to his lips in the grass.

He thought of Harry apologizing and wanting to understand him. Harry comforting him to sleep. Harry inviting him to his water polo game. Harry carrying him into his house after fainting. Harry cooking him dinner. Harry chasing him around his house and making a blanket fort with him.

Harryharryharryharryharryharryharry.

Louis didn't realize he was sobbing until Harry pulled him up into a hug. He cried and cried and cried into Harry's shoulder.

The rain continued to fall outside, and Harry gently threaded his fingers through Louis' hair with one hand, and rubbed Louis' back with the other.

Calming into Harry's touch, Louis' breathing evened out. He pulled back from Harry to wipe off the Niagara Falls he had created out of Harry's collarbone. Harry's hands came up on both sides of Louis' face, and he wiped the tears away from Louis' cheeks with his thumbs.

He's been so alone for so long. He hasn't trusted himself or anyone else for so long.

The feeling of being cared for and comforted may be an every day occurrence for someone else, but to Louis it was like having gallons of water dumped on him after being self deprived of water for years.

Louis had to close his eyes and concentrate really hard on not breaking into a fresh round of tears. But damn it. Damn it all. He was crying again.

"Hey love, it's okay. It's alright. Try to stop crying. You'll dehydrate yourself."

Knowing Harry was right, Louis nodded his head. He tried to even out his breathing, but to no avail. Eyes closed, Louis pitifully could not control himself. The emotions were too much all at once. He knew he was about to work himself up into hysteria and was starting to panic and hyperventilate.

Louis felt something cold and slimy on his right forearm. He opened his eyes, vision extremely blurry, but could make out Harry smearing paint onto his arm.

Using his left hand to wipe away tears and catch his breath, he focused in on what Harry was doing. He drew four perpendicular lines, then drew an 'X' in a box that was created in the center.

"I'm X's, you're O's. Your turn." Harry looked carefully at Louis who was only sniffling now.

Louis dipped his finger into the opened paint bucket and drew an 'O' next to the 'X'.

They continued to take turns until Harry won by scoring three X's diagonally.

Harry dipped his fingers in the bucket again and created a new tic-tac-toe game on Louis chest. They played as many games as Louis' empty skin would permit until he was covered in X's and O's.

Louis looked down at his body and smiled.

"Do you want to keep painting and I'll go make us breakfast? I don't want you going too long without food." Harry used painted fingers to brush Louis' fluffy fringe off his face, leaving a streak of blue-grey in his bangs.

"That would be lovely. Thank you." Louis stood up and grabbed a tray and paint roller.

Harry left and Louis started layering his wall with color. It was still raining lightly outside.

Louis could smell eggs cooking, and several minutes later, he was brought two pieces of toast with an egg on top of each, along with a glass of orange juice.

"I already ate. I'll work while you eat. The orange juice will help lift your mood." He offered a soft smile to Louis, which he returned.

Watching Harry paint was a wonderful thing Louis thinks. And so was his egg and toast.

After finishing his breakfast, he helped Harry complete the walls, and then they worked until the crown molding was newly painted mahogany. Close to finishing now, they laid down the padding, then the carpet and made sure it fit perfectly.

His room looked amazing. It didn't look like his room anymore. But it was his.

It'll just take some getting used to.

Louis made quick work out of lunch by making bow-tie pasta and a pesto sauce that both him and Harry enjoyed. By then, it was late afternoon and the rain had died down. Harry suggested yoga in the park again.

Locking the door, Louis turned to Harry. "All ready?"

Harry held out a hand for Louis to take. "Indeed."

It was comfortable. Too comfortable Louis thinks. Comfortable with an edge of giddiness that he's sure Harry could also feel.

Definitely abnormal.

But that's perfectly fine with him. However, he thinks he wants to lighten the mood a bit.

"So what other kind of shit music do you enjoy listening to?" He squeezed Harry's hand playfully and smiled.

"Ha ha very funny." Harry stuck his tongue out. "Obviously I love oldies music. I honestly love the message of the singers and their talent. Obviously again, I love sitar music because it reminds me of my time in India. Then again, there's also the music I listen to to get myself amped up; dubstep and the like. I also love anything that has really deep messages and lyrics. The Cab, Florence and the Machine, Thirteen Senses, Radiohead, Lana Del Ray, Kubb, Mt. Desolation- I could go on forever." Harry shook his head warmly.

"I haven't even heard of half of those artists. Like, I think I've heard a Radiohead song once. And sometimes Florence and the Machine comes on at the spa." Louis pondered in perplexity.

Harry stroked his hand as they walked. "Tell me what you like listening to then. Other than your rip off 80's music."

"Hmm. Well, there's Architecture in Helsinki, Ciara, Beyoncé, Janet Jackson, Delphic, Cut Copy, Bombay Bicycle Club, Jack Johnson, The Maccabees, the Bag Raiders. I dunno, I guess I like things that are generally more dancey and upbeat. I don't trust myself to listen to deep soul-searching music. Unless it's Eminem. He's basically my alter ego." Louis simpered dotingly to himself.

"I'm really embarrassed for you that you listen to Ciara. Really?" Harry teased.

"Shut up. You listen to stoner music." Louis jibed back.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "I think I need to show you what I listen to."

Compromising, Louis nodded. "Only if I get to show you my music."

Harry bit his lip thoughtfully for a moment as they approached the park. "As long as you show me your 1-2 Step when we listen to Ciara."

"You've got yourself a deal." Louis smiled and led Harry over to his favorite tree in the park.

Louis was able to show Harry up this time, not having an injured hand, and Louis thinks Harry may have spent more time watching than doing this time around; but he wasn't about to call him out on it. 

They meditated together and after a couple minutes, Louis heard Harry start to hum and chant.

Sanskrit meditation.

Not that Louis hadn't done it once or twice in Thailand, but he preferred and practiced silent meditation most of the time. Knowing that he wouldn't achieve anything other than smiling at the noises Harry was making, he opened his eyes and fondly watched Harry hum himself into a trance.

Evening came and Harry had to go to polo practice. Louis dropped Harry off at the college since he had given him a ride the previous day. With warm smiles and goodbyes, Harry left Louis car and into the pool area where the rest of the team was gathered.

Louis smiled the whole way home.

~~~~

Monday morning came, and Louis woke up to his alarm and a text from Harry.

Hey, once your carpet sets, do you need help moving your furniture back into ur room

Turn down an opportunity to have Harry come over during the week? Hell no.

That would be great. If ur not busy tonight, u can come :)

He smirked, feeling clever. His phone signaled that he got a text back from Harry.

Ill do just that ;)

The day went by quickly, Louis being able to work on his normal massage clients in the afternoon again. It also made avoiding Blake much easier since he was busy again.

Closing time came and Kara wasn't able to help Louis tonight, which was fine. She wasn't a manager and he didn't expect her to be one, though she did apologize multiple times and only felt better after Louis reassuring her multiple times that it was okay.

He pulled out his phone to text Harry.

Still at serenity. Probably be here for an hour.

He could skip some of the paperwork and save it for tomorrow. He looked at the calendar on his computer. He noted several trainings coming up in the next two months for the employees. One for HR, two continuing education classes, and one cross industry class. It would be a busy two months.

He noticed the month after that he had a Manager Retreat. It was a weeklong course of relaxation and continuing education for the managers in the corporation. The head honchos stepped down from their gold plated desks to do day-to-day spa work to allow the vacation for the mangers.

As nice as it was to have the week off, the week back after the retreats were always hectic. Any time the spa was run by someone else, there are bound to be many mistakes made and things to be fixed. And then there's the class he has to teach to everyone once he's back on the new techniques he learned while he was gone.

Calm down. That's three months away. Chill Louis.

Turning his attention back to closing everything up, he could hear a motorcycle in the distance and thought of Harry.

Good thing my attention span is so long these days.

Focus.

Spa. Close it up.

Except he could swear he heard the motorcycle getting closer to the spa. He stood up to go look out one of the windows into the parking lot.

Sure enough, Harry was pulling in on his motorcycle. And there was someone else on back.

Louis made a weird noise in his head and scolded himself for his sudden feeling of possessiveness over Harry.

Going back to what he was doing so as to avoid looking dumb and desperate, he picked up his checklist and tried to block out whatever was happening outside the walls.

His train of thought was interrupted when Harry and the other person walked through the door laughing.

Aaaaand I feel like I'm in high school again. Damn it.

Putting on his professional façade because it was the easiest go-to defense that Louis had, he confronted Harry and a guy who he recognized from being on his polo team.

Norman? Neil? Shit what was it.

"Hi! I don't think we've properly met. I'm Louis." He held out a hand for blondie to take.

"Hello! I'm Niall!" He was all smiles and a bundle of happy fucking energy.

Louis didn't like him. He was going to ignore Harry for a moment while he sorted this out.

"It's so nice to meet you. Harry's talked so much about you. What brings you here tonight Niall?"

"Oh Harry said his friend could use some help moving a bunch of shit back into his room and asked if I wanted to come along because I wanted to meet ya anyway."

Friend. Dammnit.

'Bunch of shit'?

Umm...

Harry spoke up. "That's not what I said Nialler. Jeez, you make me sound like some callous dickhead." 

This softened the blow for Louis a bit. "And Harry, it's good to see you." He plastered on an extremely fake smile that he felt bad about.

Harry slightly cocked his head at this. "Good to see you too. Are you about finished up here?"

"Yep." Louis said, popping the 'p'.

He turned without acknowledgement to Harry and Neil and grabbed his keys and wallet from his office.

He could hear them talking softly as he walked away and forced himself to not panic. Taking a moment in his office to do some breathing exercises, he returned shortly. "Shall we?" He walked stiffly to the door and held it open for Harry and friend.

This is the part Louis didn't want to hear nor watch. But he knew it was inevitable.

"So, Niall and I will just follow behind you, yeah? Meet you at your flat?" Harry directed toward Louis.

"Yeah, no problem. See you guys there." He got into his car, shaming himself for acting so insecure and immature. He had to shake this off before he got back home.

There's only one song appropriate for such a situation. Knowing without a doubt that it would be on, he flipped through the stations until Taylor Swift's horrible new single played loudly in his car, trying to drown Louis' thoughts out.

He did his damnest to not look into his rear view mirror at Niall holding onto Harry and Harry smiling; but it was hard when he was reminded of it every minute when Harry would accelerate and he could feel the vibrations of his motorcycle through his car.

Fucking damn it all!

The drive back to his flat couldn't come fast enough.

But then that'll mean I have to socialize with denial.

And now he was making horrible puns. He was at a new low.

He reluctantly got out of his car and ushered them into his flat. "Thanks for helping Niall. That's really kind of you. Do you want food or anything?"

"No I'm alright. Thanks mate." Niall smiled at him then looked to Harry.

Oh god. I'm gonna be sick.

"Kay, well just let me know if you get hungry. Uh, all the shit is just upstairs in the spare room." Louis motioned to the upstairs.

Harry looked at Louis. "Niall, why don't you head up and get started? I'll be right up."

Fuck. Now he was going to be awkwardly alone with Harry.

Niall nodded vigorously and ran up the stairs.

Maybe Louis could avoid this whole situation. "He's got a lot of energy. I'm glad I finally have a chance to meet him."

"You don't have to be fake with me Louis. I'm really sorry, I should have asked you before bringing him. Do you want me to send him home?" Harry asked with concern.

"No, no! He's fine. Just fine. It's all good. We don't want to make him do all the work, do we? We should head up." Louis started towards the stairs.

He was stopped when Harry grabbed his wrist. "I'm only going to ask you once. Are you sure you're okay? You don't seem fine, and I'd like to know what's on your mind."

God damnit Harry.

Okay, two choices here. Tell the truth. Or lie.

Truth: I'm jealous because I don't have friends, and you're my only friend, and what if Niall likes you even though he's straight and you like him more than me, and he's happy and excited to be alive and I'm a depressive shit friend, and he's your best friend and knows you better than I do.

Lie: I'm fine.

"I'm fine. Now let's go." Louis regretted that instantly, but there was no taking it back.

Niall was cheerful and helpful and held no grudges or resentment against anyone in the world and he was perfectly cordial towards Louis. Louis couldn't tell if Niall sincerely was like that, or if it was a façade similar to Louis'. If it was indeed the true Niall, then he has met a rare species that should be scientifically studied for the future happiness of humanity. But Louis had a hunch there was more to him than that.

He could feel his chemistry off all night with Harry, and it bothered him. Because Niall was the one causing that barrier. Well, Louis supposes he's actually the one at fault for creating a barrier and being jealous, but still. If Niall weren't here, it wouldn't be an issue.

What's worse though is that he could feel Harry responding to Louis with the same energy he was receiving. This ended up causing both of them to mainly talk to Niall the whole time.

Louis tried really hard not to care about Niall. He really tried. But he failed.

Once his room was put together again, Louis felt the complete opposite, and thanked both Harry and Niall for helping out.

Louis watched Niall hop happily on back of Harry's motorcycle, and Harry rode off back to his dorm.

Louis, you're such a fucking idiot.

He made his way upstairs to start venting to Gary. He laid down in his bed and looked around at his new room. It looked... posh... and chic. He liked it. It was different.

He felt his phone buzz.

Friends dont keep secrets from friends.

"Ugh Gary! Why is he like this?" He demanded from his salamander.

"Yes, I know that's what I like about him. But I also hate it so much. I can't fucking get away with anything. How does he already know me without even knowing me? Jeez." Louis sighed.

Sorry, just not used to being around friends. I told u my last experience ended horribly. Just gun shy is all.

"There we go. Not too ambiguous, not to revealing." Gary swam up and down the side of his tank. He had a greenish hue to him. "Yes I know I'll end up telling him eventually. I just don't know if I'm ready for that time yet." His phone buzzed again.

Mind sharing? Havnt i earned your trust?

Louis gasped. "He used the fucking trust card! What kind of dick move is that Gary?" He frowned at his phone. "No, I am calm. I'm fine."

He looked back up to Gary. "Would you trust him? Can I trust him? Don't I already?" He paused. Gary was swimming around the surface of the water. "This is Harry. Yes. Okay."

Liam was my best mate of 9 years. I lived with him through my years in school &apprenticeship. He was unstable/insecure af, but always there for me. He went back &forth all the time not knowing if he liked me as more than a friend or not.. i was never interested in him that way. Then he had a thing for zayn when i brought him home and resented our relationship.

After zayn left me and i came back to liam (unfortunately high at the time) and he told me if i couldnt accept a love that i deserved (from him) then he was leaving. I told him to fuck off and go fuck zayn for all i cared since he could never make up his mind anyway.

Weeks later he came back to check in on me cuz i wasnt responding to him and found me wasting my life away on ecstacy and people i didnt know. Again, i told him to fuck off and mind his own business. He kept calling time and time again that whole year and i kept ignoring or telling him off. By the tail end of that time in my life, liam finally left me alone and shortly after is when i pulled my life together.

There you go.

Louis' fingers burned from typing up a fucking novel. He shut off his phone so that he wouldn't go back and re-read the text or stare and wait for Harry's response. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

He opened his eyes when his phone buzzed, and he realized the glow-in-the-dark stars were still on his ceiling. He would have to fix that. He turned his attention to his phone.

Thank you for telling me all that. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Would you ever try and befriend Liam again?

Louis pondered that thought for a moment, then typed up his answer.

No. I dont need that shit in my life when I can be surrounded by so much better.

He thinks he heard his phone vibrate again, but he fell asleep fully clothed on top of his bed sheets.

~~~~


	15. Chapter 15

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=izma6a)

~~~

The next day Louis woke up and thought of Harry. He looked at his clock. It was 6:45am. He grabbed his phone on the nightstand before it would have a chance to go off. He sent a text to Harry.

Are u up?

He laid on his stomach and pulled his pillow up under his chest. His phone vibrated.

I am now. Why are u up?

He smiled and decided to not let himself feel bad. He only woke him up 15 minutes early after all.

Idk. Are u usually busy when you get to work?

Louis felt stupid but sent it anyway and waited for a response. It came a minute later.

Depends. Im usually the only one there for about hour. The store doesnt actually open till 9.

This was good. But now Louis had butterflies.

So like, 8:45 youre alone and not usually busy?

Louis was chewing on the inside of his cheek. His phone buzzed shortly after.

Correct. U coming to see me? :D

Louis knew he wasn't being discreet, but for all intents and purposes, he had to make sure it was okay with Harry before dropping by his work unannounced.

Maybe :)

Louis decided to go with happy and vague. He could do that. He got up to start getting ready and his phone vibrated again.

:D :D :D :D

Louis shut his phone off and tried to wipe off the grin that took over his face.

~~~

It was 8:15am and Louis was in line at Einstein Bagels. After spending too long picking out his outfit and quiffing his hair just right, he was still able to make it out the door in time to decide that showing up empty handed was just bad form.

But now that he was actually in line, he realized he had no idea what the fuck Harry eats for breakfast, and if Louis was even in the realm of bringing breakfast to him at work. His stomach was saying that it was far too intimate of a gesture to show up with food, but he didn't want to show up with a drink that said 'I was in a food venue and did not bring you food'. He should have gone to Starbucks.

The lady at the counter called for him to place his order. He stared at the bagels and it dawned on him that Harry might not even eat bagels. It might be too high in calories or carbs or whatever the fuck Harry was watching.

Louis bit his lip. He could turn around now and go to the closest Starbucks. It would probably be the most sensible thing to settle his mind. But Harry cooked him dinner. He deserved some form of sustenance offering back from Louis.

"Excuse me, sir? Are you ready to order?" The girl behind the counter looked irked.

Louis noticed a line starting to form behind him. "No. Please just give me a moment."

"Would you mind stepping to the side then? We are really busy right now." Her tone was impatient.

"Yes I do mind. I am on a time crunch here. If you'll kindly let me think for a moment longer, I'll be happy to place my order." Louis pursed his lips.

The girl's eyes scanned Louis skeptically. "Sure. Take your time."

Louis ignored her tone. Where was he?

Bagels.

Fuck. If Louis got something with cream cheese schmear that would definitely be a diet no-no. But he couldn't get something with eggs on it either because that would be too similar to breakfast.

Fucking chariots of vegetables. What the fuck will he eat?

It's just one bagel. Do it.

Louis inspected the bagels again. A plain bagel would be a reflection of the sorry state of his life. An everything bagel would be an obvious sign of him trying too hard. A pumpkin bagel would be too festive and happy. The jalapeno bagel might work because the spiciness would burn the calories that the bagel put on right?

Is it calories or carbs that Harry's watching? Motherfucker.

Louis was about to bag the entire bagel plan and make up some excuse to Harry about not showing up at all when the perfect bagel caught his eye.

"One cinnamon and sugar bagel please." Louis ordered.

Definitely not breakfast-y. It's basically a dessert bagel.

The girl unamusedly grabbed it from the case. "Toasted?"

Fuck. Should he toast it? Would it make the sugar fall off? Was Harry watching his sugar intake too? Is his diet the same as when girls go on a diet?

"No." He decided. The sugar particles would remain strong.

"Topping?" The girl asked.

Yes I will be topping.

Fuck, now's not the time. We already decided no cream cheese. What else does one even put on a bagel?

"What are my options?" Louis asked confidently.

"We have Apple Cinnamon, Green Chile, Jalapeno Cheddar, Berry Goodness, Herbivore, Nutella, Power Protein, Six Cheese, Spinach Florentine, and Pumpkin Walnut Crunch." She listed off way too quickly.

"Fuck- er sorry. Did you say Nutella?" It was honestly the only one Louis understood from her string of words.

Nutella is healthy right? Hazelnut legumes or sommat?

"Yes, Nutella." The girl confirmed.

He was trying really hard to remember all the late night commercials of women with too little clothing on jumping around and eating Nutella then putting it on their kids' toast for breakfast.

Definitely healthy.

"Yeah, Nutella. That'll do." Louis nodded his head.

"To the register please." The girl pointed to her coworker.

Louis paid for the bagel and tried really hard not to ruminate over his decision as he drove to Anthropologie. He pulled up to the strip mall where he saw the large lettering and noticed Harry's bike parked out front. There were few cars in the parking lot.

He took a few deep breaths and grabbed the paper bag with Harry's bagel and walked into the doors, ignoring the Closed sign.

The bell jingled and Harry looked up from behind the register. Louis took in his appearance, and honestly, what the hell was he wearing? A blue and yellow silk bohemian looking button up, blue and white striped pants, with some type of brown sandal that he couldn't tell was meant for women or men.

Harry smiled brightly. "Hey!"

Louis squinted his eyebrows, unable to tear his gaze from the atrocity that was Harry's outfit. "What the hell are you wearing?" It was just too much. He couldn't not stare.

Harry laughed. "Well, Anthropologie is a woman's clothing store, and they require that the men dress as closely to their fashion line as possible, so I have a few outfits that I mix and match."

"And has your management seen this... ensemble?" Louis asked.

"Yeah! They actually had me do a modeling shoot in this outfit for their employee handbook to give the guys a better idea of how to dress." Harry beamed.

Louis shut his mouth, apparently unable to keep up with 'high fashion' these days. Unfortunately his brain was unable to perform any functions other than continuing to stare judgingly.

"What do you have in your hands there?" Harry looked amused.

Louis blinked a few more times until Harry's words settled into a thing that made sense in Louis' brain.

He clutched the top of the bag, making the paper crunch in his hand. He held it out for Harry to take. "I brought it for you." Not being able to say much more, but also not wanting to reveal the enormous amount of insecurity behind the bagel creation he had just picked for Harry.

"Thank you! I fucking love Einstein bagels." Harry gratefully grabbed the bag from him and opened it up.

So bagels are a go.

Louis just watched carefully at Harry's next reaction. He stuck his hand in and pulled out the bagel. After briefly inspecting it, he smiled. "Is this Nutella on cinnamon sugar?"

"Yes." It was all Louis could manage. He felt like he was watching the finale of Project Runway and was trying to not bite his nails.

"I haven't had Nutella in forever. Thank you." Harry slid the bagel back in the sleeve.

"You can eat it now if you want." Louis voice was deceptively calm. It scared him.

"And get Nutella all over my face in front of you? I think that's a no." Harry smirked.

Unasked pictures of Louis doing very, very nefarious things with Harry and a jar of Nutella flashed through his mind and made his face turn red.

"So, Nutella is part of your diet?" Louis asked.

"It's not not part of my diet when brought to me by my friend very early in the morning." Harry lifted his eyebrows up and down.

"You're quite chipper for such an early hour." Louis said mundanely.

"And you seem quite distracted." Harry countered.

Louis furrowed his eyebrows he needed to pull his thoughts togeth- "Is that ash in your hair?" Louis reached a hand out before he realized what he was doing and pinched a bundle of grey particles from Harry's curls. He smudged it together in his hands to confirm that it was in fact incense ash.

"Yes. Thank you for seeing that. I was burning incense this morning." Harry said.

"Did you dunk your head in the ash tray?" Louis inquired.

"Every morning." Harry smiled.

"I believe that's bad for your lungs." It was the best Louis could come up with.

"Hmm. What are you all spruced up for?" Harry looked Louis up and down.

"Er, just work. I always try and dress nice for work." Louis felt self conscious of his outfit choice. He knew he should have gone with his burgundy blazer instead of his navy one.

"It looks good. I wish they'd let us dress more classy here." Harry walked towards the front of the store.

"Kicking me out already?" Louis followed Harry.

"Not at all. Just flipping the sign to open." Harry reached out for the sign and did as stated.

"Why? Fuck, is it already nine?" Louis held up a wrist to look at a watch that he consciously knew he wasn't wearing and has never worn. It occurred to him to reach into his pocket to check the time on his phone when Harry responded.

"Yep. Five after in fact. You're welcome to stay, but I'm getting the vibe that you have important boss-like things to do." Harry looked way too entertained for his own good.

"Shit. Shit. Triple shit. I need to go." Louis patted his pockets habitually checking for his phone and wallet.

"You might want to pick up an anti-diuretic on the way if that's the case." A smirk was tugging at the ends of Harry's lips.

"I don't have time for your sass Harold. Enjoy your bagel. I'll text you I think." Louis had a foot out the door when Harry pulled him into a bear hug.

"Thank you." Harry spoke softly against Louis' ear.

The hug ended quicker than Louis remembered it starting, and his feet were carrying him to his car quicker than he remembers fleeing Harry's presence.

~~~

He did end up texting Harry throughout the day and came to the conclusion that his dessert bagel was a successful mission. Harry had given Louis an in-depth description of exactly how much Nutella ended up on his face after eating it. Louis forcibly ignored that certain string of texts.

Wednesday morning and Louis offered to stop by Harry's work again, and Harry agreed. Again, feeling too apprehensive to show up without some sort of ice-breaker, he found himself at Einstein Bagels again.

Feeling bolder, he chose the 9-grain wheat with Spinach Florentine as the topping. Healthier and much less erotic than a dessert bagel, but still not too much of a statement.

Harry accepted the bagel with a smile and a thank you, refusing to eat it in front of Louis again because he would 'get spinach in his teeth before his shift started'. Louis let it slide and not damage his ego.

When he texted him the following morning to see if Harry would mind him stopping by, Harry made a comment about 'getting fat if he continued to eat inordinate amounts of bagels every day'.

Louis sassily replied that he wasn't planning on getting him a bagel anyway, and instead showed up with a Starbucks skinny latte. Harry stopped giving him shit after that.

Friday morning, and Louis brought Harry a Thintastic Asparagus, mushroom, and whole egg on thin wheat bagel along with peppermint tea. Harry hadn't had breakfast that morning and ate in front of Louis.

Saturday came, and Louis was invited to Harry's polo match again. Similar to last time, he was instructed to bring swim trunks. Not similar to last time, Harry also reminded him to bring a lunch for himself and a spare set of clothes. This made Louis smile.

Louis watched the game, Niall and Harry playing their very best, yet the team coming up short again in the end. After the team left, Louis and Harry ate lunch by the poolside, played in the water and tanned. They decided to make showering together after games a ritual.

Saturday afternoon and evening was filled with Harry's intense shopping at the grocery store, then cups of tea, quality time with the couch, talking, and sharing their favorite music with each other.

Louis was in the middle of a trance induced by Architecture in Helsinki and Oolong tea when Harry turned down the music and spoke up. "Lou, may I ask you a question that I think I know the answer to, but I'd like to hear it from you anyway?"

Louis, not wanting to ruin the good vibes, good-naturedly nodded and faced Harry.

"Was Zayn the person you were talking about who is your true love?"

Half expecting this question, but also mentally armed for the defenses of Harry's blunt questions by now, Louis chose to respond with a question. "Was Niall the person you were talking about who is your true love?" His tone wasn't accusing, but rather, it mirrored the same tone in which Harry asked him the question.

Harry settled back into the couch. "I think it's different because Niall never felt the same and never will. He only loves me as a friend. I had to come to terms with that years ago. But I still gave him every part of me that he would accept and take. He knows how I feel, but doesn't hold it against me, and hasn't let it effect our friendship."

Louis sipped his tea. "The day I met Zayn, we knew what we wanted and what we were in for. I told you he accepted me as his apprentice on the spot. Later that night I went to his house and I gave him my virginity. We had sex every day we were together. I told him I wanted to be like him. I wanted to become him. He told me not to become obsessed and kept telling me I was too young. I told him to teach me to be like him. He just kept saying it would happen in time and I had to be patient."

Louis took another sip of his tea. "I knew I screwed myself over when I found myself falling in love with him. I thought I could be all grown up and have detached sex with my mentor and get all the benefits without falling. But I did. And Zayn knew I would, the bastard. He's two fucking years older than me and had a hell of a lot more life experience than me. Not to mention sexual partners and love interests.

"Anyway, he said yes when I asked him to be my boyfriend after our first month together. Then it was about three months in when I knew I loved him. At about a year, I told him I couldn't live without him. He took me to Thailand and we lived overseas together for a year and he told me he loved me. I believed him Harry. God, I believed him. I thought it was different with us. I swear I wasn't so deluded to think he actually loved me when he didn't.

"Towards the end when it was all coming to a close, we started experimenting with drugs. It started out with the natural things of course. Then it escalated to us going out to those crazy parties they have on the Thai beaches at all hours of the night and just getting fucked up on shit we didn't even know the name of anymore.

"It was one night similar to the others, only I was being irresponsible. I don't remember much, but I remember getting emotional and getting violent. I remember hurting myself in trying to prove to Zayn how much I needed him. He sneered, shook his head, then walked away. I'll never forget what he looked like in that moment. I though he was just going back to the hotel. He didn't, and to this day I haven't seen him once."

Harry rested his head on Louis' shoulder.

"But yes, Zayn was the true love I was talking about. I guess for both of us it was an unrequited true love."

He felt Harry nod his head. They were silent the rest of the night. Finishing their tea, they went up to Louis' room, took down the glow-in-the-dark stars from his ceiling, then slept together in Louis' bed, resulting in the best nights sleep they had that entire week.

~~~~

A/N: I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it :)


	16. Chapter 16

~~~

Sunday went in a similar fashion to the other Sunday's they had shared together. Waking up earlier than should be legal for a weekend, Harry making breakfast, going to do yoga in the park, meditating, eating a late lunch, then relaxing until Harry had to leave for water polo practice in the evening.

It was Wednesday evening. Louis had brought drinks and breakfast to Harry every morning before heading to work this week.

"Not to demand all of your time out of nowhere, but will you be able to make it to my polo game again this Saturday?"

Louis shifted the phone against his ear, trying to juggle taking a burnt casserole out of the oven. "Sorry, come again?"

"If you're busy, I can call back later." Harry sounded diffident.

"Shit, no. You're fine. I'm just going to fucking need the fucking fire department to come over if I- FUCK!" Louis dropped the casserole pan and it shattered all over his kitchen floor, his phone falling into the gooey mess shortly after. "Damn it!" Louis shook his burnt hand and picked up his cheese-covered phone. "Fuck, let me call you back in like five."

"Yeah no worries." Harry replied slowly.

Louis scrunched his nose. "Kay bye."

He hung up and wiped off his phone. Setting it on the counter, he ran his burnt hand under cool water until the stinging went away. He searched his house for earphones and plugged them into his phone and put the ear buds in his ear and phone in his pocket. He dialed Harry again.

Harry answered after the first ring. "Hey, are you alright?"

"Yeah I'm good. Just cleaning up this damned casserole." Louis searched for gloves under the sink cabinet. "This is case and point why I don't attempt doing fancy ass cooking."

"Aw I'm sorry Lou. If I could, I'd make you the fanciest casserole you could imagine." Harry didn't sound sarcastic, but he also didn't sound completely serious.

It made Louis' heart flutter lightly. "Sorry, what were you saying before though? You have another game this Saturday?" He found the gloves and started picking up the chunks of his shattered dish.

_Why the hell do they make glass casserole dishes anyway?_

"Yeah. I actually have a game every Saturday till end of term. If you want. I mean, you don't have to. I just didn't want to make plans if you were available." Harry spoke with an edge of nerves in his voice.

For a moment Louis was reminded of his days in Middle School on the phone with one of his first crushes. Something about innocent phone calls made Louis nostalgic and giddy. Though he had much more flair and confidence now. "Are you saying I'm high enough on your priority list to compete with your prescheduled commitments?" Louis smiled at the potatoes and cheese on his floor.

"That depends. Are you saying yes?" Harry spoke more smoothly now.

Louis bit the inside of his cheek because his brain was too flustered to come up with any kind of coy response back. "Of course... Because that's what friends do." His brain seemed to revert to the safe zone when he didn't know what else to say; and after he said it, he threw a chunk of glass a little too hard into the garbage can.

"Excellent. I can't wait." Harry's voice was like butter in his ears. Only without all the greasy earwax buildup that would happen in such a circumstance.

"Me neither." Louis swiped a hunk of paper towels to pick up a glob of potatoes. "I'll see you Saturday?"

"Yeah definitely. Is this goodbye then?" Harry's voice seemed to take on an edge of anxiety again.

Louis looked at the clock. 11:30pm. "I don't know. Does somebody have a bedtime?" Louis baited.

"Me? No. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't throwing you off your schedule." How does Harry manage to sound so caring through the phone? Louis will never know.

"Variety is the spice of life my dear Harold." Harry laughed on the other end. Louis didn't want this conversation becoming emotional. That's the last thing he needed. "So tell me, if you could have one thing right now, what would it be?"

"My cat Meeko. Fuck I miss him." Harry sighed.

Right. Louis forgot he had a cat. It really makes sense though. Louis thinks if Harry were an animal, he would probably be a cat, judging by his snuggly nature and athleticism... And cuteness level. "He doesn't stay with you and Niall?"

"No. Our landlord doesn't allow pets. So Meeko stays at my mums. Anyway. If you could have one thing right now, what would it be?"

_Sex. Love. Someone to hold._

_Well then. That came out of nowhere._

"A casserole on my plate instead of my floor." Louis laughed lackadaisically. He had a hunch that Harry would catch on. Time to change the subject again. "Sooo, what did you initially think you would be majoring in when you entered college?"

It was moments like this he's glad he kept his note of 'Questions to Ask Harry' in his phone so that he would always have relevant inquiries at the tip of his tongue. He was picking up some of the bigger potato chunks with his hand now and throwing them disdainfully into the trash bin.

"I wanted to be a history teacher. I love history. When I was a kid I always wanted to live in another time period. I've always been fascinated by history, but then I kind of pinpointed more specifically what I wanted to do last term. What made you want to become a massage therapist?"

"I like touching people." And right after saying that, Louis held a hand to his forehead in exasperation, forgetting that he also just smeared his gooey dinner into his hair. Harry was laughing on the other end and Louis huffed loudly. "Oh gosh I just got shit in my fucking hair. Hang on."

Harry continued to chuckle from the other side of the line. Louis took off his gloves and headed to the bathroom to clean his face off. "Sorry. Anyway, I didn't mean it like that. I'm not a pervert for fucks sake. I meant it like I feel like I connect really well with people. Especially through physical contact. So I figured why not run with that and make it my career?"

Harry just hummed thoughtfully. Louis finally scrubbed all the cheesy potatoes from his face and hair. "So, if you could choose out of all of them, what time period would you live in?" Louis walked to his closet to get his Swiffer out. His floor needed a good mopping considering he can't remember the last time he did it.

"Definitely Medieval times. What about you?" Harry asked without skipping a beat.

"Which ever one you were in." Louis said smiling absentmindedly.

Harry was silent for a minute, but it wasn't an awkward silence. "That would certainly be interesting." Harry responded fondly.

"Yeah. It would be." Louis stared out his kitchen window. "I'm going to head to bed now. I'll text you tomorrow?"

"Mmhmm. Night Lou."

"Night Haz."

~~~~

A week later it's Friday, and Louis is at the spa, massaging Betty. The light trickling of the water fills the room and the atmosphere is ambient with soft music. Louis is trying really hard to concentrate on balancing Betty's chakras, but it's turning out to be quite impossible because his phone is apparently doubling as a vibrator today and won't stop buzzing in his back pocket.

_I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a little stimulating._

Aside from the constant vibrations, Louis is trying to figure out who the hell is texting or calling him so much. Yes, he and Harry text back and forth on a daily basis, but Harry knows that his afternoons are filled with manual labor involving his hands.

_Maybe it's Jayme or Brandon._

He's been sending out feelers lately to let them know that he's been wanting a promotion to become the regional general manager for California. That would include being in more of a management position and overseeing the spas as they affect the company more than the customers.

Brandon, the CEO, and Jayme, his assistant, both really like him. He really doesn't see a reason for their hesitation. Maybe it's from Louis telling them that he was only interested in being a spa manager for so long that they don't think he'd be fit for a higher-up job anymore.

He's pulled from his train of thought again at another vibration.

_God damn. Who? And why?_

Maybe the spa is on fire out there and Kara feels like calling him would be more effective and less intrusive than banging on the door. He wouldn't put it passed her.

He finally balances Betty's crown chakra to complete the whole massage session and steps out of the room for her to change. He pulls out his phone.

11 missed calls

15 text messages

Louis feels warm inside and wipes a mental tear from his eye. He's never been popular before.

He opens the messages. A couple of them are from his next client. She apparently is canceling because her daughter got lego blocks stuck up her nose and she's taking her to the hospital. The follow up texts are an apology and asking for when he could reschedule her.

_This is why I will never have kids._

He texts her back, letting her know that it's not a big deal and when his next openings are.

_Hurray! A free hour means I can start on the marketing campaign I've wanted to get done for the spa. I'll show Jayme and Brandon I'm regional manager material._

But then he reads the rest of the texts from Harry.

Louis?

Hey, I know you're probably busy, but do you have a minute?

Are you there?

I'm so sorry to bug you, but I need your help

Like ASAP- It's an emergency, I swear

Sorry, you probably can't answer your phone, I'll stop calling...

Okay, well basically Niall was rough housing with me and shoved me into a concrete wall and my wrist got fucked up again. Normally it wouldn't be a problem, but I can't move it and coach says if I can't practice tonight then I can't play tomorrow and I really need as much exposure and play time in as possible because of my scholarship and I'm desperate here.

Please? I'll bake you a yummy casserole this weekend???

I'll give you a foot rub...??

You're still not responding :(

Fuck, I'm skipping class and I'm coming just in case you have some extra time.

Louis feels smug. Maybe it's because Harry is in desperate need of him- well, his services, but it's all the same really. He thinks of last night's fantasy that involved Harry begging and desperate for Louis. This situation just adds fuel to the fire.

But that means that Harry is on his way here, or already here. Which means it's not the time for his brain to be thinking about boners.

Louis shudders.

Betty opens the door. "Oh Louis, thank you so much. My aching bones feel so much better!"

_I know a thing or two about having an aching bone..._

"I'm so glad! You have a good week now. Keep those hips from straining too much in your dance classes!" Louis escorts Betty to Kara at the front.

Betty pops her hip out. "You know I don't hold back!"

Louis laughs at her and the door opens. Harry comes walking in determinedly in search of Louis. There's a slight sheen of desperation around his aura and Louis looks Harry up and down and his pants tighten a little.

Harry sees Louis and makes a beeline for him. "Louis! I'm so sorry to bug you at work. Did you get my texts? I'm so sorry I called so much, I'm just really desperate and I figured I could just try showing up because it's like my last option and I don't know any other masseuses around here and-"

Louis holds a hand out to stop Harry. His hand isn't all the way outstretched and it's almost touching Harry. He wonders if they're standing too closely for it too look odd to other people. "It's fine Harry. As it so happens, I actually have a free hour as of one minute ago, and would be happy to show mercy to your pitiful state." He folds his arms and looks smugly up at Harry.

"Oh my God, thank you so much, I'm so sorry." Harry wraps his arms around Louis, who is squished into Harry's chest. Kara and Betty are staring.

"It's fine. We should, um, go somewhere... that's not here." Louis mumbles into Harry's chlorinated raspberry-smelling chest. Louis wants to shove the smell of Harry into a mason jar it and keep it forever.

_You definitely have issues._

Harry releases him. "Right! Sorry. I'm so sorry. Thank you. I'll make you a really delicious casserole this weekend and show you how to keep from burning them. I have this trick where all you have to do is use tinfoil-"

Louis gives Harry a look that borders along glaring. Louis would never glare at Harry, so it's not quite one of those. But it's effective enough to get Harry to shut up and remember that Louis is being watched by his employees in the place which he works.

"Betty, it was a pleasure. I'll see you next week. Kara, feel free to take lunch if you want. Lexie can handle while you're gone." Blake is glaring at him from across the room. Louis plasters a fake smile on and feels like he is naked.

Betty makes a sexual hip thrust behind Harry, motioning for Louis to do the same. Louis is mortified. Kara stuffs her face in her hands and cackles.

Louis grabs Harry's hand and drags him into his massage room.

"Sorry, I forgot. I'm just so stressed and panicked right now." Harry plops down on the massage table.

"It's fine. I think Kara will be fine, and apparently Betty is fine- God I will never be able to get that image out of my mind..." Louis rubs his temples. "Anyway, tell me what happened. Your wrist is out of sorts again?"

"Yeah. It's been bothering me since last week's game, but I didn't want to say anything and I've been taking anti-inflammatories and trying to massage it myself, but then Niall tackled me today and it just got bent." Harry holds out his arm for Louis to inspect.

"'It just got bent'?" Louis laughs. "Was it hyperextended or hypoextended?" He hops onto the massage table next to Harry and crosses his legs.

Harry swings his legs up onto the massage table and follows Louis, crossing them. "I dunno. This way." Harry demonstrates with his good hand.

Louis smiles. "Hyperextended then." Louis pulls out the peppermint massage oil from his belt for its anti-inflammatory properties. "How's your shoulder doing?" Louis squirts some into his hands to warm up, then takes Harry's hand in his own.

"It's fine. It always feels better after the weekend, so it's never really an issue." Harry says.

Louis raises an eyebrow. "Better after the weekend?" He works pressure points on Harry's palm.

"Shit, that feels good." Harry's eyes flutter shut.

_Keep it down Louis. Keep it down._

Harry sighs and his body relaxes. "Yeah, after the weekend. When we spoon, it stretches out my shoulder and it hasn't been causing me problems since we've started spending weekends together."

This pleases Louis. "Well I'm glad to hear it." Now that Harry is relaxed, he moves to his wrist to stretch the tendons and muscle back into their original position.

Harry's eyes shoot open and it takes Louis off guard. "Though I must say, I'm sorely disappointed."

"What? In what?" Louis is confused at Harry's sudden burst of energy.

"I fully expected more benefits from you when we became friends." Harry says with a straight face.

Louis' fingertips feel too hot against Harry's skin, and he's pretty sure his instantly sweaty palms have just dripped and mixed in with the massage oil on Harry's wrist. Maybe Louis heard him wrong.

"Sorry. What?" Louis looks down at his lap to avoid looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

"You know. Being a masseuse and all. Like, I figured I'd be getting free massages every weekend after my games." Harry says.

Louis' eyebrows hit his hairline, and he looks up to Harry to see if he was being serious. Harry is smiling like he's won the lottery and Louis drops his wrist to fold his arms indignantly.

"Are you being serious, or are you making fun of me?" Louis demands.

"Can't I be serious in a joking manner?" Harry shrugs.

"So that's your way of suggesting that I should be massaging you in our free time together? I hope you know I paid a lot of money and spent a lot of time in school, not to mention my apprenticeship hours, and basically devoting my life to this for the last seven years. And- and you expected free weekly massages?" Louis tries not to be offended. Unfortunately, this was a conversation he happened to have with Liam on more than one occasion, so it's a bit of a sore spot for Louis.

Harry realizes he struck a nerve and drops the playfulness. "I'm sorry. I didn't- uh... I didn't realize that was a soft spot for you. I didn't mean to disrespect your job. I was just trying to joke around a bit... and maybe find an excuse to be touched by you more."

_Well fuck. How am I supposed to respond to that?_

Louis doesn't say anything and picks up Harry's wrist again. He forgets he and Harry are still drawing the boundary lines of what Harry can joke about or not.

_I just need to stop being so sensitive. He just told me he wants me touching him more. That's a good thing._

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be a prick. It's just, ahm... Liam just used to say the same thing to me all the time so..." Louis trails off.

_Harry is not Liam. Harry is not Zayn. Harry is Harry._

Louis finishes massaging Harry's wrist and tickles up and down the inside of his forearm.

"Is this part of my wrist relaxing back into place too?" Harry asks curiously.

Louis shakes his head. "You said you want to be touched by me more." His eyes flick upward to meet Harry's.

Harry blinks once before smiling at Louis. Louis feels like Harry is the golden brown marshmallow that one takes lots of patience and diligence to create. He always feels warmer with Harry. And he always can't help but smile back.

~~~~~~~~~

Weeks merged into each other and turned into months. It became routine for Louis to stop by Harry's work each morning during the weekday and fill the afternoons and evenings with texting or calling; and Harry spending the weekend with Louis, playing in the pool, cooking, listening to music, and sleeping at his house every Saturday night cuddling in bed with him. Louis' skin became a nice golden tan from the time he was now spending in the sun. Harry was just about at the end of the term in school.

Occasionally Niall would find himself in the mix at one point or another. Sometimes joining for the after-game pool play and shower, or for their Sunday morning yoga sessions.

Louis slowly became comfortable with Niall and once or twice went out with just him during the weekday evenings when Harry was busy. Louis always kept himself guarded, and their conversations never got as deep or intimate as they did with Harry.

Blake continued to try and pursue Louis, but to no avail. Louis had a newfound air of confidence, and was done taking any shit that he didn't want to have to deal with. Which included him threatening Blake's career if he continued to sexually harass Louis about getting together.

Kara was able to stay back several times a week and advanced leaps and bounds in learning what Louis did. She had really broken out of her shell and started showing her true (and very spunky) personality around Louis more often. Louis had high hopes for when he left on his retreat that the spa may not be in complete shambles when he returned.

Louis quickly downed his glass of orange juice. He felt a cold coming on, and he'll be damned if he gets sick on this retreat. He had five minutes until Harry came to pick him up from his house.

His bags are all packed, the house is in order, the spa left in good hands, and Harry was going to come over every day to feed Gary and check in on his house. He got up to put the carton of orange juice in the refrigerator and he heard his front door open.

"Lou! You better be ready to go! I'm leaving in your car with your luggage in two minutes with or without you!"

"Haz, I'm the entire reason you're here in the first place. It would be counter productive to drive to the airport with all my luggage without me." Louis responded as he shut his fridge door.

"Nonsense! I would just tell them I'm Louis Tomlinson. I'll get my hair cut, and I look enough like you. Plus, I know how to act like you too, so I can fool all the people you only meet with once a year. Free lodging, buffets, and massages sound pretty good to me." Harry was standing in Louis' kitchen now looking at him expectantly.

"Ugh! Fine! I'm ready. I just need to grab my-"

"I have your wallet and keys, and your shoes are by the door." Harry finished for him.

Louis rolled his eyes and followed Harry to the front door. Harry pushed him onto the porch so that he could lock up the house. Louis leaned against Harry as he attempted to keep his balance and put shoes on at the same time. Eventually accomplishing his task, he followed Harry to his car, getting in the passenger seat.

Harry hooked his phone up to the deck and put on a playlist of The Beatles top hits.

"Really Haz? My car, my rules. None of this shit please. It's your last 20 minutes with me and you want to torture me? Some friend you are." Louis complained.

Harry smiled cheerily. "It's so that when you're bored as hell of your music you listen to all the time, you can have the beautiful lyrics and sound of Paul, John, George, and Ringo in your head."

"Have you put any of my music on your phone yet?" Louis picked up his phone, unlocked it, and opened up the music app. "Ah yes! Missy Elliot will do."

"Missy Elliot? God, why is that garbage even on there? Delete that immediately please." Harry tried grabbing it out of Louis' hand.

Louis held it out of his reach. "Now, now Harold. You have to focus on driving. Let me serenade you with the beautiful sounds of the foundations of R&B."

Harry looked over to Louis. "Please Lou. Please, anything but Missy Elliot. She makes me want to drive into oncoming traffic without a seatbelt."

"Fine. Fine. I'll have mercy on you this once. Eminem it is." And with that, Square Dance started playing through the speakers.

Harry just rolled his eyes. "That's only on there because of Niall."

"Well tell your best mate that your other best mate approves of what is being put on our mutual best mate's phone." Louis would have to thank Niall for this moment later.

Harry shuttered. "Just turn it down at least. It's not even soothing music."

"And The Beatles is?" Louis was appalled. "Compared to Eminem, The Beatles sound like cavemen experimenting with a guitar and recording equipment using rocks as fingers. Besides. I find Eminem extremely soothing. He's always there for me in times of stress and decision making."

Harry scoffed. "Why, so he can tell you to go chew on some ecstasy pills and snort them off a two cent whore?"

Three and a half months ago and Louis would have flipped his shit at that and possibly committed homicide. However, this was Harry. And only Harry could get away with saying these kinds of things to Louis. So instead Louis smacked him on the arm.

"Ouch! No need to get violent love! I'm just interpreting your oh-so-inspiring idol's misogynistic and drug themed lyrics for you!" Harry was smiling now and clearly making fun of Louis. Pet names were also a quickly adopted and well-accepted part of their friendship.

"Oi, you don't hear me going off on the crazy five potheads of the 60's who named their band based off an insect and wrote songs about LSD do you? Yeah, didn't think so. So bugger off. Eminem and I will carry on happily without you." Louis folded his arms. They were nearing the airport.

Harry did a head check as he changed lanes on the freeway. "Whatever babe. Don't even try and act like you're not going to miss me. Whether you're getting shitfaced in some ghetto ass L.A. club or meditating on the beach and trying to find your Zen, you're gonna wish I was there with you. I'd be willing to bet that you would give up Eminem for the rest of your life if it came down to choosing between me or him."

"You talk some pretty confident talk for someone I'm about to leave in five minutes. I wouldn't be so sure if I were you." Louis retorted.

"Yeah, yeah. Act like it's not a big deal. It's fine. I'll just be waiting by my phone when you get off your plane and check into your hotel room and are lonely. Our relationship is nice and co-dependent like that." Harry smiled.

"Aww, thanks muffin. I knew I kept you around for some reason." Louis reached across the console to snuggle his head into Harry's shoulder. "Also, you're not allowed to wank anywhere in my house. And for the love of all that is holy, do  _not_  bed anyone in my flat or I will personally castrate you."

"Don't worry love, you're the only one I'll ever sleep with in your flat. Can't make any promises about wanking though. Your bathtub makes me want to do dirty things." Harry pet Louis face, and Louis snuggled in further to Harry's hair. He still smelled like raspberry chlorine. And there's basically no better smell in Louis' opinion.

Harry's touch turned from a playful pet into softly stroking his hair, and Louis let out a big sigh. "It's only a week. I'm sorry I have to miss your game. But I'll be back in time for our Sunday afternoon yoga! That is, if you don't forget about me and I don't end up stranded at the airport Saturday night. I'll make sure to have Niall on speed dial."

Harry's voice went soft and it made Louis' insides go all buttery. "I'm done with the term after this week and don't have other plans. Besides, I couldn't ever forget about you."

Louis' heart fluttered at Harry's words. He muttered a "good" and then it was silent until Harry pulled up to the curb where he would be dropping off Louis.

"Now make sure to eat all three meals a day, bring snacks everywhere with you, stay hydrated, go to bed at a reasonable hour, and call or text me before you take off and once you land so I can make sure you are safe. Kay?" Harry put the car in park and jumped out to open Louis' door for him.

Louis smiled fondly at Harry. "Thank you mommy. I'll also make sure to brush my teeth twice a day."

Harry's grin matched Louis' and he pat his cheek. "That's a good daddy. Now then. Your bags?"

Louis ignored the flop in his stomach and grabbed his carry on from the front seat. Harry retrieved the suitcase from the trunk.

"Hugs, and be safe." Harry's joking demeanor was gone and his arms were open. Even though he didn't normally see Harry during the weeks anyway, Louis knew it would feel like a long time until he got to see him again.

Louis collapsed into Harry's embrace and hugged him tightly. God he loved Harry's body. Few, if any, things were more comforting. He felt safe and... consistent.

Harry rubbed up and down Louis back, and a large hand carded through his fringe. He could hear Harry breathing into his ear, as their cheeks were touching and he could feel the heat radiating between them. "Be safe baby."

Louis actually felt his heart skip a beat and panicked at the thought that the EMT's might have to make an unexpected trip to the airport. He smiled big and pulled away from Harry. "I'll make sure to jump off all the high dives into the shallow end and take candy from all the strangers I meet."

"Good." Harry smiled as he stroked Louis' cheek. "Now have a safe flight."

Louis nodded then turned to walk into the terminal. He turned his head to see Harry getting back into his car and they caught each other's gaze and waved goodbye one last time.

Louis had a stress free airport experience and texted Harry when he got to his terminal, then again when the plane was about to take off.

Sitting on the plane for what seemed like forever, Louis got bored of his music. He unplugged his earphones and instead started singing The Beatles in his head.

_Damn Harry for doing this to me._

But he loved it.

~~~

A/N: What do you think of Louis and Harry's relationship? What do you think will happen next with them?

Thxx for the reads, kudos, and comments! They make my day :)


	17. Chapter 17

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=sfa4rb)

A/N: We are just about halfway through the book now. Thxx so much to all you lovely readers out there.

~~~

Once the flight touched down in LAX, he managed to find his driver holding the sign that said "Tomlinson" and got in the taxi. When he turned his phone on, he saw a couple texts from Harry and Niall.

Hope you sang the beatles all flight long!

Fly safe love!

Hey! Ill make sure Harry keeps Gary alive. Have a good trip and enjoy your retreat :D

He was lucky to have good friends.

He typed a response back to Harry.

Found my driver. Omw to the hotel. And yes I did have the fucking beatles stuck in my head thanks to u, u moron.

After he sent it, he responded with a simple 'thank you' back to Niall. When he was checked into the hotel, he dropped his bags off with the bellboy and went straight for the cafe.

He ordered orange juice and the nicest fish dish they served.

After dinner he went up to his hotel room and called Harry. They talked on the phone for a good two hours before Harry made Louis hang up and go to bed.

~~~~

Louis woke up to a wake up phone call from the hotel. He held the phone to his ear.

"Mr. Tomlinson, this is your courtesy wake up call. It is 6-o'-clock now. Your first meeting starts at 6:30."

Good fucking hell. He should have gone to bed earlier.

"Thank you so much." His voice came out more as a croak.

The line went dead and he got up to take a shower and get dressed. He grabbed his day bag and made his way down to the lobby.

Being one of the first persons in the conference room, he took the liberty of introducing himself to the other two people there. Two very nice women and an older, but still attractive guy; all ran different spas under the same cooperation as Serenity.

10 minutes later and everyone filed in and Louis was handed an itinerary. The first half of his days would be meetings. The second half would be hands on.

The theme for the retreat was Thai Massage. Louis smiled to himself.

The leader stood up in front. She was an attractive woman in her late fifties. "Hello and welcome! I'm Diane. I hope you all slept well last night. Let's hop right into things here, okay? Do any of you have any experience or training in Thai Massage? Please stand, state your name and qualifications."

Louis and one other girl stood up. He nodded for her to speak first.

"I'm Candice. Licensed massage therapist for seven years. Took a three day training course on Thai Massage."

She sat down. The attention turned to Louis. "Hello, I'm Louis. Licensed massage therapist for three years. Studied as an apprentice in Thailand for a year with the focus being Thai Massage."

Whispers were heard throughout the room. Louis offered a big fake smile then sat down.

Diane spoke again. "Very impressive Louis. You and Candice will be the group leaders for the second portion of our days. We really want to start incorporating Thai Massage into our spas. The reason for our knowledge of Eastern Practices is to start practicing it. Now I know it's a little foreign to our culture, and possibly just as foreign to you spa managers. I know not all of you are massage therapists. But this is something everyone will benefit from which is why this has been chosen by headquarters as the focus for this weeks retreat!"

Diane definitely seemed excited about it. Louis was definitely excited about it. This was going to be a good week.

~~~~~

"Alright! Candice! Louis! Please split the group into two and let's start simple with Sun Salutation. Please give them a brief overview of what will be happening and what to expect, then have them take turns practicing on each other." Diane instructed from the front of the room.

They weren't in a conference room, but they weren't in a gym. It was somewhat of a hybrid between the two.

Louis took 10 people for his team and Candice took 10 for hers. Louis and his group moved towards the back of the room.

"Alright lads and ladies! I'm Louis Tomlinson! Let's start out with having everyone introduce themselves."

Once the 10 people were all familiarized with each other, Louis took charge again. "Okay, how many people are familiar with Thai Massage?"

Two hands went up. "Right then. Are you both massage therapists?" They both nodded. "And the rest of you are estheticians?" The rest of the group nodded.

"Okay, well let's start from the beginning shall we? Thai Massage comes from Thailand and was used as far back as some of the other ancient Chinese massage techniques. Thai Massage is extremely unique because it's basically giving a massage using yoga positions. In Asia this practice is really common. Obviously here in the states, people are a bit more inhibited and not as open with their ki or their bodies and some may find it uncomfortable, as it involves a lowered massage table and the floor. But! That's why we're here today! We get to help you all break out of that circle of discomfort and see the incredible benefits of Thai Massage."

The group looked like Louis had sufficiently piqued their interest.

Success.

He got five of the ten in his group in the first position for Sun Salutation. He taught the other five the proper massage techniques to do on the 'client'. Several positions in, and Louis was instructing how to properly massage a client in cobra position without damaging anything, while still maintaining professionalism with the client.

"So, masseuses, your clients are on the floor at this point and you will actually have to straddle them for the portion of their back that you massage; and get in between their legs to reach their hip bones most symmetrically and effectively. By massaging them in this position, it exposes muscles that would otherwise be hiding if they were just laying flat on the table. Always remember, if your client gets tired holding a certain position, they are free to lay down on the ground or massage table."

He helped a few people in his group out, then instructed them to go into Child's Pose. "For this one, make sure your massage table is either flat on the ground or only about a foot off the ground. You want your client to be able to have a nice place for their face to relax into. By having the table low to the ground, you will have maximum access to manipulate all of their muscles."

Louis was in his element. Several hours later and it had been a very successful day. He was exhausted. He fell asleep that night with his phone to his ear, listening to Harry go on about finals.

The next several days went in a similar fashion. As the days went on, his group got better, and he was able to start participating in the giving and receiving of massages. Though they were trained professionals, he still heavily preferred Harry's shower rubdowns to them.

It was Friday and Louis was grateful for a day off. Despite the massage he was receiving each day, he also was essentially doing a work out that got more advanced every day. They only had a half-day of activities, and then were free to do as they pleased. Louis of course, opted to go to one of the lesser-known beaches so that he could be alone and keep up on his tan that he's worked so hard for.

Setting into the sand, he lay down on a towel and meditated to the sound of the waves hitting the shore. The waves sounded beautiful. Almost like they were singing a song to Louis. The rhythm pulsed through his veins and he started to hum.

He was quickly taken to a state of focus that he hadn't experienced in years. He could hear and feel everything and nothing at the same time. An hour passed and the vibrations felt on his lips were satisfying and calming.

He snapped out of his trance when he heard a kid scream.

Mother fucking kids. Dagnabbit.

He looked around him to see that a family of four kids was now indeed on his beach. He indignantly picked up his towel and went back to the hotel room. His stomach rumbled and he decided on order room service. But first, he'd get clean.

Time for a shower!

Actually, I have time and I'm in a Master Suite. Let's do a bath.

Louis giddily made himself a steaming bubble bath, complete with a cup of hot tea. He almost grabbed the small bottle of tequila provided him by the room, but decided to be a classy resident while representing himself as a manager. Plus, tequila made him happy for the evening, but caused an irritable hangover the next day. He wanted to be in top condition for his last day of making a lasting impression on the managers at headquarters.

Double 'fucks' were exclaimed upon stepping into the boiling water and drinking his cup of it at the same time.

Maybe Louis was a bit of a masochist. Maybe he was just impatient. Nobody knows.

His phone had been silent all day, which was a bit unusual. Usually he would come back to his room at the end of the day to at least two or three text messages. On one occasion, Harry decided to text him every single time he thought of Louis. This made Louis' stomach do flips every time he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. However, after about the tenth text within five minutes, Louis was asked to turn off his phone by Diane. He sadly did so, but was ecstatic all over again when he turned it on at the end of the day to 130 messages. Louis gave Harry a hard time about it, but he loved every second of reading those messages so, so dearly.

May as well take the initiative and text him. Maybe he's just studying or something.

Imagine my disappointment when i come back to no messages from my bff! Everything ok over there? How's gary?

He set his phone down next to the hand towel he always keeps handy to prevent getting water all over it.

Finally some relaxing time to think about anything.

I'm horny.

Jeez Louis. Wait till you get back. Your control has been on point all week. Don't lose it now.

He held his breath dunked his head under the mountain of bubbles and let his body relax into the heat of the water. From underwater, he heard his phone vibrate. Well, more like felt it. The tile and water reverberated in pulses against his ear.

Weird.

He sat back up, water dripping down his face. Using the hand towel to dry off his face and hands, he picked up his phone. He had two text messages, both from Harry.

Evrythgs greaaaaat! I fucking miss u tho! Come back 2 me soooon plz bby?

Um. ??

Hey Louis, this is Niall. Sorry, yes Harry has had a bit to drink. We are just at our weekly party that we weren't supposed to be drinking at because we have a polo game tomorrow. I have Harry's phone, we're leaving now and I'll get him home safe.

Weekly party?

He had been Harry's best friend for almost four months now, and he didn't know he went to a party every Friday night.

Apparently we're not as close as I thought.

This made Louis really sad. He thought he knew just about everything there is to know about Harry by this point, considering he's seen and talked to him almost every day since they've met. He didn't particularly care that he was out partying (though he secretly wished he wouldn't), but was sadder at the fact that he didn't know Harry as well as he thought he did.

He was grateful for Niall at times like this though. He trusted Niall with very little, but one thing he did trust him with was Harry's safety.

His phone started buzzing again and Harry's name flashed on the screen.

Assuming it was Niall, he answered with a sigh. "Hey Niall. How's he doing? He's not completely hammered is he?"

"Babyyyyyyyyyy!"

Definitely not Niall.

"Hey Harry." Louis deadpanned.

"Hey, I'm s'sorry. I told that jackass Niall not to tell you where I was because I didn't want you t'worry." Harry was only slurring a little.

Louis sighed. "I'm not worried. Why didn't you tell me you go to a party every Friday night?"

He heard shuffling on the line, then what sounded like Harry sitting down on his bed. "Cuz it's not like actually a party. Well it is, but it's more just like hanging out with all the mates before the game y'know? I usually text you during the hang-outs. They just brought some alcohol this time."

Mood killed, Louis stood up and drained the tub with the phone still to his ear. "Why did you drink so much?"

"I dunno. I know this is going to sound horribly clingy but fuck Lou, I just miss you so badly. I just haven't been able to not feel empty all fucking week." Harry said sadly.

Flattered, but not letting it get to his head, Louis replied a little harsher than he intended. "Yeah, well it's not much different than any other week since we've talked every night I've been here."

Harry groaned. "No, it's different. C'mon, you know it's different. You're like... Lot's of miles away. If you were here, at least we have the option of seeing each other."

Louis sighed. Harry had spoken the exact thought he had had many times this week. "I know. Today is basically my last day though."

"Except it's actually not. You don't even fly in till late tomorrow." Harry retorted.

"Eh, you'll live without me for 24 more hours. Speaking of living, is Gary still alive? If he's not, I'll be pissed. He was expensive." Louis said while drying himself off.

"No, Gary's fine. I tried petting him today, but he didn't seem t'like that very much." Harry mused.

Louis stopped drying his towel. "You tried petting him? Like, stuck your hand in the water and tried to touch my pet salamander? When? And why?"

"Yeah, I don't know how else I would attempt t'pet your amphibian. I just barely tried it. And I did it because he looked like he needed a hug. Or maybe I did. M'not too sure. I just missed you and since I can't hug you, I thought I'd try to pet Gary instead." Harry explained.

Louis shook his head. "That makes absolutely no sense. Also, why are you at my house? Just because you're inebriated, doesn't change my rule on letting you take people there to have your way with them."

Harry started giggling. "About that, I totally broke your rule. M'sorry, I couldn't help it."

"Are you fucking serious? Harry, you can't just go fucking people on my bed while I'm not there. It's my fucking bed!" Louis walked over to his fridge. He definitely would need some tequila to properly deal with this.

Harry snickered. "You used 'fucking' in like three different ways I think. And not that one. Your other rule."

Louis opened the mini bottle and took a shot. The burn felt so good. "What other rule Harry? I only had one."

Harry's voice lowered and it almost sounded like he was going to whisper. "The one about... y'know..."

Louis rolled his eyes and dropped his towel so he could sit on his bed. The sheets were soft against his skin. "No I don't. Please spell it out for me so I know whether I need to purchase new bed sheets for when I get home."

"I w-a-n-k-e-d o-n y-o-u-r b-e-d. At least I think I spelled it right." Harry spouted off way too quickly for Louis to comprehend.

Louis rolled his eyes. "I didn't mean literally spell it out. God. How drunk are you?" He took another shot from the bottle.

"Drunk enough to tell you I got off on your bed apparently. I didn't mean to. I was just thinking of you and it just happened and I had t'do something about it. I swear I sanitized your vibrator though." Harry sounded like he had significantly sobered up for that last phrase.

Louis squinted his eyes together and held the phone closer to his cheek. "You used my fucking vibrator?! Wait, you wanked on my fucking bed? God Harry, I didn't think we were at that point in our friendship. Remind me to put a condom on it next time I jack off."

Louis would do no such thing. There was exactly a zero percent chance of him doing anything close to that actually. And the thought of Harry using his sex toys to pleasure himself was hotter than anything else Louis could think of at the moment. He drank some more tequila.

Did he say he was thinking of me?

"I'm s'sorry Lou. I wasn't gonna tell you, but I can't just lie to you. I swear I'll buy you a new one. I'll buy you two if you want. You can pick whatever kind you want." Harry seemed to be mildly panicking now, not acting at all like they were having a conversation about dildos.

Yes, Louis definitely would take Harry shopping and make him purchase a new shiny vibrator. Maybe he would even have Harry pick it out. Maybe they could share it.

A friendship vibrator.

Too much tequila Louis.

No. Not enough.

He took another shot. He was heavily buzzed now. The magic of tequila. "Did you say you were thinking of me before you got off on my bed?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I wasn't gonna tell you that either. But I figured it was okay since I've caught you doing the same about me." Harry reasoned.

And maybe Louis felt a little hurt at this. Maybe a bit offended. And maybe that's due to the fact that he had secretly masturbated multiple times to the thought of Harry and hoped that Harry did the same.

May as well ask. We're both drinking.

"Was that the first time?" Louis inquired.

He heard Harry groan. "Damn it. No. I've been doing it all week. Your bed just smells like you, and it's just so nice. I was hoping you wouldn't ask."

Not quite what Louis was asking, but it answered his question nonetheless. He tried really hard not to freak out upon hearing this information. He laughed instead. Blood was flowing quickly through his body. "You've been wanking in my bed all week? Holy shit Harry. D'you think of me often?"

Harry was silent. And Louis was now on the edge of his seat- literally and metaphorically- praying that Harry would answer his question. "I dunno. Sometimes I guess. Have you done it since that one morning to the thought of me?"

And of course Harry would ask him in return. Louis supposes it's only fair. Besides, it would seem that they are on an even playing field at this point. "Yeah." He breathed. "Yeah I have. What kind of stuff d'you usually think about?"

He heard Harry's breath hitch. "I mainly think of different scenarios. Like, y'know. Doing things in your bed. Or other places."

Louis blinked his eyes slowly, very aware of the heat and growing erection in his crotch. "What kinds of things? Tell me." And he sat back against the headboard of his bed, hoping Harry would allow this conversation to go the way he was hoping.

"I just think about you wanting to do more than cuddling when we spend the nights together. Like, I dunno, you waking me up during the night to do stuff." Harry seemed uncomfortable.

Fuck.

Do I keep pushing it?

The hormones and adrenaline rushing through his brain told him yes. The alcohol said yes. Definitely yes.

The ever dwindling logic in his brain told him no. Damage control and loss of a friendship could be imminent.

Shut the fuck up brain.

He drank more tequila. "I want you t'tell me Harry. Tell me everything. I hope you know you already have me hard." Which was very true.

There was a pause. "Lou, are you sure you want to do this?"

And fuck Harry. Fuck Harry for being a good, caring, decent human being and friend. Fuck him.

"I'll either be continuing this conversation by myself alone in my hotel room or over the phone with you. You're welcome to chose whichever you're most comfortable with." And Louis has no idea how that just came out of his mouth so eloquently, but if he wasn't on edge before, he is now.

There was silence and Louis felt like a kettle that was quickly reaching boiling point.

He was about to hang up when he heard Harry speak. "Fuck if only you knew all the times you've gotten me so hard without even knowing. All those times with you in the showers, then I spend all weekend with you and can't even touch myself until I get home after polo practice. I swear I've been so close to getting up in the middle of the night when I can't take it anymore. Being so close to your perfect ass. Feeling you rub against me in your sleep. Fuck Louis."

And Louis was palming himself and breathing significantly harder now. "I'm not always asleep when I push my ass against you. I love it when I wake up and can feel your cock pushed against me. You make me s'crazy. I can't help but touch myself sometimes."

Harry sounded breathless. "Are you touching yourself right now?"

"Yeah, and it feels s'good. It would feel even better if it was you. Your hands make me go crazy just thinking about them. I've imagined so many times what it would be like to have your fingers up my ass and making me scream." Louis admitted, then briefly wondered if he should search for some lube, then quickly decided that no, he would stay right where he was.

"I wish you were here to touch me too. Just listening to you has me completely hard. My fingers have been dying to explore every inch of your flawless ass. Not even your dildo would be able t'compare. I bet you love the fact that I used your toys to fuck myself don't you?"

And Harry hit the nail right on the head with that one. "Yes. Fuck yes I do Harry. You should use it right now. Tell me how it feels."

He could hear Harry on the other end open his nightstand drawer and pop the cap off the lube. "I love doing this in your room Louis. I'm going to cum all over your pillow so that it smells like me when you come home."

"Oh god, you're so fucking dirty and I love it so much." Eyes fluttering closed, Louis was pumping his cock slower now so he wouldn't cum too soon.

He heard Harry make a light 'ah' sound. "I'm kneeling on your bed now. I love using your vibrator. It feels s'good. Knowing that it's been in your ass. This feels so good, but it's nothing compared to listening to you. You have no idea how long I've wanted you to talk to me like this."

"If I was there, I'd have your face against the wall as I worked your cock with one hand and the vibrator with the other. I might even slap your ass if you ask me nicely. You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Louis was pulling on his balls now because he'll be damned if he comes before Harry is done.

"Mmm, yeah. So, so much. Use me however you want. You can be my master. Fuck, this feels amazing. Please. I have t'start touching myself because I feel like I'm going to explode." Harry's voice seemed to raise an octave.

And Louis almost lost it completely at hearing those words. Not sure how to think normally, his breathing became ragged. "Keep the vibrator up your ass and sit back on it. Then touch yourself. I want you completely wrecked. Go hard and fast into your hand because that's how it will feel when I'm ruining you."

Harry moaned. And fuck, Louis could hear Harry working the lube up and down his shaft. "Louis it feels so fucking good. I can't wait to please you. You're mine. All mine." Harry's breathing was erratic. "I'm so close to cumming now."

Louis was rubbing himself quicker now, not needing much more. He spoke without any filter. "Fuck Harry, I want you so badly. I've wanted you for so long. I love you so much."

He heard Harry moan loudly then slap his ass and cry out. Upon hearing that, Louis came all over his chest with a loud groan.

Both of their breathing was heavy and if Harry was even half as buzzed as Louis, he would be feeling extremely lightheaded and not 100% sure if he still existed. Louis wondered briefly if he ever did exist in the first place, or if he's just been in a phone-sexless purgatory his entire life and this is what it really felt like to be alive.

Harry broke him out of his trance when he spoke. "I love you so much too." Harry's breathing became light and wispy- similar to how Louis currently felt. "I came on your pillow."

And Louis vision turned black and blue as he slid down his headboard and onto the hotel pillow.

~~~~~~


	18. Chapter 18

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2uo2o8n)

~~~

Louis woke up to what felt like a small infant screaming very, very loudly into his ear. He reached over to pick up the shitty 80's phone. A kind gentleman spoke. "Mr. Tomlinson, this is your courtesy wake up call. It is 6-o'-clock now. Your first meeting starts at 6:30."

"Fuck off." His voice was about three octaves lower than normal and cracked so it ended up sounding like a slurred together 'uckoff'.

"With all due respect Mr. Tomlinson, your check out is also scheduled for 6:30, and you will need to vacate the room by then, as we already have it booked for later this afternoon. I would be happy to arrange your move to a different room if you'd like."

"Fucking bastard. I'm up. Christ." And he threw the phone at the receiver, hitting it way too loudly for his liking.

Why the fuck do I have a hangover?

Where the fuck am I?

What the fuck is going on?

He groaned loudly. His groan quickly turned into a whimper when he irritated his headache even more.

He opened his eyes.

Why the fuck am I naked?

What the fuck is on my chest?

Did I have a fucking wet dream?

Louis experimentally touched his hand to the cracked translucent-white film that spread across his abs and chest.

He laid his head back on his pillow, not equipped for critical thinking in such a state this early in the morning.

What time did he say it was?

I have 30 minutes to pack and shower?

Where the fuck is my phone?

Ugh.

He looked over to the nightstand and saw an empty quarter-size tequila bottle.

No phone. Apparently I had tequila though.

Mentally shunning himself for such an irresponsible action, he sat up and started patting around the bed. He found it wedged between the headboard and the mattress.

Dead.

Fucking fantastic.

Not having time to charge it, he shoved it in his pocket and put the charging cord in the other.

He opened his suitcase and haphazardly threw his clothes into it, then cursed himself when he had to dig through everything to find his bottle of paracetamol. Swallowing the pills without any water, he choked it down then went to turn on the shower to warm it up. Chaotically throwing everything back into his suitcase again, he kicked it when he realized his clean clothes were at the bottom of everything.

"Mother fucking Jesus! Why?!"

He dumped his suitcase upside down and dropped it to the ground on top of his clothes. Pushing it aside, he decided to deal with it after his shower. He had to calm down.

Stepping into the shower begrudgingly, he rued the wonderful hot steam that he wouldn't be able to revel in for very long.

What's today? Check out is today. That would make it... Saturday. Right.

Plane leaves at 6, which means I should leave for the airport at 3 since LAX is a fucking nightmare on Saturday nights. Fucking management getting us flights for the busiest time of the week.

Okay. Flight arrives at 10 because of the motherfucking layover. Fucking management.

And Harry's picking me up from the airport at 10:15.

He was so glad tomorrow was Sunday. He definitely needed a good night's sleep next to Harry and a day to sleep in. He should text Harry to make sure he wouldn't forget to come pick him up.

Oh wait, my fucking phone is dead.

Done washing himself, he turned off the shower. He walked out of the bathroom and remembered his upturned suitcase. He picked up the phone to call the front desk.

"Hello Mr. Tomlinson. Did you decide you would like to check into a different room for the day?" The same gentleman from earlier spoke.

"No. Could you do me a huge favor? I don't have time to order room service or go down to the café. Could you get a baguette and black tea for me so I can grab it on my way into my meeting?" Louis tried to keep his voice as kind as possible.

"Not a problem Mr. Tomlinson. It will be done right away."

Louis breathed out in relief. "Bless your soul. Thank you so much."

He hung up and got dressed, then unsystematically put his crap back into his suitcase and zipped it up, determined not to have to open it again. He got his wallet and hotel key, put his shoes on, and made his way down to the lobby. He gave the front desk his card and exchanged it for a cup of steaming tea and baguette with a plastic knife and container of jam.

How thoughtful.

Walking into the conference room, he saw that he was not the only one to bring breakfast in with him, and put his suitcase in the corner that everyone else's was in. He searched for an outlet, and plugged his phone in. Apparently he wasn't the only one to do that either, as he could see phones attached to the wall in various places across the room.

He sat down and took a deep breath. He could make it through the day.

~~~~~

It was 3:15 and they still were not excused from their meeting. It had been a long and vigorous one. They had lunch served to them in their seats and were told that today had the most important information that they would be learning all week. Not only was Louis stressing about missing his plane, but he hadn't checked his phone all day to send Harry a reminder text. Furthermore, their idea of 'important information' consisted of a bunch of bullshit HR and new legalities that affected them. He thought he was done taking notes once he graduated college. Apparently not.

3:30 and they were fucking finally wrapping up. He had to pee so badly. He had drank four black teas today, simply to keep himself awake and keep his headache at bay. He knew his dehydration was only adding to all of his problems. He should buy a water bottle before he gets into the airport and is charged an arm and a leg for one.

3:45 and everyone was excused. He ran to the hotel bathroom, ditching his items still in the conference room.

Once done there, he gathered his things and hauled them out to a taxi outside the hotel. Now in the taxi he pulled out his phone. He had to check the status of his flight.

When he unlocked it, he saw seven new messages, four missed calls, and two voicemails. And fuck, he didn't have time to deal with whatever was happening on the other end of the line.

He opened up his Passbook app to double check the boarding and departure time of his flight. He called the airline to let them know he may be running behind. He was put on hold.

Leaning forward, he asked the taxi driver how much longer until they arrived at the airport. Calculating how much time everything would take him, the other end of the telephone line picked up, and the airline staff member took down his name, ticket number, and phone number.

Less stressed about the situation, he hung up and looked at his recent call log. He had one missed call from Harry, two from Kara, and one from Blake. What caught his eye though was the call made to Harry last night.

Five hours? I didn't fucking talk to Harry for five hours last night.

He clicked on Harry's name to call him.

No answer.

He left a voicemail saying that his meetings had run late, but he was still hoping he could make his flight and that he would see him later.

He tapped Kara's number. She answered.

"Oh God Louis! You answered. Oh my God the manager here all week was a nightmare. Carrie quit and Blake is threatening to quit and he said something about you sexually harassing him and filing a report and the spa is a mess and we don't have the staff to cover all of the appointments for Monday and my girlfriend gave me pneumonia, so I can't come in for a week because the doctor says I'm still contagious and I don't know what to do!"

Louis did not have the mental capacity to comprehend most of what was just said. "Wait, you're a lesbian?" Louis' phone vibrated. He saw that he was getting a call from Harry. "Actually, hang on Kara, my ride is calling me. Hang on for just one second can you?"

"Yeah, yeah that's fine." Kara sounded out of breath.

He switched the call to Harry. "Hello? Harry?"

"Oh my God Lou! I'm so sorry for everything. I'm so sorry, I don't even know what to say-" Harry was in a frenzy.

"It's fine dear. I'm just running behind. You picked up the phone and we can coordinate now. No need to panic. Are you still good to pick me up tonight at 10:15? I'm so fucking exhausted it's been the craziest fucking day. I'll let you know if anything changes on the itinerary." Louis wasn't investing much into the conversation since he saw that they were pulling into the airport.

Fuck.

"Yeah, I'll be there, but Lou-"

"Okay great, I'll see you then, okay?"

He pulled the phone away from his ear and switched the call back to Kara.

Carrie quit. Lawsuit with Blake. Kara's sick. Fuckfuckfuckfuck.

"Kara, you still there?"

The line was dead.

"Fuck my life!" The taxi came to a stop. It's just as well he supposes.

He jumped out of the car, paid the driver, and made his way to security. He sent a couple texts to Kara asking for more information while he waited in the security line. He was almost to the front when she tried calling again. He hung up as he was called forward and took off his jacket and shoes, and removed his laptop from his bag and yada yada airport security shit that he couldn't give two fucks about at the moment.

He made it though and had one foot in his shoe, and the other halfway in, crunching down on the back sole and he was pulling out his boarding pass to try and figure out what direction he was supposed to go in.

Fucking LAX.

Now having his bearings, he started jogging in the direction of his gate and pulled out his phone. He called Kara back.

"Louis! Sorry, my phone is having problems right now. I don't know what's wrong with it."

"That's fine dear. Would you be able to do me a huge favor and help me out tomorrow?" He panted as he was still cantering through the terminals.

"Yeah anything! I feel so bad, I'm so sorry. The manager wouldn't let me call you all week and-"

"No, no, it's fine. Really. Just listen to me." He had to stop jogging because he was having a difficult time talking. "Okay, go to the spa. Wait, fuck. Okay, I'm texting you my best friends number. Harry. He'll give you directions and the spare key to my flat. In my flat is the spare key to the spa. It's just in the key dish inside the front door. Okay, go to the spa and I want you to pull up all the information for Carrie's clients all week. Call them and reschedule them as soon as possible with anyone else available. Jannis should have the most openings. Offer all the clients half off, and let Jannis and the others know that they'll get double commission for helping out. See if Lexie can come in Monday. She usually has them off, but that should help too. Don't worry about Blake, I'll take care of it. Let me know when you've got all that done." Louis' brain was running on overdrive. He needs more caffeine.

"Okay, don't worry, I'll take care of it! Text me or call me if you need anything else." Kara sounded determined.

"Great! I'll talk to you later." Not waiting for a bye, he hung up and told Siri to text Harry's number to Kara. He prayed that everything would work out.

His terminal was empty, but the gate was still open. He could hear them calling for Tomlinson over the intercom.

Shit.

This had to be a quick call to Blake. The Rocky Balboa theme started playing in his head and he couldn't decide if he wanted to laugh or step on his own foot.

He clicked on Blake's name and he heard the phone ring several times.

I swear to all that is holy if you don't pick up-

"Well if it isn't The Rejector?"

What the fuck is that supposed to be? My villain name?

Stifling a laugh at that thought, he spoke firmly. "If you think our personal lives are some sort of game that can be intermingled carelessly with business you're dead wrong. You're even more stupid if you think you can scare me with a fucking lawsuit; and if that's going to be your attitude towards it, you can go pack up your goddamn booth at the spa this evening. Kara will let you in then see you out. If you would like to keep your job, I suggest you stop bitching about the fact that I'm not interested in you, keep your mouth shut, and do your motherfucking goddamn job. Do you have any questions for me, or have I made myself crystal clear?"

He handed his ticket to the ticket checker or whoever the fuck it was that scans the airplane tickets. He was getting a look from them, but didn't care. He walked swiftly down the jet way.

"Yes. I'm... I'm so sorry." Blake sounded chastened.

"I'll see you on Monday." Louis clipped. And with that he hung up his phone and ran to his seat.

Everyone on the plane stared at him as he made his way down the aisle.

Yes, I know I'm the jackass that held up the plane. Sue me.

Feeling incredibly relieved that half of his problem was taken care of he sat down to read all of the texts that he had yet to attend to.

"Excuse me sir, please put your phone on airplane mode." The flight attendant was talking to Louis.

"Yeah, of course." He clicked on the little airplane icon and went back to his messages.

The first one was from Kara around 8 this morning.

Louis, 911, call me asap please!!!!

The next one was from Niall, sent around 9.

Have you heard from Harry? He's not picking up and he's still not home..?

Why wasn't Harry home last night?

The next five were from Harry, starting at 9:30 and spanned till 2.

Hey, sorry I just found your spare charger and got my phone turned back on, my phone died last night. So if you sent me any texts, I should get them shortly. Just wanted to let you know I wasn't ignoring you.

Harry was at his house last night. Right. He was drunk, and trying to pet his Axolotl salamander in the water. He shook his head and smiled. The flight attendants were finishing up their safety demonstration.

Not sure if my phone is having problems.. but still haven't gotten anything from you. Everything ok?

Lou, are you ignoring me?

I'm sorry. We should talk about this. Please just answer.

And Louis' stomach was knotting up and he could feel something surfacing that he didn't want to remember. The plane was moving faster down the runway.

I meant what I said last night. I love you. I'll be there tonight at 10:15 unless I hear otherwise from you. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to fuck things up between us.

The plane lifted off the ground and Louis grabbed the white paper bag in the seat pocket in front of him and emptied out the entirety of his stomach's contents, abs clenching violently until he was only dry heaving spit into the now full bag.

The poor woman next to him pressed the attendant call button, and a flight attendant was there moments later, assessed the situation, then came back with a cup of water, a fresh bag, and some Benedryl.

He took everything gratefully and shut his mind off until he fell asleep five minutes later.

~~

He felt his shoulder gently being shaken. He was extremely drowsy. And nauseous. His head was pounding from not acclimating to the changes in pressure. Extremely nauseous.

He went for the bag in the seat pouch in front of him and threw up stomach bile.

"Sir, are you alright? The plane has landed and everyone has exited. Do you have a connecting flight, or is this your final destination?" A flight attendant was looking at Louis with concern etched on her face.

Louis spoke with a scratchy voice. "I have a connecting flight. I have a thirty minute layover though."

"Might I suggest you hurry then? Since we took off a little later than planned, we also were a late upon arrival. I can call the airline for you and we can have a tram come and pick you up."

Louis nodded and tried to stand up quickly. He rested his head on his arms on the seat in front of him. He spoke to the floor because he felt he would get dizzy if he looked at another human being in the face. "United, flight 782 for Phoenix. Gate 6"

He heard footsteps hurriedly walk away from him, and he picked up his carry-on and walked out of the plane. At the entrance to the terminal, there was a tram waiting for him. He didn't bother looking at the time, knowing he would either miss his flight or make it in time, and there wasn't anything he could do to change the outcome. He also was not sure if his stomach was ready to stop being queasy.

His whole body was still incredibly groggy when the tram arrived to once again, an empty terminal, but they were holding the plane for him.

Bless their souls. I'll have to remember to meditate and send good energy to all these lovely people next time I get to a fucking state of Zen.

He ran onto the plane and refused to think about anything. Instead he stared at the seat in front of him until his eyes burned from not blinking for so long. He could feel a shit ton of emotions and thoughts fighting to surface up and be heard and felt. He still had a two-hour plane ride.

Once they were up in the air, he pressed the call button.

"Hi sir, how can I help you?"

"I'm feeling a bit ill, do you have some Benadryl by chance? And maybe a mint?" Louis asked, resting his head against the seat.

"Yes, I'll be right back."

Two Benadryl and Altoids later and he was starting to drift off again in the claustrophobic and noisy aircraft. The lady was nice enough to give him a travel size tin with some more mints. He could tell he was seconds away from falling asleep when his guard was torn down and the thoughts started rapid firing in his brain.

You've fucked it up. Harry's not going to be your friend after this. You're a fucking idiot. You ruined another friendship. You fucked yourself over for any chance of a relationship with him. You'll never be enough for him. It will never work out. You can't and don't love him. You made the stupidest, most irreversible decisions last night and weren't even sober for it. You've fucked up your life by way of substances, once again. You're still a child. Such a fucking child.

And with that Louis fell into a dreamless sleep.

~~~


	19. Chapter 19

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=ml1gt4)

~~~

Again, Louis was awoken with a shake on the shoulder. He mildly started to panic when he was experiencing deja-vu, then realized that he was at his final destination and didn't have a plane to catch.

He had Harry to face.

Still completely foggy in the brain, Louis grabbed the empty white bag from the seat pocket in front of him just in case, and made his way to the baggage claim.

Stupid fucking baggage.

His stomach was in knots, and he was sure if he attempted to eat anything that his body would swiftly reject it. He turned on his phone.

He had a text from Harry. Popping some more Altoids and taking a deep breath, he opened it.

Here. Gate number?

Waiting on his baggage, he checked for which gate he was at. The airport was nearly empty. Only the people from his flight were there. He responded to Harry.

13

He waited impatiently for the carousal to give everyone their useless shit back. He considered leaving his behind altogether. They'd mail it to him in a week or two anyway.

No. He needed these moments alone before facing the spider web that he was caught in the middle of. Moments before things ended how they did with Liam. Moments where he felt emotional and completely undeserving of good things.

He saw his baggage and yanked it regretfully off the carousal.

As he walked towards the sliding glass doors, he could clearly see his red Veloster parked by the entrance. It was dark out, but he could see the trunk pop open and Harry get out of the driver's side and walk around to open the passenger door.

And suddenly Louis was running. The doors opened and he was hit with the cool Arizona breeze. He dropped his suitcase with a thud on the cement and jumped into Harry.

His legs wrapped tightly around his torso and he held onto Harry like he would disappear at any moment. He was hit with the smell of chlorinated raspberries and knew he was home. He nuzzled his face so hard into the side of Harry's neck that he was worried Harry would lose balance.

He could hear Harry breathing irregularly and could feel their hearts pounding out of their chests against one another and Harry gripping around Louis like he was his lifeline. Louis felt his weight shift forward and felt the outside of the car on his ankles where his pants had slid up. Harry was leaning them against the car.

All of the emotions that Louis had drugged away for the last four hours promptly simmered up to burst, and he was bawling. "Please. Harry." He didn't think he could form the words he was trying to get out. "Haz, p-please d-don't leave me." He cried harder and gripped into the back of Harry's shirt with white knuckles.

Apparently Harry was sobbing as well. "Lou, no." Harry wrapped his arms tightly around Louis. "I'll n-never leave you. I'll never fucking leave you. I love you s-so much." Harry wailed into Louis shoulder and Louis felt like he was being merged into one being with Harry.

Louis could barely whisper. "I love you s-so much too." Tears continued streaming down his face.

Relief flooded through Louis' body. He felt happy and complete. After about 10 minutes, their breathing had calmed and their tears had diminished to light sniffling. Louis slowly loosened his grip on the back of Harry's shirt. He took a couple of deep breaths. He could hear and feel Harry doing the same.

Louis was slowly lowered back onto the ground and he leaned into Harry's arms again. Harry embraced him tightly and Louis was starting to get choked up again. He felt Harry bury his face into his hair and felt possessive kisses being placed to the top of his head and on his ear.

No longer interested in expressing himself via waterworks, he turned his face to meet Harry's. The kiss was wet and breathy and their tears mixed together on their cheeks. Harry's lips were so soft and so moist and Louis cherished every millisecond of it. They glided together and separated as they both were still struggling to compose their breathing.

Louis' hands found their way to the back of Harry's hair and he tangled his fingers up into his curls. He opened his mouth, and Harry's tongue quickly entered as their tongues mingled together.

Louis almost felt like he could cry with all of the emotion being passed between the two. It was almost too much, and he almost didn't want it because it was all consuming. His body and soul were in this kiss and given completely to Harry, and he felt the same being reciprocated from Harry.

Not bothering to part for a proper breath, but instead breathing into each other's mouths, the kiss continued and Harry hugged him even tighter into his body. Harry was caressing Louis' face with one hand and his waist with the other.

With a deep sigh into Louis mouth, Harry slowly pulled away and Louis was sad. He was sad because he could feel a part of the universe within him being pulled away and wanted it back.

Harry pressed his lips gently to the juncture of Louis neck, hand still caressing the side of his face. Louis rested his head on the side of Harry's and softly exhaled into his curls. He's pretty sure he loves Harry more dearly than his own life.

Harry kissed soft, sweet kisses up to his ear then whispered. "Let's go home, yeah?"

Louis nodded into Harry. Their hands found each other and held on while they parted their bodies.

Louis slid into the passenger side feeling cold and alone and Harry put his luggage in the trunk then got in the car and shut the driver side door. He turned to look at Louis with a face that exuded all of the same emotions Louis was feeling.

And there's no way Louis could not attach himself with Harry again. He unbuckled his seatbelt to lean over the center console to connect their lips and Harry met him halfway, bringing an arm around his body to lift him up and into his lap. He was cradling and kissing Louis and it was 100% okay.

They kissed with purpose and with a soft passion that made Louis never want to leave from this airport pick up parking space again. Harry kissed him a little deeper and harder and Louis succumbed to it and returned with the same fervor.

Their kiss started picking up in intensity and their hands ran up and down each other's bodies as quickly as possible as if they were feeling each other for the first time.

Feeling like there was not enough time and not enough space and not enough Harry, Louis shucked off his jacket with the help of Harry, and Harry's hands were up the back of Louis' shirt quicker than he could tangle his hands into Harry's hair.

It was too hot and there were too many clothes and too many emotions and feelings he had to share with Harry and not enough time. And for fucks sake they were in his car at the airport and Louis gave zero fucks.

Apparently Harry didn't either as his mouth detached from Louis' and started to suck onto his neck. And Louis felt like he could never have enough of Harry. If he overdosed on kisses and died, he would die a thousand more times craving a thousand more kisses.

Harry's mouth was hot and wet on Louis neck and made quick work of the entirety of that side. Louis leaned his head back and Harry pulled his shirt to the side to expose his shoulder and collar bone and Louis felt like it would be impossible to make up for what felt like decades of lost time with Harry.

When Harry had essentially turned the entire left side of Louis red and blue, he hugged him tight.

Louis wanted to freeze time.

They stayed cuddled together uncomfortably close in the front seat for several minutes when Louis pulled Harry's forehead to his lips to kiss it. Harry's curls tickled Louis nose and he adored the feeling.

Before he could get lost in the billions of more moments there were to share with Harry, he shifted to go back to his seat. Harry unwrapped his hands from Louis and let him sit back in the passenger seat.

Louis couldn't tear his eyes away from Harry and watched as he put the key in the ignition and started driving back to Louis' flat.

Both hands were on the wheel and Louis felt so far from Harry. He reached an arm over and rested a hand on Harry's thigh.

Harry didn't hesitate to remove a hand from the steering wheel and interlace fingers with Louis.

The rest of the ride was silent, and the only time Louis wasn't looking at Harry was when he had to blink. Harry obviously had to watch the road, but would turn his head every now and again to meet Louis' gaze. His thumbs never stopped stroking the back of Louis' knuckles.

They arrived and Harry carried Louis bags in for him. He started a shower and a pot of tea for Louis, and changed into one of the many sets of pajamas he had at Louis' flat.

Louis took a quick shower to clean off the feeling of travel, and met Harry in his room. Harry held out the cup of tea for him.

He took a sip.

"Why is this the perfect temperature?" Louis looked over the rim into Harry's eyes.

Harry smiled. "Because you're perfect."

"That doesn't even make sense." Louis muttered and tried to hide his stupid grin by drinking more tea. He noticed his pillow was missing a pillowcase and looked around the room. He saw it folded in the corner. "Did you wash that?"

Harry turned a light pink color. "No, not yet."

Louis set his cup down on the nightstand. "Good." He went over to pick it up and sheathed his pillow, then got under the covers and snuggled with Harry.

~~~~~~

It smells like... Pringles.

Louis opened his eyes.

He was in bed was next to Harry, who was still asleep. His body reacted before his brain could, and he was attacking Harry in the tightest hug he could muster for being early in the morning.

Harry grumbled and grabbed onto Louis to try and see him properly. "What the hell?" His voice was scratchy and low. "What time is it? Are you okay?"

And maybe Louis was embarrassed because it was probably 6am since that's what time he had been getting up all week. And maybe he over reacted a bit. He rested his head on Harry's shoulder. "Sorry. Just. It was a long day yesterday. I'm just glad you're still here."

Harry exhaled slowly and wrapped his arms around Louis. "Of course I'm still here. I told you I'll never leave you." He felt a kiss pressed to the top of his head. "Is there any chance of you going back to sleep?"

Louis was silent. He shifted so that he laid flat on top of Harry, head rested on his chest. "As long as I can fall asleep like this."

Harry's hands traced Louis' lower back. "Yeah that's fine babe. Go back to sleep."

And Louis didn't need to be told twice.

~~

The next time Louis woke up, it was bright outside and he was alone in his bed. He assumed Harry was downstairs making breakfast. He checked his phone. 10:21am.

He yawned and stretched his arms and legs, rolling over to his side of the bed. His face sunk into the pillow and he was hit with the smell of salt and vinegar again. Come to think of it, the fabric felt kind of scratchy considering his sheets were Egyptian cotton.

His eyes almost bulged out of his sockets and he sat up, heart now racing quickly. Sure enough, there was a light stain covering the majority of his pillow. And Louis laughed. He laughed because he actually just slept on the pillow Harry had masturbated onto two days earlier.

He wiped the sleep from his eyes and went downstairs. He thought he could feel a bit of a cold sore coming on in his mouth. Harry was indeed in the kitchen. The oven appeared to be on.

"Good morning sunshine. How did you sleep?" Harry smiled brightly at him.

"Really fucking good. Thanks. What are you making down here?" Louis scratched his face. His stubble was growing in more than he normally let it.

"You were sleeping later than you normally do, so I thought I'd take the opportunity to make you a quiche." Harry said washing the used dishes.

"I don't know why you know how to make such a pompous sounding breakfast food, but how much longer until it's done?" Louis walked over to be closer to Harry. He really wanted to kiss him.

Is it okay to kiss him? Probably not. I could go settle for a hug. A hug would be superb.

"About 15 minutes. You can go get ready for yoga if you'd like." Harry was done doing dishes and was now wiping down the counter.

"Fuck that. I've been doing yoga every day this week. Er- well, last week." Louis stretched his arms above his head, then had a thought.

"Actually, if you still want to do yoga, I can show you what I've been teaching and doing all week. We'd have to go to the spa though." Louis mainly just wanted to touch Harry some more because if he could do that for the rest of his life, that would be great. He'd probably have to come up with some good excuses though because he didn't want to seem suddenly clingy and push Harry away.

"Yeah sure. That sounds good." Harry started sweeping the floor, and okay, that's not something Louis' seen him do before. Maybe it just always happens when he's sleeping?

He started to back out of the kitchen. "Right. Well I'm just going to go shower and whatnot then. I'll be back." And now Harry was mopping, and what the actual fuck? There's no way Harry did this to Louis' kitchen every Sunday morning.

When is the last time I mopped my floor? The casserole incident four months ago?

"Yeah. I'll be back..." His voice trailed off and he went upstairs.

He prayed that this wouldn't be an awkward day because of everything that had happened this weekend. He supposed he would deserve anyway it if that's what it boiled down to. He couldn't expect this to go completely smoothly. That would just be unrealistic.

With a resolve to be and act happy and normal, he got into the shower to clean himself. He felt dirty. He liked being in his own shower again. Except he noticed three new bottles that were not there before he left. He decided to leave his facial hair, but shaved everywhere else because his hygiene standards were feeling impeccable today.

After he was done in the shower, he exfoliated his face and put on a quick five-minute mask. He blew dried his hair into his normal fringe and brushed his teeth and flossed. He washed his facemask off and felt like a new person.

Opting for his normal Sunday attire of a t-shirt and sweatpants, he got dressed then gave Gary a small morning treat. He could smell the quiche cooking downstairs and grabbed his phone from his room, then went into the kitchen. There was a plate of food with a glass of orange juice set out for him at the bar.

He picked up his fork to and was about to shovel a forkful into his mouth when he saw Harry sit down and make the Sign of the Cross then kiss three fingers and hold it to his heart and say 'Amen.'

Louis awkwardly set his fork back down onto his plate. He stayed silent and when Harry opened his eyes, Louis gave him a guarded look of 'what the hell just happened?'

Harry cleared his throat and looked down at his plate. "Sorry, I'm just... Feeling extra grateful today, so I thought I'd pray to both Shiva and God." He picked up his fork and began eating, avoiding Louis' gaze.

"Do you pray every morning?" Louis questioned.

Harry's eyes flicked up to take in Louis' reaction. "Yeah I do. You're normally just still asleep."

Louis looked down at his plate and started to eat. "This is really good. Really, really good. What's it made of?"

"Eggs mainly. I also put in some peppers, eggplant, and fresh basil." Harry smiled fondly at Louis.

"Do you just make all this shit magically appear in my kitchen? Or do I secretly have an eggplant tree in my backyard?" Louis shoveled more of the mystery food into his mouth.

Harry laughed. "Egg-plant Louis. It's a plant. It grows on a vine."

Blushing because he actually never took the time to analyze the word's etymology, he tried to change the subject. "Anyway, it's very good. Thank you."

Harry went back to eating. "You're welcome. To answer your question, I've basically been living here all week, so your fridge actually has edible things in it now. And I wanted to make sure you had a healthy breakfast your first morning back."

Louis was touched. Harry was so thoughtful. "Thank you. That's... Really sweet of you. Thank you."

Harry just nodded and they went back to eating. The sound of forks on ceramic seemed deafening to Louis.

"Did you get to shower this morning? Or, er- did you want to?" Louis didn't know why he felt so awkward asking. Harry had already confessed to basically living here all week. But the more Louis thought of it, he's never seen or heard Harry shower at his house.

"I do every Sunday morning. Thanks for offering though." Harry smirked at Louis.

"Am I really that heavy of a sleeper?" Louis was baffled.

"Mm-hmm. Except for this morning apparently. Mr. Wake-Up-Before-The-Sun. Good hell. You gave me a panic attack." Harry stated.

"Yeah, sorry. I've been waking up really early this whole week. It was much nicer waking up to you this morning than some shoddy hotel room though." Louis said between bites. "So thank you for that."

"Of course." Harry paused. "That's what friends are for." Harry glanced to Louis, then fidgeted in his seat and returned back to his plate.

I should address that some time soon.

Louis had no response and didn't even know where to take the conversation from there. He knew the responsibility of defining what they were lie with him since he was the one to put the 'friend' label at the start. He thinks it's probably the first awkward silence he's ever experienced with Harry.

His phone vibrated. It was a text from Kara.

Got a hold of everyone and they're rescheduled. Everyone was cool about it. Lexie's good to come in tomorrow. Sorry for all the trouble this weekend.

Relieved, he responded to her with a 'thanks' and put his phone away to face the situation with Harry.

~~~~


	20. Chapter 20

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2jbs5er)

~~~

He finished his breakfast and orange juice and went to set the dirty dishes in the sink. Harry seemed to be taking longer than normal with eating, so Louis poured himself some water with a slice of lime and sat down and stared at Harry.

Harry was in a white v-neck with Louis' black and white soccer pants he wore every Sunday. Louis was in a grey v-neck with the matching soccer pants in a smaller size.

"Um, do you by chance have shorts or something? It will work better for the Thai Massage." Louis spoke warily trying to avoid staring at Harry's lips.

Harry had finished his breakfast. "Yeah, I can grab them. They're just upstairs, er- in your... Yeah." He stood up quickly to put his plate in the sink and went upstairs.

Louis stared at his lime and tried not to make a face that would expose any emotion to possible onlookers. Because you know, ghosts can be judgmental of insecure men in love with their best friend with whom they snogged less than 24 hours ago. He diverted his thoughts.

It's a bit hot out today. We should probably take the car since the spa is a bit further of a walk than the park.

He got his wallet, keys, and shoes and waited for Harry at the front door. Harry came clambering down the stairs moments later with gym shorts in hand. Louis opened the door, and Harry followed behind, toeing his shoes on. Louis made sure to lock his flat, then went to open the passenger door for Harry. He ignored the tension that settled into the car when the doors closed.

Both now seated, he started the ignition. The radio came on and it was Justin Timberlake's Summer Love/Set the Prelude.

Yep. Okay. I hope this isn't as awkward for him as it is for me.

Not wanting to draw unnecessary attention to it, he just left it on hoping that Harry wasn't paying attention. However that seemed quite impossible, as the car was void of all other noise and the radio wasn't exactly turned down to be background music. Louis swallowed dryly.

Harry spoke up and it almost made Louis jump. "Um, do you mind if I turn it off? I think I just kind of have a headache or something."

"Yeah, yeah. Sure." Louis quickly reached over to hit the power button when his hand collided with Harry's. Feeling like he just stuck his hand in a pot of boiling water, he hastily retracted it back over to the steering wheel. "Sorry."

He looked over to Harry who looked confused and unsure. That was a new look. Louis had really only ever seen Harry wear confidence.

"You're fine." Harry said under his breath. He hit the power button and the car was deathly silent.

Louis tried to focus on the road. There weren't many cars out. He accelerated a little. They were only a block away now.

They finally pulled into the parking lot and Louis couldn't be more grateful. He put the car into park and got out, not waiting for Harry. He fiddled with the lock on the spa until he got it open and walked in and turned on all the lights.

Harry was behind him now. He turned back to reach around Harry, who stepped to the side, to lock the door from the inside since they're supposed to be closed on Sundays. He led Harry to his massage room.

"Okay, so just um, get changed into those and wait on the seat. We'll have to adjust the massage table since it's a little different than normal massages."

Harry nodded, avoiding Louis' gaze and Louis left the room. He felt his stomach knotting up and felt anxious. He pulled out his phone to start looking for music. He was sick of typical massage music since that's what he had been listening to at the retreat all week. He decided to go for something slightly more upbeat.

Smooth Latin Jazz. That will definitely do.

The light above the door turned green and Louis opened the door, locking it behind him, buckling his belt of massage oils around his waist, then pressing play on his playlist. Harry was shirtless and Louis felt like it had been ages since he'd seen the butterfly and swallow tattoos. Ages since he had last touched Harry...

"K, er, we just need to take the legs off and lie it flat on the floor." Louis kneeled down to start messing with the mechanics of the table. Harry joined him on the other side, and they got all the legs off and stashed them neatly into the corner.

"Okay, so where exactly do we go from here?" Harry stared blankly at Louis.

Great question.

Louis had to avert his gaze from Harry's chest. "Well, you're familiar with Sun Salutation, so basically I'll just walk you through those steps and just kind of massage you deeper into the positions." And if Louis' stomach wasn't doing backflips before, it most certainly was now.

Harry closed his eyes and stood in the center of the room, facing away from Louis, and held his hands together in anjali mudra heart center position releasing a deep but shaky sounding breath.

Louis walked up behind Harry, coated his hands with massage oil, and slowly placed his hands on his shoulders. Harry tensed beneath his touch, then relaxed when Louis started to knead into the muscles there.

Louis didn't realize how much taller Harry was than him and stood on his tiptoes to get a better angle. 

When he loosened up his upper back he spoke softly. "Go ahead and change into Mountain Pose and rest your head against my shoulder."

Harry leaned backwards and Louis wrapped his arms around Harry to massage his abs in an upward movement. Harry's curls were tickling the side of his face and the overwhelming scent of raspberries was right under his nose. He tried to focus on the massage, but wasn't very successful.

Harry's eyes were closed and he didn't seem to be breathing normally, but in his defense, he was starting a yoga routine. Workouts always make you breathe heavily three minutes in, right? Right.

Louis removed his hands. "Okay, now do a Forward Bend."

Harry bent over, tucked his head between his legs, and Louis crowded up behind him to start working his hips. After a few minutes of that, he got down on his knees and with timid hands, pushed up Harry's gym shorts up to get access to his hamstrings.

It hit him, and he's pretty sure he knew what was making Harry a bit off. Being in such a compromising position, he probably felt really vulnerable to Louis. Not to mention mixing that in with the thick sexual tension. This was new to Louis only because he didn't think Harry had any walls of his own that were guarding him from Louis. After the whole episode yesterday, Harry was probably significantly more invested into things as well, therefore realizing he had that much more to lose, along with waiting for Louis to take the lead in establishing what they are now.

Louis sometimes forgets he's not the only one with inhibitions and problems.

"Go down into a lunge." And Louis took a deep breath and tried to relax himself, letting some of his anxiety dissipate. He was in control of the situation and knew his energy was rubbing off on Harry too. He started rubbing into Harry's IT Band and visibly saw and felt Harry relax and settle into the position more.

That's more like it.

"And step into Downward Dog Pose." Louis instructed. Harry's movements seemed to be much more fluid and looser. "Have you been doing yoga while I was gone? You're quite flexible now."

Louis tried to keep his cool and not focus on Harry's bum in the air. Maybe some light conversation would help.

Harry's breathing was still uneven, but he sounded relaxed. "Yeah, every day. It helped me unwind. And has helped my wrist a lot."

Louis nodded and whispered. "Good. Good." He rubbed more oil into his hands and onto Harry's body.

So smooth. So tan. So toned.

The light guitar music was creating a nice vibe in the room, Louis thinks.

"So next you'll go into Cobra position, and you can go ahead and do that on the massage table so it will be more comfortable."

Harry let himself out of Downward Dog onto his knees and crawled over to the padded table that would only raise him off the ground about two inches.

Crawling. Bum in the air. On his knees...

Louis was shaking. Jittery. Watching Harry just... Made him jittery.

Harry stretched out his body, pressing the front of his hips into the table, and slowly lifting up his torso with his arms. The dim lighting in the room reflected all the oil on Harry's body and he glowed. And Louis likes this a lot. He wishes he could get a picture to capture this moment because Harry actually looks like perfection.

Very sexy perfection.

And damn, has it only been 12 hours since he's had those lips on him? He's pretty sure it's been longer. Much, much longer. And he really wanted more. More than kissing...

Realizing that he should probably move before creating a scene, he took steps forward to straddle Harry's back. His blood was surging hotly through his veins and he could hardly speak. "Is... Is this okay?" He placed trembling hands on either side of Harry's spine and started to rub softer than normal. He thinks he saw Harry's skin rise into goose bumps at his touch.

Harry exhaled shakily. "Yeah."

Louis really wishes he could see Harry's face right now, not sure what Harry was feeling. He ran his hands up the length of Harry's body, his own stretching out and almost touching Harry. It felt like there was a great deal of heat and pressure in that small gap where their bodies weren't connected.

And Louis really was overwhelmed with built up pressure inside and was actually struggling to breathe, lungs feeling caught in his throat. He removed his hands from Harry and sat back on his haunches. He closed his eyes and could feel Harry shifting underneath him.

Four seconds in, six seconds out.

Heart pounding loudly, he opened his eyes and Harry was now on his back, propped up on his forearms, searching Louis' face with eyes that revealed everything.

Love. Anticipation. Fear. Trust.

"H-Harry?" Louis was surprised his voice even worked. He was dazed and the sound of his heartbeat in his ears was the only thing he could hear, not having a clue how to say all the things he wanted- needed- to say.

"Yeah?" Harry's voice wasn't much louder than his own.

Louis paused. "I-I don't want to be friends anymore." And Louis felt frozen, stuck in this moment, not sure what Harry's reaction would be.

Harry responded softly. "Me neither." And his hands rose to lift Louis' shirt over his head, then Louis was pulled down by the back of his neck to meet Harry's lips. Louis felt a thousand things, but the one thing he focused in on was feeling was Harry.

His lips were perfectly soft and molded into Louis'. It was different from the kiss they shared last night. It felt warm and comforting and exciting. Like the perfect hug. If lips could hug, this would be the best damn lip hug anyone's ever had.

Only it was a hundred times more erotic than a hug.

Harry's hand on the back of Louis' neck snaked upward and tangled into Louis' hair. He felt a tug and gasped into the sensation. The other hand was pulling Louis' waist into his body. Chests, groins, and legs pressed tightly into each other.

Harry's tongue shot into Louis' open mouth and he was literally breathless. Every emotion felt between them was being conveyed in this kiss and Louis did not possess the necessary amount of neurons to fully get a grasp on the situation.

This will not do. Must regain control...

Louis opened his eyes and saw a close up of Harry's beautifully long eyelashes. He pulled away, then sat up to reach underneath his crotch and fiddle with untying the waistband of Harry's shorts.

Harry watched with glazed eyes as Louis removed the article of clothing. Having stripped Harry of gym shorts and boxers, he gripped a fist into Harry's hair to angle his neck how he wanted it. Louis would manhandle Harry's groin region in his own time.

"Mine." Louis swiftly attached his lips onto the column of his neck and started sucking and biting, marking Harry as his and taking control.

"You." Bite. "Are." Lick. "Mine." Suck.

Harry was groaning and squirming underneath him and had both hands on Louis' waist, trying to pull him closer to his crotch. It was so arousing to put Harry into such a state. Louis could feel Harry hardening beneath him. He knew he needed friction.

When Louis was finished with Harry's neck, he decided he would give Harry what he wanted and grinded down fiercely against his exposed cock. And Louis was completely hard and horny and couldn't get ample amounts of Harry quick enough.

Harry tried sitting up to go for Louis' neck, but Louis pushed him back down and took those sinful lips into an aggressive and dominating kiss. This is what he had wanted for so long, and fuck, it felt better than he ever imagined and there was no stopping it now.

Still attached at the mouth, Harry was now groping Louis' bum, fiddling with the belt of massage oils, successfully getting it off. Louis slapped his hands away when he went for his sweatpants, and when he tried to pin Harry's hands against the table, he felt his own wrists tight in Harry's grip.

Louis felt a leg lock behind his own and a very forceful shift in weight. His back hit the carpet on the floor and his both arms were pinned above his head in one of Harry's hands. He would have taken a moment to complain about the unfairness of the size of Harry's hands in comparison to his, but actually couldn't give less of a shit at the moment because fireworks were exploding everywhere inside him.

"I think you're wearing far too many clothes for my liking." Harry growled.

Louis was definitely not in the mood for talking. Or being dominated. But since it was happening anyway, he may as well make the most of it. "Stop talking." Louis demanded. "Sit on my face and suck my dick."

Harry released his hands and straddled Louis backwards, making quick work of his pants and underwear. Louis moaned and clenched his eyes shut as he felt Harry's mouth around his length.

Holy fuck. Holy fucking shit.

And Louis was in actual bliss. Nothing could have properly prepared him for this moment. He had no idea what Harry was doing down there, but it's the best damn thing to ever happen to him. It was hot and wet and Louis had to keep himself grounded so he wouldn't thrust up into Harry's mouth. He knew his cock couldn't get any harder and he would be climaxing soon if he allowed himself to tip over the edge.

He forced his eyes open when he remembered he had an objective. He grabbed Harry by the hips to slide him closer to his face. Licking upside down stripes on Harry's length from tip to base, his hands touched everywhere that his tongue couldn't.

Now having some lubrication from his mouth, he started working Harry's length with his hands. Louis took Harry's balls into his mouth and sucked hard, then felt what he thinks was more teeth than intended on his own dick. His suspicion was confirmed when Harry's mouth left Louis to huff out a moan.

"Jesus fucking Christ Louis." Harry was groaning hotly against Louis' thigh as Louis kept stroking Harry with his tongue and pumped his cock with his hand. "What do you want? T-tell me what you want."

Louis stopped assaulting Harry's balls momentarily. "Let me fuck you." He squeezed his cock in a long stroke. "Please."

Harry dismounted Louis, kneeling next to him. He seemed to choke out a breath. "I don't have a condom."

"I don't fucking care." Louis pushed Harry back on to the massage table. He wanted Harry to be comfortable. "Do you?" Harry just shook his head furiously. "Hands and knees baby." Louis ordered.

Harry did as requested and Louis pulled the cap off of one of his bottles of massage oil. It was organic and safe he thinks... he hoped.

Harry watched behind him as Louis slicked his fingers up, took position behind Harry, and started to palm in-between his bum. He let his wet fingers trail up and down Harry's crack, teasing the rim and creating a sensation at his fingertips that made him shiver. Harry gasped lightly and his head hung between his arms and fuck- this was so much better than the innumerable times Louis has sweat into his sheets fantasizing this exact thing.

Louis slid his index and middle finger in at the same time and was pleased to find that his other inkling was correct, that Harry was slightly loser than normal from fucking himself all week. Harry moaned out nonetheless and Louis loved watching him writhe at his touch.

"You're so fucking perfect Harry. So fucking perfect for me. God you have no idea how much I love this." Louis keened.

Scissoring and twisting his fingers, he loved controlling Harry. He watched the glistening muscles on Harry's back loosen and tighten as he arched his back. He added his ring finger, and went in passed his knuckles. Once he had all three fingers going in and out fluidly, he curved them upwards, scratching and probing against Harry's tight walls.

"Damn it Louis! Fuck me. Fuck me please. I'm ready." Harry was begging and Louis didn't have to be told twice, but briefly wondered how many times Harry had fantasized about this situation.

He removed his fingers and Harry whined out. Louis poured oil onto himself, placed hands on either side of Harry's hips, and positioned himself at his entrance. "Ready?"

"Yeah. Yes. Go. Please." Harry sputtered out quickly.

Louis entered into Harry, feeling every inch of his velvety soft hole against his dick. "Fuck! Harry you're so tight." Snug around his cock, the pressure felt amazing. He started slowly to get a feel for Harry. And God, it's been forever since he's done this.

"You okay Haz?" Louis queried keeping drag of his cock in and out at a cautious pace. He loved the feeling of the cold lube suctioning then gathering around his dick and Harry's entrance.

"Yes. So good. You feel so good daddy. It burns so good. Go faster." Harry pleaded breathlessly and pushed back hard onto Louis. "Want you to fuck me so hard." He pushed back again with a force that sent a jolt through Louis.

He gripped tightly into Harry's hips and picked up the pace tenfold, going hard until Louis felt the burning and buzzing in his own cock. Louis mercilessly pounded into Harry until he could hear him panting and groaning with every thrust.

The sound of skin slapping against skin filled the room and fueled Louis more and their movements cast a quick moving shadow against the crimson wall, mixing with the music still playing. "Touch yourself. I want you making a mess and cumming all over."

Harry collapsed onto his left forearm and started pumping himself with his right hand. The change in angle made Louis moan out. "Fuck, you feel so good baby. So fucking good." Harry whimpered at Louis' words. Louis clenched his eyes tightly at the hot pressure pooling in his abdomen and he was starting to climax.

You are in control. Harry comes first.

Opening his eyes to see the beautiful mess he was creating, he dragged his nails from Harry's hips downward to experimentally push against the back of his knees.

Harry's breathing became significantly louder. "Lou, can I- I'm gonna cum. Oh my God!"

Louis kneaded his hands harder into Harry and he screamed out and clenched tightly around Louis. Louis released hotly into Harry with a yell of his name. Harry collapsed beneath him and Louis pulled out then fell on top of Harry's back.

They both heaved up and down heavily for a few minutes. Louis wasn't 100% sure that he wouldn't pass out, so he stayed where he was. Harry's breathing slowed beneath him.

"You okay Haz?" Louis spoke in a quiet voice.

Harry's volume matched Louis'. "Yeah. Fuck." He paused. "Thank you."

Louis rolled off Harry onto the floor with a soft thump. He stared at the ceiling. The swirly lights above were dim. He just had sex in his massage room.

There suddenly was a Harry in his vision, blocking his view of the lights above. Harry was softly smiling at Louis and he thinks that there's no way that this is his life, because it feels too surreal.

"That was... Intense..." Harry started.

"Too much?" Louis asked back, worried and maybe with a slightly damaged ego.

"No. No not too much at all. Just... More than I was expecting?" Harry ended the statement as a question.

Louis was starting to feel really self-conscious. His eyes darted around the room, quickly assessed the most efficient way to exit this situation with as much grace as possible.

Harry spoke quickly. "Hey, hey, hey. Louis. Look at me." He placed a hand against Louis' cheek. Louis thought about blatantly avoiding his gaze, but braved it and looked up into Harry's shining eyes.

"Sorry, I really shouldn't even attempt at speaking in a post-sex haze. God, Louis... You were fucking perfect. I just... I had no idea sex could be so fantastic and just... fucking hot... the first time with someone. You were so incredible. You are so incredible. I love you so much." Harry said lovingly.

That hit Louis right in the heart. Mainly because the feelings that were rushing through him right now weren't ones he experienced with Zayn.

Louis closed his eyes and spoke softly. "Thank you."

Harry smiled and wiped Louis' now sweaty fringe from his forehead. "You're extremely sexy when you're all dominating. You know that right?"

Harry was looking deep into Louis' eyes and Louis blushed. "I'm glad you think so."

"Was it okay for you?" Harry enquired.

Louis' blush turned to a dark red. And jeez, you would think he was a middle-schooler with how he is reacting to talk of sex. "Yeah. Really, really amazing. Incredible really. But the, erhm, 'daddy' thing... it's just new, ya know? It was hot, but maybe a little uncomfortable...?"

Harry laughed and rolled over to lie next to Louis. "Yeah that's fine love. Is there a name you'd rather have me use instead?"

Louis was glad that his face wasn't in Harry's view anymore, as he was still crimson. "Well, I kind of liked the other name you called me when we were, um, on the phone the other night. But like, only sometimes because I like just being Louis and Harry too... If that's okay?"

Harry rolled on to his side to look at Louis amused. "That was a couple nights ago and I was quite drunk. As much as I wish I had recorded that conversation, I didn't, and I don't remember all of the details exchanged between us. What name was it?"

Louis turned away from Harry because this was much too candid of a conversation to be having face-to-face. "Um..."

He felt his body slide across carpet and Harry was spooning him. Louis felt a sticky substance against his back and bum. "Eww! Is that your cum on my back?"

Harry chuckled. "You didn't seem to mind sleeping with your face on it last night."

This effectively shut Louis up. Harry spoke again. "You know, you really are something else Louis. You have so many sides to you. You can be so confident and so insecure. So submissive and dominating at the same time. I love it... You're just really multi-dimensional." Louis smiled. "And I think it's adorable that you get embarrassed when talking about sex, yet had no problem verbally raping me into phone sex or fucking me senseless into your workspace."

Louis laughed through his nose and elbowed Harry behind him and heard an 'oomph', then turned around and hung an arm over Harry's neck. "You liked it. And for your information, I am neither insecure or submissive."

"Hmm, but I disagree dear. I could have had my way with you the first time we went to the park together. And though you topped tonight, that won't always be the case." Harry nuzzled his nose against Louis for an Eskimo kiss that Louis returned with zeal.

"We'll see about that." Louis said into Harry's face, breaking into a smirk.

"I think you need to brush your teeth. You smell like my balls." Harry teased him and pushed him away.

And Louis laughed. He laughed so hard that his eyes strained shut tightly. He grabbed his stomach because it started to hurt. Because he never thought he would be in this situation, and never thought he would be Eskimo kissing a naked Harry who he just fucked into his massage table at work then having him disgrace his breath for sucking on his balls.

A lot had happened today and it just felt good to laugh until it was painful. Harry joined in, laughing at Louis for laughing. And Louis felt so carefree.

~~

Louis cleaned up his massage room with the help of Harry, making sure to sanitize reassemble the table it since he just had standard massages booked for tomorrow.

Everything was reorganized and all that was left was to hang up his belt of massage oils. He picked up the bottle he had used and turned it around to read the ingredients.

100% pure jojoba oil

That's a huge relief. Good thing I didn't use the cinnamon one.

Louis laughed to himself.

"Something funny?" Harry was pulling his sweatpants back on.

"Nope." Louis smiled and threw the now empty bottle away.

They turned off the lights, locked up the spa and left to go back home.

~~


	21. Chapter 21

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2ut14lx)

~~~~

Harry was in his kitchen again, making some exotic smelling stir-fry with vegetables that Louis didn't know existed and some other fancy, impractical appetizer cooking in the oven. Harry set a plate of sliced red peppers in front of him at the bar. "Eat this while we wait for the food to cook. I don't want you getting over hungry."

Louis picked one up and crunched on the sweet food happily. "Thank you." He shoved another slice into his mouth. "So how close are you to the end of your term?"

He walked back over to the stovetop. "I finished on Friday. I told you that before you left, but that's okay." He looked over his shoulder at Louis. "I know you had a lot on your mind. Like how to manipulate me into giving you phone sex." Harry snickered as he stirred the food in the wok.

"You're the one that called me drunk off your ass." Louis defended.

"And you're the one that started drinking while we were on the phone. Am I wrong? Let me guess, a bottle of complimentary red wine in the room that you hadn't touched all week? No... Champagne maybe?"

Louis snorted. "Tequila. And it's only because you drove me to drinking. This was all your fault."

Harry put the spatula down and walked over behind Louis, placing both arms on the counter around him and put his face close to Louis'. He shivered as he felt Harry's hot breath on his ear. "All my fault hmm? I disagree. You're the one always tempting and teasing me. You can hardly blame me."

Louis was about to take the rest of this conversation to his bedroom when something caught his smell. "Is something burning?"

Harry gasped. "My kale chips!" He ran over and slid on oven mitts and pulled the steaming tray out of the oven.

Louis wasn't a chef or anything, but those were definitely burnt. "Good try Haz. It's okay, shriveled up leaves honestly sounds like shit to me anyway."

"These... This is one of my best dishes..." Harry looked at the plate with remorse and sorrow. He reminded Louis of a very sad puppy. He wanted to pet him.

"It's okay. I still think you're a brilliant chef. Now, finish up your vegetable fry and let's watch a movie, yeah? We could watch Pocahontas if it would make you feel better." Louis offered.

"Yeah, that'd be really nice." Harry went back to cooking, kale chips regretfully in the garbage.

Louis hopped off the barstool with his plate of peppers and went into the living room to get the movie set up and the blankets out. He reminisced fondly on the blanket fort he and Harry had made together a while back.

He picked the fluffiest blanket and some pillows and pulled out the hide-a-bed on the couch because if they're going to watch a movie, they may as well snuggle and get comfortable, right?

Finishing off his pepper slices, everything was set up and ready to go. And gosh, it's been forever since he's treated himself to a Disney movie.

Harry walked into the living room with two plates of brightly colored food and handed one to Louis who thanked him. They sat back and Louis pressed play.

Louis started munching on the deliciously hot food and looked over to Harry. It was only the opening scene, but he seemed completely entranced by the screen. "Are you going to eat your food? It's really good by the way."

"Mm-hmm." And Harry slowly directed a forkful of food up to his mouth.

The rest of the movie went in a similar fashion, with Harry being completely absorbed in the show and quoting his favorite parts. After they had finished their plates, they cuddled and softly tickled each other's arms.

The credits rolled and Louis was snuggled tightly into Harry.

_So warm._

_Except he doesn't smell like him. He smells like... Massage oils..._

Louis spoke softly. "Was that you're shampoo, conditioner, and soap in my shower?"

"Yeah. I was going to take them with me when I went home tonight though. Sorry about that. I didn't mean to invade in on your space." Harry spoke gingerly.

_Ah, but I don't want you to go..._

"You said you don't have school this week? What about work?" Louis tried to sound nonchalant.

"They have all the normal staff off for the holidays so they can hire on the temporaries without having to pay them overtime. So, no work till the new term starts up."

"Are you doing extra polo practice this week then?" Louis didn't like change. And things are changing. Something about it panicked him. He didn't know where the expectations lie in times of change. Decisions have to be made. Things have to be said. He wasn't prepared for this.

_Only for a couple weeks. Then he'll be back in school and we'll be back to our normal schedule._

"No. As long as we stay in shape, the coach let's us take off till after New Years." Harry responded, still tickling Louis' arm gently.

Louis moved his head to look up to Harry. "What do you do then? It's still two and a half weeks till Christmas. Going to go visit your mum early?"

Harry looked down at Louis. "I usually just hang out and party with my friends. My mum doesn't usually expect me until the day before or day of Christmas."

Louis looked away from Harry. "Good then. That sounds like fun."

Harry stopped tickling Louis' arm and instead slid down to interlace fingers with Louis. "I'm sorry for not telling you about our pre-game parties. It just never came up, ya know?"

This caused Louis' stomach to knot uncomfortably. "No, it's totally fine. I just didn't know."

Harry brought his other hand up to caress Louis' face and turn it towards him. "Hey, is everything okay?"

And Louis eyes flicked from Harry's green ones down to his lips. "Yeah." And he leaned up to kiss Harry delicately.

Harry continued to stroke Louis' cheek with his thumb as they kissed tenderly. Louis shifted his body to lower down into the bed more, and Harry got the memo, shifting down with him.

Louis rolled on top of Harry and continued kissing him softly, but full of emotion now. There were so many words that he wanted to say but never would. Dreaded words that only created problems and conflict and disappointment. Words could be forgotten or changed or become twisted. It was better to speak without words.

Harry's hands gently roamed up and down Louis' sides and over the curves of his bum. Louis was supporting himself with his hands, but lowered his body closer to Harry and kissed around his face gently.

He heard Harry breathe into his ear, then felt Harry kissing and kitten licking his ear. Shivers ran up and down Louis and he froze, then melted into Harry's actions. Harry moved his mouth from his earlobe to the area right behind it.

Louis let himself drop his remaining weight onto Harry, and was promptly rolled over beneath Harry. Their gaze met and Louis was overwhelmed with the sight of Harry hovering over him in his dark living room. The room felt so huge, but so incredibly small at the same time. The space felt infinite, but so small and intimate when Harry was this close to him.

Harry dipped down to kiss Louis' forehead, and he let his eyes flutter shut. He felt a thousand small kisses placed on every inch of skin he had exposed from his face down to his exposed collarbones.

Harry's hands moved to pull off Louis' shirt, and he sat up to help him out. Harry's shirt came off next, then Louis was laid back down. With more fervor this time, Harry kissed against Louis' neck. He pressured kisses into the crook of his neck and kissed down to the tattoo covering Louis chest.

Harry was rubbing Louis' sides, and mixed with the sensation of his lips on his chest, he felt tingly everywhere. Very tingly, and very... exposed.

There was something about Harry kissing the tattoo that represented the mess that Louis had made of his life that was sweet and... unconditional. And it further broke down the fortifications that Louis had spent so much time protecting.

Harry kissed down to the waistline of Louis' sweatpants. Louis opened his eyes to look at him, and Harry was gazing back up at him with glistening eyes. Louis shifted to allow Harry access to pull his pants down.

Now naked, his semi-hard was in Harry's hands as he touched Louis gently and continued giving him kitten kisses up and down his thighs. Harry was being so soft with him that it almost hurt; but also healed all of his hurting parts at the same time.

"I love you Louis." And Louis looked down to see Harry's fluttering eyelashes looking up at him. Louis let his head fall back, and felt Harry take him into his mouth.

The sensation shot fireworks through his body. Harry had one hand rubbing the side of his bum, and the other fondling the base of his cock where his mouth couldn't reach. His lips felt so good- so fucking good, and his tongue slid with ease up and down Louis' length, always taking extra time at the head to flick off the tip.

He felt Harry's hand move from the base of his cock down to his balls where he started tugging lightly. Louis gasped as he was taken deeper into Harry's throat. He felt teeth lightly hitting his skin and it made him shudder with nerves and arousal. Harry kept a steady and slow pace going from the base to the tip of Louis.

Harry pulled his mouth off Louis and looked to him for any signs of hesitance. Louis was undecided, but tensely nodded to let Harry continue. Harry held his fingers next to Louis' mouth and Louis opened, taking them in. He sucked and rubbed his tongue between Harry's index and middle finger to lubricate them, then Harry withdrew them from his mouth.

Fingers now at the opening of Louis' hole, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Relax love, it's just me." Louis opened his eyes and exhaled at the sight of Harry, smiling with concern. "Just let me know if it's too much. I can stop at any time."

Louis nodded and kept his eyes open to watch Harry as he felt a finger enter. It felt so good, so soft. And  _God_ , Harry's fingers. He swears he has a fetish for them.

He felt Harry push in further and it felt pleasurable. "You can do another." Harry looked up to him to make sure he had heard Louis correctly. "It feels really good." Harry turned his attention back to what he was doing, and added his middle finger in.

It was more of a stretch, but still felt incredible and Harry was moving his fingers in and out in just the right way. The drag was wonderful and Louis started squirming with desire, heat rushing through him.

Harry took this as his cue to add a third. Upon entry, Louis felt full. Too full. Too much. He was giving away too much and he wasn't ready for this.

"H-Haz." Louis stuttered out. "Haz, can I- please? Can you stop?"

Harry fluidly removed his fingers from Louis and leaned up to kiss his ear. "Are you alright love?"

Louis felt empty and sad without Harry in him, but knew that he wasn't ready for the alternative. "Yeah, can we just- are you... Can I... Like earlier? I'll be softer this time." Louis hoped Harry knew what the hell he was trying to say because he knew his wasn't actually making sense.

Harry nodded into the side of his face and pressed a kiss against his neck and it felt warm and loving. Louis sat on the edge of the bed to gather his bearings for a moment, then made his way up to his room to grab his bottle of lube, but not a condom because that ship already sailed.

Downstairs with lube in hand, he saw that Harry had taken off his sweatpants and was laying face up on the bed, with a hand resting on his fully erect cock. Louis climbed on top of him and kissed his sparrow tattoos. He whispered into his chest. "Thank you." Then felt Harry's hand stroke the back of Louis' hair.

Louis poured some lube onto himself, and put a little extra on Harry so that it would be smooth and wouldn't cause any tearing. He experimentally put two fingers in to find that Harry was still relaxed and lose. Harry just smiled up at him and spoke softly. "I think I'll be quite prepared for the next couple days with the way you did me earlier."

Louis withdrew his fingers and smiled with amusement. "Good. That was my plan all along." He got down on one hand and one forearm, head next to Harry's, positioned his hips, and slowly entered him. Harry breathed heavily as Louis bottomed out. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. It's just a bit sensitive, but it feels good. Don't be too gentle, or you'll make me go soft." Harry had a hint of humor in his voice.

Louis adjusted his head so he could get a proper look at Harry's face who was indeed smirking at him. Louis scowled and licked a fat stripe up the side of his face.

"Eww! Don't lick my face!" Harry batted Louis away and they both started giggling. And it felt quite amazing on Louis' part because he could feel Harry tightening with every laugh and it made Louis hornier but also laugh harder.

Finally feeling discomfort from too much pressure in the same place, he started to move his hips forward and retract them again, going in and out of Harry.

Their laughing died off as the pleasure increased. Louis was slightly desensitized from their session earlier, so he was thrusting into Harry with more energy to get the buildup he was chasing after. Orgasming with Harry is so much more fulfilling than masturbating ever would be. He didn't just release testosterone when getting off with him, but also felt immensely bonded to Harry. The feeling was addictive, and he wanted it again. Louis just hoped he wasn't hurting him.

"Are you okay?" Louis asked breathily between thrusts. "Am I hurting you?"

Harry grabbed his hips tighter. "I swear if you keep asking that, I'm going to flip you over and ride you until you're the one hurting tomorrow."

And okay, maybe Louis was being a bit overly cautious, but he didn't want to ruin this and was lucky enough to have Harry to be completely up front with him.

No longer worried, he snapped his hips forward particularly hard and Harry gasped out. "Right there. Do that again."

Pulling out then trusting forward even harder this time, Harry moaned out again. Now knowing where Harry liked it, he pounded into him, making Harry cry out each time Louis bottomed out.

Louis was finally starting to feel the pressure build up in his abdomen and his body was glazed with sweat. The hide-a-bed was squeaking with the force of Louis' body pushing into Harry.

"Harder Lou. Harder. Fuck!" Harry's nails dug deep into Louis' back.

Louis sat back on his legs, taking pressure off Harry's chest and roughly grabbed Harry's legs to prop them up onto his shoulders. This gave Louis a better angle to put more strength behind each thrust. Louis was panting for breath and grunting and fuck, his abs were cramping, but he relentlessly put all of his focus on wrecking Harry.

"Christ! Fuck!" Harry's moans were increasing in volume and it was music to Louis' ears. His curls were plastered to his face and neck with sweat and he was grabbing desperately at the mattress and sheets.

"God Harry, you're so fucking hot." Harry writhed beneath him at his words.

Louis had a thought and went with it. He turned his head to his shoulder where Harry's knee was propped up, used a hand to tilt it slightly and bit hard into the back of his knee while still snapping his hips harshly into Harry.

"Louis! Fuck!!" And with that, Harry spurted ribbons of cum across his chest, heaving for air.

Louis continued biting into Harry, finding that he quite liked it, and it was only several sporadic thrusts later before he released with a loud moan.

Louis was lightheaded from overexerting himself and doubled over at his protesting muscles.

He pulled messily pulled out of Harry to lie down at the foot of the bed and compose his breathing.

_Two seconds in, four seconds out._

Not bothering to check in on Harry because he knew he'd be fine, he slowly made his way back into reality. He felt Harry join him several quiet minutes later, bed squeaking as he sat next to Louis.

 _Fuck_.

His least favorite part.

_Do I say something, or wait for him to say something, or just hope he says nothing?_

"Let's get you cleaned up, yeah?" Louis tried.

"Do you want me to stay?"

And fuck, he loved and hated Harry for being like this.

_I don't know._

"I don't think I want you to go." Louis said weakly.

"Let's go shower then." Harry offered a hand to Louis.

They made their way upstairs, abandoning the mess they left behind.

The water heated up and they both got in. Louis' muscles relaxed significantly in the heat and he stretched and exhaled, leaning into Harry. Harry just hugged him close and kissed his forehead.

Knowing that he shouldn't fall asleep standing against Harry in the shower, he grabbed Harry's shampoo bottle. He was about to pour some into his hand when Harry gently took the bottle from him and squeezed it into his own hand.

_Okay?_

He motioned for Louis to turn around. He did. He felt large hands on his head. Harry lathered in the shampoo and scrubbed it into Louis' hair.

_Shit this feels amazing._

Louis' eyes fluttered shut and he tilted his head back, giving Harry easier access. Harry cupped water in his hands from the shower and rinsed out Louis' hair. Next, he was getting conditioner rubbed in; this time softer, as Harry was using the pads of his fingers instead of his nails. He felt Harry's hands work his nape, then go lower on his neck where he knew was void of any hair, but he didn't give two shits because it felt incredible.

Louis was overwhelmed with the smell of raspberry. And Harry's touch. And the water trickling along his back. He felt Harry rinse the conditioner away and opened his eyes to turn around again, when he felt a hand on his back keeping him in place.

_Okay. You don't have to tell me twice._

Moments later and he heard another bottle opening, then felt a cool gel across his shoulders.

_More raspberry. I wonder if Harry has a raspberry fetish or something._

Louis leaned forward to rest his head against the side of his shower. He felt the gel getting spread from his neck to his hips and Harry's fingers worked his back in such a soft but deliberate way.

_It's been so long since I've been touched like this._

He reveled in Harry's igniting touch. After about 10 minutes of melting into everything Harry, he felt a pressure on his waist and turned around. He opened his eyes and saw Harry looking pleased with the state he put Louis in.

Reaching for the liquid soap again, Harry looked at Louis for confirmation that it was okay to continue. Louis just smiled and closed his eyes again, leaning his back against the shower wall and letting his arms dangle at his sides.

Harry's hands wrapped around Louis' sides and worked their way up and down his torso, kneading gently at the muscles. Harry's touch became feather light, and Louis felt his  _'It Is What It Is'_  tattoo being traced by Harry's fingertips.

Hands traveled up to the front of Louis' neck and shoulders and Louis relaxed into the sensual feeling. Harry was touching him with a gentle pressure, but there was so much more being conveyed by his energy. Louis wanted Harry to touch him everywhere.

_Trust._

_That's a scary thought._

_It's been a while._

The shower was so much better than their normal Saturday showers in the college locker room because it was private and intimate, and damn, if Louis wasn't so fucking spent, he could go for round three with Harry.

Cleaned and tired, they collapsed into Louis' bed snuggled closely together.

~~~~


	22. Chapter 22

~~~

Monday morning and Louis' alarm went off. He reached over to shut it off and dreaded this week. The spa would be insane. And Louis really didn't have time for insane. Or maybe he did. He felt extra exuberant this morning.

He stretched his arms, and when he turned his neck around to stretch that out, he let out a yelp at seeing Harry in his bed. He scrambled to his phone to check what day it was and see if his alarm accidentally got set for Sunday and he was trapped in a Groundhog's Day vortex with some life lesson to learn.

 _Monday_.

He did the only thing any sane person would do. He poked Harry.

_He's definitely real and alive and breathing._

Even when Harry stays the nights, he's always up before Louis, so this was new.

Not having the slightest clue what to do or how to respond to the situation, he figured he would go on default mode and just get ready for his day.

He looked in the bathroom mirror and  _shit_ \- he forgot his neck looked like a wild animal had attacked it. He got to work with concealer and foundation, covering up as much as possible. It was moments like these he was grateful to work at a spa and have lots of make up and random beauty items and shit at his disposal to test, try out, and keep for emergencies. Unfortunately, even with his make up skills, the damage was deep, and hints of blue and purple still showed through.

_Eh. What the hell. I'll go for a super metro look today. It's December anyway so it's somewhat chilly._

He skillfully maneuvered a scarf to cover as much of the discoloration as possible and fashionably matched it to his professional, but bold outfit.

Only five minutes left until he was supposed to be out the door, he went upstairs and peeked in his room. Harry was still asleep.

_Umm..._

He ripped a piece of paper out of a notebook he had lying one of his shelves.

_Hey,_

_Not really sure why I'm writing you a note when we both have phones and can text each other... but I left for work. Make yourself at home if you want. I don't care either way. And I don't know, text me when you wake up or something?_

_-Louis xx_

Louis was ashamed of his existenceand crumpled up the paper and threw it over towards the trashcan. He was going to be late and didn't have time for stupid, frivolous notes. Harry could take care of himself.

He left his flat and arrived at work, mentally pumping himself up for the day. Employees trickled in, and he showed Lexie the ropes of being the receptionist. Unfortunately she would only be available for today, so he would have to figure something out for the rest of the week. He placed the 'Estheticians Wanted' sign out front. He'd have to replace Carrie this week too.

Louis was back in his office drinking his tea when he felt his phone vibrate. It was from Harry.

Figured id help out by picking up your flat a bit after the mess we made... i cant decide if im flattered by your note or offended that youd rather give it to the trashcan than me ;)

Louis huffed at that.

Dont go sticking your nose in places it doesnt belong :P

After going back to doing work on his computer for a couple minutes, he got a reply from Harry.

I can think of plenty other places to stick my nose if youll let me. Btw, did you bring a lunch, or should i bring you leftover stirfry?

And the thought of Housewife Harry got Louis much more excited than it should have.

Thatd be great. Thx babe.

Shifting a bit in his seat to readjust himself, he got back to work.

~~

Lunchtime came and Louis was extremely giddy. He was going crazy sitting in his office and decided to go look busy at the front desk.

"How's everything going Lexie?" Louis put a hand on the back of her chair and one on the desk and leaned down to check her computer screen to see if everything was running according to schedule. She smelled like Victoria's Secret.

"Very good! A bit cramped for the staff, but they're managing and keeping their spirits high. This is quite fun! I wish I could be the receptionist for you all week." She responded with a big smile.

"It's quite alright love. I'm just very glad you were able to help out today. Thank you again." Louis smiled back.

They both snapped their heads to the left at the sound of a loud scoff. "Watch yourself Lexie. There's nothing there that he'll want from you." Blake sneered.

_There's people in the waiting room Louis. Keep your cool. Keep your fucking cool._

"I'm sorry Blake, did you have something you needed to discuss with me in the privacy of my office, or were you packing your bags?" Louis stood up tall and maintained his voice.

"Neither. Just giving Lexie a friendly warn-" The bell chimed and Harry walked in. He was wearing black skinnies and a button up that covered most of his neck that was also a deep red with hints of blue.

_Ah fucking shit. I forgot about this._

"Well, if it isn't your boyfriend!" Blake exclaimed loud enough for the entire lobby to hear. "How nice to see you again!" Blake's voice went up an octave and was way too fake to even sound real. The entire lobby full of clients looked on in concern and mild disgust.

Louis was about to fire Blake and make a huge scene and possibly punch in him the face because the rage was surfacing quicker than Louis could push it down, and fuck his job and Corporate America; he always wanted to be a gypsy anyway. But luckily for Louis, Harry decided to speak up.

"Nice to see you too Blake. Just stopping by because Louis' girlfriend asked me to drop off his lunch. She sends her apologies." Harry said with a smile and completely level voice.

_Fucking God bless Harry. Fucking angel that one is._

Blake was stunned but also looked like he was quickly formulating a retort. Louis had to act quickly. "No, it's all good. I know she was busy today. Harry, do you mind if I see you in my office for a moment though? Lexie, I assume you have it all handled up here?"

Not about to wait for a response from either Lexie or Harry, he turned to go to his office, hoping that Lexie did indeed have things handled, and Harry would follow him.

He chanced a look behind him, and Harry was following closely. Louis opened the door and let Harry walk in. He closed it behind him and locked it.

"Well I'm glad I went with my instincts today and wore my collared shirt, because if we were both in matching scarves, I think we'd look a bit too gay for people to-oomph!" Louis slammed Harry up against his wall, uninterested in letting him finish.

Harry caught on quickly, dropping the bag of food onto the ground and wrapping his arms around Louis. Louis pried his tongue into Harry's mouth and reached up to unbutton his shirt.

"Wait, wait, wait, Lou. You could lose your job." Harry tried to speak into Louis' mouth.

"It's locked. And I don't care. I'm the boss anyway."

Hands wrapped around the back of his thighs and he jumped onto Harry at his cue and wrapped his legs around his back. Harry walked them over to his desk, pushing over a tall pile of papers that were important five minutes ago, but now had no relevance in Louis' life whatsoever.

Louis was set down on the desk and continued unbuttoning Harry's shirt. He passionately kissed Harry and ripped his shirt off. He heard Harry kick off his shoes, and moved his hands to unbutton Harry's pants.

He was abruptly stopped when Harry pulled Louis' shirt over his head, and pulled the scarf off with it. More things were falling off his desk as clothes were being taken off. Louis kicked off his shoes, and Harry pulled his pants and underwear down shortly after.

"Tell me what you want love. Beautiful job on your neck by the way. I'm pleased you couldn't cover it all up." Harry smirked at a naked Louis on the desk.

"Switch me places. D'you have a condom by chance?" Louis looked at Harry, and saw him reach into his back pocket.

"Again, my instincts are impeccable today." Harry was grinning wider.

"Shush. Get naked and bend over on my desk." Louis instructed. He slid off and onto the floor.

Harry handed Louis the condom, then did as instructed, getting naked and leaning onto the desk.

Louis kneeled down on the floor and grabbed Harry's side. "Hang on to something. And grab my scarf. You can't be loud."

Harry's breathing quickly increased. "Are you gonna- ah!"

Louis wasted no time, spreading Harry apart, and licked up and down his crack. He heard glass crash to the floor and he knew it was the photo he kept on his desk of him and Zayn, but pushed the thought aside for more important ones. He was glad he still hadn't shaved in a while. It would make it extra... fun for Harry.

Louis circled his tongue quickly around Harry's rim and could hear Harry whimpering above him. He delved his tongue deep into Harry and retracted it back out. He repeated the motion several times, then switched it up by playing with the outer rim. He flicked the tip of his tongue against the puckering hole and felt Harry trying not to squirm.

Louis smiled and brought a hand over to Harry's bum. He kneaded into him with his hands while he went back to licking long stripes with his tongue, making sure to move his face around to scratch Harry with his facial hair.

He could hear a very muffled 'Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!' coming from the desk above. He trailed his fingers to meet his tongue and with one fluid motion, pushed both into Harry.

His office chair went crashing to the ground beside him, and he knows someone probably heard that. He had to finish up here, and  _fuck_! He doesn't have any massage oil in his office.

Removing his tongue, but keeping his finger in and adding another one, he twisted his fingers and corkscrewed them in and out of Harry. He used his other hand to yank open one of the desk drawers.

Proud of his multitasking, he probed his hand around in the drawer and-  _yes!_

_That'll work._

He grabbed the bottle of lotion and opened it. He withdrew his fingers with a protest from Harry, and stood up quickly to put on the condom and coat it with the hand lotion.

He entered Harry without giving him any warning and loved the sight in front of him. Office a mess, and desk in disorder with Harry spread naked and bent over, gripping the edge with his face buried in Louis' scarf while Louis thrusted into him.

Louis spoke only loud enough so that Harry could hear. "So fucking hot Harry. God, I'm not going to last much longer." He heard a whimper from Harry as he started to tense up and shit... He couldn't just let Harry jizz all over his floor and desk.

He reached a hand around to jerk Harry off in rhythm with his hips, and only several more strokes and he was coming into Louis' hand with a muffled shriek into the fashion accessory. Louis came a few thrusts later and brought his arm up to bite into his bicep to prevent himself from crying out.

Still aware of the compromising position they were in, Louis quickly pulled out and Harry collapsed to his knees beneath Louis.

And fuck yes. Louis was that good.

Glad that he had tissues on his desk, he used them to wipe off his hand and pull off the condom, then handed the box to Harry. He scrambled around to throw his clothes back on and ended up looking rather disheveled, but at least he was dressed. He started to pick up the hurricane that was papers and crap scattered across his office.

Harry was slacking behind, only having his pants and hopping around to put his shoes on. Louis heard someone knock at the door.

_Fucking cunts really?_

He looked at the state of his office. It was still a cataclysm. And Harry was half dressed. And there was a broken picture frame and glass shattered everywhere. And his office chair was upturned.

He took a deep breath, wiped his hands on his white pants, and ran a hand through his hair. He cracked the door open as little as possible and stepped out. There was a girl who looked maybe 17. She turned a dark crimson upon seeing Louis. He always loved this reaction because yes, he was attractive.  _Thankyouverymuch._

"Hi! I'm Maria! It's nice to meet you Mr. Tomlinson." She stuck a hand out for Louis to shake, and  _God this is so fucking unethical._

Louis offered a hand back, squirming internally as she shook it with vigor. "Just Louis. Call me Louis."

She retracted her hand and Louis cringed. "I just graduated and saw your sign out front. I would love to work here!"

Louis scratched the back of his head. "Great. I'm actually having lunch right now with a client. Hand Lexie your resume and I'll call you in for an interview later today. Is that alright?"

Maria nodded frantically. "Of course! I look forward to hearing from you!"

"Great then. Talk to you soon." Louis backed up, opening the door to his office, opening and closing it as quickly as possible.

Harry was dressed now, and bending over to pick up the rest of the papers. Louis helped him, and together his office was slowly put back into order. He would have to go out front to retrieve the broom and dustpan though. And Clorox wipes. It would be really wrong to not clean his desk off; but he really didn't want to deal with anyone right now. He pulled out his phone and dialed one of his 'favorited' phone numbers.

"Serenity Spa, this is Lexie! How can I help you?"

"Lexie, it's Louis. Please bring a broom, dustpan, and Clorox wipes to my office."

"Yep! Be right back with those." She hung up.

Harry picked up the bag of food and was sitting on the corner sofa. Louis had his outfit readjusted to look closer to how it was supposed to be and popped in several Altoids. There was a soft knock at the door.

"Louis? It's Lexie..."

He opened the door for her. She handed him the requested items. "Was it really necessary to send Maria back?"

Lexie blushed and averted her gaze. "She came in right after you left to your office with Harry. I told her to just leave her resume' with me, but she was really insistent on meeting you. I told her to have a seat and wait while I checked to see if you were available and uh, I was going to knock, but you guys sounded, um, busy... So uh, I just had her wait a few more minutes. I got up to go to the bathroom and she had left the lobby... Sorry."

Louis pinched the bridge of his nose. "That girl, her poor- you know what, it's fine. Thank you for the things. I'll just be a bit longer with Harry. We were just finishing up lunch."

Lexie looked at Harry sitting innocently with the bag of completely unopened food, then to the broken glass on the floor and nodded, trying not to smile. "Okay. Just let me know if you need anything."

Louis ushered her out and shut the door. "Now then, shall we finish up here?"

Leaving the food behind, Harry took a couple long strides across the room and backed Louis against the door. They both looked at each other for a moment. Harry's eyes flicked to Louis' lips and back.

Harry gradually leaned in and encased Louis' lips with his own. Harry kept the kiss openmouthed, but soft. When Louis tried to push his tongue into Harry's mouth, Harry gently closed his lips around it and sucked lightly before pulling off.

"That was fucking incredible Lou. Thank you so much." Harry says.

When they reconnected, Louis took Harry's bottom lip between his teeth and sucked and licked it gently. Harry's lips were so full and Louis swears he could kiss them all day and never feel like he had touched enough of them.

Harry kissed Louis again and again until Louis was sure that their lips had touched at every angle possible. Harry pulled away, creating a small string of saliva between their lips. Louis blushed and snapped his head away as quickly as possible, pursing his lips in embarrassment.

Hearing Harry chuckle softly, he looked back to meet his gaze. "You're not embarrassed over a bit of saliva are you?"

Louis shook his head, even though he knew he was lying.

"Kissing is supposed to be messy. That's what makes it wonderful and special. You wouldn't just go up to Lexie and spit on her now, would you?" Harry's eyes were teasing, but his voice was soft.

Louis never wanted to be un-composed or overwrought when it came to relationships. He tried to keep everything in his control because disorganization was for children. Finesse was a result of experience, which Louis always wanted to have claim on.

"I s'pose not. I just don't like being messy." Louis tried.

"Now that's a damn lie." Harry accused, then licked Louis' face.

"Hey!" Louis tried not to shriek and pushed Harry off of his face to no avail. Harry continued licking and kissing every inch of Louis' face.

"Mmm, you taste like makeup. Did you put foundation on your face too? You know, I don't think I'd mind you in a bit of makeup." Harry mumbled into his assault on Louis' face.

"Oh my gosh, Harry, stop! It tickles and gross! You're bathing my face in your tong- Eww!!" Louis tried moving his face away from Harry again with no luck, as Harry had a tight grip on his neck and head.

Louis reached his hands up and clung tightly into his curls, trying to pry Harry off of his face. Harry pulled Louis backwards with him as they took a few steps back and Louis felt their mouths attach again. Further lowering his inhibitions and walls, Louis gave in and pushed Harry against the corner of the wall and licked relentlessly at Harry's lips that he could feel smiling against him.

Harry's mouth parted and they engaged in an excessively messy French kiss. Louis could feel the dried saliva in skin on his face cracking from places Harry's tongue had recently been. And Louis will be damned if he didn't admit that it was liberating. Freeing to let go and not care and kiss with all feeling and no thought.

Harry slowed down the kiss and Louis supposed it was because he had accomplished his motive. Being thrown back into reality, he remembered he was at work and had a fucking job to do.

_Damn being an adult. Why did he think that's all he wanted his whole life?_

He patted the side of Harry's cheek and offered him a small smile. "I officially have 10 minutes left of my lunch. Do you have time to eat with me?" He pulled out a Clorox wipe to wipe off his hands, face, and desk.

Harry grinned back. "Of course." He kissed Louis on the cheek and set the food on the desk. They happily ate their lunch with light conversation and good laughs.

~~


	23. Chapter 23

Harry leaves, and the day goes on without them texting. Louis feels needy and horny, continually replaying every moment of his lunch break over and over again in his head. This makes for a lot of half-assed work and conversations on Louis’ part, but no one really could judge; plus he hadn’t eaten or had snacks since lunch, which leads to him being inattentive. He wonders how the heck he ever took care of himself without Harry.  Hell, with Harry taking care of him as is, he still finds things to long for… like more sex for instance.

Was Harry still at his house? Would Harry be able to come over tonight again?  Would he want to? Should he ask, or wait for Harry?

When he is close to finishing up the closing checklist, he texts him.

**…What are u up to?**

He gets a response a couple minutes later.

**Just got done having dinner with niall… why do you ask?**

Damn Harry and his coy ways.  Making Louis ask.  Why can’t he make this easier for him?

_A-ha!_

**Sounds like fun. Just wondering when you’re planning on replacing my vibrator for me.  I believe u owe me 2**

_Boom. Successful and legitimate excuse_.

His phone buzzes with a response.

**Would you like me to wire you the money?**

Is he being serious or playful? Is he busy or uninterested? Fuck this.  He’ll play by Harry’s rules.

**No thank you. Id like to request your services as a chauffer to and from the store, as well as your moral support in person.  If tonight is no good for you, then I can fit you into my very busy schedule later this week.**

_Let’s see what he has to say to that._

His stomach grumbles and he ignores it, going on with his night and is about to lock the door when feels a text come through.

**So needy :P. I’m available right now. Meet at my flat, and ill drive u from there.**

This is new for Louis. He actually had never been to Harry’s place.  They were always content to stay at Louis’ and Louis never really had a need or desire to see where Harry lives.

He receives a text moments later with Harry’s address. Louis locks the spa then gets in his car.

Louis taps his fingers against the steering wheel. He doesn’t really know what Harry had been doing since he left the spa at lunchtime and doesn’t really know if he even has a right to ask.  He also has never been to Harry’s flat before, and a new environment has new expectations that Louis was unprepared for.  Also, he’d be seeing Niall.

And _fuck_! Has Harry been telling Niall everything? How much does he know about their relationship? Did Harry tell him where they were going tonight?

Louis turns on his radio to distract his mind from thinking.

Some shitty Top 40 song came on and he lets himself bitch out loud about how terrible some music was nowadays.

He arrives into what he assumes to be the parking lot for Harry’s apartment complex.  He parks in an empty space and walks towards the building.  He sees a Harley Davidson parked next to the sidewalk then knows he was in the right place.

He walks up the godforsaken stairs since there isn’t an elevator and arrives at the third floor.

He knocks on door 310.

A half dressed Niall appears and Louis feels nauseous. Niall smiles loudly then yells behind his shoulder.  “Harry! Your fuckboy is here! Come in Louis!”

Louis steps inside; slightly aggravated at the fact that Niall didn’t really have a right to know about the intimate relationship of him and Harry, and slightly aggravated that Harry had told him. Also, he didn’t like being called someone’s fuckboy.

Their flat smells strongly of chlorine and it makes Louis’ nerves twitch.  They have a medium to small kitchen and living room, and it looks like there was one bedroom and one bathroom on each side of the living room.  The couch, coffee table, and TV are the only things in the living room and the walls are white and have a couple of athletic posters on them. He wonders what Harry’s room looks like.

Harry comes out of one of the doors that he assumes was his bedroom in all black and smiles at the sight of Louis. “Hey Lou!  Do you have a leather jacket?”

Louis shakes his head, not being able to think of anything intelligent to say.  And honestly, what kind of question is that?  Harry knows Louis’ entire wardrobe by now and knows that he most certainly did not have a leather jacket.

Niall pipes up.  “Right, you can use mine.  Just don’t fuck in it or anything.”  Then leaves to get a leather jacket out of his closet. 

Harry shakes his head.  “Don’t listen to him.  He doesn’t know anything.  He’s only assuming.”

Louis breathes out a sigh of relief and tries to find his voice.  “It’s no big deal.” Then looks away and tries to look like he doesn’t care.  Niall returns moments later with a leather jacket and helmet in hand.

“Drive safe, and don’t let him drive you into any sketchy parts of town.”  Niall feigns a concerned parent voice.

Harry yanks the jacket from Niall and helps Louis put it on.  It fits him perfectly. “Hmm.  Niall, I don’t know if I can keep any promises about not taking advantage of Louis in this.”  Harry eyes Louis up and down, making Louis’ insides squirm with resurfacing desire.

“Gross.  Get him your own leather jacket or whatever the fuck else you guys are into. Don’t use mine or I’ll make you replace it.” Niall waves them off and goes into his room. Louis doesn’t like the fact that Niall rides with Harry often enough to have his own motorcycle apparel. Or maybe Niall has his own bike. Maybe he should just ask.

Maybe he should also not be so possessive, but that wouldn’t be changing any time soon either.

Harry grabs Louis into a hug and kisses the side of his jaw.  “I missed you. Let’s go.  The store closes at 10.”

Harry opens the door for him. He feels warm and fuzzy and decides he likes the smell of leather.  Some of the built-up anxiety dissipates upon hearing that he had been missed. It validates his emotions now that he knows Harry feels at least somewhat mutual. 

Maybe he can start asking for more of Harry’s time. Maybe he should talk to Harry about the parameters of their relationship. 

_Maybe that’s what always fucks up relationships for you.  So that would be a no._

They walk downstairs and into the parking lot.

“Have you ever ridden on a motorcycle before?” Harry asks.

Louis feels like cold feet is a lot more literal than the saying makes it out to be.  “No, not really.  Is it safe?” He is wearing Niall’s jacket and about to stick his head into a helmet that could possibly have lice. It’s dark out, and he is about to ride behind Harry on a motorcycle to go to a sex shoppe.  He suddenly feels wound up so tight that he might spontaneously combust. He’s not sure he was ready to tackle all these new things all at once.  It’s too much to process.

“I drive really safe.  We’ll just stay on the main roads where there’s really good visibility.  I’ll get on first, then just hop on behind me.”  Harry mounts the bike, pulls out the passenger footholds, then motions for Louis to climb up.

Louis tries to get a leg over the top as smoothly as possible, but miserably fails because of his height debilitation.

Harry offers a hand.  “Here, grab onto me and pull yourself up.”

Louis huffs and grabs onto Harry’s sleeve. Now knowing that he had to commit to half jumping onto the machine, he hops and swings his leg over to straddle the seat while Harry keeps the bike balanced with his feet firmly on the ground.

Louis shifts around a bit then puts on the helmet. “Um, does the helmet lock or anything?”

Harry turns around.  “Yeah, there’s a strap underneath.  Here, let me teach you.”

He grabs Louis fingers and walks him through step by step how to thread the strap through the metal rings to secure it. Louis commits none of it to memory since he is too busy watching Harry’s beautiful face and feeling his fingers playing with his own.

_Harry’s fingers. Mmm._

Harry finishes his tutorial and Louis is aroused.

Harry turns to put on his own helmet, then walks the bike backwards to face it in the direction they’d be going. The bike feels extremely unstable and Louis knows tonight is his last night on earth. 

Harry leans backward to the side of Louis’ face. “Hold on tight.”

Louis nods, then scoots forward and wraps his arms around Harry’s stomach.  His nose is right above Harry’s shoulder and the smell of leather is really strong. His body is pressed closely against Harry.  He doesn’t want to get cold, and he also doesn’t want to die alone. 

Harry starts the motorcycle and the engine roars to life. 

_God help me please._

Harry revs the engine a couple times to get it warmed up, then walks with the forward moving bike a bit before lifting his feet onto his own foot holds.

_I’m on a motorcycle.  Two wheels. The road is a foot below me and I’m in a jacket and a helmet.  There is literally nothing protecting me between my death and the road or other cars._

He clings tighter to Harry and closes his eyes. He can feel that they were going slow, but that’s scarier because that means that they could lose balance easier and get crushed by the motorcycle… or other cars.

He feels a hand cover both of his own and a thumb gently stroking over the backs of his knuckles.  This helps relax him until he realizes that means Harry is driving one handed. 

He panics and opens his eyes, expecting to see his life flash before his eyes. 

Instead he sees the city passing him by. He wasn’t just seeing it, but feeling it and hearing it.  He could smell the food from different shops along the way.  He could hear the engines of other cars and motorcycles.  He could hear people’s muffled conversations as they passed them on the streets.  He feels the wind on his neck where his scarf didn’t cover and on his hands where Harry’s hand wasn’t. He feels the movements of the motorcycle when they speed up, slow down, or turn.

He isn’t scared anymore.  He is awestruck.  And mad that he had missed out on the first part of the ride due to fear.

He sits up straighter and cranes his neck from side to side to see more of his surroundings.  He presses his body tighter to Harry because he thinks he might explode from exhilaration. 

The heavy vibrations and loud exhaust were no longer overwhelming to Louis’ senses, but instead heights and stimulates them. He feels powerful and free.

He feels a squeeze to his hand. Harry lets go shortly after to return driving with both hands.

Several minutes later they are pulling into the parking lot. As Harry slows the motorcycle to a stop, Louis realizes his heart was pounding quickly and his nerves returned.

Harry helps him off the bike and with his helmet, and they walk hand-in-hand into the store.

It smells strongly of new clothing and erotic lotions.

_Jeez it’s been forever since I’ve been to one of these stores._

He releases Harry’s hand, feeling slightly uncomfortable with the whole situation.  Harry looks to him and Louis offers a guarded smile. 

Harry rubs him lightly on the back and pulls him close. “Hey, you did great. I hope I didn’t scare you too much. Take a deep breath though, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

_Four seconds in, six out…_

“No, it was fantastic.  Thank you.”  This time his smile is more genuine.  “Now, I believe you owe me a thing or two.  Hmm… What to buy…”  Louis taps his fingers against his chin, and Harry smiles at his antics.

Harry separates, and Louis strolls around the store contemplating what to purchase.  Harry walks up to him with a schoolgirl outfit and smiles widely. “If I bought this for you, would you wear it?”  He looks way too hopeful for his own good.

“Hell no Harold.  I am not a pervert, nor do I support any form of pedophilia.” Louis folds his arms.

“You could be a college schoolgirl?” Harry offers up, still smiling.

“Mmm, try again.”  Louis turns his attention back to the shelves.

He is reading through different types of lubes when Harry brings another outfit to him.  This time it was a full body fishnet suit with holes in the crotch. He smiles innocently at Louis.

“God what is it with you and trying to feminize me? First the make up, then the plaid schoolgirl outfit, and now stringy cobwebby looking shit?  No.  Definitely no.” Louis declares. Harry looks defeated at his words, but walks away with determination.

Knowing that Harry apparently has these kinds of fantasies about Louis makes him start to sweat a bit.  He loosens his scarf.

_Good hell. I’m not going to make it out of here alive._

Moving on from lubes, he looks at the sex toys. He doesn’t actually need another vibrator.  He likes his and doesn’t have a need for a second one.  Maybe he could get some ben wa balls.  He picks up a set.  Maybe Harry would enjoy them.

_Hmm…_

He jumps when he heard Harry speak up behind him. “Definitely not. Last time I had those up my ass, they nearly got lost.  It was a forlorn night. I didn’t think there was any hope…” He looks off into the distance seeming to ruminate on whatever traumatic thing had happened long ago.

“Who said they were for you?” Louis asks and raises an eyebrow. Harry comes out of his trance. “What do you have now?” He looks to the package in Harry’s hand.

“Um.”  Harry just bashfully hands the package to Louis.  “Please?”

Louis looks at the picture and read the package contents.  Lace briefs for men and a lace choker collar.

Louis sighs in defeat and Harry bounces up and down on his heels.  “Is that a yes?”

“Fucking fine.”  He hands the package back to an extremely giddy looking Harry. “How do you feel about strap-ons?”

Harry looks puzzled.  “Why would we need one when we both have perfectly functional dicks?”

Louis rolls his eyes.  “Firstly, I could get one that is a bigger size than myself. Secondly, it’s plastic, so it’s a completely different feeling.  Thirdly, it could be vibrating, textured, or rotating or any other number of g-spot stimulating things.”

Harry looks at Louis a little odd. “I mean, if you want to, we can. But honestly I love just the feeling of you.  I don’t need anything else.”

Upset that Harry was able to make him so sentimental inside a shoppe that fabricated sex toys, he walks to a different section.

He grabs a package off the shelf. “Can this be my second item?”

Harry takes it out of his hands. “Leather underwear with attached leather ball stretcher.”  He looks at Louis. “Sure.  I don’t think you need it necessarily.  I’ve always been the one cumming first.  But I definitely think you’d look hot in it.” He wiggles his eyebrows at Louis.

“I think you’ve been more sexually active than me more recently and there have been a couple close calls on my part. Luckily, I’m endowed with fantastic self-control. But it’s just to make sure.” Louis starts leading Harry to the register.

“D’you want anything else Lou? Like, for us?  Or yourself?  Are you running low on lube or anything?”  Harry asks.

Louis stops and ponders for a minute, pushing aside the excitement at Harry’s insinuation to lots of future sex with him.

“So you don’t like butt plugs or anal beads or anything like that?”  He questions Harry.

Harry shutters lightly.  “I’d rather not.”

“Other than aforementioned outfits, is there anything you want to try?”  Louis asks.

“Would you wear heels for me?” Harry tries.

“God!  Fuck. Harry, I’m a man. Not a cross dresser for fucks sake. The lace is pushing it.” Louis states.  Harry hangs his head.  “Here, how about this?”  Louis holds up a package.

Harry takes the package and smiles. “Edible body paint. Definitely yes.”

“I actually am running low on lube now that I think about it.  Grab a couple kinds, yeah? Doesn’t matter to me.” Louis says.

“How many?”  Harry asks.

“One for my office, one for my bedroom, one for my car, one for emergencies, one travel sized, and one for you? So… six?”  Louis rattles off without much thought.

Harry looks like he was trying to digest a great deal of information.  “Yeah. Yeah.  Okay.”  He grabs six bottles and put them into the basket.

Louis briefly considers asking Harry about condoms. Mainly as a roundabout way of directing their conversation to if they would be exclusively sleeping with each other and for how long. 

He talks himself out of it.

They make their way to the register and Louis offers to pay for at least half of the items since most of it is his anyway. Harry declines and ends up paying for all of it.

With one large bag in hand, they walk out of the store and get on the motorcycle again.

Louis enjoys the ride much more this time. His groin is getting quite aroused from the overstimulation that it isn’t used to.  He presses up against Harry’s back to try and relieve some of the pressure, hoping that Harry couldn’t feel the hardness he was fighting to keep down.

By the time they get back to the parking lot, Louis is buzzing with excitement.  He is really hoping to have sex with Harry tonight, but doesn’t know if Harry is just going to drop him off at his car and he’d be sleeping alone tonight.

They dismount the bike, and Harry grabs Louis’ hand and walks quickly towards his flat.

Louis keeps himself from doing a victory cheer.


	24. Chapter 24

A/N: Thank you so much for the kudos, bookmarks, and comment ;) I'm still new-ish to AO3 and trying to figure everything out, so thank you for being patient with me. Fading Zen is also posted on Wattpad. 

Enjoy! <3

~~~~ 

Harry opens the door to his flat and Louis sees no trace of Niall. He is abruptly pinned against the back of the door and Harry's hands and mouth are all over him. Louis dick has no problem responding quickly.

"Hang on, go get naked in my room yeah? I'm going to try calling Niall really quick and I just need to lock the door." Harry pants into his hair.

Louis breathlessly nods then turns on his heel to enter Harry's room. He feels like a million sunsets hit him in the face when opens the door and sees walls covered in dozens of red, orange, and yellow curtains, beads, and scarves. Everything smells like incense. He is surprised to find that it's just as big as the living room.

The ground is covered in a large red patterned tapestry. There are statues of elephants and Shiva and exotic looking lamps and statues and a sitar standing up in the corner. The dark brown shelves are lined with water polo trophies and pictures of Harry in India. His bedframe is a dark wood and his duvet set is a bright white that contrasts with all of the bold colors surrounding it. An Indian style chaise lounge sofa sits at the foot of the bed.

Overwhelmed would be an understatement.

Harry's stereo system turns on, and a band that he has come to know as 'Acceptance' starts playing loudly through the speakers.

He remembers he is supposed to be undressed, and drops the bag so he can use his hands to start pulling off his clothes. He's just pulling off his underwear when Harry walks in and looked him up and down.

"Will you put on Niall's jacket?" Harry propositions.

Deciding that yes, he would happily defy Niall's one and only request for them that night, he picks up the jacket and leaves it unzipped. "Hell yes." He definitely likes the smell of leather. "Actually. Also..." Louis trails off as he shuffles through the bag. He pulls out the leather lingerie with the attached ball stretcher.

Harry nods in approval and undresses himself. Louis gets himself situated, then turns to Harry who is looking at him for direction. Louis' eyes dart around the room, still trying to take in the surroundings and now very loud alternative punk rock that is pounding in his ears. "Chaise lounge chair. Now."

Harry grabs a bottle of lube and climbs onto the sofa. Louis walks to the end of it and motions for Harry to back up to him. On hands and knees, Harry pushes his rear up to Louis' hips and holds a hand backwards with the lube. Louis takes it and coats his fully erect penis.

Not bothering with foreplay or stretching Harry, he slams into him fast and hard. The ball stretcher felt amazing on Louis and he could feel the leather shift and stimulate him further every time he thrusts into Harry.

Harry is groaning with pleasure beneath him, muttering incoherent words that are drown out with the music. Louis feels so much adrenaline coursing through his veins. Even though Niall's jacket is unzipped, it's heating up and Louis is already sweating.

He pulls out and replaces Harry with himself on the sofa. "Ride me." He commands.

Harry bites his lip at the sight of Louis stretched across his furniture and happily obliges to Louis' wishes. He lowers himself onto Louis. "Louis you look so fucking hot. I love leather on you. You look so good." Harry has his eyes open and is pushing hard onto Louis each time he drops down.

Louis loves the sensation. He places his hands on Harry's thighs and feels the muscles contract and loosen with each movement Harry makes. The ball stretcher is doing it's job and each time he feels the pressure building up, it would stop at a certain point, not allowing his release to come so easily.

Harry switches to circular movements. "Fuck Harry! That feels so good. God!" Louis grips tightly into Harry's legs.

He is breathing heavily and panting and sweating and is so overwhelmed. There was color and smell and music and Harry everywhere. He feels close to exploding.

Louis screams out. "Fuck me harder Harry! Harder! Fuck!"

Harry's pace increases and there was nothing to be done from preventing Louis' orgasm because it hit him hard and powerful. He yells out again at his release then hears a voice coming from the other side of the door.

"Harry? Can you turn your music down? I have company over!"

Louis is feeling lightheaded.

The door opens and he heard a string of "You cunt sucking twat! Harry I'll castrate your mother fucking balls you fucking asshole! That's my goddamn jacket you piece of shit!" and then blacks out.

~~

Louis feels cold and damp. He opens his eyes and sees orange and red.

_What the hell?_

He rubs his eyes and sees Harry sitting by his side and stroking his hair. He takes in more of his surroundings.

_Harry's room. Right._

"When's the last time you ate?" Harry asks softly.

"Shit. Uh, lunch time. I'm so sorry. What happened?" Louis feels really dizzy.

"Well, you came right before Niall walked in, then passed out shortly after." Harry replies and handed him a plate of sliced red peppers. They look delicious.

"No, I remember that. I mean after. Did you um, finish? I'm sorry, it was all just really overwhelming." Louis coughs and shoves three slices in his mouth, munching on the juicy vegetable.

"Niall kind of um. Right as you... Well. His jacket probably won't ever be worn by him again. I kind of released all over it right as he walked in." Harry looks slightly embarrassed.

Louis is horrified and tries sitting up, noticing that he is completely naked. "Shit! Oh my gosh, where is he? He's going to kill me."

"No, it's fine. I just owe him lots of favors now. And a leather jacket. He also had a girl over who left during the whole fiasco, so also owe him a lay. Know any girls interested?" Harry urges him to eat more red peppers.

Louis lets his head fall back onto the pillow and eats three more slices.

_Kara's a lesbian apparently. The other girls are married or taken. Oh, I'll have to ask Lexie if she's interested next time I see her._

"Maybe. I dunno. Could I get some water? Sorry." Louis grabs a bigger handful of peppers to eat. He's really hungry.

"Yeah, of course." Harry gets up and leaves the room. He returns with a bottle of water, a glass of orange juice, and a protein bar. "You need some sugar. Here." He hands Louis the bar.

Louis finishes eating his plate of peppers, then unwraps the bar and eats it in two bites. He takes the orange juice and swallows it all in several gulps. "Do you have more peppers? Those are so fucking delicious."

Harry gives him a look. "Yeah, I'll be right back."

Harry gets up again and Louis downs the water. Jeez, he feels like a teenager again.

Harry returns with a plate full of two sliced up red peppers, and one green one. Louis takes the plate hungrily from him, sitting up against the headboard this time.

"Thank you so much." He dives into the deliciousness, ignoring Harry's watchful gaze.

"You should have told me that you hadn't eaten since lunch. It's not healthy to go so long without food." Harry rubs Louis' leg through the duvet.

Louis just nods, not wanting to waste time talking when he could be eating. He finishes the plate and is embarrassed when he's still hungry.

Harry looks at him with a blank stare. "You're still hungry aren't you?"

Louis blushes lightly and got out of Harry's bed. "Could I like, make myself a peanut butter and honey sandwich or something? I think I'm just not used to expending so much energy. Sorry..."

Harry just smiles and nods. Louis put his clothes back on and walks into the kitchen with Harry.

Niall is sitting at the counter with a bottle of scotch.

He sees them exiting Harry's bedroom and holds up a middle finger to both of them. He silently turns back to his bottle and drinks some more.

"Is he okay?" Louis whispers.

"Uh, yeah. He should be fine." Harry looks unsure of his response.

"Kay." Louis walks over to the cabinet and starts shuffling through food items to look for peanut butter. Harry pulls out the honey and bread and Louis passes him the peanut butter.

Sandwiches made, they sit awkwardly silent on the sofa, not sure of what to say or not say in the presence of Niall.

_Just when I was getting to a good place with him. Of course._

They eat in silence, and Louis' appetite was mostly satiated now. They throw away the paper towels they ate on and walk back into Harry's room.

Louis scratches the back of his head. "Do you want me to stay?" He repeats Harry's words from last night.

Harry lets out a sigh. Louis knows that means rejection. "I really want you to Lou, but I'm actually really concerned about Niallar. Scotch means bad news, and I kind of haven't been around for a few nights. Can I bring you lunch tomorrow?"

"Yeah that's totally fine. Thank you for tonight. Good luck with Niall." Louis picks up the bag full of the recently purchased items and pulls out one of the lube bottles for Harry to keep.

Harry walks forward and wraps his arms around Louis. "Sleep well. I'll miss you." He lays a soft kiss on Louis' lips.

"Mmhmm. See you tomorrow." Louis pecks him on the lips again.

When they exit Harry's room, Louis says goodbye to Niall without a response and walks out the door.

~~~

Louis gets home and feed Gary. He puts the items in his nightstand drawer and the lube in their necessary places.

He gets into bed feeling extremely lonely.

~~~

Tuesday morning is hectic. All of the employees have to do their own welcoming, retail check out, and goodbyes for their guests since Kara is still gone. Louis brings Maria in to interview and hires her to start tomorrow. Though she is a bit pushy, she is tenacious, and Louis knew she would be successful in the industry.

The next time he sees Lexie, he inquires about her relationship status. Knowing that he wasn't asking for personal reasons, she tells him she is open to dating whomever and he asks if he could give her number to his friend. With a yes from her, he feels like he could maybe make it up to Niall. Lexie is a great girl and hopefully would be more than just a 'lay' for him.

He didn't think Lexie was like that anyway. But most people wouldn't assume that of him either. Who the hell knows these days.

Lunch comes, and Harry along with it. After thirty minutes of fingering and blowjobs in his office chair, they eat their lunch and enjoy each other's company.

Harry is reluctant to open up to Louis about what was going on with Niall, which makes Louis nervous. He didn't often push for personal information out of Harry, but when he further probes about Niall, Harry effectively ends the conversation, requesting that Louis not ask about it again, then leaves.

It's closing time and Louis hadn't heard from Harry. And he really, really, really does not want to text him first because he had yesterday and Harry's behavior today at lunch is making him wary.

He gets into his car and drives home.

_What the hell did I do with my alone time before Harry?_

_Shit. I'm getting co-dependent again._

He sits on the edge of his bed and chats with Gary for a while, then writes in his journal about the miserable sap he has become when he is alone. He keeps checking his phone and didn't have any texts from anyone.

He showered and shaved and checked his phone again. He was getting horny.

_Should I eat? Would that be pity eating? Do I have anything to eat?_

It was 11:30.

_Fuck it._

He rubs one out on his bed with the new warming lube Harry had gotten him then falls asleep shortly after.

~~~~

_Wednesday morning._

No text messages. No missed calls.

_Fuck my life._

He opens up a new text message.

Hey, Lexies a really cool girl who is one of my employees. She said you can call her if you want.

Louis attaches Lexie's contact information to the text and sends it to Niall.

Today he is teaching the 'continuing education' course on what he had learned at the retreat.

_Good thing I prepared lots of notes._

His own sarcasm makes him want to grimace.

_Should I bring lunch today? Hmm..._

He picks up his phone and dials for the local bakery. He ordered several dozen pastries to be ordered at the salon around the time his class would be ending.

_That way, I can have brunch in case Harry doesn't show up. Not that he's obliged to... He just has for the last two days... Plus, the staff deserves it._

He's losing it.

He quickly gets himself out the door and into work to set up for his class as well as work on marketing Thai Massage for the spa.

The morning goes smoothly and he wings his presentation with flair and gets everyone pumped up at the same time.

_Definitely a success._

He checks his phone and sees that nothing has happened. It is nearing his lunch hour. He's trying really hard to keep himself from getting worked up.

He calls the local news station and asks for coverage on now being one of the only certified spas in Phoenix to do traditional Thai Massage. They agree to pictures, a press release, and interview news article for next week.

Louis is feeling pleased with himself when he hung up the phone, but the feeling was quickly replaced with a feeling of dissatisfaction when he feels his hormones starting to get the best of him again.

Taking matters into his own hands, he leaves the office to go eat a pastry and distract himself by training Maria.

Most of his lunch is spent this way and his disappointment is turning into apathy as the minutes ticked away. He only has ten minutes of training Maria left when a very disheveled Harry in sweats and a t-shirt stumbles through the door.

He looks frantically at Louis who gives him an emotionless expression. A look of remorse crosses Harry's face, then he heads back to Louis' office. Louis tells Maria to continue working and follows Harry.

Louis closes the door behind him. "Can I help you?" His tone is cold, but not accusatory.

Harry walks up to him and put a hand on his cheek. "I'm so sorry I didn't text or call. I'm sorry."

_He smells like alcohol._

"It's fine. Are you here for any particular reason? I've already had lunch, and my client arrives in five minutes." Louis responds without emotion.

"I know. I just wanted to apologize. Can I take you out tonight? Please?" Harry asks sincerely.

Louis tries to stay void of emotion, but his wall was quickly crumbling. "I have a really busy afternoon and evening. Can I text you and let you know?"

"Yes, of course. I'll explain to you later okay? I love you so much." Harry kisses Louis desperately and Louis loves it. He responds back into the kiss, not wanting to waste the beautiful privilege that was Harry's lips.

"Kay. Meet me here at 9?" Louis asks looking back and forth at Harry's eyes.

"Yes. I'll be here. I love you." Harry kisses Louis again.

"I love you too. See you at 9."

Harry leaves.

Louis knows he has screwed himself over.

~~~~


	25. Chapter 25

~~~

It is 9-o'-clock and Louis hears Harry pull into the parking lot. He puts his computer to sleep and shuts down his office.

He is walking towards the door when Harry walks in. He looks completely different than he did this afternoon, wearing black skinnies, a button up, and blazer. Louis' pretty sure he's never seen him this dressed up before, but he definitely likes it.

Harry walks towards him with his arms open. Louis doesn't even both rejecting and immediately settles into Harry's embrace. He feels a kiss to his temple. "D'you need help with anything else? You ready to go?"

"It's all done. We can go." Louis speaks softly into his shoulder. He smells like raspberries and cologne that he hasn't smelled before. Louis feels a number of contradicting emotions at the moment. Happiness and sadness. Excitement and fear. Anger and peace. Love and lust.

They pull away and Louis walks them to his car, bringing the left over pastries and putting them in the backseat. "Does Greek sound okay to you?" Louis asks.

"Yeah, anything's fine." Harry looks anxious.

He drives several blocks away to a Greek place he'd had catered into the spa before. They pull in, park, and walk into the restaurant. It isn't very busy at all- maybe one or two other tables in the whole restaurant.

"Table for two?" The host asks.

"Yes please." Louis responds shortly.

"Right this way sirs." The host leads them to a booth away from the other occupied tables. He takes their drink order then leaves.

Harry is the first to speak. "Do you want the full story? Or are you going to be upset with me either way?"

Louis knows he's asking sincerely and not degradingly, but he's feeling a bit too passive aggressive to let Harry work him into a state of mush, and wants to give him a taste of what he had been feeling all day long.

"Let me guess. Niall is having an identity crisis because he doesn't feel like he has his best friend anymore and he was drunk and illogical and talked you into drinking for 'old times sake', and feeling guilty and not having done it for a while, you gave in, stayed up late, passed out, then didn't wake up until five minutes before stumbling through the door to my spa?" Louis looks expectantly at Harry. Harry looks taken aback.

"I've been with guys like you before. The only difference between you and them is that I let myself get attached to you and did this all in my right mind, and I thought you actually felt the same about me. Which makes me stupider than before because at least I could blame my horrible choice in men on drugs. But I can't now Harry. I can't blame it on anything because I'm too fucking sober for this whole relationship shit with you." The host drops the drinks at the table and leaves quickly, noticing they are in the middle of a conversation. Harry makes no move to speak. Louis pauses until the waiter is a good distance away.

"I used to not care. I had no reason to care about what people did with their lives when I wasn't around. But I care now. I care about you. I care way too much and this is all caring has ever brought me. Disappointment. You disappoint me and remind me why I'm such a disappointment to myself. We're not going anywhere.

"Our lived just crossed paths for a brief moment, then you'll leave to be a journalist around the world and Niall will always be your best friend and I'll be here alone. We were doomed the moment we became more than friends. Everything's ruined now. I ruined it like everything else in my fucking life. It's fucking ridiculous." Louis stops with his rant and takes some drinks of his water, hoping to calm down his emotional state.

"You're making a lot of assumptions and jumping to a lot of conclusions Louis." Harry says simply.

"Am I wrong? Even if I am, is it wrong of me to want to protect myself and my dignity? I've had no clue what you're up to while I'm at work, and haven't a further clue if I'm allowed to ask about it. Don't I owe it to myself to know where I stand with you and where our boundaries and expectations are? Why am I not allowed to cut it off before it becomes more painful for me? Should I just wait until you ditch me like Zayn did? You've already wrecked my life enough, I don't even want to know what will happen if you stay around any longer." Louis' voice is straining.

Shit. He was not planning on unloading all of this on Harry tonight.

There is silence.

He didn't even know he had that much to say until he started talking.

"Have you quite finished?" Harry is not amused.

Yep. If he hadn't ruined it before, he most certainly fucked it up now.

"I'm really sorry. That was really uncalled for." Louis decides to limit his words as much as possible now.

"Not that it's actually any of your business, but yes, Niall is having an identity crisis, and yes I got drunk with him last night. He hurt himself and I've been at the hospital with him all night. He was released this morning and I came to see you at the spa shortly after driving him home." Harry says.

Louis feels like scum.

But damn it, what about dignity? He couldn't just let Harry make him feel bad and walk away. "Well what about all the other shit?" He demands.

Harry scoffs. "I'm so glad to know that's where you stand. You refer to our relationship as shit."

"God Harry! That's not what I fucking meant and you know it." Louis' blood is starting to simmer again.

"Tell me what you meant then Louis. Tell me." Harry clasps his hands together and raises his eyebrows.

"You're just so- You're just so fucking- ugh. You know what? Never _fucking_ mind. This is ridiculous. I shouldn't have to do this with you or anyone." Louis stands up to exit the restaurant. It's not like they ordered food anyway. And for all he cares, Harry could walk home or have Niall come and pick him up.

He walks out the door and into the parking lot. Harry is in tow, walking to catch up to Louis and raises his voice. "What do you want Louis? Because it sounds to me like you're jealous and insecure and want me to fucking propose to you to make you feel safe. We know how we feel about each other.

"You're the one who decided to take charge in defining our relationship since the beginning and I haven't wanted to push it. All the shit you just dumped on me back there is your own fucking doing. Maybe you should think about communicating with me before stockpiling the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard and making assumptions from it. If you have a problem with us, it's your job to bring it up like a fucking adult. I'm not sure why it's my problem."

_Ouch. That really hurt._

"I don't need or want you as a fiancé! More or less a boyfriend, you fucking asshole. I'm sorry for assuming you were a decent human being. And sorry for apparently being more of a problem than I'm worth." Louis yanks open the door to his car.

Harry reaches for Louis' hand. "You don't get to just drive away! We're not done here. You're the one making all the assumptions that I'm a shitty person and assuming that we're doomed. That's a real great outlook Lou! I can see why you've had such success with your other relationships."

"Fuck you!" Louis spits and jerks his hand away from Harry then slaps him across the face. Harry grabs Louis' wrist immediately after making contact and pins Louis against the car, pushing his body up against him and kissing him hard.

Louis reacts instantly by kissing back just as fiercely, then moves his free arm around to grab Harry's ass and pull it in towards him. Harry's other hand pushes Louis' chest into the side of the car further, then moves swiftly downward to start palming the bulge forming in Louis' pants.

Louis moans into their rough kiss upon Harry's contact with his crotch. Harry releases Louis' wrist and brings his hand to the back of Louis' neck to pull him deeper into his mouth.

Louis uses both hands to grab Harry's hips, and pull him downward into the front seat of his car. Harry straddles Louis, shuts the door, then moves the seat backward and lays it almost flat so he can have better access to Louis.

Louis already has Harry's pants unbuttoned and unzipped and has freed his hard dick. Harry shifts around uncomfortably to get his shoes and pants off as quickly as possible, not bothering to take off his socks. Louis pulls his pants down to his knees and reaches into the center console to get the newly placed lube out.

Harry is attacking his neck again and bruising it, using only teeth. Tossing the lube aside momentarily, Louis moves his hands up the back of Harry's button up and blazer and scratches down his back, loving the way he makes Harry's back arch.

Louis sucks hard into Harry's shoulder and needs friction. He lifts his hips to grind against Harry. Harry pulls on Louis' hair and continues sucking hickies into Louis' neck and returns Louis' movements by grinding their lengths together.

Louis can feel his hipbones digging into Harry's thighs and hopes he is bruising him. Harry doesn't seem to mind at all, and continues creating friction between their bodies.

It isn't enough.

Louis moves his hands around to find the lube he had extracted earlier, then pumps some onto his hands. He rubs it up and down his length. "Get on me. Get on me now." He growls into Harry's ear.

Harry quickly positions himself then bottoms out on top of Louis, forcing a loud moan out of both of them. Not giving Louis time to recover or even think about what is happening, Harry is moving himself in and out of Louis harder and faster than he has ever given it to him.

It almost hurt. Almost.

Harry continues to moan and make all sorts of noises, obviously not having any inhibitions or filters. He's gripping onto Louis' shoulders for dear life and Louis isn't 100% sure if Harry realizes he's still here because Harry seems completely high on whatever mental state he's in.

Louis is immensely turned on.

"Haz, you're fucking crazy- I love it so fucking much." Louis manages to pant out while being railed into his drivers seat.

He can feel the seatbelt latch digging into the side of his thigh, which means it is also on Harry's shin. He would have taken a moment to fix this predicament, but it seems that neither of their pain thresholds are registering it enough to do anything about it.

Oh well.

"You make me so crazy Louis. So. Fucking. Crazy." Harry responds, slurring most of the words together with a moan or gasp.

He can feel Harry's hands moving slowly from his shoulder to his neck. Harry isn't loosening his grip, and okay, Louis is getting a little nervous at how hard of a hold Harry has on his neck.

Louis' brain starts shutting down as his orgasm draws closer. Harry is making inhuman noises that make Louis want to cry and wank for the rest of his life.

He opens his eyes only to have it clouded with black and blue spots, and  _shit_ -

"Haz-" Louis could barely speak and reaches his hand up to Harry's hold. "My neck."

Louis is seconds away from fainting when Harry's hand leaves his neck, and all the blood goes rushing through his body. He inhales sharply and cries out as he comes into Harry. Harry says something incoherent in a tone that is borderline falsetto, and spurts all over Louis shirt, seat, and ceiling of his car.

Louis is coughing and scrambles around to open his glove box. The lightheadedness is turned into a thick pounding against his skull. He finds a half empty water bottle and drinks its contents quickly.

He is still coughing and his head is still throbbing and he still feels like his breathing was constricted. He claws at the collar of his shirt, trying to attain adequate oxygen.

Harry reaches behind Louis to grab a sugarcoated croissant in the box of pastries in the backseat. He tears off a small piece and offers it to Louis. Louis takes it and swallows it as quickly as he can, coughing lightly after getting it down.

"Breathe babe. Breathe. Deep breaths. It's okay. Stay with me." Harry brings his hand up to Louis' face and strokes his cheek.

Louis consciously slows his breathing through the coughs and takes another piece of croissant from Harry. His lightheadedness is gone, but now he is feeling dizzy from his blood flow being fucked with.

"Do you think you'll be okay for like, 10 minutes?" Harry asks softly.

Louis nods and takes the croissant from Harry. Harry opens the door, pulls himself off Louis' dick, then shimmies into his pants and shoes. He leaves Louis half naked in the car.

Louis' breathing has slowed significantly, but his head is still screaming. Knowing that he wouldn't be driving anywhere anytime soon, he pulls his pants back up and rolls over into the passenger seat. He manages to eat a couple more bites of the sugary treat when Harry returns with a bag and drink in hand.

Harry opens the car door and sits down in the drivers seat, readjusting it to its normal position. "Drink some orange juice." He hands the cup to Louis then shuffles through the glove box. "And here's two paracetamols." He gives them to Louis, then looks at him worriedly.

Louis swallows the pills and drinks most of the orange juice in several large gulps.

"Lou, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" Harry looks uneasy.

"Ask me again in 20 minutes." Louis hoarsely whispers out. He buckles his seatbelt and closes his eyes.

He relaxes for the rest of the ride, not letting himself fall asleep, but not having enough energy to stay awake and alert. When the car stops, they're in front of Louis' house.

Louis opens the car door and walks to the porch. Harry trails behind, with the pastry box in one hand and bag of Greek food in the other. Louis takes his keys, opens the flat, and heads for the living room, glancing at the hallway mirror on the way and noticing finger marks along with hickies imprinted into his neck.

_Fucking lovely._

Harry joins him a few minutes later with a cup of water, plates, and silverware in hand. He dishes up a plate for Louis and hands it to him.

"I'm really sorry Lou. Are you alright?" Harry tries again.

"What the fuck Haz?" Louis croaks out. "Did you not think to ask me before trying something so unethical? Or did you just think it would be fun to see what my reaction would be?" Louis doesn't have enough energy to get mad again, so instead starts shoveling food into his mouth.

"Um, I didn't think to ask because I didn't think you'd mind. I just sorta assumed..." Harry looks down at his plate of food. "...I'm sorry."

"Is it something you do often with your partners?" Louis figures he would try to discover if this was an aggressive thing, a kink thing, or a habitual thing.

"Most of the girls I've been with quite enjoyed it. I actually don't think I've ever done it with a guy before though. You know I would never hurt you, right?" Harry looks up at Louis.

"Yeah. Yeah, I trust you. I guess it was just... Unexpected? Like, I had a guy once ask me beforehand, but I told him no. I'm not-" He sighs. "I'm not angry at you. I just- I dunno what I am. I'm fine now." Louis uses his fork to place rice onto one of the pita slices and create a mini burrito.

"I guess I'm a bit upset that I have your hand mark around my neck. It feels a bit... violating. But I s'pose it's really not much different from hickies. So it's whatever. Just don't do it again? Please?" Louis eats the rice and pita burrito in one bite.

Harry nods and looks somber. "And about the things I said earlier, I really didn't mean-"

Louis holds up a hand and waves it to stop Harry from talking until he can swallow his food. Harry looks at him expectantly and Louis swallows then speaks. "Shush. There was nothing said earlier. I don't want to talk about it again."

Harry bites his lip nervously. "But-"

"Don't." Louis says icily.

Harry starts eating, but looks like he's fighting really hard not to say more.

Louis tries to ignore the silence and goes back to eating. He had almost consumed all of his food. His headache is gone.

Louis swallows some water and speaks again. "If I'm being completely honest, I did enjoy it. Not only did I experience a phenomenal orgasm, but I also got to see your psychotic side. Though I was severely underprepared in deciding to start a sexual relationship with you. I think it may kill me." Louis smirks at Harry.

Harry nudges Louis' arm and sticks his tongue out. "Hey, I don't make condescending remarks about your actions in the bedroom." He goes back to eating his almost empty plate.

"Psh, that's because I'm flawless in bed. There's nothing to make fun of." Louis retorts.

Harry laughs at that. "Right. Except for when you're screaming at me." He raises his voice an octave to imitate Louis' voice. "Fuck me harder Harry! Harder! Fuck me till I pass out on your expensive exotic sofa!! AHHHH!!!" Then clenches his eyes shut and makes the most ridiculous fake orgasm face Louis has ever seen.

Louis knocks their plates off their laps and they fall to the carpet. He tackles a giggling Harry and struggles to pin him down. Louis nuzzles his nose into the crook of Harry's neck. "You love my screams. Don't even lie to me."

"I never would baby." Harry leans up and they kiss until bedtime.

~~~


	26. Chapter 26

~~~

Thursday morning, Louis wakes up to his alarm and rolls over on top of Harry.

"Harry. I'm horny."

Harry groans. "Me too."

"Can you ride me please?" Louis asks half asleep.

"No. My thighs have fucking canyons in them from your hip bones last night. Not to mention your seat belt buckle fucked up my shin." Harry yawns and stretches out his arms. "You can ride me if you want."

Last night. Basically the Hiroshima of their relationship thus far. Louis refuses to acknowledge it and firmly forces every ounce of their conversation out of his mind. Every relationship involves hurtful things said, right?

_Right. Oh wait, what relationship? The non-existent one Harry and I aren't in._

There's probably truth to what Harry said about why all his relationships ended in shit. Maybe not defining their relationship will be more successful in the end. Besides, Harry doesn't seem phased by any of it. Louis should do the same.

_It's not dysfunctional... I'm just choosing to focus on the good parts of our relationship. Like sex... And the fact that we love each other._

That turns over a rotting log that reveals thousands of termites in his mind about how love and trust and sex are all  _not_  supposed to involve choking and hate sex.

_I don't have time to think about this._

Louis presses the mental 'shut up' button in his mind again and takes a deep breath.

"No. 'm too tired. Plus 'm not ready for that yet." Louis lazily responds.

"Your loss. I'm going back to bed." Harry pushes Louis off of him and rolls over.

Louis pulls the covers off of Harry. "No! Come to work with me. Please?" He whines.

"What am I gonna do? Sit in your office all day like your puppy?" Harry grumbles.

"No. I need someone to be the receptionist. I'll give you double blow jobs today and fuck you tonight...?" Louis offers.

"Only if I get the first one right now." Harry turns over to meet Louis' gaze and smirks.

Louis purses his lips. "Fine." Then moves down his bed to straddle Harry and take his already hard cock into his mouth.

Ten minutes later and Harry is cumming with a groan of Louis' name.

Louis swallows and goes back up to Harry's face to kiss him. "Now you have to kiss me with morning and jizz breath!" He goes to French kiss Harry, but is quickly shoved off and onto the floor.

"Keep your dirty mouth away from me peasant. Especially this early in the morning." Harry stands up and stretches again.

"We both have dirty mouths now. Which reminds me, you infected me with your mouth Herpes. I have a cold sore that won't go away. I suppose that makes me an all around a filthy boy now." He wiggles his eyebrows at Harry from the floor.

"Holy shit, how do you have so much energy in the mornings?" Harry croaks.

"I always get up at this time. And I'm usually opening the spa by now, so I have to be alive and cheery for all the staff!" Louis chirps.

"Whatever. I'm going to shower." Harry walks out of the room.

"If I join you, will you give me a blow job in return?!" Louis shouts after him.

"No orgasms for you until lunch time boss man! But come join me anyway!" Harry yells from his bathroom.

"You'll regret this!" Huffing with disappointment, Louis picks himself up to go shower with Harry.

~~

They arrive at the spa, both of them in button ups and heavy foundation on their necks, and Louis gives Harry the run-down of how the computer platform works. Harry is a natural, so Louis isn't worried.

Louis introduces Harry to everyone as the receptionist for the day with a scratchy throat from this morning's event, and gets an eye roll from Blake and a wink from Lexie.

Louis tries to do his office work as quickly as possible so he can spend time out on the floor with the staff; but mainly Harry. He ends up pushing half of his work into a pile that he tells himself he'll complete tomorrow. It was barely 10. He could have two hours managing the floor, then an hour-long lunch with Harry.

_Actually...._

He gets up to lock the office door, goes back to his seat, picks up the phone and dials the front desk.

"Serenity Spa, this is Harry. How can I help you?"

Louis is proud of his choice in having Harry help him today. Harry has a jovial phone voice.

Louis opens his desk drawer and pulls out the lube. "If a staff member comes up to you, tell them to come back later. If a client walks in, end the conversation with me and hang up. Otherwise I want you to listen and respond as if you were on the phone with a customer. Got it?" Louis unzips his pants and pulls his box of Kleenex closer to him.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Harry tries to maintain composure, but Louis hears the change in his voice.

Louis starts stroking himself. "I said I'm sitting in my office thinking of you. I'm really glad I put this lube in here. I have my pants unzipped and I'm horny as hell. It's really too bad you didn't help me out this morning- maybe I wouldn't have to go to such desperate measures.

"Mmm, the lube is so cold, but it feels so good. I'm already so hard just thinking about fucking you Harry. It's too bad there are people here or I'd bend you over the front desk and fuck you there. You know, after the spa closes tonight, we can fuck on every surface in here if you want. Would you like that?"

"Yeah." Harry breathes. "Yeah definitely. We could make that work." He tries keeping his voice level.

"Yeah I thought you might, you dirty cockslut." He hears a soft whimper at that.

"You'd let me fuck you anywhere, anytime. You know I'd do it too. You know what we haven't done yet though? We haven't had sex in my bed. I know you'd love that more than anything. I'd take my time with you and go so slow, just like how I'm stroking my cock right now. You get me so fucking horny Harry. I could fuck you slowly all night long." Louis starts stroking himself with more pressure and lets out a string of airy breaths.

"You should describe the situation out so I can help you out better." And is that cheekiness in Harry's voice? Does he think he can one-up Louis in this situation?

"I'll describe a different situation for you. You're so horny for me all day long and all you can think about is me. Only I can give you the release you need. When we finally get to my flat and are alone, I'm going to dominate you and take you however I please. You'll be a good little submissive slut for me and suck my dick blindfolded and upside down if I ask you to. If you disobey, I'll spank you till your ass cheeks were so dark that you couldn't sit for days.

"You think you liked restricting my breathing? Wait until I get my hands around your neck and you're begging me to squeeze harder because it gets you so high you'll want to black out. I'll wind you up so hard that you'll come untouched the second I lick your nipples." Louis is moaning and stroking himself faster and faster now, working himself up over his dominating fantasies.

Harry's whispers lowly into the phone. "Whatever you wish Master."

"Get back here. Now." Louis slams the phone down and staggers over to his door.

Seconds later there is a light tapping. "Louis?"

Louis opens his door, pulls Harry in by his shirt, and pushes him down to the floor. Louis re-locks the door, then drops to his knees behind him, quickly pulling Harry's pants down to his ankles to expose his legs and ass, feeling the smooth skin with his hands.

"You were a bad boy this morning, not pleasuring me like I needed. You're definitely in need of punishment." Louis enters Harry with his already lubed up cock and doesn't waste time nailing him into the rug on the floor.

"Yes Master. Punish me!" Harry whines out, face down smothered in the rug.

And fuck Louis is so hot right now. He loves hearing Harry talk to him like this. He is so close to cumming, and he doesn't even care to wait for Harry.

Harry is chanting out a chorus of 'Yes! Yes! Yes!'

He slaps Harry's ass hard in succession with the next five thrusts, then comes with a moan of Harry's name.

He can hear Harry wrecked and panting beneath him and decides to give him some relief. Louis continues his hard thrusting, then reaches down pinches the backs of Harry's knees until Harry was convulsing beneath him, then spanks him harshly one more time.

Harry cries into his forearm that he is biting harshly into, drawing blood and creating a dark and deep bruise.

Louis pulls out of Harry gently and sits back to catch his breath. He stands up on shaky knees and fixes his pants. He blankly walks over to his desk to pull out the hand lotion and goes back to Harry, kneeling beside him. Harry seems to be breathing quite heavily.

Louis puts lotion on his hands, then carefully rubs it into the bright red skin on Harry's bum. He hears soft whimpers from Harry at the contact of his hand and Louis thinks maybe he pushed it too far.

"Hazza, are you okay?" He bites his lip and waits for a response.

He hears a soft 'yeah' from the carpet.

"Love, can you sit up and look at me?" Louis strokes the back of Harry's thigh.

He hears a shaky exhale from Harry, and he shifts to sit up on his knees. Louis sees a tear stained, smiling Harry looking at him with nothing but trust and love in his eyes.

Louis panics and hugs Harry close to him. "Baby, are you okay? You should have told me to stop. I didn't want to hurt you." He squeezes Harry closer into his chest, petting his hair.

Harry whispers into his ear, voice still a little shaky. "I'm fine Lou, I promise. You were enjoying it so much. The crying is just a reaction, I swear. I'm fine. It was so good. I loved it. I love you." His breathing evens out.

Louis places dozens of soft kisses all across Harry's face. "I love you so much. I'm sorry. I don't want to see you cry again because of me."

Harry sniffles and laughs lightly. "Lou, I swear I'm fine. I said I really enjoyed it. I cry all the time when I get hit hard in polo practice, but I'm lucky enough to have the water cover it up. Like I said, it's just a reaction to pain and my body just kind of opens the floodgates." He pulls away from Louis. "I came all over your rug."

Louis laughs lightly at that. "I'll take care of it. Are you sure you're okay?" Harry's eyes are glossy from crying and they look so damn green.

"Yes. I may be a bit sore sitting for the rest of the day, but I'm a big boy. I'm sure I'll manage." Harry stood up and fixes his trousers. "Now if it's alright,  _Master_ , I have a spa to run for you." Harry smirks at Louis.

Louis lifts an eyebrow. "I think you best be going unless you'd like to become my sex slave for the rest of the afternoon."

Harry smiles widely, and then leaves Louis' office.

Louis couldn't decide if he wants to wank or wait till lunchtime.

He decides to wait.

~~

Louis makes Blake watch the front desk while he takes Harry back to his office again for lunch.

The door is closed and locked and after they had finished eating and shared some breath mints, Louis engages in a light snogging session with Harry.

Louis pulls away to run a hand through Harry's curls. "How are you dear?"

"Mm, I'm good." Harry leans in to kiss Louis some more.

"I think I'll hire you on full time if this is how it would go every day." Louis kisses Harry's jawline and neck gently and rubs circles into Harry's thighs with his other hand.

"I think the spa would be in shambles and we'd both be fired by next week if that were the case." Harry smiles into Louis' hair.

"At this point, I don't think I'd care much." Louis pulls Harry closer to him

"I love you so much. Now, what do you want? I believe you owe me another blowjob, but I'd also like to pleasure Your Highness since I know you have the needs of a pubescent teenage boy these days." Harry jeers.

Louis nips his earlobe. "Don't judge. It only takes mentioning sex and you're up just as quick as me."

"You're so forward and outspoken now. I kind of really love it." Harry kisses Louis' nose. "Let's use the sofa yeah? We'll take turns fucking each other's mouths."

They spend the rest of their lunch hour doing exactly that.

~~

The end of the day comes, and Louis hates to admit it, but he is winded. Having Harry with him at the spa all day was a huge high, not to mention the things they did together, but he is starting to come down from the high and crash.

He almost bags going through the checklist when he remembers the spa has to be in top condition tomorrow because they are having a guest presenter come in for a drag queen demonstration class. The staff had been excited about it all week.

Begrudgingly, him and Harry close up the spa and neither of them has the energy to have sex on the surfaces aforementioned at lunchtime. There is always tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the weekend.

Harry and Louis go back to Louis' flat and Harry is making them dinner, listening to some fancy opera music.

Louis is watching Harry cook in his kitchen, plate of sliced red peppers in front of him, munching with delight. He likes to watch Harry cook.

_How did I even eat before Harry? How did I make it this far in life without starving myself?_

Harry is waiting for some soupy looking thing to simmer and he turns to Louis. "Love, I think I should stay at my flat tomorrow night. Is that alright with you?"

And yeah, Louis knew this was coming. He knows he can't chain Harry to him forever.

"Yes, of course. I've taken you away from Niall long enough." Louis' voice is scratchy from abuse today. He crunches on some more peppers and sips his tea.

"You could stay the night with me if you wanted to." Harry watches for Louis' reaction.

Louis stops chewing.

"Um." He honestly doesn't know how he feels about it. "How would Niall feel about that?"

"Niall and I have people sleep over all the time. As long as it doesn't affect each other's sleep. So we could still have sex if you want. We'd just have to be quiet." Harry says.

"Are you bribing me to sleep in your bed with the promise of sex?" Louis continues chewing on his peppers.

Harry fidgets and shifts his eyes. "Maybe."

Louis smiles. "Then maybe I will."

Harry smiles and turns around to continue cooking their dinner.

After dinner, they cuddle together in Louis' bed and fall asleep.

~~~~

Well it's been quite the roller coaster the last few chapters. Let me know what you're thinking about the story so far. All feedback and opinions are greatly appreciated :)

Follow me on Tumblr and Twitter as LemonSuccubus, and I will follow back :)


	27. Chapter 27

~~~~

Friday morning and Louis wakes up to a text message.

Good news! Doctor says I can come back to work today! Hope that's okay with you (:

It's from Kara.

God yes! Please and thank you.

It's time to get up anyway. He wakes up Harry with a long, soft kiss to the neck. "Wake up Hazza. I need to give you a ride back to the spa so you can get your bike."

Harry's eyes flutter open. "I'm supposed to be on break from school. That also includes getting up early."

"Would you rather walk? It's supposed to be really hot today. I'm just looking out for you." Louis presses a kiss to the side of Harry's lips.

Harry groans. "I know. I'll get up. Just... go shower or something. I'll be there in a minute."

Louis lays on Harry's chest and trails his fingers along Harry's collarbone. "But I like showering with you better."

Harry props his head up on the pillow to see Louis better and wraps his arms around Louis' waist. "Only if I get another kiss."

Louis smiles and cranes forward to give Harry a soft peck to the lips. "Just one?"

Harry's eyes flick down to Louis' lips again. "Or two."

Louis leans forward to give Harry a slower kiss.

_This is so soft._

Louis is partially scared and partially in love with the feeling. There's a part of him that wants to stay snuggled softly in his bed all day and another part that immediately reverts to sex.

There were so many boys from the clubs that Louis would sleep with, then kick out the next morning. Some of them tried to be sweet, but the pillow talk always made Louis sick to his stomach and remind him of Zayn. If they kept insisting on staying around for the morning, Louis would turn it into a morning sex fest, then tell them to leave and never come back.

It's very different with Harry; and it didn't remind him of Zayn.

Maybe he's doing things right this time. He made sure to take it slow with Harry in the beginning. They were friends first, and now they're friends who fuck. No strict boundaries of relationships that end up with heaping piles of expectations upon one another. Like Harry told him months ago, non-committal relationships also mean no rules broken.

_And then he said 'they can be dropped the moment they're more trouble than they're worth._

Louis pulls away from the kiss. "Haz?"

Harry pets Louis' fringe. "Hmm?"

"Am I troublesome for you?" Louis rests his face sideways on Harry's chest again and shoves down the worry until Harry answers.

Harry rolls Louis over to look him in the eyes. "Why would you ask me that?"

Frustrated that Harry won't ever just answer his damn questions, he huffs. "Can you just answer the question for once?"

Harry raises an eyebrow. "What's wrong Lou?"

"Nothing." Louis looks away from Harry.

Harry's curls fall in Louis' face. "Don't lie to me."

 _I am apparently transparent_.

"The first time I came to one of your polo games we talked a lot. Do you remember?" Louis asks.

"I remember you asked me if I had STD's." Harry jests and wiggles his eyebrows.

Louis slaps a hand over his eyes and blushes. "Oh my gosh, please don't remind me. I was so beyond overwhelmed with trying to remember how to breathe when I was around you back then."

Harry chuckles. "I know. It was adorable as fuck. Now, what else about that conversation?"

Louis sighs. He's really nervous to open up this can of worms, but also really needs some form of security to cling to because he doesn't think he ever want things ending with Harry. "Well, you said that you don't do committed relationships- which is fine- but you said it's easier because there aren't expectations or rules broken, and that you could drop them once they're more trouble than they're worth..."

"So you're asking if I'm going to drop you?" Harry asks.

"I'm asking if I'm troublesome for you." Louis counters.

"No. You're not troublesome for me. I have a question for you though." Harry drags a finger down the bridge of Louis' nose.

Louis nods for Harry to speak again. "Why do you think I said I don't do committed relationships?"

Louis backs his head into the pillow to look at Harry better. "Because that's what you told me? The partying and orgys and whatnot..." Louis is thoroughly confused.

Harry kisses the tip of Louis' nose. "You misheard me love. I said I had opened myself up to non-committal relationships. I didn't say I refused to commit to anyone."

_Wait what?_

Louis feels like this shouldn't feel like new information to him. But his body is surging with an emotion that feels awfully close to surprise.

_Why would that change anything anyway? I'm the one choosing the speed of our relationship, right?_

Sometime along the way, Louis had framed his brain into thinking that Harry was never interested in commitment. Then had settled upon contentment with accepting Harry however he could take him. Which, Louis thinks, sounds so wrong.

Maybe that's exactly what Harry was talking about. If Harry and him became official, Louis would end up putting parameters around their relationship and then the expectations would increase.

That's exactly what he wants though. To rely on coming home to him at night. To know everything about his day. To be there with him through all the happy and sad moments.

_But what if I fuck up? It's not like I'd have a problem with commitment since there's no one else I'm interested in. I don't lie to Harry per say, but sometimes I fib- and it's not like he doesn't instantly call me out on it anyway._

_It would be good, right? I'm ready for this. Is Harry?_

"Don't hurt yourself love." Harry speaks up.

Louis snaps out of his stupor. "What?"

Harry smiles. "Want to tell me what's on your mind?"

Louis feels very small under Harry. He also feels trapped. Harry could walk out at any moment. He must change this.

"Only if I get to lay on top of you again." Louis decides.

Harry chuckles. "Okay baby." He rolls them back over so Louis is now perched atop Harry.

"Um, I just want to ask because, well, I think that might change some things because apparently my brain is fucked up- which I already knew anyway- sorry! Okay." Louis takes a breath. "Would you ever maybe consider me to be your committed boyfriend in the future?"

Harry laughs loudly beneath Louis. "Are you asking me out or for a job position?"

Louis blushes and pulls one of Harry's curls. "Don't be mean. Please just, for the love of all that is holy, answer the question without responding with a question."

Harry calms himself and nods. "Okay, sorry. My answer is yes, I would consider it. It's been a really long time for both of us though, and I think I'd like to talk about a few more things with you before calling it official."

Louis' heart is doing flips in his stomach. "Like what?"

Harry sits up and adjusts Louis on his lap. "Like the fact that you won't talk to me about our fight two days ago. Or how you still haven't properly dealt with your relationship with Zayn."

Alarm started pounding through Louis's body and his eyes widen.

Harry wraps his arms around Louis right as Louis is about to bolt from the bed. Louis didn't realize his breathing had increased and struggles away from Harry. Harry whispers into his ear. "Shh. Stay here. It's okay."

Louis voice constricts. "Harry, I need to get up. I need to- I'm late for work." He tries to duck under Harry's arms.

"Kara's got a hold of it. I saw her text you this morning. Now calm down. I love you and I'm not going anywhere. We aren't going to talk about it today. Let's just finish our conversation, okay?" Harry presses a kiss to Louis' nose.

"Harry!" Louis protests.

"Okay?" Harry says evenly. He kisses Louis' cheek.

"Please no! I know I have problems. I don't want to talk about them. They're being dealt with. Plus, we're just focusing on the positive in our relationship. We don't need to drag the past into this! Please Harry." Louis tries to stand up again.

Harry drags him back down onto the bed and pins his arms above his head. Louis struggles beneath him and continues to thrash about gasping for air. "Let me go! I don't give you permission to do this!"

"Louis, it's just me. It's okay. You need to calm down before you have another panic attack." Harry kisses Louis' cheek. "I love you. I'm here, it's okay." Harry places half a dozen kisses along Louis' jawbone. "I love you."

Louis' breathing starts to slow as he feels more kisses being placed down his neck. Louis' chest heaves up and down and he can feel Harry's curls tickling the side of his face. "H-Haz, please don't leave me."

"I won't. I already promised you I'm not leaving. I love you so much." Harry kisses Louis' cheek again. "I love you. Are you okay?"

Louis' arms go limp and his body shudders. "Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Stop apologizing." Harry pecks his lips. "Just tell me what you're thinking. You can trust me. I promise I won't leave if you just talk to me." Harry releases Louis' hands.

Louis sits up to hug Harry closely. "I'm just really fucked up. I'm sorry. I've been trying for years to fix it. I've done everything and I don't know what to do. I'm not on drugs and I have a respectable job and I love you and I can't figure out why the hell I still have so many problems." Louis nuzzles into Harry's neck. "I want you to want me."

Harry cradles Louis' face in both of his hands. "I do want you Louis. If we're going to have a relationship, I want it to be real. I get where you're coming from with wanting to focus on the positive, but we can't just pretend that our fight didn't happen. We're going to have more fights in the future too, and I want to be able to work through them with you. Especially when we both said such hurtful things to each other. I'm not perfect either, you know. We were both being dicks."

Louis' eyes flick around the room. "Well instead of being dicks to each other, how about we use them on each other instead?" Louis meets Harry's eyes, trying to convince him.

"Louis, sex doesn't solve everything." Harry says.

"Yes it can." Louis objects and gets off the bed.

Harry grabs his hand. "Don't fight me on this."

"What if I want to?" Louis pulls his hand away.

"Don't make me pin you to the bed again." Harry warns.

Louis purses his lips. "Maybe I want you to."

"You are so difficult." Harry swings his legs over the bed.

" _I'm_  difficult?" Louis points to himself. "You should try being in a not-relationship with yourself. You're difficult."

Harry laughs. "Is that what you call us? A 'not-relationship'?"

Louis shrugs. "What else am I supposed to call us?"

"In love." Harry responds with a theatrical dreaminess.

Louis hops onto Harry again and Harry wraps his arms around Louis' waist. "You're such a dork."

"I'm your dork." Louis says.

"Yes you are." Harry pecks his lips. "Now." Harry looks at Louis seriously. Louis returns the look to show Harry that he is ready for whatever Harry is going to say. "I would love to work towards being in a relationship with you. We'll take it slow and one step at a time, but can you promise me that we will have some serious conversations along the way?"

"Yes. Just please give me a little time." Louis says.

"Would having a time frame help you or stress you?" Harry asks.

Louis ponders for a moment before responding. "I think it would help."

Harry pecks his cheek. "Okay. How about a couple weeks. Does that give you enough time?"

Louis nods.

Harry pats his cheek. "Okay. In a couple weeks we'll start the heart-to-hearts and figure out how to make us work."

Louis smiles and loves the giddy feeling that rushes through him. He can do this. "Until then, can we still keep... doing what we're doing?"

"Of course love." Harry replies.

"Kay." Louis hugs Harry. "I love you so much."

"I love you so much too."

~~~


	28. Chapter 28

Thank you for the undying love and dedication from all you readers out there, I love the shit out of every single one of you <3

Enjoy :D

~~~

"Well, Kara's gonna kill me." Louis complains as he rolls out of bed.

"She'll be fine. I'm sure she knows you need a break after this week. What's an hour really? Just give her a fruit basket." Harry says. "Jim really loved the one you gave to the team. We enjoyed it thoroughly."

"Good! It was an expensive fruit basket. You better have enjoyed it." Louis pulls Harry out of bed with him and drags him to the shower.

The water is warm and Louis is glad that they both fit in the shower made for one. Louis has shampoo leaking down into his eyes, turning them bright red, but keeps them open anyway so that he can keep looking at Harry's shampoo, conditioner, and soap bottles on the rack next to his. It makes him feel warm inside.

They share a razor to shave their faces and a toothbrush to brush their teeth, and Louis thinks maybe he'll get a toothbrush for Harry.

 _Maybe_.

Louis pulls out tubes and pallets of foundation from his bathroom drawers. "Need your neck covered up some?"

Harry smirks. "That'd be great since most people look at me like I'm too old to be covered in hickies."

"Just tell them your bo- friend-" Louis mentally smacks himself really hard, "is too good in bed for you to care about the social repercussions." Louis prays that Harry doesn't call him out on his almost slip up.

"Someone has a lot on their mind." Harry hugs Louis from behind and kisses the crook of his neck.

_Damn it._

"You're right, I do. Like how you are using sex against me." Louis says.

Harry bites Louis' neck. "I would never use sex against you. I'm just trying to get us to properly prioritize it."

"Who made you the parent in the relationship?" Louis turns his head to nip at Harry's nose.

Harry gives Louis an eskimo kiss. "Ha. I'm far from parent material. I've got just as much shit to work on as you. I think mine is less in my head though and more action oriented. Like I say or do things without thinking it all the way through."

"I disagree with that. You were the one to try and talk me out of having phone sex with you. Definitely a parental trait." Louis pokes him, and Harry releases him.

"But then there was the choking thing. Or half-kissing you the first time we did yoga in the park together. Definitely not something a parent should be doing." Harry wiggles his eyebrows.

Louis' insides squirm. "Stop. You're making it weird."

"I'm just saying, if I'm a parent, then I'm a very unstable one. My kids deserve better than that." Harry says.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck!_

Louis ignores the thousands of small Louis' in his mind jumping off a high dive into a canyon full of sharks because he thinks this is probably going to be another huge discussion that they're going to have.

One that Louis will never agree with Harry on.

 _Fuck_.

"Okay, so this is a yellow based concealer, this one is orange based, and this one is green based. You have to use color cancellation in order to successfully cover up the bruising." Louis opens the first tube.

Harry gives Louis a look that lets Louis know he's seen right through him again, and Louis decides to ignore it.

_Please, please, please don't push me to talk about this right now._

"So which one do I need most of?" Harry asks.

Louis kisses Harry. "You'll need mostly the green based one since yours are faded to a red. Obviously you don't need to put any on your chest since you can just cover it with your shirt."

Harry smiles sadly. "Well, teach me how to put it on then."

After Louis has Harry's neck sufficiently covered, Harry goes downstairs to pack Louis a breakfast and lunch since he would be with Niall all day. Louis finishes up his make-up and gives Gary food and a kiss to his aquarium.

The class at the spa would mean an earlier closing time for Louis since it was in the later afternoon. That meant he wouldn't have to wait until the sun had already set to see Harry again. It made his day seem more doable.

Louis low-key puts the lace underwear and glow-in-the-dark paint in the jacket in his car for later tonight with Harry. Harry really put himself on the line yesterday to put out for Louis, and then was better than he deserves this morning. Louis wants to return the same favor for Harry.

Louis pulls into the spa with Harry, then sends him away with a long and sweet kiss.

Louis is thrilled to see that Kara had already arrived and gotten things going. If he wasn't gay and she wasn't lesbian, he would give her the biggest kiss in the world. Instead he settles for giving her a huge hug and a hundred thank-you's for how good of an employee she is.

Working together, they get everything back in tip-top order. Since she is so proficient with running the back end of the spa now, she gladly helps Louis with the things that had been forgotten or put off throughout the week.

Louis has lunch catered in for the staff and makes sure all the clients are out and happy and the employees are revved up and excited.

It's 1pm and the class is supposed to be starting. Louis is about to call the presenter, worried that he'd have to whip out a drag queen make up tutorial out of his ass, when the lady comes running though the door with her large case of make-up. He goes to help her with the door.

"I'm so sorry! I'm so, so sorry!" She's panting and out of breath.

"It's quite alright love! Come in! Sit down and have some lunch for a moment." He takes her case from her.

"Thank you..."

"Louis." He holds a hand out for her to shake.

"I'm Brady."

"Good to meet you Brady! Can I get you a drink?" Louis offers.

"A drink would be fantastic." She walks over to the snack table and eats some vegetables.

Louis gets her a drink, then remembers something. "Brady, didn't you say you were going to have a model with you?" He walks her to the front of where everyone is seated.

She sighs deeply and put her forehead in her palm. "Yes. Yes I did, and I'm so sorry. That's why I'm late. My model canceled on me last minute and I was trying to get someone to replace him."

_Of course. Murphy's Law._

"So do you have someone on their way?" Louis is concerned that he wouldn't be getting his monies worth out of this woman.

"No. No I don't. And I'm so sorry. Do you have someone that would be willing to volunteer? Preferably a male?" She asks.

This is not going how Louis had anticipated.

Louis sighs and turns to everyone sitting excitedly in their seats. "Hello everyone! Welcome to the drag queen make up class! Brady here will be teaching us today. Unfortunately her model cancelled on her. Fortunately for us- that means one of you gets to be the lucky volunteer! Blake, would you be willing to?"

Everyone looks to Blake, who has a smug look on his face. "I dunno Louis, I think you should volunteer. We'd all love to see you in drag."

_No. Nonononononono. No. Hell fucking no._

"Now, now, I have a spa to run. I can't be waltzing around in drag. If you're uncomfortable, we can have Lawrence do it maybe?"

Lawrence speaks up. "We're closed after this class. I think you should do it!"

The rest of his employees start cheering him on and slow clapping.

_Mother fucker._

_What the hell. It's apparently good for morale._

"Fine, fine." He waves his hands to quiet everyone down. "Let's get started then, shall we?" Everyone cheers.

_What have I gotten myself into?_

Brady beams. "Excellent! Have a seat right here." She pats the chair then opens up her giant case full of god-knows-what. "Alright, from what I understand, we have a diverse group here, correct?"

Louis nods. "We have massage therapists, general estheticians, as well as some with specialties in make-up and eyelash extensions."

"Excellent. Well this will be just fabulous then!" Brady exclaims. "Who here is excited to see Louis turn into a girl right before your eyes?"

"Only fantasized about it about a dozen times." Blake follows his statement with a cat call.

_What the fuck is it with these guys wanting to feminize me?_

"Oooh! I would too, I mean,  _look_  at these cheekbones. And the eyes, and eyelashes, and jaw structure, and just-  _God_!" Brady pinches Louis' cheeks and turns his face from side to side.

Louis isn't sure how he feels about this woman being so up close in his personal space for the next two hours. He laughs nervously. "I'm truly flattered by your professional opinion."

She smacks him on the shoulder. "Oh Louis. Let's loosen you up. We should start by having you take off your shirt!"

Louis looks out to all of his employees and they all cheer and whoop. "Sorry, but um, why is that necessary exactly?" Louis feels very small.

" _Well_ ," Brady pulls out several tubes of liquids, "if we're to do a proper drag tutorial, it includes how to create faux cleavage! You don't see any of those men in modest dresses do you?"

"Does this mean you brought a dress for Louis to wear after?" Jannis asks, and everyone laughs.

_I am going to die here. This is the end._

"I didn't! Maybe next time though?" Brady looks Louis up and down. "I think you would look fabulous in some baby blue textile. Maybe with a light shimmer. Mmm. Now then, shirt!" Brady tugs at Louis' sleeves.

_Jesus help me._

"Right. Er, okay. I just apologize in advance! I was not prepared for this..." Louis laughs and takes off his blazer. He always has keeps his wardrobe professional regardless of the weather outside. Blazers just meant he cranks the air conditioning in his office that day.

Oh, and then there's the bit about the fact that he's always worn shirts that go to his elbows or wrists. Nobody actually knows about his tattoos.

_Take one for the team. You can do this._

Unbuttoning his long sleeve is more awkward than any first time he's had sex with someone. The first top buttons are down when Brady puts a rag to his face to start wiping off any dirt... and make-up.

Brady pulls away from Louis' face and looks at the creamy foundation on the white rag. "Oh my goodness, I knew nobody could naturally have a complexion like that! Who knew you were a make-up artist too!"

"We always knew he wore make-up!" Lawrence says, and everyone else laughs in agreement.

Brady puts more cleanser on the rag and starts scrubbing Louis' neck. "Oh- Oooooooh." She turns to the front row of seats. "I think we found the culprit for why he's been wearing make-up... Looks like he's trying to hide some hickies!"

Everyone jeers.

"Got a freak in the bed!"

"We have to meet this mystery girlfriend of yours!"

"There's no way it was a girl... It's the curly haired one, isn't is?"

_A javelin through my head would be kinder._

Maybe he could quickly purchase an aborigine assassin online and have the deed done before his shirt comes all the way off.

He passed the point of no return though, because it would appear that Brady had gotten all the make-up off his neck at this point. The shirt has to come off next.

The anxiety far surpasses any conversation he thinks he'll have with Harry.

That thought is somewhat comforting as he undoes the last button and shucks his shirt off. There is predictably a loud chorus of cat calls and cheering. He smiles thinly.

"Tattoos?! And  _more_  hickies!" Brady is apparently, losing her shit. "I bet I'm revealing a whole new side of your boss to you that you didn't even know about!"

"Like the fact that he's obviously a submissive in the bedroom-  _someone's_  trying to mark their territory!"

There is a very high chance of Louis puking.

"Makes sense why he's been losing his shit lately- he's been getting laid every day!"

"No girl I know leaves that deep of marks- the ascots are really what gave it away though!"

"What's the  _deer_  tattoo from? A drunk night after the club?"

Louis looks up to the sky to try and keep the heaviness in the back of his eyes from clouding over. He forces his lips upward into a smile and faces all of his employees. He noticed Kara wasn't laughing.

Louis lets out a laugh along with them to try and relieve the constriction in his throat.

Two hours later and Louis is beyond humiliated. Stripped of all dignity, he has a face full of make-up caked on so thick that he can smell it.

He truly did his best to laugh along as every ounce of professional respect was ripped from him. There was a point that his eyes watered more than they should have, and maybe a couple tears escaped, but luckily it was at the same time as Brady was applying eyeliner, and he passed it off as having been stabbed in the eye. His smile stayed on the whole time.

The staff absolutely loved it and had a hay-day, suggesting that Brady come back and make it a bigger event next time with a professional photographer and attire for Louis to dress in.

He venerated the moment the clock read 3pm and thanked Brady and everyone for coming.

Brady will never be coming back to this spa in his lifetime. He might even call corporate about it. Brandon and Jayme worship the ground he walks on since he runs the best spa location in the whole company. He could have Brady black-listed from Serenity Spas forever. After that would be the industry reputation. Serenity could release a statement. She would never be respected again.

_Don't be vindictive. You're better than that._

He sighs. Maybe he'll run it by Harry first before ruining someone's career.

He checks his phone praying to whomever that his spirits will be lifted by texts from Harry.

BABY I GET TO SEE YOU BEFORE THE SUN SETS TODAY!!!! :D

ARE YOU SO EXCITED????????

BECAUSE I AM :DDDDDDD

What are you doing right now? Because I'm just thinking about how much fun we'll have tonight :D :D :D :D

Should we do paninis or chicken with parma ham?

Did I spell panninis right??

P-A-N-N-I-N-I-E-S

I think I just spelled pannties without a 't' XD

Panweenies hehehehehe

ITS ALMOST 3PM YAY

Louis shakes his head to himself and cracks a real smile for the first time all afternoon.

Kara walks up to him. "Hey Louis."

He looks up from his phone and his glossed lips stickily part when he opens his mouth. "Hey. What's up?"

"Um, you look a bit exhausted. If you want, you can head home and I'll close for you." Kara looks cautious.

"You know what? That would be fantastic. It really has been a long day." Louis rolls his eyes and feels spidery lashes brush the tops of his eyebrows. "Good hell." He itches his eyebrows, and retracts fingers now covered in dark brown.

"For what it's worth, I think you look nice. You were a really good sport today. I would have had a breakdown halfway through if I was in your position. I don't think they had the right to make fun of you as much as they did... Even if it was all in fun." Kara looks shyly at Louis.

_I always knew I liked Kara. Very intuitive._

He smiles, feeling his cheeks crack with foundation. "Thank you Kara." He pats her arm and heads to his office.

He pulls out his phone to dial Harry. He paces around the office and waits for Harry to pick up.

"Well if it isn't my little slutcake! Did you have such a good day babe? Are you on your way over already?" Harry's spirits are much higher than Louis'.

"Love, I'll come as soon as I can, I only called because- Oh God!" Louis screams at the sight of himself in the mirror. He looks nothing like himself. He looks like... A really hot female movie star or something.

"You okay dear?" Harry quizzes at Louis' sudden outburst.

Louis takes down his mirror from the wall and sets it on the ground facing away from himself. "Yes. Fuck. No, that's exactly why I'm calling. I had the absolute worst afternoon of my entire life. Due to an unfortunate turn of events, I am in full drag and need to get this shit off my face before some man kidnaps me and sells me into sex slavery thinking I'm a woman and I'm stuck sucking dicks the rest of my young adult life."

Harry laughs loudly at that. "Isn't that what you'll be doing with me anyway? And just come take it off here. Niall has some makeup remover for reasons unknown to me."

"No, Harry. You don't understand. I literally think I'll need 409 and Windex- possibly Borax- to get this off. I think she may have actually used some form of plaster mixed with paper mâché and I'm scared for my complexion in all honesty. She glued eyelashes onto me. I was planning on dunking my head in a bowl of acetone and scrubbing it with a pumice stone before I come over. So I'll be like, maybe 40 minutes at most." Louis rambles.

"No, no, no! Love! You have it all wrong. Come over to my flat and let Niall and I help you. We have acetone and pumice stones- and paper mâché comes off with hot water for your information. Let me help you. That's what I'm here for!" Harry sounds much too excited to have sincere intentions.

"Harry, you don't understand. Every shred of pride has already been dashed to pieces, but I think letting you see me like this would bring me to nadir here." Louis paces around his office.

"Baby, don't you trust me?" Harry's voice is soft and vulnerable sounding.

Louis wants to scream and punch things. Harry in particular. Not violently of course.

"Fuck you and your manipulative ways. I'll be over in five." Louis hangs up his phone and wipes the make-up on the screen off on his pants.

He walks as quickly as he can to his car, gets in, and puts sunglasses on and pulls the sun visor down. He grabs his jacket in the backseat, zips it up and puts the hood on, even though it was 90 degrees out. He doesn't have the luxury of dressing for the weather right now. This is a desperate time that calls for desperate measures.

_Maybe the make-up will melt off by the time I get there. Maybe I'll melt. Only time will tell._

Louis situates the jacket on himself and sticks a hand in the pocket and  _shit_ \- he forgot he stuck the lacy lingerie and body paint in his coat this morning.

_Sorry Harry, I need some therapy first. That's going to have to wait for another night. There's no way._

He pulls out of the parking lot, mentally thanking Kara a hundred more times in his head. He is in Harry's parking lot five minutes later. He walks up to the third floor with his hood and sunglasses still on, looking at the ground the whole time.

He knocks and Niall answered. "Lewis you kinky fucker, get in here!"

_Right. I have all this to deal with now too. I would be concerned for Niall's opinion of me, but he seems to be in too-cheerful spirits._

"Hi Niall." Louis deadpans. Niall smells strongly of alcohol.

 _I see progress has_ not _been made._

Louis has to admit though, there is a part of him that is impressed with Niall's ability to consume alcohol without getting alcohol poisoning. However it's definitely not a fit coping method, he thinks.

_If he stopped drinking, he'd be able to figure his shit out. Why is that such a hard concept for him to understand?_

Niall ushers him into the kitchen. "Come in! Sit down! Have some tequila!"

_Tequila?_

Harry isn't anywhere in sight. "Um, where's Harry? And why are you drinking tequila?" Louis is extremely wary of the whole situation now. Mainly because half a bottle of tequila seems like the perfect solution to his low self-worth at the moment.

"Harry ran to the store for our Friday night party food! And tequila because we ran out of scotch! Here, have some." He pushes a glass full of alcohol towards Louis.

Louis feels sweat beadlets dripping down his face. Sweat beadlets that are definitely mixed with more than just sweat. "No thank you. I really need to get this shit off my face first."

"Nonsense! And you look uncomfortable as fuck. Take off your jacket and sunglasses. You've gotta be hotter than hell. You know I don't care." Niall pours himself a glass and drinks from it.

Louis sighs. Niall would see it sooner or later when trying to help Louis pry it off his face. He may as well get more comfortable.

He takes of his sunglasses, jacket, and shirt and throws them on the couch. He turns back around on the barstool to an open mouthed Niall.

_Umm..._

"Yeah, I'm aware it's atrocious. It was for the spa. We had a class and I was just trying to help the morale and... yeah..." Louis trails off as he notices Niall looking him up and down.

"Louis you're a really fucking hot girl. Just... Damn. Are you sure you're a man?"

"Would you like me to show you my cock Niall? Or do you not remember it from the times we've showered together?" Louis asks dryly.

Niall turns bright red. "Right. Yeah. I just... Okay." He takes a large gulp of tequila.

And fuck it. Louis would definitely need some to make it through this night. He takes a shot and has Niall pour him another.

Niall probably pours a shot and a half, but Louis isn't about to say anything. He shoots it back and already feels a confidence boost. Definitely more mental than anything.

"Hey, do you have any red peppers? Or is Harry bringing dinner?" Louis questions Niall who is determinedly avoiding looking at him.

"I don't know the answer to either of those unfortunately. Harry should be back any minute though." Niall opens the fridge and pulls out some other bottle of liquor.

"Good hell. Have you actually been bathing in alcohol all week?" Louis asks.

"Basically." Niall bends back down into the fridge and retrieves some beer. "And it looks like Harry's abusing you. I would slap him next time I see him, but I've seen the damage you've done to him, so I'm not actually that concerned. Harry told me you like Blue Moon. Here." He slides a bottle over to Louis.

"Hang on, if I'm going to be drinking tonight, I need some water. I have to pace myself. I'm not 22 anymore." Louis reasons.

Niall laughs. "I'll get you a water if you can beat me at chugging a beer. I bet you can't. Because nobody can." He smiles viciously.

Louis closes his eyes.

_Too much peer pressure for one day._

_Fuck it._

"You're on. Pass me a bottle opener."

Niall cheers and they both opened their bottles. "Three. Two. One. Go!"

Louis gets halfway through the bottle when he realizes there's no way he'd be able to down the last half as quickly as the first. He clenches his eyes shut and concentrates as hard as he can, opening up the back of his throat. He used to be really good at this back in the day.

The door opens and Harry walked in. "Hey make sure Louis gets something to eat before you give him tequil- AH!" Harry's bags drop from his hand at the sight of a shirtless Louis in drag, chugging a beer.

Well. Choking now.

Niall cheers. "Yeah! I told you! I'm undefeated." He smirks victoriously.

Louis is gagging on his beer and spits out what was in his mouth all over the counter.

Niall's cheers turn to disgust. "Shit, are you that much of a lightweight? Get your ass in the bathroom if tha's how it's gonna go."

Harry runs to the sink to get a glass of water, then is by Louis' side seconds later. Louis is coughing and pounding on his chest, giving himself a headache.

"Lou, here, drink some water. Take a deep breath. Are you okay?" Harry pets the side of Louis' hair. Louis nods. Harry turns to Niall. "Niall, what the fuck?"

Niall just shrugs his shoulders. "I challenged him to a drinking contest. I won obviously."

Harry rolls his eyes and turns back to Louis. "How much have you had to drink? Did you eat your lunch I packed you? Did you have something to eat since you've been here?"

Louis drinks some water and clears his throat. "Jeez, Harry. M'not a child. M'fine. Yes I ate lunch. I've had two-ish shots of tequila and two thirds of this beer. I was just about to start drinking some water, but was going to wait on food until you got back."

Harry sighs. "Will you please eat before drinking more? And have a bottle of water?"

"Sure, sure." Louis isn't in the mood to fight with Harry.

Harry walks over to the abandoned bags, puts the food away, cuts up a red pepper for Louis, then prepares pressed paninis for the three of them.

Louis eats his plate of peppers and drinks an entire water bottle. His self-awareness is starting to come back as he sees lipstick stain the rim of his water bottle, and he realizes that Harry hasn't acknowledged the fact that Louis looks absurd.

Louis sighs in defeat. He's going to need some more alcohol for this.

~~~


	29. Chapter 29

 

A/N: I added a scene in Chapter 16 about a third of the way in the chapter. If you'd like to, go ahead and check it out :) Thank you sooo much for all the reads, kudos, bookmarks, and comments!

 

~~~

Louis eats his plate of peppers and drinks an entire water bottle. His self-awareness is starting to come back as he sees lipstick stain the rim of his water bottle, and he realizes that Harry hasn't acknowledged the fact that Louis looks absurd.

Since he'll be here for at least another 30 minutes eating, he's definitely going to need something to help with the self-awareness. Harry isn't his parent. Louis can drink when he wants.

"Niall, do you have more tequila?" He asks softly to Niall who is sitting next to him with the empty bottle.

"Sure mate. Hang on." Niall gets up and shuffles around in the kitchen. Harry eyes him curiously, but put his focus back on their dinner.

Niall returns and slides the bottle to Louis. Louis surreptitiously pours himself a half a glass, not intending to drink it all at once, but wanting to keep the option available in case Harry is going to make him dump it before having dinner.

He enjoys the burn as he swallows the alcohol. The feeling alone releases a rush of serotonin through his veins. He already feels better.

"Louis, please don't drink anymore before you've had something to eat. You'll get drunk too quickly and it's not good for your stomach in the first place." Harry is watching him.

"No." He pulls his glass closer to his body. "Both of you are refusing to help me with my situation here, so while I wait patiently on my ass, I'm going to enjoy however much of whatever I want." He defiantly takes another drink from his cup and pats himself on the back for his rebelliousness.

Harry steps closer to him. "Please? Just wait until after you eat. I'll let you have as much as you want."  He reaches for the bottle between Louis and Niall.

Louis snatches it before Harry could get it. "Mine."

Harry just raises an eyebrow. "Help yourself then. Dinner will be ready in five."

Louis takes another long drink because he can do what he wants.

His head feels fuzzy and warm.

"Niall, rum please?" Harry calls out. Niall gets up to leave to his bedroom.

_Rum for paninis?_

"R'you putting rum in our dinner?" Louis giggles and takes another shot.

Harry places his forearms on the counter and leans towards Louis. "No my dear. No rum in our dinner."

"Then why d'you need rum?" Louis is studying Harry's face. He can't tell what Harry is thinking.

"To drink, my love. You like tequila. I like rum." Harry states.

Why didn't Louis know this? That's like, not-relationship 101, knowing what your not-boyfriend likes to drink.

"Tequila makes my clothes fall off. Did you know that?" Louis tries suppressing another giggle by lapping up some more of his amber drink.

"Yes I did. That's why I made sure we had some on hand for tonight." Harry smiles.

"You sly dog Harold. I'll have you know that I'm not easy. Nor am I cheap." Louis avows.

Harry laughs at that. "I'm willing to work hard and pay high." He wiggles his eyebrows with a smile then turns around to dish up their dinner.

Niall returns with a bottle of rum in hand. "Sorry 'Arry, I drank some of it earlier, but there's still more'an enough for you to enjoy in here."

Harry sets their plates in front of them. Louis and Niall dig into theirs immediately. Harry drinks a couple shots straight from the bottle, then picks up his panini.

"Tsk, tsk Harry. You have to drink water first. Or eat. I won't have any of this double standard business." Louis says with a pointing finger at Harry, then takes finishes off his beer.

Harry smiles. "Yes love."

Louis gets another Blue Moon and looks at it disappointedly in front of him. He's already had a Blue Moon and tequila. He eyes Harry's drink with caution. "Can I have some?"

"You're not supposed to mix your liquors. You know that Lou." Harry squints his eyes at him.

Louis squints his eyes back. "But I wanna try your favorite drink please. I wanna be like you." Then he puts on his best puppy dog eyes.

Harry pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration. Louis takes this moment to steal the bottle and drink several gulps from it. By the time Harry can react, Louis has set it back down on the table and slides it towards him.

"Ha! I was too quick fer youuuu!" Louis jeers. His stomach protests at the sudden consumption of alcohol with a wind of queasiness and Louis wraps an arm around his stomach. He should probably drink some more water.

Harry sets a hand on Louis' shoulder and watches to make sure Louis will be keeping his food down.

"What music d'you guys want for tonight?" Niall asks between bites.

"District 78!" Louis shouts, making Harry jump at his sudden burst of energy. "I love dubstep now, and demand that we listen to it."

"Oh God no. I get so sick of listening to it every practice before the game." Niall groans.

"Too fucking bad. If you don't put it on, I will." Louis glares at Niall with complete seriousness. Nothing comes between him and drinking dance music.

He feels Harry's hand on his shoulder. "Calm down Lou, it's okay. How about we listen to some Bangra?" He tries negotiating. Niall groans again.

"Are we eating Indian food? No. We're eating American food. It's only logical that we listen t'Merican music." Louis reasons, sipping on his beer again, then following it with a shot.

Niall scoffs. "Right. Want me t'put on the Partridge Family for you Louis? Or maybe you'd like some Beyoncé to dance to in drag?"

Louis hears Harry protest, but stands up and points to Niall. "Yes! Beyoncé. Now."

"Eh, I'll take it over dubstep." Niall opens his phone to the music app.

"Wait, wait, wait. Back up, both of you. Firstly, paninis aren't even American. They're French or Italian or some shit. Secondly, Niall, do not put on Beyoncé or I'll drink the rest of your stash!" Harry threatens.

But Harry is too late. 'Ego' plays loudly through the speakers and Louis squeals with delight and jumps over the living room couch to stand on the coffee table to take the spotlight.

Beyoncé makes him feel confident and powerful. He's seen the music video a couple hundred times and knows the main dance moves pretty well. The music swells and he swings his hips.

"Get off the damn coffee table ya freak! I eat there and-" Niall was shut up with Harry's hand covering his mouth.

_Damn straight. Harry likes my dancing._

Louis smiles at this, then starts singing with Beyoncé, and points at Harry. "It's on, baby let's get lost! I don't need to call in to work 'cause I'm the boss! Did you see what I did there Harry? I did a lyric change because I'm actually the boss!" He giggles at his own cleverness.

"Keep singing baby, it's wonderful." Harry smiles and encourages him.

Niall wiggles from Harry's grip and makes gagging noises. Harry turns to him. "You going to stay and watch with me, or go shut yourself in your bedroom to drink alone and wank to some shitty ass porn?"

Louis shimmies out of his pants, feeling too hot in them. Plus now he can pop his ass better and do full on body rolls.

Niall pulls a face of conflict, then sits back indignantly, not making any move to leave.

_That's right. Everybody wants to watch me. Everybody wants to be me._

"Oh hey! I have a costume that will work too! Harry, d'you have glitter? I need glitter!" Louis jumps from the coffee table and rummages through his jacket previously thrown onto the couch.

He pulls off his underwear and he heard an 'Oh God Harry' from Niall. Louis rips open the plastic bag of his new lacy apparel. "Harry come help me!"

Louis slips on the underwear because he knows how to put those on. They make his skin look extra tan and are soft. And pretty.

_I like lace._

Harry walks over with crazed eyes and helps Louis fasten the lace collar around his neck.

Harry sits down on the sofa. Louis looks expectantly to Niall. "Niall! Are y'gonna grab the glitter? I can't be Beyoncé without a glittery costume like in the video."

Harry grabs his hand. "It's fine. You look perfect love. Better than Beyoncé." He trails his fingers down Louis' arm. "So much better."

Louis is pleased with Harry's praise. Niall walks over to the couch to sit down with a bottle of tequila and rum. He hands the rum to Harry and takes a long swig of the tequila, swaying slightly with the music. Louis shares the bottle with him.

"Niall!" Louis mouth pops off the bottle. "Turn up the craic and give me some Love On Top!" He bounces in place. "And come dance with me ya bastard!"

Niall promptly changes the song as Louis pushes the coffee table to the other side of the living room to give himself room to dance.

Louis shakes his hips demonstrating and shouting out dance instructions for Niall to follow. Niall smiles and faces towards Louis and attempts to mirror him.

"Okay it's quite quick, so make sure to follow! Ready? Five, six, seven, eight!" The intro swells and Louis jumps to face Harry and does a dramatic body. "Honey, honey! I can see the stars all the way from here. Can't you see the glow on the window pane?" Louis signals for Niall to take the next part.

Niall sings along, being an avid Beyoncé fan himself. "I can feel the sun whenever you're near. Every time you touch me I just melt away!" He does a spin-off of how Louis is dancing, going for a more masculine interpretation of the moves, but smooth nonetheless.

Louis claps, impressed at Niall's natural ability to sing and dance, then takes the bridge. When it comes to the chorus, they both fall into sync with each other, dance moves complimenting the other and voices hitting different tones of the melody.

Louis motions for Niall to dance closer, and soon their groove was synchronous, both knowing when to let the other have a moment to freestyle. Louis is elated to have a dancing partner, and uses Niall to the fullest extent as his dancing prop.

Louis realizes he is showing more skin than Niall, and promptly pulls his shirt off. Niall laughs, then shimmies out of his pants all by himself.

He thinks he really likes Niall. They're on the same page.

_Beyoncé brothers._

The song continues playing, Louis and Niall dancing with each other and hitting ridiculously high notes in their falsetto voices; and Harry sits back into the couch and slowly brings the bottle of rum up to his lips.

The outro of the song plays and Niall and Louis scream. Louis jumps into Niall's arms. Niall jumps up and down with Louis then spins and they both laugh elatedly.

"Niall I love you!! You're my brother from 'nother mother! But not m'brother because I could kiss you right now!" Louis is dizzy from being spun around, but loves how the room looks so energetic and vibrant when it's circling around him over and over again. He flails his arms around to try and grab onto the walls to make them slow down. 'Diva' starts playing through the speakers.

"Do it! I've always wanted t'have a kiss from a drag queen!" Niall stops spinning Louis.

Louis feels completely disoriented and wraps his arms around Niall's neck. He makes a face of faux surprise. "Niall fuckboy Whore-Ann! Since when?"

"Since now!" Niall breaks down into a fit of laughter and loses balance. Louis topples on top of him and laughs.

"Only if y'call me a diva drag queen!" Louis bounces up and down on Niall.

"Yer a diva! A fucking sexy diva drag queen!" Niall exclaims.

Louis smiles proudly because being recognized for the fabulous person he is happens to be one of his favorite things, then places a large kiss on Niall's cheek. It leaves residue of dark red lipstick. Niall's skin is soft.

"Niall your skin's s'soft!" Louis nuzzles into the cheek he didn't kiss so that he wouldn't get red lipstick smeared on his foundation and blush.

"Your lips r'soft! N'they feel just like a girls! I haven't kissed a girl since before I walked in on y'n'Harry.  You owe me more kisses!" Niall dramatically throws his body into a starfish position to expose himself for Louis.

Louis laughs. "Kay, jus a few more 'cuz I owe Harry kisses too!" Louis licks Niall's neck because it seemed like the right thing to do, then places large, sticky, red kisses from Niall's neck down to his nipples, then licks those too and giggles.

He rolls off Niall and looks at the ceiling laughing at himself. He feels warm and happy and is glad to not have any negative thoughts about himself or his life.

He remembers tequila by the couch, then sits up to reach for the bottle. He sees Harry sitting on the couch palming himself with one hand, and holding his phone up with the other.

Louis crawls boldly towards Harry, then reaches for the bottle of tequila on the ground. He sits on his knees at the foot of Harry and takes several very large gulps.

Unsurprisingly, he drinks more than his mouth can hold and spits some out onto Harry's crotch. He laughs and drunkenly apologizes to Harry who is only looking down at him and smiling.

Then Louis does the only logical thing he could think of and pours alcohol down his chest. He falls backwards onto the floor. "Niall! Come suck on me!"

Niall happily scrambles over to Louis and proceeds to do body shots from the divots in Louis' collarbones down to the top of the lace panties. "Why're your lips s'soft? Do you sleep with chapstick on?" Louis voices his thoughts.

Niall looks up at Louis, smiles, and nods, dragging his tongue along with the movement of his head against Louis' belly button. His hands knead harshly into Louis' bum. "Mmmmm..." Niall nips lightly at Louis' hips.

Louis smacks the back of his head. "Bad Niall! That tickled! N'more for you! Harry it's your turn! I like your tongue better." Niall sits up shakily and reaches for the bottle of tequila.

Niall barely had taken a swig when he spits it out on Harry's crotch. "Fuck! Too much. M'gonna..." Niall stumbles up and into the bathroom to puke up the extreme amounts he had been consuming throughout the day.

Louis just laughs, then crawls up on Harry's lap. Harry sets his phone down and puts the rum bottle on the ground. "Did you have fun dancing baby?"

Louis nods very seriously. "Harry. Listen. C'mere."

Harry smiles and leans into Louis who now has his arms around Harry's neck. Louis speaks softly into his ear. "Niall s'definitely bisexual. And M'definitely hard." He pulls away from Harry's face to laugh.

Louis feels himself being picked up bridal style and squeaks at the shift in motion. "R'you gonna take advantage of me Harold?" He bites Harry's neck.

"No love. I would never do that. But I think I will probably die if you don't let me fuck you senseless and ride your dick." Harry kisses Louis' forehead.

"Good! I was almost worried that y'didn't want me anymore." Louis attempts at whispering seductively into Harry's ear and bites lightly against the shell of it. "I don'want you leaving me."

He's set down on Harry's bed, and adjusts his cock so that it pokes through the hole in the lace panties. It feels wonderful, so he rubs the fabric up and down his length.

"Huarrry! It feels s'good!"

Harry is naked and straddles Louis' legs and chuckles. "What did you just call me?"

"I said hurry and Harry. Huar-arry!" Louis snickers.

Harry leans down to kiss his cheek and speaks softly. "You're so fucking beautiful Louis." He places a kiss to his forehead. "I love you too much to ever leave you."

Louis sighs. "I love you s'much Harry. You're my true love."

Harry kisses the tip of Louis' nose. "You're my true love too."

~~~~


	30. Chapter 30

 

A/N: Please be mindful of the warnings in the summary, as there is drug use in this chapter. After editing, it turned out longer than I originally planned, so I'll upload 31 as soon as I get it edited.

Don't do drugs.

-LemonSuccubus

~~~

Louis' head is screaming. He opens his eyes and is stricken with vibrant yellows and oranges. He clambers out of Harry's bed to the bathroom and slams the door shut. He opens the toilet lid just in time.

His stomach heaves over and over again as he threw up into the toilet. He cries as bile comes out his nose. Feeling the remaining bile surface up into his mouth, he gags and coughs into the toilet. His whole body is sweating. He reaches up to flush the toilet and grab some tissues to blow his nose.

He feels a soft hand on his back, making small circles. It's extremely comforting. Tears continue streaming out of his eyes from the burning in his mouth and nose. He wipes his eyes and when he retracted his hand, it's smeared with black and a chunk of fake eyelashes.

He sobs out harder and turns into Harry, who wraps his arms around him. Louis notices he is naked and Harry is fully clothed.

Louis speaks brokenly and softly. "Help me please." He isn't completely sure what he needs help with.  But he knows he needs it from Harry.

Harry pets his hair then pulls him away. He grabs a face towel off the counter, face wash, and make-up remover.

Louis' sobbing slows down to sniffles as Harry wets the rag and gently scrubs the make-up off Louis' face. "Keep your eyes closed love." Louis closes his eyes.

Harry plucks off the fake eyelashes and rubs cleaning solution onto his eyes.

Four face rags and a bottle of face wash later, Louis' face, neck, and chest are completely free of any makeup. The smells are overwhelming and make him nauseous again.

Only through his mouth this time, he throws up into the toilet more and Harry leaves the bathroom for a minute. When he returns, Louis is dry heaving.

"It hurts Haz." He breathes out and spits into the toilet. His eyes are watering again.

"I know love. Rinse out with some water. If you can, then drink some too." Harry hands a water bottle towards Louis.

"My throat hurts too much. My head hurts. I need acetaminophen or something please." He flushes the toilet, then rests his head against the seat, not caring for the sanitary condition of it.

"Lou, you can't take it on an empty stomach. You'll have to eat first." Harry strokes the side of Louis' face.

Louis' eyes water. "Can I have some whiskey then? Please?"

Harry pauses and sighs. "Sure babe. Hang on." He exits the bathroom again and comes back with a shot glass filled with a yellow brown liquid. He hands it to Louis.

Louis takes a deep breath then swallows the whiskey. It numbs his throat and coats the taste of throw up, making him significantly less nauseous. He hand the empty glass back to Harry.

"Okay, now you have to drink some water for me. Or would you rather have orange juice?" Harry rests a hand on Louis' knee.

"Orange juice please." Louis closes his eyes and repositions himself against the wall, feeling bad for making Harry leave again.

Harry walks in again and Louis opens his eyes. He takes the glass of orange juice and drinks it slowly. His headache is dulled from the whiskey and he is already starting to feel a little better. "What happened last night? I know I'll remember. It's just... too early to think that hard."

"I'll tell you in a bit okay love? Finish up this orange juice, take a shower and brush your teeth. Breakfast is almost ready. Can you do that?" Harry rubs circles into Louis' shoulders.

Louis nods. Harry pulls Louis' forehead to his lips and kisses him. "Let me know if you need anything. I'll just be in the kitchen."

"Kay." Louis whispers out as Harry stood to leave. When the door shuts, Louis stands up and starts the shower.

~

Feeling loads better and cleaner, but now starving, Louis steps out of Harry's room. He is dressed in some of Harry's sweatpants, forgoing a shirt and sits down at the counter.

"Why aren't you as hung-over as me?" Louis questions.

Harry turns to look at him. "I didn't have as much to drink. Plus I didn't mix my liquors unlike yourself." Harry pours a glass of orange juice and slides it to Louis.

"Then who did body shots on me?" Louis looks down at the multiple pink and red spots that scatter his torso.

Niall walks out of his room in his underwear looking similar to a zombie, but with red lipstick marks in a line from his cheek down to the band of his underwear.

Louis blinks placidly at the sight of Niall. Fuzzy memories started to become clearer. He turns towards Harry who is trying to hide a smile.

"You're fucked up, you know that?" Louis deadpans.

Harry just turns back towards the French toast and puts it on three different plates. Niall takes the seat next to him. "What happened last night? Like, why do I feel like shit more than normal?"

Harry speaks up. "You were drinking scotch all day, apparently drank some rum in the afternoon, then drank tequila all night with Louis. And don't forget the beer you had with every meal."

Niall lays his face sideways on the counter. "Do we have any whiskey?"

Louis smiles and Harry rolls his eyes. Harry places the plates of French toast out for Louis, Niall, and himself, then pours a shot of whiskey for Niall.

Niall lifts his face off the counter then swallows his drink. He looks down at the counter where there is a red stain and squints. He places a hand to his cheek and looks at the red on his fingers, then looks down at his chest. "Who came over last night?"

Louis shifts uncomfortably and bites into his French toast. Harry speaks up. "Nobody. It was just us three."

"Then what the fuck is all over my body?" Niall starts eating his breakfast.

"Um, we were dancing to Beyoncé. I was dressed up last night from a make-up class that I had yesterday..." Louis trails off not wanting to have to go into more detail.

Harry stuffs his face with food to keep from laughing. Niall just looks confused. "Are you telling me that this lipstick is from you?"

Louis blushes and avoids Niall's gaze. He drinks some more orange juice.

They eat in an awkward silence. Well awkward for Niall and Louis. Louis pokes at his French toast, still not quite having an appetite. Harry is just trying to hide a smirk the whole time. At least Harry's not forcing him to eat.

After their plates are washed and Louis' French toast is in a doggie bag in the fridge, Harry speaks up. "So, who's up for our Saturday afternoon swim?"

Louis and Niall both groan. Louis lays his head on Harry's shoulder. "Can't we just have a movie day?"

"I second that. The point of having time off of polo practice isn't to practice. It's to have time off." Niall complains.

"We aren't working out. Just having some fun! Come on, it will be good for you two. You need to wake up and rejoin the rest of us fools enjoying life." Harry leaves to his bedroom to get his swimming attire.

Louis and Niall stay seated at the counter next to each other.

Silence.

Niall stares straight ahead and Louis looks down at the counter. He scratches a crumb that is stuck to the otherwise clean surface.

Niall isn't moving.

Louis clears his throat.

"So." Louis did not make a conscious decision to talk, but the conversation opener is out of his mouth because his need to control the situation dominates his ability to sit in awkward silence with Niall.

Niall barely turns his head and he looks at Louis out of the corner of his eyes. "So."

"Um." Louis scratches his eyebrow.

_Fuck, fuck, fucking fuck. Niall is not making this easy._

"I guess, uh, sorry... I think." Louis wants to light himself on fire.

Niall doesn't say anything.

Maybe falsely consoling him will help. "I know you're not gay... or anything..."

_That certainly sounded better in my head._

Niall stiffens slightly at that. Louis should definitely shut up for the rest of his life.

"Do you want a shot?" Louis offers. Alcohol seems to be the ice breaker for him and Niall.

Niall sighs and rests his head in his hands. Louis isn't sure if that's a yes or a no, but then Niall nods into his hands.

Louis gets up and finds Harry's bottle of Rumchata. It feels nearly empty, but there should still be enough. He pulls a dirty shot glass from the sink and dumps the remains in. He tosses the empty bottle into the trash and slides the peace offering towards Niall.

Niall takes his hands from his very red face and drinks the alcohol. "Is that the rest of it then?"

"Of the rum and tequila, yes." Louis rounds the counter to sit a seat away from Niall.

"I need to go to the store." Niall says to the glass in his hands. A remaining drop runs down the edge and onto his hand.

Louis' first instinct is to lick it off his hand, but then realizes he and Niall will probably only ever be that close when they're drinking. He feels a little hurt. Like when he was a child and his mom let him bring home a cat. He played with the cat all night, and then his mom made him take it to the pound the next morning.

Maybe he and Harry can get a cat together. It could be Meeko and Gary's friend. They could name it Flit, after the hummingbird in Pocahontas.

_Meeko and Flit. Louis and Harry._

Louis doesn't realize he's blushing at his lap until Niall clears his throat.

Louis snaps his head up. "Sorry. Um, you know what? I actually have a full bottle of tequila at my house. I'll go talk Harry out of swimming, and we can all go there for Music and Movie Saturday."

" _You'll_  talk Harry out of swimming?" The ice in Niall's voice takes Louis by surprise. " _We_ can have 'Music and Movie Saturday.'"

Louis' not too sure what he said wrong. "I mean, you don't have to join us if you don't want..."

Niall stages a laugh that reminds Louis of an angry, deranged serial killer and he shifts away from Niall. "You mean your pitiful excuse to commit Harry's weekend solely to you?  _Every_  weekend. I'm quite impressed with your ability to lock him into it honestly. It's all the sex, isn't it?"

Louis prays that Harry walks out. However, no such deliverance seems to be in the cards.

No. Louis can stand up for himself. He glares at Niall. "I haven't locked him into anything. He can choose for himself."

"Right. Just dangle sex in front of him like a carrot and it makes the choice much easier." Niall sneers.

"Maybe he'd choose to spend more time with you if you stopped being an insecure asshole of a friend.  All you've been to Harry lately is negative and confusing. I wouldn't want to spend time with you either." Louis' cold eyes meet Niall's. "Nobody likes a jealous best friend."

Louis expects Niall to storm off. Maybe slap his face. Instead, Niall just smiles as he speaks. "You do realize you're talking about yourself? You're nothing to Harry. You're his jealous best friend just as much as I am. You don't think he talks to me about you? You don't think I know all about your problems? I know you and Harry are nowhere near running off into the sunset together. The only difference between me and you is that you're the one currently sticking your dick up his ass; but he loved me first, and that won't ever change."

Everything in Louis' body has stopped working. He can't feel his heart beating. He can't hear himself breathing. He just stares at Niall hoping to be swallowed by quicksand.

Niall keeps talking. "You're irrelevant to me, and you'll soon be irrelevant to Harry because you won't be around, and I'll still be here. You both know you have no chance of working out. Don't keep fucking lying to yourself-"

"Niall! Get the fuck out!" The bedroom door slams open and Harry's stalking towards Niall.

"You can't kick me out, it's my fucking house too!" Niall stands up in front of Harry.

"Get. The fuck. Out." Harry points to the door.

Harry and Niall are at an impasse. The tension in the room is so tangible that Louis feels like he's about to choke on it.

Louis mechanically stands up and grabs his keys from the counter as quickly as he can.

"Lou, wait!" Harry reaches towards Louis, but Louis grabs his shoes and is out the door before Harry can stop him.

He hears Harry yelling at Niall and a door slam as he runs down the hallway and flights of stairs into his car.

He chucks his shoes into the passenger seat and rams the key into the ignition. When the car finally starts, Louis breaks all the speed limits on the way to his house. He slams the car into park when he reaches his driveway and screams as he punches his steering wheel.

He grabs his shoes and flings his car door shut. When he gets through the door to his flat he tosses his shoes in the entryway and runs up the stairs to his room. He rips open his nightstand drawer and fumbles around with his bag of ecstasy until he has two pills chewed up and under his tongue. His throat is too constricted anyway for dry swallowing. The taste makes his eyes clench shut. He needs water.

He stumbles back down the stairs in his socks and slips, spraining his ankle on the last step and falling face first onto his carpeted living room. He chokes out a sob and rolls over onto his back, grabbing his foot.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Louis bites his lip trying to keep the ecstasy bits in his mouth. It's almost dissolved. Only a 15 minutes. He should only have to wait 15 minutes and all the pain will be gone.

_Fuck it. I've got time. I'll just lay here in my fucking pity._

Not too much longer, and Louis hears his front door handle rattling, then the door opens and Harry is by his side. "Louis! Louis, are you okay?"

Louis bites his lips as he shakes his head. "Go away. Go away."

"I'm not leaving. What happened? Is your foot okay?" Harry rubs a hand down his leg.

Louis sits up. "Go away! We're done Harry. Get out of my house!" He not only wants Harry to leave, but he wants him to leave before this turns into a bad trip.

Harry holds both of Louis' hands in his own. "No. Louis, talk to me.  _Talk_  to me. Please."

"Go fucking talk to Niall! Get out of my fucking house." Louis goes to stand and his ankle buckles underneath him. "Fuck!"

Harry reaches out to balance Louis and help lower him to the ground. "Baby-"

"Fuck you Harry! Fuck you and fuck Niall!" Louis chokes out.

"Don't listen to Niall. Don't. Just calm down and we can talk about this, okay?" Harry pleads.

"No! I don't want to fucking talk! It's always me talking and crying and having problems. What about you Harry? I'm supposed to get over Zayn, but you can stay in love with Niall?" Louis scoots himself backward against a wall.

"No. You're absolutely right. I can't. It's not fair to you. I'm sorry. Can we please talk about this?" Harry voice cracks and he shuffles towards Louis.

"You can't just do that! You can't just stop loving someone you've loved for years Harry! Stop pretending like it's that easy-" Louis feels hot tears trailing down his face. "It's not that easy."

"I know. I know it's not." Harry has both hands cradling Louis' face.

"Then stop acting like it is!" Louis bats Harry's hands away from him.

"I'm not!" Harry desperately tries to keep his hands on Louis.

Louis pins his wrists into his lap. "Tell me you love Niall."

"Louis-" Harry's eyes flick back and forth to Louis'.

"Say it Harry." Louis glares into his eyes.

Harry's eyes are filling with water and he's silent for a minute before speaking. "I love Niall, but I love you too Louis. I love you more. I love you differently-"

Louis interrupts. "But you loved him first! And as long as he's around and as long as he's your best friend, you'll never forget that."

The water in Harry's eyes have spilled over now. "Stop telling me things I already know Louis! You don't think this is hard for me? It is. You're not the only one having to let go of your past for our future.  The difference between us is that I'm not scared to do it. I'd do anything for you Louis, please know that."

"Then leave me. Please, just... just leave me then." Louis rests his head back against the wall as his eyes dilate and more tears flow. "I'm not worth it. You know that by now. I'm a mess."

"That's not true. You are worth it. You're worth everything to me Louis." Harry cries out.

"Stop Harry. Stop." Louis is starting to feel a faint nausea in his stomach. He needs Harry to stop or they're both going to have a difficult several hours.

"No Louis, I'm not going to stop until you know that I'm not leaving you. I'm not going to stop until we get this worked out." Harry wipes a fist across his eyes.

Louis' heartbeat is speeding up. He needs to move. But he needs water more. "No. Fuck. Harry. Stop." Louis runs a hand through his hair. "Stop. I need- fuck-"

"Tell me. I'll give you anything." Harry holds Louis' hand in his own.

He's trying to keep eye contact with Harry but his eyes keep shifting to more grabbing things around the room. "Water. Water please. I need water. And my mouth guard. I need water Harry."

"What?" Harry asks exasperatedly through more tears.

"Fuck! I- I need water. I didn't drink any yesterday or-" Louis tries to stand up and his ankle stings and feels hot. He limps into the kitchen. "When's the last time I drank? Or ate?"

"What's going on? Louis?" Harry's by his side and spins Louis to face him.

His skin itches where Harry's touching him. "God that's sensitive. I should've- I took- shit. It's been- I don't know how long it's been. I don't know Harry because I don't even pay attention to time anymore. Ever since I've been with you it's like I'm in a vortex. Like I don't realize that life outside of us is happening. Do you feel that way too?"

The nausea is starting to curl around in his stomach.

"Yeah sometimes- should you be on your foot though? Did you sprain it?" Harry's eyes are still watering. "Are we okay?"

"Probably. Not for long I suspect until the next shit storm happens. I- I," Louis looks around his kitchen. The faucet. He needs the faucet. "My ankle's probably fine. Can you take your hands off me though? It itches. It's starting to itch worse. I'm too dehydrated. I had part of a panini yesterday. I skipped breakfast. I had whiskey this morning-" Louis limps to the faucet and turns it on.

"What the hell? Are you okay? What are you doing?" Harry opens the cupboard to pull down a glass for Louis. He places a hand on his back.

The water runs quickly out of the faucet and Louis tries to separate out the individual droplets with his eyes. "I'm drinking water Harold. Water is the key to youth... Or something like that. What are you doing? How long has it been since you've arrived?"

Harry doesn't take his eyes off Louis and puts the cup under the running water. "Is this another defense mechanism of yours? Like, I know you're hopeless with diversion tactics, but I honestly just- are you okay? You're not going to like, freak out? Should I move the kitchen knives? We were kind of in the middle of a big conversation."

The water runs over the brim and Louis closes his eyes to listen to the water run. He clenches his teeth together. When he opens them again he takes the offered glass of water and presses the cool glass to his lips. A little water leaks over the brim and down his chin and leaves a trail of ice behind. The water feels like peppermint mouthwash chilling the gums between his teeth all the way down his esophagus.

"Louis?" Harry thumbs a hot finger across his jaw and Louis wants to be touched. He wants to be touched more than he wants water. He looks at Harry's eyes and they look like meadows of green that Louis is sure Bambi would frolic through.

His eyes roll to the back of his head and he tries to refocus them on Harry again. The light wrinkles where Harry's dimples normally reside, are creased in with a frown. Louis reaches his free hand up and watches as his fingernail gently grazes over Harry's soft skin. He shuts his eyes to keep them from rolling back again.

"You- are you okay Louis?" Harry thumbs across his jaw again and Louis sighs out at the electricity.

"It just feels so good when you touch me Harry. It always has." Louis' jaw clenches shut after the last word gets out and there's too much tension in his teeth. He needs to start moving. "Can you- God, can you touch me more please? Please?"

He opens his eyes to look at Harry again, then realizes there's condensation building up on his hand from his drink. The ripples in the water look beautiful when they crash against the edges of the glass cup. He lifts it to his lips again to taste the water and it ripples down his throat.

"What happened? " Harry asks.

~~~


	31. Chapter 31

 

~~

He's got to pull himself together.  He can control this. 

"Sorry Haz.  Just- figured fighting has never gotten us anywhere.  I'm feeling a bit dehydrated.  Aren't you?"  Louis turns away from Harry to finish his drink because he can't for the life of him keep his eyes from spazzing out.

He feels the chilled water fill his stomach and the nausea hits him full force.  He isn't surprised by this since his body is so unaccustomed to the effects of the drug.  He leans into the sink and throws up.  Purging out the unwanted in Louis' body feels cleansing on a physical and emotional level.  It smells of his distaste for Niall; of whom he probably harshly misjudged.  Niall has a story of his own and probably just needs a big hug from Harry.

"God, Louis!  What's wrong?  Are you sick?"  Harry presses a hand to Louis' forehead and Louis has to keep from clinging to Harry.

"Still a bit hungover.  Sorry.  I'm fine.  Just need to keep drinking water; and brush my teeth."  God, how brushing his teeth sounds fantastic.  Clean and fresh and minty.  "Help me upstairs?"  Louis holds out his arms for Harry, desperate for Harry to touch him more.

Harry picks him up bridal style and Louis is really close to his face.  Louis sticks his nose into the crook of Harry's neck and he feels like he is floating in a swimming pool of velvet raspberries. 

He opens his mouth to suck lightly on Harry's skin.  The taste fills his sinuses so strongly that he can feel it hitting directly into his brain.  Harry's only making him higher, and he's about to go up really rapidly.

His feet start tingling and he lolls his head back into Harry's shoulder.  Normally he would feel like he needs to move more, but Harry is touching so much of him that he can feel every contact point between them and it feels like rapid fire bullets every time their bodies create the slightest friction between each other.  Louis' entire body is a million tiny bullets shooting fire through his skin.  He can feel it go deeper until it starts tingling his stomach and heart and brain.

He is set in front of a sink and sees himself in the mirror with Harry standing beside him.  He thinks it's been forever since he's looked at himself with this much detail.  His skin looks like a graham cracker, and he wonders if it tastes half as good as Harry's.  It looks a little dry too, and even though he's got really small pores, he thinks some cold water would be good for it.

The faucet creaks on and he hears the water surge up from the pipes and slowly drip out through the holed filter.  The water is so beautiful, and really it's amazing that clean water is accessible at all times- from the time he was born till now.  What a great privilege.  He remembers having to buy thousands of bottled waters in Thailand with Zayn because they didn't have proper filtering systems.

_I bet Harry thinks about this too._

"Do you ever think about how great modern luxuries are?  Like, what made us so special that we got to come here?  And does it make us able to live more fully, or are those deprived of luxuries, who are forced to find happiness in the simplicity of their lives, the ones who are living it more fully?"  Louis sticks his finger under the water and his whole body instantly feels like he's been dunked in the Arctic ocean.

He pulls out his toothbrush and squirts toothpaste onto it, wondering who decided to make toothpaste blue.  The bristles of the toothbrush feel like they're massaging his gums and the paste feels chalky but smells like Wintergreen and Louis sees trees when he closes his eyes.

Once his whole mouth is brushed, he's really tempted to do the whole process again, but doesn't want to for fear of making his gums bleed.  He spits the toothpaste out, glad that it leaves a fresh residue in his mouth and face.

He sticks both hands in and cups the water.  He needs to drink.  He sticks his face in the puddle of water that had formed and laps up the water.  He lets his hands part and opts for sticking his mouth directly under the faucet to drink more efficiently. 

_The world would probably be a better place if we didn't have to manufacture cups and all just drank straight from the faucet._

Louis keeps drinking until he feels Harry's hand on the small of his back.  "Do you need to lay down?"

The tingling in his feet promptly jumps up to where Harry's hand is touching him and he wonders if paraplegics feel tingly like this all the time.  "No.  Definitely the opposite.  God, can we just cuddle?  Please?"

Louis leans backward into Harry.  Harry wraps his arms around Louis and when he speaks, his voice is literally honey being mixed into warm caramel.  "I thought you just said you didn't want to lay down?  Are you sure you're fine?  You're definitely not acting normal."

"We can talk once we're snuggling.  And naked."  Louis turns around to rub on Harry and the tingling is filling his whole body.  He's a bit jealous that Meeko can probably get away with rubbing against Harry as much as he wants since he's a cat and that's all the excuse he'll ever need.

"You want to snuggle naked?  Just snuggle?"  Harry asks into Louis' hair.

"Aggressively snuggle if it's okay.  We can aggressively snuggle and talk.  And music.  We can't forget music please."  Louis nuzzles into Harry's chest.  "Can you carry me again?  I love being held by you."  Louis runs his hands up Harry's torso and the length of it reminds Louis of a redwood tree.  It's been forever since he's seen trees and a real forest.  He should travel with Harry.  They both like traveling, so why not do it together? 

"Sure Lou."  Harry picks Louis up into both arms again.

_Ah fuck, his body is so warm.  Does Harry feel this good too?  Can Harry tell I'm high?  Should I offer some to him?  Would he take it?  Would he judge me?  Would he still want to be with me if he really knew what was happening?_

_Does Harry really know how I feel about him?  There's so much to say and not enough time.  What if Harry doesn't give me time?_

"Harry, would you ever travel with me?  Or get a cat with me?  I think we could.  I think we could make it work because, fuck, you're the best person I've ever known in my whole life.  You're so genuine and open and you love so many things, and it's okay if you love both me and Niall.  Humans are meant to love other humans, and love doesn't only exist between two people.  It's meant to exist with everyone.  So I can love Niall too.  He's really protective and loyal and he's such a good dancer.  I can see why he's your best friend.  I just think he needs to be hugged by you more often because he has a lot of anger in his life right now.

"Have you ever talked to him about the fact that he loves you?  Did you know that?  Because it's really clear and obvious to me.  I wasn't sure if at first he was attracted towards me or you, but now it's obvious.  Very obvious.  And who wouldn't love you?  You're the most lovable person in this whole planet Harry. 

"I know I haven't been the best at showing you that, and I'm sorry because you really deserve it.  I just have a hard time opening up and I don't fucking know why.  I trust you as much as I trusted Zayn and I just want you to keep loving me forever, but I'm scared that you won't so I feel like I still need to protect myself for when you leave, you know?"  Louis feels himself get set onto his bed, and Harry's pulling off his clothes.  He wiggles around on his Egyptian cotton sheets.  They feel like clouds.  He is floating on clouds with Harry.

"Did you know my dad left when I was 15?  He didn't want a gay son so he left my mum.  Then Zayn left me.  Then I gave up on myself.  The ecstasy helped my depression but it made it worse at the same time.  I used to want to kill myself if I wasn't high.  One time I had a bad trip and Liam took me to the hospital because I started cutting myself.  He was there the next morning and I told him to leave and that's when he finally did.  So Liam left me too.  I asked him to.  But he still left.

"I think I needed to suffer alone for that last month before figuring out how to pull my life together.  I'm scared that I become co-dependent on whoever is in my life because that's what I've always done.  I do better when I'm alone and by myself, you know?

"Just Gary and I.  When I remember to feed him.  That's why I got an Axolotl salamander.  I got a bird once but it flew away because it didn't want to be with me either.  I killed every goldfish I've ever owned.  But Gary can go nine days without eating as long as I keep his water cool because then his metabolism stays slower that way."

"You're still sweating."  Harry reaches a hand up to Louis' forehead to wipe off the sweat experimentally.  It feels like Harry's wiping a warm rag across his skin, and fuck, a shower sounds amazing.  "How much did you take Louis?"

"Damn it.  I knew I should have shut up.  I took two.  And they have B6 for an extra kick of energy.  Or is it B12?  Whichever one is red and gives you energy.  But I mostly just feel warm and so good.  I don't feel quite as energetic as normal.  My body feels like a thousand orgasms are happening, except I keep biting my tongue, so I really need to get my mouth guard.  Or gum!  I have gum in my nightstand."  Louis sticks his fingers into his mouth so he can have something to bite on other than the inside of his mouth and Harry shuffles around to find the pack of gum.

Harry unwraps a piece then offers it to Louis.  "Louis, I know next to nothing about ecstasy.  Please tell me how to help you."

Once it's in Louis' mouth, the menthol in the gum gives him goosebumps all over his body.  His jaw is still tight, but at least there's something to help relieve the tension now.  "You don't need to help me.  I feel amazing.  Just touch me because it feels so good."

"How long does this last?"  Harry rubs the tattoo on Louis' chest.

"Four to six hours.  I don't know when I'll crash because my tolerance is really low.  When I was in Thailand, Zayn and I did lots of marijuana.  Then we started taking pills, but I don't think they were ecstasy.  They made me feel good, but not this good. 

"I remember the first time I took a clean cut ecstasy.  I made a friend at a club because he was the in house dealer and I needed anything.  His name was Justin.  He's who I would always get them from.  I took home a boy named Steve that night.  Steve was the first boy I slept with after Zayn.  I remember being high for about six hours with him.

"I went back to Justin for more and more the following weeks and that's when I started forgetting the other boys' names.  There was one- his name was Lucas, and I had a really bad trip that night because he looked so much like a younger Zayn and I kept having these auditory hallucinations. 

"I crashed really hard the first couple of times and it was such a stark contrast from when I was high.  I realized how pitiful my life really was.  So I would take more every couple of days just to keep the high going.  I could hide it from Liam most of the time, but it just really kills the purpose of it if you never get to feel the full effects, so I stopped trying. 

"He always wanted to talk, and I never had a problem talking with him, but then he would tell me he didn't want to talk to him when I wasn't in my right mind, so I told him to fuck off if he was going to be a downer.  The thing is, I feel like nobody is ever truly in their right mind.  Had I waited until I was sober to try talking to Liam, I would have had all of these safeguards and parameters up between us, and that's not real communication either. 

"So you tell me, which way is more effective to communicate?  When you're in a supposed 'right mind' and are constantly overthinking things, or when you're high and can freely express how you feel without being offended?"

Harry is still tracing the lines of his body and he speaks up.  "You have a lot to say."

"You're more than welcome to leave.  I've always assumed you'd leave me.  I can do this myself.  I've done it lots of times.  It's just nice having someone here to talk to, you know?"  Louis' eyes land back on Harry and Harry is definitely the most beautiful person Louis has seen in his whole life.

"I'm not going anywhere until I know you're okay.  Can I take you to the hospital though?  So they can, I dunno, drain it from your system or something?"  Harry wipes Louis' fringe off of his forehead.

"I'd rather you didn't because they'll have to report it to the police.  It feels really, really good.  So good Harry.  I wish you would take some with me so that you understand.  You don't want to talk though?  I thought that's all you've wanted from me lately?  Or are you going to be like Liam and have an unjust moral high-ground on not speaking to me when I'm rolling?"  Louis wiggles around on the bedsheet to shift off the sweat stain his body has created.

"Why did you take it?"  Harry goes back to rubbing Louis' arm.

"Because I told you.  I'm too sober to deal with our relationship by myself.  I don't have anyone to rely on except myself.  I hardly even have my mum.  She calls me on Christmas and I call her on Mother's Day. 

"But I'm confident like this.  It's the only thing I have to reassure myself that I can control my life and not be the victim.  If you asked me to go take over the world right now, I swear to you I could do it.  It just reminds me of the power I have inside of myself.

"Being with you has somewhat helped curb my desire to take it, but in other ways it's made it worse.  I like how I feel when I'm with you Harry, and I also hate how much I like it because that means being away from you is that much more painful.  I shove down a lot of the feelings I get when we're together.  I tell you I love you, but you don't really understand what those words mean to me Harry. 

"It's only three words, but they say all the things I can't say to you.  The way I feel when I'm being touched or held by you.  The way you make me feel about myself.  The extent to which I trust you.  How I feel when you take care of me.  The way you talk to me and treat me like I'm something precious to you.  All of that is encapsulated in those three words and I don't have the confidence or eloquence to explain it out to you every time.  But you mean the world to me Harry and I'm sorry I'm too much of a coward to tell you that more."

Louis looks up at Harry, who is crying.  Louis sits up and wraps his arms around him.  "Are you crying because you're happy or sad?"

"Both."  Harry cries into Louis' shoulder. 

"Do you want to talk about it?"  Louis kisses the side of Harry's neck.

"Not right now."  Harry strokes his hands up and down Louis' back.

"Why not?"  Louis pulls away to look Harry in the eyes for as long as he can.

"Because I need to wait a few days to see what this all means."  Harry still has tears flowing down his cheeks.

"It's okay if you break up with me.  I would understand.  I figured if this day ever came it would be the end for us anyway.  That's why I wanted you to leave earlier.  I didn't mean 'leave me forever'.  I meant 'leave me for now'.  I guess that's part of my communication problem with you isn't it?  We get so close to saying what we need to say to each other, but we still always miss the target in the end.

"Liam never saw me the same after I opened up to them like this.  It's like all he wanted was for me to be like this all the time.  And I can be, but at a price.  And he was only horribly disappointed to find that I'm still the same me when things go back to normal.  You'll be disappointed too."  Louis lays his head back on Harry's shoulder.

"Shh.  Let's just listen to music yeah?"  Harry lays Louis back down.  "I'll go get you some water."

Harry leaves the room and Louis talks to Gary until he gets back.  Harry puts on music, and Louis closes his eyes to listen to the music and revel in Harry's touch.

~~~

It's 10pm and Louis is sitting at his kitchen table with Harry.  They haven't said a word to each other since Louis started coming down.  The more it faded, the quicker the self-awareness kicked back in, and though Louis still feels a lighter sense of euphoria than on a normal day, he knows he's probably just fucked everything up with Harry.

He's picking at the bowtie pasta Harry had made for them and drinking as much water as he can now that he can properly intake and expel it. 

"Haz?"  Louis tries.

Harry's eyes flick up to meet Louis'.  "Yeah?"

"You haven't said much... Are you okay?"  Louis shovels a forkful of pasta into his mouth.

"Not really."  Harry stares at Louis as if not believing that Louis is fully coherent yet.

"What's wrong?"  Louis asks.

Harry blinks at Louis a couple times.  "Do you even know what you just asked me?  Have you not been here all day?"

"I'm asking you because I want to know what's wrong because you haven't said a word to me in six hours.  And before that you weren't too keen on talking to me either."  Louis says calmly.  "I'm sorry that you had to be here for that."

"Do you realize I've never been so scared in my whole life?  Lou, I had no idea what the hell was going on.  I'm still not even sure that I do."  Harry rests his face in his hands.

Louis puts his empty bowl in the sink.  "Why don't we go to yours?  A change of venue would probably help.  And we can see how we feel tomorrow, yeah?"

Harry sighs.  "Yeah.  Let's do that."

Louis walks over to him to wrap his arms around his neck.  "I love you." 

Harry's hands wrap tighter around Louis' waist.  "I love you too.  Let's go."

~~~


	32. Chapter 32

~~~

The sunrise shines brightly through Harry's multi-colored scarf curtains.  The thing with ecstasy is, the immediate days after taking it are rewarding.  Louis is excited to wake up in Harry's room with him and has faith that things will work out.  Now it's time to assess the damage, because Louis knows there probably will be some of that.  "Harry, wake up!"

"Go back to sleep love.  It's Sunday."

Louis wiggles his shoulder.  "We have to get up and go do yoga in the park!"

"You have morning breath.  Go back to sleep."

"I'll give you a blowjob?"  Louis offers.

"Sleep."

Harry pulls Louis into his warm chest and they fall back asleep.

~~

"Do ya whore-mongers have clothes on?!"  Niall announces.

The bedroom door opens.  Harry groans.  "Go to sleep.  It's Sunday."

"Not me!  I'm up and drinking already!  Also, I'm borrowing your phone Haz."  Niall parades around the room until he finds it.

"Whatever gets you to shut up."

The door closes.  Louis snuggles into Harry's arms.  "Hazza?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm hungry."

"S'pizza okay?"  Harry yawns.

"Mmhmm."

The bed shifts and Harry reaches over Louis to get his phone. 

_He knows my password.  Do I know his password?_

Harry mumbles into the phone and ordered three pizzas.  After he hangs up he crawls under the covers again.

"I love you so much."  Louis whispers against his hair.

"I love you so much too."  Harry kisses his forehead.

~~

The bedroom door opens.  "I'm claiming one pizza and willing to compromise by giving you both the other two.  And because I'm feeling extra generous today, I brought beers in too.  Here ya go bastards."

Niall sets the two pizza boxes and beers on the nightstand then leaves.

"We need to get up."  Louis groans.

"You're the reason we're both exhausted."  Harry sits up against the headboard.

"Shhh.  Pizza."  Louis makes grabby hands towards Harry.

"I'm absolutely not hand feeding you pizza while you sleep in my bed.  I draw the line.  Sit up if you're ready to eat."  Harry pulls a box of pizza onto his lap.

It smells really good.

Louis sits up.  "Pass me the other one please."  He wipes the sleep out of his eyes and takes the other pizza box from Harry.  "I literally cannot remember the last time I've eaten pizza."

Harry bites a huge chunk out of a slice.  "Me neither.  I love Christmas break."

"Fuck, Harry!  Christmas is like nine-ish days away or something."  Louis bites into the deliciously greasy pizza.

"What's your point?"  Harry raises an eyebrow.

"Well one, that means the spa is going to be busy as fuck for the next week.  And two, that means it's like eight-ish days until I turn 26.  I'll be officially old.  What's the actual date today?"  The last week had felt like an eternity and one never-ending day all at the same time.

"Fuck if I know.  You never told me your birthday was on Christmas Eve?"  Harry questions while making a calzone out of his pizza and still watching Louis closely.

"Honestly I forget every year until it's Christmas again.  When's your birthday?"  Louis is intrigued by Harry's pizza eating habits and watches as he bites into the sandwiched pieces.

Harry swallows.  "February first.  You didn't really give me a whole lot of warning to get you a gift."  Harry trails off at the end seeming to get lost in a though.  He shakes his head and looks at Louis again.  "Are you feeling better this morning?"

"No present please.  Presents make me uncomfortable; but, yeah.  I feel great.  Fantastic actually.  How are  _you_  feeling though?"  Louis asks.

"Honestly it feels a bit like a dream.  Like the only way I know it's actually real is because there's no way in hell I'd be able to make up that much information about you."  Harry's eyes meet Louis'.  "You...  _do_  remember everything you told me yesterday, right?"

Louis nods.  "Yeah.  And it's okay.  It's good.  Just, as long as you don't treat me differently please."

"I mean, like I said, at this point it all still feels kind of like a dream.  Or maybe I'm just in shock.  I don't know.  But unless you plan on doing it again in the near future, I think things will be normal..."  Harry eats the pizza crust and watches Louis.

After he finishes, Louis hands him his rejected pizza crust.  "No, definitely no more ecstasy for a while."

"But you do plan on taking it again?"  Harry asks.

"I mean... it's kind of my thing I do to cope in extraneous circumstances.  I already told you that.  If I hadn't taken it, I probably would have hurt myself and made a mess of my room again."  Louis crosses his legs, facing Harry, and straightens out his pajama bottoms.

"Why didn't you call me?  Or text me?  You did the first time.  We were barely friends and you texted me for help."  Harry sets down his pizza to copy Louis and crosses his legs. 

Louis sighs.  "I didn't have anything to lose the first time."

Harry's face turns somber and he leans in to hug Louis.  Louis wraps his arms around Harry, and he whispers into Louis' neck.  "I was so scared.  I'm so glad I was there to watch over you though.  Please don't ever run off and do it again.  At least without telling me first.  Please?"

"Yeah."  Louis rubs his hands down Harry's back.  "Okay."

Harry pulls away and lets out a shaky breath.  He runs his hand through his hair and then pastes a smile on his face.  "Okay.  So, your birthday is next Monday then?"

Louis raises an eyebrow.  "Uh, yeah..."

"If I would've known, I would've planned my break differently.  I told my mum I'd come down this Saturday.  I would have just gone next Tuesday on Christmas morning so I could have spent your birthday with you."  Harry picks up Louis' hand.

Louis stays silent and watches his hand in Harry's.  He wonders what Christmas next year will look like for them.

"Or I could always call her and tell her something came up.  I dunno what your plans even are or if you even want me with you in the first place."  Harry rubs over his knuckles.  "Or you could always come meet my mum.  What do you want Lou?"

_Oh._

"Uh.  Let me get back to you on that yeah?"  Overwhelmed would be an understatement.  "I mean, God, that's really- just..."  Louis looks up to the four-postered curtain for answers.

_I can do this.  Things are good.  Harry likes when we talk._

He looks to Harry for reassurance.  Harry looks like he has the patience of Job and Louis wonders when he started comparing Harry to biblical characters.  "Can I say candid stuff?"

Harry cracks a smile.  "Of course."

Louis looks down at the remains of his pizza and runs a hand through his hair.  "I'm like, really... flattered?  I think is the right word.  Or like, honored.  Fuck."  Louis shakes his head at himself.  "I feel like a fucking twat saying this."

Harry looks at Louis with concern and turns his hand over to rub it.  "It's okay.  I like you regardless of your level of twattiness for the day."

Louis smiles a faux sneer at Harry, who laughs in return.  "Okay anyway.  I feel really special that you invited me to meet your mum.  Like, God it makes me nervous and happy and scared all at the same time.  I guess I feel like it's a really big step, and I didn't think it would be something you'd be so quick to do with me.  Like, we've known each other for four months?  And you already want me to meet your mum?" 

Harry stops rubbing Louis' hand.  "Seriously?"  Louis looks up tentatively at Harry.  "Like, it's just meeting my mum.  I feel like I'm getting really mixed signals from you right now."

"What do you mean?"  Louis' eyes dart back and forth between Harry's.

"You tell me you want to be in a relationship with me, yet now that an opportunity to take a step forward arises, you're not sure how you feel about it?"  Harry's voice strains slightly at the end.

"I didn't say that..."  Louis bites the inside of his cheek.

"What did you say then?  That you want to be exclusive with me not because you want to be a part of my life, but just so you know I won't go out and fuck anybody else?"  Harry asks sternly.

"Okay, wow.  I'm trying to be honest with you and you've started assuming things.  That's not what I said or meant."  Louis folds his arms.

Harry rolls his eyes.  "Right.  Of course it's not, because you can't say what you actually mean unless you're high." 

_Do not react to that.  Do not react to that.  Do not react to that._

_He didn't mean it._

Louis takes a breath then leans forward and kisses Harry's cheek.  Harry is startled, but right as he starts to relax, Louis pulls away and gets off the bed.  "I'm going to give you some space.  Let me know when you've calmed down."

Louis walks out of the bedroom without looking back.  Niall is pouring himself a shot with one hand, and holding a beer with the other.  Louis picks up his keys from the counter, and when they rattle, Niall looks up to flip him off.

Louis presses a tight smile back to Niall then leaves.

When Louis gets home, he decides on yoga in his living room and writing in his journal.  After he's finished that, he showers and pulls up his laptop to get a head start on some work for tomorrow.

His phone stays fully charged and close by him all evening, and he doesn't get any notifications.

He places an online catering order from Einstein Bagels for tomorrow morning, then talks to Gary for a little while before falling asleep.

~~~

Louis yawns when his alarm goes off Monday morning.  It takes two seconds for his brain to wake up, and then he tangles his body in the bedsheets scrambling to grab his phone.  He clears the alarm and is hit with a pang of disappointment when he still doesn't have any texts or calls from Harry.

_It's okay.  Things will be okay._

He blinks off the disappointment and puts a smile on his face as he gets ready for the day.

~~~

When he walks into Einstein Bagels, he misses Harry. 

He's hit with nostalgia from the first morning he came here to buy a bagel and stop by Anthropologie afterwards.  He wonders if Harry's school schedule will be similar next semester so that he'll be able to do the same.

_This is why I hate change._

Louis brushes off the negative thought and picks up his order.  He of course, dives in to the box the second it's handed to him, and opts for a plain bagel with cream cheese.

He arrives to the spa and Kara is already there, having the spa prepared for opening.  He smiles and plops the box of bagels on her desk.  "Has anyone ever told you you're worth your weight in gold?"

Kara gives a sassy look back.  "Are you saying I'm fat, or not very valuable?  Anyway, platinum is more expensive these days... Or petroleum..."  Kara looks off into the distance and rubs her chin.

Louis shoos a hand at her.  "Regardless, you're my favorite."

Kara lifts an eyebrow.  "I'm your favorite hmm?  Out of everyone in the entire world...  _I'm_  your favorite?"

Louis slits his eyes.  "Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to."

Kara laughs.  "Well I'm glad you're in much better spirits than Friday.  Let's pray that doesn't ever happen again."

"Amen to that."  Louis rubs his eyes.  "Are you the only one here so far?"

Kara lowers her voice.  "Maria was here before I even got here.  She was sitting on the steps of the front door.  I told her to go catch up on industry news or whatever, so she's in your office on your computer."

Louis gives her a deadpan expression.  "You told her to use my computer?  She couldn't use yours?"

"I'm using mine!  You weren't here yet, so I figured it wouldn't be a problem."  Kara shrugs her shoulders.

Louis purses his lips at her.

Kara's expression falls and then contorts into amusement.  "Have more porn sites in your history?"

"I'm not going to answer that."  Louis flicks his hair off his forehead and sets out the plastic cutlery, napkins, and tubs of schmear fancily on Kara's desk.  "Make sure everyone gets a bagel.  But none for you and your jerkish ways."

"I am  _not_  a jerk!"  Kara holds a hand to her heart in mock offense.

"Are too!"  Louis sing songs as he strolls to his office.

Maria is sitting in his chair hunched over his computer.  She looks oddly out of place.  Louis sits on the chair directly across from his desk and clears his throat.

Maria's head snaps up and her body goes rigid.  "Sorry!  Kara told me I should come back here and-"

Louis interrupts.  "It's fine, it's fine.  Do you mind telling me why you were here so early today?  It's not that I mind.  I'm just curious, as Kara and I usually open up before others get here."

Maria hangs her head.  "It's a long story."

Louis sits back in the chair.  "I don't mind."

"Basically I don't have anywhere else to be.  So I figured I could come in early..."  Maria looks at the desk.

_Harry's body has been sprawled across that desk..._

_Not the time!_

Louis clears his throat again to shake the memories.  "Do you mind if I ask, are things okay in your home environment?"

Maria bites her lip.  "Not so much.  I just really need to start making my own money so I can move out.  I have a budget plan, and if I get two clients a day with an average ticket of $30 five days a week, minus commission, I should have enough in savings to move out within three months."

Louis nods.  "It's good that you have a plan.  What do you do as far as promoting yourself as an esthetician?"

"Well I put it on Facebook if that's what you mean."  Maria looks up to Louis.

"That's a great starting place.  Are you on Pinterest though?  Or YouTube?"  Louis asks.

Maria furrows her eyebrows.  "No.  Why would I do that?"

"Many girls when they're starting out will do videos or tutorials or things of the sort and put them on social networking sites.  It can give you things to stay productive, give you reputability, and drive clients in your direction.  Also things like hanging up posters or tear sheets with your information on it in women's clinics or gyms can be helpful too."  Louis smiles.

Maria looks at him like he built the Gateway Arch.  "How do you know all of this?"

"Just a few tricks of the trade.  You're welcome to use the computer and printer at Kara's desk to create flyers et cetera as long as you're not infringing on her work.  Once you've completed those things, come talk to me and we'll see where you're at."  Louis clasps his hands together.

Maria stands up.  "Thank you so, so much Mr. To- Louis."  Maria blushes bright red.

Louis stands up and ushers her to the door. 

Maria stares at the floor until she reaches the doorway.  "By the way, I was reading an article in the industry news that you were mentioned in... It was about another massage therapist in New York and he-"

"You know what?  I'm so sorry to push you out, but I really need to get a jump start on today.  My door is always open if you ever need a shoulder to cry on."  Louis offers a manic smile and a pat on her back, then shuts the door behind her.

Louis picks up a pillow from the sofa in the corner and muffles his face against it.  "Fuck!  Fucking fuck!  Leave me fucking alone!"

He chucks the pillow against the sofa. 

_Two breaths in.  Four breaths out._

He looks in the mirror at himself and runs a hand through his hair.  "Great way to start the day."

Louis kicks the white rug underneath him that he still needs to dry clean because of his and Harry's extracurricular activities that took place there.  He paces back and forth contemplating a battle he already knows he's going to lose.

He walks swiftly to his computer and shakes the mouse until the screen lights up.  The page is an article on pedicures.  He clicks the back button two times before freezing and collapsing back into his chair.  His body starts sweating as his eyes frantically read the article.

Master Thai Massage Therapist, Zayn Malik Opens Spa in Tribute to Long Lost Boyfriend

Many of you may have seen New York's newest industry disrupting spa called  _Find Your Zen_ located on the state's infamous 5th Avenue.  This new spa is not only one of the highest end specialty places you can go for an authentic Thai Massage, but also one with a heart wrenching story behind it.

Malik, 28 years old, has this to say about the inspiration for his new spa: "Louis Tomlinson is the reason for everything I've accomplished in the last three and a half years.  We were torn apart in a terrible tragedy when we were living in Thailand together.  Being in a foreign country is the worst way to lose someone and I searched for him for months before finally moving back to the states.

"New York is where we always planned on settling down once we finished our time traveling.  We had a flat picked out and the vacant spot on 5th Avenue where we promised each other we would open our dream spa together."  Tears freely flowed from Malik's heartstrings as he continued the interview with us. 

We asked him why now?  And what about Louis?  Malik said: "Three and a half grueling years later, I'm making our dream a reality in remembrance to him.  I don't know if he's still lost in Thailand somewhere or if he's merely blocks away from me.  All I know is that I will do anything it takes to find him, and if I never do, then this spa will serve as my tribute to the one I love more dearly than myself-"

Louis picks up the keyboard and throws it as hard as he can against the wall.  A few keys fly out and the dismembered keyboard lies askew on the floor. 

He holds his hand in a fist ready to punch the life out of his desk until he remembers that he can't compromise his hand again.  Instead, he collapses onto the floor and pulls his knees close to his chest.  He breathes heavily into the crook of his arm, trying to calm the anger.

"I can't do this.  I can't do this.  I can't do this.  I can't do this."  Louis pinches himself as hard as he can, but the pain doesn't register.  He gives up and stands up to pace around his office.

"Don't break things.  Don't break things.  There isn't anything else in here to break that isn't expensive."  Louis threads his hands through his hair and pulls hard.  "Calm down Louis."

He stops in front of the mirror and contemplates breaking it.  Then maybe he would have something to blame his shitty life on.  There's nothing that the mirror shows him that he likes anyway.  In fact, it only shows him the one thing he hates most.

Louis can't really remember a time when he didn't hate himself.  Or hate the way he felt or thought.  Maybe before he told his parents he was gay.  No, because even then, he hated himself for being different.  He always knew he was different.

He really can't afford to take more ecstasy and try to run his spa at the same time.  He can't wreck his office.  Harry's not here to calm him.  He can't run. 

He picks up the pillow again.  "Fuck!  Fuck!"  He thrashes the pillow against the sofa a couple times before throwing it on the ground and buckling onto the sofa.

Louis buries his face in his hands.  "Why am I such a fucking wreck?"  He drags his hands down his face.

His phone vibrates twice.

He huffs out at his lack of energy to even jump to his phone.  He groans as he pushes himself up and walks to his desk.  He exits out of the web browser and clears his history before picking up his phone and reading the text from Harry.

**Hey babes, I'm so sorry about yesterday. Thank u for giving me time to cool down, I was such an asshole. Can I make it up to you with dinner tonight at mine? We can talk...**

**Or have sex instead :)**

Louis laughs out loud and types a reply.

**You really should stop bribing me with sex.**

He picks up the disjointed keyboard and places it back on his desk.  He picks up the Ctrl and F, M, and E keys that had flown off and clicks them back into their proper place.  His phone vibrates again.

**I learned from the best :).**

Louis snorts.

**Don't ever forget it.**

He takes a deep breath and re-opens his web browser to log in to the corporate website.  He needs to turn in the spa's quarterly report at the end of this week. 

_No drugs today.  I can do this._

His phone buzzes on his desk.  It's from Harry again.

**Sooo... is that a yes?**

Louis smiles.

**Of course Hazza. Love you <3**

It's only a moment later before Harry texts back.

**I love you too muffin <3**

~~~


	33. Chapter 33

 

~~~

It's 9:15 and Louis is standing in front of the door to Harry's apartment.

He's really not sure why he's hesitating, but he definitely knows he feels a little anxious.

He takes a breath then plasters a smile on his face and knocks on Harry's door.

Niall opens it and looks Louis up and down. Then he smirks.

Louis self-consciously looks down his body to check and see if his fly is undone, or maybe his belt spontaneously turned into a snake or something.

He looks back up at Niall who just opens the door wider and rolls his eyes as Louis passes through the threshold.

Harry looks up from the stove, God bless him- he's wearing an apron, and runs to gather Louis up in his arms and Niall flees to his bedroom.

Louis completely forgets about Niall anyway because this moment feels like it exists in a world only for Louis and Harry. The familiar smell of chlorinated raspberries fills his senses and Harry's soft hair tickles his nose. Harry's body is warm and completely covers Louis', and he loves it.

Harry adjusts his face so he's nose to nose with Louis. "Lou, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry..."

Louis shakes his head. "It's fine. It's okay."

Harry's hands frantically feel up and down Louis' back. "No it's not. I didn't mean it, I swear-"

"I know. Shut up and kiss me alread-oomph!" Louis' spine goes concave as Harry pulls him completely flush towards his body and Harry's tongue is in his mouth and that's the end of that.

Louis kisses back fiercely, his mind grabbing for the last time he's touched Harry like this. The only answer he comes up with is too long ago for any sort of relevance, so he keeps kissing.

The kiss fills his body with a comfortable warmth and the heat keeps surging. It's so hot that it's almost tangible. Louis wonders if he's going crazy because he swears his body is being swallowed by a fire...

He's ripped from his train of thought by sprinklers in the ceiling pour down on them along with an ear piercing alarm.

"Shit!" Harry runs to the stove where a skillet has caught fire and is smoking. "Niall, get the windows!"

Niall appears from where he had shut himself in his bedroom and runs around opening the windows. Harry's waving a towel by the smoke and shuffling through items in the cupboard.

Louis' eyes go wide and he curses under his breath. He lunges to the cabinet for a glass and fills it with water. He's about to dump it on the skillet when Harry sees him and tackles him against the fridge.

The glass and water crash to the floor and the alarm is pounding through Louis' head. He hardly registers Harry yelling at him. "Louis, what the fuck?! You can't put water on a grease fire!"

"What?!" Louis squints his eyes at Harry.

"Help me find the baking soda!" Harry releases Louis' arms.

"Why baking soda?!" Water flicks off Louis's hands as he dramatically motions to the fire. "We need to put it out!"

Harry runs a hand through his wet hair. "Just listen to me!"

"How do we get the fucking alarm to stop?! I can't fucking hear you!" Louis yells at the sprinklers and gets water in his eyes.

"The alarm isn't in the sprinklers Louis!" Harry points to where the sensor on the wall is mounted.

"What?!" Louis rubs water out of his eyes.

When he opens them again, he's covered in a thick white foam. He looks to Harry who is also covered in the white foam, and then the stove which looks like the Matterhorn at Disneyland.

A loud crash sounds and then the alarm and sprinklers finally turn off. Louis sinks to the ground and gets a face full of foam. He spits it out of his mouth and wipes it from his nose.

He hears Harry fiddle with the stove for another moment, and then Harry's knelt down by Louis and has him in his arms again. Harry nuzzles his face against Louis' cheek, smearing more foam there. "Baby, are you okay?"

"What the fuck just happened?" Louis feels like he just ran a marathon.

Niall throws the fire extinguisher at his feet. "How you've almost made it to 26 alive will blow my mind for the entirety of my life."

"Was it really necessary to spray us?" Harry reprimands.

"Didn't know if either of you had grease on you. Didn't want you catching fire." Niall shrugs. "So did you ask Louis about me staying at his yet?"

"Excuse me? I mean, you could always just talk to me since I'm right here." Louis braces a hand on the wall to stand. Harry hoists him up around his waist.

Niall looks at Harry. "Also, next time you have a chance, let Louis know I've no interest in speaking with him."

Louis laughs at that. "Wow. Really Niall? You're giving me the  _silent_  treatment?"

Harry holds two hands up. "Okay. You two, simmer the fuck down. Louis, I was going to ask how you felt about Niall staying at yours for the night so we can have the flat to ourselves."

Louis rolls his eyes. "I dunno. Is he going to set my house on fire?"

"Tell Louis I won't set his house on fire as long as I get to drink all his booze." Niall folds his arms. "Also, that he has a much higher chance of setting our apartment on fire again than I do setting his on fire."

"Okay the fire was my fault Niall. Cut it out. And Louis, don't be melodramatic. Can we all be adults for a moment and organize a symbiotic arrangement please?" Harry looks expectantly between Louis and Niall.

Louis shoves his foamy hand into his pocket to fish out his keys. He throws them at Niall, accidentally aiming for his face. Niall swats his hands to protect his face and knocks them to the floor. "If you kill Gary or damage anything, I swear to God I will-"

"Louis! Chill. Please." Harry glares at Louis.

Louis folds his arms and leans back against the wall, biting his tongue.

Niall bends down to swipe the keys up from the floor and leaves the flat without a word to either of them.

Harry turns to Louis. "Is there a reason Niall is a problem? I thought you were fine with him now?"

"I did too until I saw his face again." Louis sneers.

Harry pinches the bridge of his nose. "How about let's put a pin in this conversation, yeah?"

"Does that mean it's time to get naked?" Louis purses his lips.

"No..." Harry drawls. "It means it's time to turn on some music and get this evening going!"

"So we're setting the mood?" Louis wiggles his eyebrows.

Harry smacks his ass. "You little twit. Just for that, I'm making you listen to Bollywood."

"Ugh! Your music was so good the first few months we were together. Now we're just getting to the acid trip part of your brain that likes over stimulating and loud music." Louis complains.

"And Beyoncé isn't over run with synthesizers or bass lines? That's a real fair argument you have there." Harry looks slightly irked.

Louis pulls him into a hug, not wanting to turn the mood sour. "Okay, okay. Fine then. Since we're doing Bollywood, I shall get the proper attire for us while you clean this up and put some tea on!" Louis kisses his nose then skips to the cultural explosion that is Harry's room.

Pulling down two of his favorite scarves and beads from the wall, Louis is about to exit the room when he decides to look through Harry's closet.

_Maybe he has some more weird Indian shit in here._

Louis is correct. There is a corner that it seems Harry kept traditional attire. He shuffles through the options when a bright orange Sherwani catches his eye.

_Yep. This is the chosen one._

He pulls it off the hanger and takes off his foam soaked clothes. He keeps his underwear on, and slips into the Sherwani. At that moment, Bollywood music starts playing from the speakers.

_Guess he got everything cleaned already._

He smiles at Harry's choice in music. He pushes the clothes back to their original position and spots a bong on the floor of Harry's closet.

 _Interesting_.

He walks out of Harry's room with an Indian scarf and beads adorning and accenting his Sherwani. "Hazza, is it okay if I wear this? Is it a spiritual garment of some sort or something?"

Harry, who is now shirtless, turns to look at him and laughs. "You look ridiculous Lou. I suggest you take off the scarf or you're going to get really hot in a minute. It's really heavy material. But yeah it's fine."

Louis takes off his scarf and throws it on the couch along with Harry's scarf and beads. Louis looks at the kitchen where a pile of abandoned food in a skillet lie in the sink and a pile of towels soaked with white foam are bunched up in a corner. "Do you need help cleaning more?"

Harry waves him off. "It's fine. It's not going to get any dirtier by tomorrow morning. I'd rather spend my time with you than cleaning."

"If you say so." He can already feel how the heavy material traps all the heat in. It's okay though. It helps him feel more ethnic and makes it easier to enjoy the Bollywood music.

Harry brings over two cups of tea and sits them on the coffee table, then squishes next to Louis. "My own personal interpretation of masala chai."

Louis picks it up with both hands to sniff it. It definitely smells what he imagines India to smell like, but with a hint of cinnamon. Harry's hands reach over to surround Louis'. "I put an ice cube in yours, but wait for it to cool down a bit more. I don't want you burning your tongue."

Louis offers a small smile back. "Thanks love." He leans in and meets Harry's lips in a soft kiss.

Harry pulls away and claps his hands together. "Are you hungry? I have some frozen Indian dinners." He grins like Louis just offered to make him dinner.

"That sounds wonderful dear. I didn't know you believed in frozen meals." Louis set his tea back on the coffee table.

"Sometimes Niall empties the fridge without my permission, so I always keep them on hand. And I like the Indian ones because the spices aren't hard to replicate, so they always end up tasting quite good. You won't even know they were once frozen." Harry nuzzles his nose into Louis' cheek.

"Sounds perfect to me!" Louis stretches back on the couch, kicking his feet up on the table and Harry pecks his lips before getting up to make the food.

_I feel like... aristocracy._

Louis smiles to himself. "I really like this coat. It makes me feel extremely fancy. Plus I have you being my servant, so I feel extra noble." He tilts his head to the side to watch Harry in the kitchen.

A very smug look crosses Harry's face as he heats up the oven. Louis furrows his eyebrows. "What?"

Harry just smirks and leans back on some cabinets. "Nothing Master."

Louis promptly pulls his feet off the table. "None of that peasant. No fucking till after dinner."

Harry fights to keep a smile down but fails miserably. "As you wish."

Louis' stomach starts doing the thing that he knows will end in really rough sex on Harry's part.

_Well. He's the one asking for it._

_Food first._

_And then there's the other thing..._

"I didn't know you still smoked." Louis watches Harry for a reaction.

"What other skeletons did you find whilst digging through the back of my closet?" Harry's face goes from playful to stoic like a lightswitch.

"What other things don't I know about you?" Louis fires back. He's a lot more on Harry's level of conversation now than when they had first met. He knows how to get what he wants out of him now.

Harry chews on his lip. "I used to smoke a lot back when I was partying. It started messing with my lung's abilities for polo and swimming, so I stopped for the most part. Really though, did you find anything else I should know about?"

"Um. No. Would you mind telling me what to not look for so that if I accidentally run across it, I won't stick my nose in it?" Louis tries to make peace since he doesn't want Harry in a bad mood.

Harry sighs. "Sorry for being short. I don't care about the smoking thing. Just... If you ever come across my journal, please leave it be. I need something that's safe from the rest of the world."

Louis nods understandingly and feels a light pang in his chest at that. He pauses for a moment then speaks up again, trying not to sound like he was making fun, but trying to lighten the mood at the same time. "So you keep that in the back of your closet then too?"

Harry cracks a smile. "Yes. Doesn't everybody hide what they don't want other's finding in the back of their closet?"

"I think I have some of Gary's old aquarium equipment back there... Maybe a family photo album." Louis thinks he really needs to clean that sometime. "I thought you said you didn't care about the smoking thing? Why would you hide it there then?"

"Niall kept breaking all my good bongs, so I had to hide my last good one from him. He still smokes on occasion, but stopped for the same reasons I did. I think he actually has some weed though." Harry opens the oven to pull out their dinners. "Want to take a couple hits?"

Unasked pictures of Harry naked, hazy, and straddling him, shotgunning into his mouth flash across his mind and he bites back a groan.

Louis' isn't a huge smoker, but quite frankly there's nothing he and the straining in his pants wants in this moment more.

_But I promised myself not substance intake tonight._

_Who would I be if I broke a promise to myself?_

Louis wants to punch himself and his conscience.

"Very tempting. But maybe another time?" Louis tries to not sound horribly regretful of his decision.

Harry lifts a smug eyebrow. "Well. You have till Christmas to change your mind before I have to get clean again. Otherwise you'll have to wait till spring break."

"Are you trying to pressure me by giving me deadlines?" Louis interrogates.

Harry just smiles. "Maybe I am. Maybe I like you a lot when you're under the influence of substances when I'm around."

_Oh._

"So you're saying I should bring my bag of red pills next time we hang out? Or are you just hoping I'll get drunk with Niall again?" Louis challenges.

"If you feel that you can keep integrity with yourself. Again, thank you for giving me a bit of space to think. I realized that I already knew how I felt about it, I just had to calm down enough to remember it.  And I don't believe anybody should have to cut themselves off something if they can do it responsibly and maintain control of the rest of their life in the mean time." Harry sets the trays of food and silverware on the coffee table. It smells delicious.

"What Niall's doing right now isn't healthy or helping him cope. It's making it worse. I don't believe in running from your problems. But I'm not Niall and don't have a right to tell him how to live his life. Same with you really, except I can see that you're not making things worse. I don't necessarily agree in coping with substances, but I'm not you.

"When I was partying and drinking too much, I knew it was too much because I lost control of other things in my life. Like school and my abilities with water polo. But just because I abused it once, doesn't mean it can't have a place in my life when I'm better able to use it.

"If that principle were true, we wouldn't be with each other right now. People are so quick to condemn alcoholics and shame them if they don't have their shiny sobriety tokens everywhere they go. But those people don't realize they go home to a boyfriend, girlfriend, mother, father, spouse, or someone else that they abuse and take advantage of. If they truly believed in the principle of sobriety, cold turkey, or whatever, then they wouldn't allow themselves to ever be around that spouse again because they abused them once."

"So yeah, if you want to recreationally take your pills, drink, smoke, or have one night stands, make sure it's not out of self-pity, revenge, or rebellion and it won't ruin your life, then yeah, go for it."

_How can I not love Harry?_

Louis sips his tea.

_Perfect temperature._

"Okay." Louis picks up his utensils to mix the chicken in with the rice and sauce. "I think I want to get another tattoo."

"What's stopping you?" Harry takes a bite of the food.

"I know I want it. But I'm not 100% sure I want to get it  _yet_." Louis smells his forkful before eating it. Harry is right- he would have never thought this was once frozen food.

"You'll know the right time." Harry smiles at him between bites. "I've actually been thinking of doing the same thing. I'm at the same spot though. I don't think I want it yet."

Louis is stuffing his face now that the food has been categorized as delicious. "Maybe we overthink things too much. You've helped me really let loose lately, and it hasn't been a bad thing."

"Getting a tattoo is a really permanent move to make." Harry takes a drink of his tea.

"And having sex with each other isn't?" Louis reasons between bites.

Harry doesn't have anything to say back to that.

The songs continue to shuffle and Louis' head is slowly melting into a ball of Bollywood. "Do you have incense?"

"Do you know who you're asking?" Harry playfully smacks his thigh before getting up and going into his room. He comes back a minute later with a lighter, incense holder, and a box of incense. "Patchouli okay?"

"Sounds great." Louis holds his hand over his mouth so he can speak while eating.

Harry lights the stick and the incense starts burning, filling the room with the smell of Patchouli and Indian food. Louis finishes his food and sits back on the couch again, taking longer drinks of his tea because it's not too hot.

Harry finishes eating and does the same as Louis. They close their eyes and listen to the music.

Several songs later and Louis is increasingly aware of the Sherwani's thick material making him really hot. He unbuttons it all the way down so his chest and underwear are on full display.

"So we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even get foreplay anymore? I think I've made this too lax for you if we're already there." Harry smiles from beside him.

"Is that really how you feel Haz?" Louis knows he was joking, but it still worries him that Harry would say something like that. Stranger things have been known to have truth in them. Maybe he's projecting.

Harry drops the playful tone. "No. Do you feel that way?"

"No. But do you think we're headed that way soon?" Louis asks.

"Are you asking if we're having too much sex?" Harry responds.

"Yeah. I mean, the last serious relationship I had was overrun with sex and turned out to be something other than what I thought it was. I don't know about you, but I'd like to do this right and not fuck things up between us." Louis drinks the rest of his tea. "Do you know what I mean?"

"I know what you mean. But I don't particularly want to stop having sex with you. And no offense, but I'm not Zayn. We're both equally consenting and on the same page with our relationship." Harry says.

"Yeah, but shouldn't we moderate it or something? The hottest fires can burn out the fastest and I just don't want that happening with us." Louis says.

"The sun is pretty damn hot and it's been burning for billions of years. So you tell me." Harry looks over to Louis. "Besides, why would we do something if it's not worth over doing?"

"What about earlier though? Moderation and all that?" Louis argues.

"It's just an expression." Harry flits his hand in the air. "Like, why are you even doing it if it's not worth it to you?"

"Well that makes a lot more sense. You should have just said that at first." Louis rolls his eyes.

"But then it wouldn't have the intended effect." Harry inches his face closer to Louis'.

"And what might that be my dear?" Louis asks innocently.

"To get you to have sex with me." Harry smiles deviously.

Louis laughs. "You have no shame, do you?"

"Not if it gets you to have sex with me." Harry slides closer and places a hand on Louis lap.

Louis smiles. "So now you're being manipulative? Who do you think I am? Some college girl you can smooth talk into being your sex toy?"

"You know none of that's true. You just make me really, really horny." Harry breathes into Louis' ear.

Louis keeps his tone light. "I dunno Haz, I think I should meditate on this whole 'moderation' thing. I'm feeling an awful lot of peer pressure for one night."

"There's time to meditate tomorrow. No more words, just emotion." Harry whispers seductively against Louis' cheek.

Louis bursts into laughter and pushes Harry away. "You're horrible, you know? I don't know how you get anyone to bed with those kind of seduction techniques."

"You mean to say I'm not turning you on?" Harry playfully walks two fingers up the length of Louis' arm and nips at his shoulder.

"I think it's the music." Louis squints his eyes at the stereo. "It's hard to be serious with such upbeat music playing. How about I fuck your mouth instead?"

"Perfect! How do you want me?" Harry jumps out of his seat.

Louis wants to chuckle at his antics, but mostly is really turned on at Harry's eagerness. "Take off your shirt and lay on the scarves so I don't hurt your neck."

Harry does as Louis instructed.

Louis takes off his underwear and feels an inflated sense of privilege, so he decides to regally walk over to Harry. The coat trails behind him.

Louis sits at the top of Harry's shoulders facing forward. "I'm going to switch directions halfway through because I've wanted to cum on your moth since your first polo game."

Harry bites his lip. "Get up here then. My tongue isn't that long."

Louis shimmies forward, cape draping behind on Harry's torso, and Harry's arms wrap around Louis' thighs pulling him into position, then rubs them up and down.

Harry closes his mouth around Louis' semi hard cock and sucks. The pressure feels amazing and Louis pushes further into his mouth in search of more warmth and stimulation.

Becoming fully erect, Louis leans forward onto his hands to allow himself a better position. He thrusts deeper and deeper into Harry's mouth until he feels himself hitting the back of Harry's throat. The squishy but firm feeling of Harry's throat against his sensitive head makes Louis moan out.

He looks down to make sure Harry is doing okay and that he isn't severely cutting off his air supply or anything. Harry looks up to him through thick lashes and smirks once he meets Louis' gaze.

If Harry wants to give him a smug blowjob, then so be it. But Louis will make sure that the smirk is wiped off his face by the end of this. He is in charge tonight.

Thrusting harder into Harry, he feels Harry's tongue snake up along the backside of his length. He fucks harsher and faster in and out of Harry's mouth, and Louis feels the tension build quickly in his groin, because fuck, it's only been a few days, but it feels like it's been a drought and his need to orgasm is now unbearable.

"Hazza." Louis breathes out looking to Harry. Harry smiles and nods, Louis' dick still occupying his mouth.

Louis bites his lip as he pulls out of Harry's mouth. He about-faces his direction and flipps the long tail of the Sherwani behind him, feeling elegant and flamboyant. He really likes this.

Harry adjusts the cloak so that his face isn't covered by it. When Louis sees he is situated, he dips his balls into Harry's mouth and Harry starts with gentle sucks and licks.

It's so good. So very, very good.

Louis drops in further and feels Harry moan around him. The vibrations ripple up his body, shooting adrenaline through his veins. Louis rocks back and forth, giving Harry access to different angles with his mouth. Harry sucks harder and nibbles gently below him. It's still not quite enough.

He grinds down fiercely on Harry's face and groans out at the sensation. Needing more stimulation for his throbbing dick, he brings his hand down and jerks himself off harshly. He rubs his other hand up and down his torso and digs his nails into the skin. He feels exposed and oddly egotistical as he rides Harry's face, using Harry purely for his sexual enjoyment.

Harry's fingernails dig into Louis' thighs harder and he moans out beneath him. Harry is rock hard and desperately searching for friction with his untouched dick.

With a rush of supremacy pounding through his blood, he pulls his cock twice more, and moans loudly as he watches himself spurt in bursts all over Harry's flexed abs. The white substance pools in the crevices of Harry's muscles and the butterfly is dripping with the sticky constituent.

His body heaves in its post orgasmic state, but he didn't experience the release of hormones that normally accompany his orgasms. In fact, he feels like he hasn't cum at all and is still exceptionally horny.

Brushing the thought to this side, Louis hastily repositions himself to sit on Harry's swallow tattoos and reaches down to voraciously jerk Harry's cock with both hands.

Harry writhes beneath him, yelling louder than the music that's still playing through the speakers. Louis feels so high off power as he controls Harry just how he wants. Several rough hand movements later, and Louis has Harry spasming and cumming with a shout of Louis' name onto the already existent streaks of whiteness on his chest.

Louis continues to pump Harry through his high even after Harry's done orgasming. He knows Harry is overly sensitive, but continues to do it anyway, loving the way Harry is twitching beneath him. His blood boils as he leans down to push his cock against Harry's chest and licks the mixture of cum they both had created.

He has a second wind, and he can get Harry to cum again-

"Lou-Louis stop! Holy shit stop!" Harry cries out, clawing at Louis' thighs.

Briefly snapping him out of his trance, Louis immediately releases Harry's semi-hard dick from his hands and sits up, cum dripping from his lips. He blinks a few times.

"Fuck." Feeling a head rush coming on, he dismounts Harry and lies parallel to him, face to his feet.

He has to slow his breathing. He closes his eyes.

_Two in, four out._

_Calm down._

_Two seconds in, four seconds out._

_Louis. You're fine._

_It's not working._

He has no idea how much time passed, but he feels hot and horny and in another dimension with the Bollywood music still happening.

_What the fuck is going on?_

"Harry, why am I still horny?" Louis doesn't even know if Harry is in the room with him. "Hazza, something's wrong. I can't- I don't know what's going on."

Louis sits up. The music has to stop. He has to take off the robe.

He shucks it off and ignores the feeling of it brushing against his still hard dick. He scrambles to the coffee table where he sees Harry's phone.

_What's his passcode?_

_I don't know his fucking passcode._

He crawls over to the sound system and shuts it off.

 _Silence_.

He lies with his head back against the wall and knees against his chest trying to put pressure on his aching groin.

He still can't slow his breathing.

"Haz?" Louis whimpers out. Harry isn't in the living room and he can't hear him. His hearing is fuzzy and his extremities are tingling and numb.

"What's wrong love?" He feels pressure on his arm.

Louis straightens his legs out to display his crotch for Harry. "I don't know."

"You're still- d'you want to go for round two?" Harry doesn't sound hopeful. He sounds more surprised than anything.

"No. I can't feel my feet or my hands. I can't go down. I can't slow my breathing. My head and hearing is fuzzy. I don't know what the fuck is wrong." Louis starts panicking. He brings his hands up to his still-closed eyes to try and block out everything. He can't feel his face. It feels like a strangers hands touching him.

"Let me dim the lights and get you some water. Stay here. It's okay." Harry rubs his arms then stands up.

Louis can tell that the lights went out. He hears Harry fill up a cup of water, then shuffle through what he thinks is his long abandoned jacket from Saturday still on the couch. He hears a package being opened, then Harry moves to sit next to him.

He see's black and blue and thinks he maybe might pass out.

He's about to lie back down when the feeling of a warm and wet rag on his chin makes Louis sharply intake air amongst his rapid breathing. Then he remembers he had dried cum on his face that Harry is cleaning off.

The rag is removed from his face and Louis feels something cold and slimy on his right forearm. He opens his eyes, vision extremely blurry, but can make out Harry smearing body paint onto his arm.

Using his left hand to wipe away the blurriness, he focuses in on what Harry is doing. He draws four perpendicular lines, then draws an 'X' in a box that was created in the center.

"I'm X's, you're O's. Your turn." Harry looks carefully at Louis who is breathing slower now.

Louis dips his finger into the vial of body paint. He can feel the coldness on his fingertip.

He draws an 'O' next to the 'X'. They continue to take turns until Harry wins by scoring three X's diagonally.

Louis picks up the glass of water and takes a sip.

Louis dips a finger into a different color and draws a tic-tac-toe board on Harry this time. They continue to take turns until Louis wins by scoring three O's diagonally.

He can feel the pressure going down between his legs.

Harry draws a heart to the right of Louis' sternum. Louis draws a heart on Harry's right bicep.

They draw different things on each other until there isn't any space left to draw.

~~~~


	34. Chapter 34

 

~~~~

Tuesday morning and Louis has been up for an hour staring at the scarf-adorned wall in front of him.  Harry is asleep next to him. 

Louis still has an hour before he has to leave for the spa and quite frankly, he thinks Harry's been sleeping long enough.

He's quite proud of the fact that he didn't jump Harry the moment he woke up with a hard on.  However, that may be partially because there's an idea that's been bouncing around in his head all morning that has him kind of worked up, and he's ready to strike.

Louis slowly pulls back the comforter to expose Harry's body.  Harry is on his stomach, face buried sideways into the pillow at the top of the bed, snoring every so lightly.  Louis positions himself down by Harry's legs.

Harry doesn't move.

 _Excellent_.

Louis lays his practiced and steady fingertips against Harry's legs.  He softly tickles them up and down the length of Harry's calves, watching closely for any kind of reaction.

He's still sound asleep, so Louis puts a little more weight behind his fingertips and trails them up to where the back of his knee is.  Louis seems to cross the physical threshold because Harry stops snoring and lets out a sigh.  Louis smiles to himself.

He runs his fingers upward until it seems he crossed the top of the threshold there because Harry goes back to snoring.  He works his fingers around the area, figuring out exactly where the perimeter is, and determines that the erogenous zone is about four inches wide and four inches high. 

_I wonder when Harry discovered this was a hot spot for himself.  And how..._

Louis makes a mental note to ask Harry about it later, then glides his fingers into the sensitive area again, making Harry sigh.  He rubs his fingers back and forth across where Harry's knees would crease in.

Harry's breathing becomes lighter and wispier, so Louis circles his fingers around.  He's not sure if it's mental or physical, but Harry's skin feels really hot.  Or maybe it's his fingertips giving off all the heat.  He can't be sure.

Louis kneads in with a little more pressure and that makes Harry stir.  There's a mumble into the pillow, and then Harry ruts down against the bed.

Louis breaks a sweat because watching Harry react like this is hot.  He's not even sure if Harry is awake yet.  Maybe Harry's in that state where consciousness isn't quite there, but the light-bodied feeling of sensations are.

He bites his lip in anticipation and pushes his fingers in even harder.  Harry's response is immediate as a moan is emits from his mouth, and his hips surge down into the mattress again.

Louis' heartrate is so erratic, that he almost misses Harry moan out a name that isn't his.  Louis instantly pulls his hands off the backs of Harry's knees and Harry whimpers out again.

"God Niall, stop being such a fucking tease."  Harry pulls the pillow out from under him and throws it at Louis' face.

Louis catches it then throws it at one of Harry's shelves, knocking over a couple of statues.  He's breathing like he just escaped a den of lions, and waits on his haunches for Harry to acknowledge him.

"I didn't say stop.  I just said don't tease; and don't knock my shit over."  Harry threads fingers through his hair as he groans and pivots his body to lay on his back, exposing his fully erect cock.

Harry's eyes flutter open and seems to be confused at Louis' obviously displeased face.  When understanding hits Harry, he shoots upright and shuffles towards Louis.

"Fuck!  Louis, I'm sorry.  I'm sorry.  I didn't- it's not..."  Harry hugs Louis close to him.  "Sorry it's not what it sounded like."

Louis stays silent.

Harry mumbles into Louis' neck.  "Why am I an idiot?  Shit, shit.  I didn't mean it like that.  Are you-" 

"What did you mean it like then?  Like you fantasize about Niall frequently enough that his name is at the tip of your tongue?"  Louis asks.

"No.  No, no.  He just used to- we.."  Harry rests his head on Louis' shoulder.  "I mean, we're friends.  We'd sleep in the same bed sometimes obviously..."

Harry waits for any kind of reaction, and Louis doesn't give him one.

Harry pulls away from Louis to look him in the eyes.  "He's not gay-"

Louis snorts.

Harry runs a hand through his hair.  "He just likes to mess with me, ya know?  Ever since we discovered it turns me on-"

"We."  Louis interrupts.  "It was a mutually discovered thing between your straight best mate and yourself."

Harry opens his mouth to speak, but Louis interrupts again.  "So he's gotten you off from it then? 'Don't tease' and 'I didn't say stop'?  It's something you two platonically do often?"

Harry's mouth closes.

"Right.  Awesome.  When's the last time it happened?"  Louis asks because he really needs a little reassurance right now. 

Harry's mouth stays closed and his eyes panic.

"So it's happened since you've known me?"  Louis' voice constricts at the end.

"Louis, that's not fair to get hurt over!  You weren't a done deal for me, just as I wasn't for you.   _Especially_  when you friend-zoned me in the beginning."  Harry motions with his hands.  "Was I supposed to just keep myself from anyone else in hopes of the off-chance of you falling head over heels for me?"

"So you haven't gotten off with Niall since we've started having sex, is what you're saying?"  Louis asks, heart going back to beating erratically.

Harry purses his lips and his eyes look around for an escape to the situation.  A reaction Louis is all too familiar with.

Louis unwillingly connects some dots in his head.  "Was it that night you got drunk with him and ended up taking him to the hospital?" 

Harry looks like he's grasping for something.  "He's never touched my cock-"

"Do you hear yourself?  Why would you even say that?  What if I said the same thing about Blake?"  Louis challenges.

"Blake?  So you guys are a thing?  I'm glad you were really forthcoming with that information."  Harry scoffs.

"Harry!  I haven't been a thing with anyone except you in two and a half years.  No one but you."  Louis strains.  "I was just saying it doesn't sound much better when the situation is reversed.  Stop trying to make everything my fault."

Harry huffs in exasperation.

Louis tugs at the roots of his hair.  "You know what?  I just- could I just have a bit of space?  It's just going to be a really busy rest of the week.  I'd like to get my life in order and prepare for it."

Harry rubs his eyes.  "Of course.  Let me know if I can do anything to help in the mean time, okay?"

"Okay."  Louis gets up and out of Harry's bed, not wanting to acknowledge his sudden desire to be supportive.  He grabs the first hoodie and sweatpants he sees and puts them on.

"You're leaving right now?"  Harry asks.

"Work."  Louis says like it's supposed to emotionally comfort Harry.

Harry looks much more attentive now and moves to the edge of the bed.  "I love you Lou."

And quite frankly, fuck him. 

Louis walks over to Harry keeping his emotions locked away.  "I love you too Haz.  I'll see you later."  He leans in and gives him a short and chaste kiss on the lips then leaves his flat.

~~~~

Louis wakes up to the alarm on his phone.  He set it earlier than normal so he would have some extra time to get ready.  It's Friday.  He hasn't seen or talked to Harry since Tuesday morning. 

Today is the official live interview and press release.

He stares at himself in the mirror while he blow dries his hair.

He's changed a lot since meeting Harry.  This isn't new information.  What is new is that he doesn't know what it is that he's changing into.  There isn't a word to describe or categorize it.  He just knows he's changing. 

What's scary about it is that impulsive decisions are easier to make, and better judgment never feels fully in tact with any of those decisions.  Like getting in fights with Harry. 

It's completely different than the kinds of fights he would get in with Zayn.  Zayn was in essence, a part that was tied to his identity, and he knew that any fight they ever got in would be irrelevant the next day because their relationship was eternal.

With Harry, it could end at any moment.  Harry could discard Louis or Louis could discard Harry (not that he ever would).  There's higher stakes that he's gambling with, and this is exactly why Louis kept Harry in the friend zone for so long.  Friends are always friends.  Friends can fight and make up.  Lovers aren't always lovers, and rarely can they become such once that label has been ripped from them.

So basically, Louis constantly feels like he's treading in the ocean above a school of sharks, trying to keep a cut hand above water.  All the while going through an identity crisis.

It's frustrating because Harry slowly seems to be melding more and more into a part of Louis so that he can't quite draw the line between where his identity ends and Harry's begins.

He can't even properly meditate anymore without Harry or something about him overcoming his body or thoughts.  It's just...  A lot of change.

He could use a bit of support at this point.

**I know its last minute and rude since I've been ignoring you like a prick, but if you'd want to show up at the spa in a suit around 3 today, it would mean a lot xx**

~

Harry and Niall walk through the doors of the spa at 2:30.  Louis is running around cleaning things.  He hasn't checked his phone all morning.  The journalists and newscasters could show up at any moment.  Who knew if they would be 15 minutes early, or 15 minutes late?

Harry and Niall are both dressed in suits and Harry has a bouquet of flowers.  They both look pristine and Louis really doesn't have the necessary neurons to give a shit that Niall is here, walking around like a mockery of his life and decisions in men.

Louis walks up to them both and gives Harry a big hug.  "Thank you so, so much for showing.  I'm so sorry about this week.  It's been insane and I've been a dick and I'm so sorry."

Harry just smiles and cards a hand through Louis' hair.  "It's completely fine love.  We were both dicks.  Don't even worry about it."

"You're something else, you know that?"  Louis pulls away to look into his eyes.  Harry has the prettiest damn eyes, and fuck, he missed him.

"Not that I particularly care, but people are starting to stare."  Niall states blandly from beside him. 

Louis lets go of Harry and offers a hand to Niall with the upmost professionalism.  Because he is a professional goddamnit.  "Thank you for being here too.  It means a lot that you guys support me."

"Yeah, yeah, save it.  You're just a wreck right now."  Niall says.  "What do you need help with?"

_Did he just offer help?_

_Did he mean to do that?_

Niall doesn't smell even faintly of alcohol.  Maybe his drinking binge is over.

"Um..."  Louis looks to his wrist for a watch that isn't there and rolls his eyes at himself.  He leans over Kara's desk to look at her clock and is jarred back into the present.  "Shit, I still need to get my make-up done and the lobby needs to be cleaned and oh- if you could find a vase for those flowers, they would look spectacular on the coffee table."  Louis sashays towards the main floor.  "Lexie?!  Are you ready for make-up?"

Her long hair is straightened and waving behind her.  She has a make-up kit in hand.  "Yep!  I was just coming up to the lobby.  Let's do it there."

They make their way to the lobby couches and a make-up cape is put on Louis to prevent it from staining his clothes.  Louis feels panic rise up like bile due to flashbacks from the last time he had his make-up done.  Lexie breaks him from his thoughts.  "What are you particularly wanting to enhance and hide from the camera?"  She organizes her things on the couch and coffee table.

"Please contour my cheeks and jaw a bit.  Probably some correctional color on my face since I look like a sleep deprived ghost.  I have like five random fucking zits that happened.  Also, can you work some magic around my eyes so they don't look so squinty when I smile?"  Louis is overly aware of all the flaws on his face.

"Louis, I'm a make-up artist.  Not a magician.  Everybody likes your squinty eyes anyway.  That's what makes your smile look sincere.  But I'll do my best."  Lexie gets to work with primer and concealer.

Niall walks in with the vase of flowers in hand and arranges them expertly on the table.  He looks over to Lexie and Louis.  "You must be the Lexie that Louis has told me so much about!  I heard you were good at what you do, but I didn't realize you were the expert that Louis is trusting with his face." 

Louis has the brain power to hate Niall again.

Lexie looks Niall up and down and smiles.  "Yeah, that's me.  And you're Niall?  The very fit and funny polo player?"

Apparently Louis getting make-overs is synonymous for his own personal hell.  Just a different flavor each time.

"I don't know about fit or funny, but I'm definitely a polo player."  They both laugh. 

Louis wants to jump off a high dive... Into cement. 

"I'm just going to finish setting some things up, but can I call you a bit later?"  Niall asks.

"Definitely."  Lexie smiles and turns her attention back to Louis' face as Niall leaves. 

A minute later and Lexie finishes making Louis camera ready.  She pulls the cape off and he stands up.  "Kara?!"

Kara comes running over.  "Yes Louis?"

"Are you all ready?  Hair?  Make-up?"  He looks her up and down.  She looks classy and stunning.

"Yes!  No sign of them yet, but they still have two minutes to show up."  She is beaming with excitement and anxiety.  Basically a reflection of Louis right now, but in girl form.

"Perfect.  Back behind your desk please."  He shoos her away.  "Lexie, I assume you're ready?"  Louis looks in the mirror.  He looks fantastic.

"Yes sir!  Ready to make Serenity look good."  She salutes.

"Excellent.  You did great with my face, thank you.  Is Lawrence also ready?"  Louis fixes his quiff.

"Yep!  Did his face this morning."  Lexie finishes cleaning up her make-up from the lobby couch.

"Good, good.  Go up with Kara please.  I need to find Harry."  Louis heads to his office because that seems like the best place to head first.  And hell, maybe he'll take a shot of Yeager.  He needs to loosen up a bit.

Louis opens the door to see Harry sitting on the couch.  "What are you doing in here?"  He walks over to his desk to open the bottom drawer.

"Just didn't want to get in your way."  Harry drawls.

"Take a shot with me please?"  Louis unscrews the cap on the alcohol.

Harry clears the room in a matter of seconds and places his hands on Louis' shoulders.  "Lou, look at me."

Louis sets down the bottle.  He didn't realize his hands were shaking.

"Look at me babe."  Harry strokes the side of his cheek with his thumb.

Louis calms at hearing Harry's voice.  He looks up to meet his gaze.

Harry speaks slowly.  "You look absolutely stunning.  You're so beautiful.  So handsome.  You are the best spa manager in all of Arizona and an incredible massage therapist.  Now you just get to let the public know that.  The interviewers are going to love you because everybody loves you.  You're going to do amazing on camera because you were meant to be in front of people.  You don't need alcohol to show your personality and charisma to people.  You're amazing and I love you so much.  I love you so much baby."

Louis' throat instantly clogs with emotion and his vision goes cloudy.

Harry leans down to capture his lips in a strong and passionate kiss.  Louis melts into the comforting warmth without any hesitation.  This is right.  This is what he loves and needs.  He loves and needs Harry. 

_Change is good._

Louis hands entwine into Harry's curls and he pushes his body in closer to mesh with Harry's, again blurring the line where Louis ends and Harry begins.  Harry means everything to him.  Harry may as well be the center of his universe. 

_There's no going back from this.  I'm so fucked._

Louis briefly disconnects his lips from Harry.  "Haz.  I need you.  I need you forever.  I can't do this without you.  I love you so, so much."  Louis searches his eyes frantically and thinks he feels a tear escape from his own.

He doesn't mean 'this afternoon', he means his entire life.  He can't do his life without Harry.  It would be incomplete.  He can't even find the right words to tell Harry what he's feeling.

"Shh.  It's okay love.  It's okay.  Calm down.  You need to calm down for your interview.  You're going to do great.  You're going to be amazing, okay?"  Harry lightly rubs the back of his neck with one hand, and the other swipes gently where the tear fell.

Louis eyes flutter shut and his breathing slows.  He nods and takes a deep breath.

There's a light tapping on the door. 

"Louis, they're here."  Kara says from the other side of the door.

"Thank you, I'll be right up."  Louis leans in for another quick, but passionate kiss with Harry.  "I love you."

"I love you too.  Go get 'em!"  Harry spanks his bum.

Louis leans up to peck Harry's lips one more time, then with all the confidence he can muster, strides to the front of the spa.

~~~

Louis waves as the van and cars drive out of the parking lot.  The vehicles turn on the end of the street and are out of sight.  Louis, Kara, and Lexie all shriek and embrace and jump up and down in a group hug.

"We did so good!  You did so good!  We're so fucking good!"  They all yell in each other's ears.

Louis takes turns kissing them on both cheeks.  "You guys were absolutely fantastic!!  You made us look so good!  They loved you guys!"

"They loved  _you_  Louis!   _You_  did amazing!"  Kara hugs Louis tightly and Louis wants to keep her forever.

"It was totally all you!  I swear half of them are going to be calling to book appointments the second they get home!  You charmed the shit out of all of them!"  Lexie wraps her arms around Kara and Louis.

They skip back into the spa and Louis catches sight of a beaming Harry.  Louis runs up and jumps on Harry, wrapping his arms and legs tightly around him.  Harry cheers for him and Louis laughs ecstatically. 

"I told you you'd do amazing!  You're so good!"  Harry places a dozen light kisses down the side of Louis' face.

"If you two can hold off for like 15 more minutes, I can get the spa cleared out for whatever you have planned for celebration."  Kara speaks up and wiggles her eyes suggestively.

"I'll help!  We'll get it cleared in 10!"  Lexie motions to Kara, and they both bound towards the work floor to kick people out.

"The spa is closing early?  I thought it was going to be super busy?"  Harry questions as he sets Louis back down on the ground.

"I had everyone plan accordingly for today because of all the shit, so I'm done early!"  Louis chirps.  "Plus, I spoke with Brandon yesterday and we went over the annual balance sheet and the Phoenix Serenity is the top rated spa in terms of corporate financing and customer reviews so he's so, so happy with me and giving me more leeway to run things how I want, and he even talked about  _franchising_!  Which means-"

"Baby, baby, calm down."  Harry places his hands on Louis' shoulders and kisses his forehead.  "I want you to tell me all about it in a minute.  I have a cooler of champagne in Niall's car in case you're in the mood for celebratory drinks.  Shall I got get it?"

Louis thinks for a moment before nodding in approval.  "Just one glass though!"  Harry starts to walk out the doors.  "Wait!  Harry?"

Harry turns around with an inquisitorial gaze.

"How did you know to bring flowers and champagne?  I didn't even mention any of it in the text..."  Louis trails off.

"I called Kara of course.  She gave me the low down on everything.  Damn good winner you hired there."  Harry winks then left.

_Of course._

Kara and Lexie come back into the lobby.  "Kara, why didn't you tell me Harry called?"  Louis folds his arms and purses his lips at her.

She blushes.  "He said you didn't respond to his texts and he wanted to be prepared for what was happening.  I just figured it wasn't relevant information for you to be stressing over." 

Louis sighs with a smile, not the least bit irritated.  "Goodness.  Is everyone finished up here?"

"Yes!  They're all on their way out.  We can get going too."  Lexie looks over to Kara.

"No, please stay for a bit.  Harry's bringing in some champagne.  I'd love to toast to you girls and share a glass."  Louis offers.

Harry walks in, glasses and bottle of champagne in hand.

"Sure!"  They both smile.

Harry sets out five flutes on the coffee table and Niall walks in with the cork opener.  Harry expertly pulls the cork out of the bottle and gently removes it.  He pours champagne into each glass and sets down the bottle.

Everyone picks up the flutes and hold it into a circle.  Kara smiles widely as she speaks.  "To Louis, the best spa manager in the entire world without whom none of us would be where we are today!  Because of him, our spa is better than all the rest!  Cheers!"

Everyone clinks their glasses together.  After swallowing, everyone applauds Louis and he blushes furiously because this is probably one of the best moments of his entire life.  "Okay stop you guys.  It's not all about me here.  I honestly wouldn't be here if it weren't for every one of you.  You're all the workings going on in the back end."

"No, we're definitely sure that's you and Harry working the back end."  Kara sniggers out.

Niall and Lexie laugh, Louis snorts champagne up his nose, and Harry blushes.

"Speaking of- we'll let you guys get to it.  Congratulations again Louis."  Lexie finishes off her glass and gives him a hug. 

Lexie looks towards Niall coyly.  Niall clears his throat.  "Ehrm, are you busy this lovely evening Lexie?"

Lexie smiles and looks straight at Niall.  "Nope." 

"Would you like to accompany me on a date tonight?"  Niall asks.

"Absolutely."  Lexie grins.  "Louis, again, congratulations."  Lexie hugs Louis.  Niall shakes his hand with a 'congrats' then holds out an arm for Lexie to take.

The door closes and it's just Harry and Louis.

                                                                                                                                              "Soooo....."  Louis scuffs his foot on the floor.

"Shall I lock the doors and turn off the lights?"  Harry tests.

"Yeah..."  Louis trails off.

"Will we be locking ourselves in or out?"  Harry probes further.

"Um.  In?"  It wasn't supposed to come out as a question, but it did anyway.  Louis doesn't know why he's getting so flustered suddenly.

He hears Harry walk towards the door and close everything up.  Louis feels very small standing alone in the massive lobby.  He decides to go to his office.  It feels smaller in there.  He stands looking at his desk.

Harry joins him a couple minutes later and sits on the couch.  "Come join me?"  Louis turns around and Harry pats his lap.

Louis smiles and shyly makes his way to sit on Harry's lap.  Harry cradles an arm around his waist and brings a hand up to Louis' face to caress it.  "You did so great today dear.  You were lovely."

Louis just hums and looks down at his lap.  Harry lifts Louis' face to meet his and they kiss softly.  Butterflies erupt in Louis' stomach.

Harry shifts to lay Louis down on the couch and lay on top of him.  Harry tastes like sweet champagne.  Their tongues slip in and out of each other's mouths as they make out lazily.

"I've been thinking."  Harry mumbles in-between soft kisses and bites to Louis' lips.

"Hmm?"  Louis hums, making no effort to disconnect his sticky sweet lips from Harry's.

"I know what I'd like to do for your birthday if you're willing to accept it."  Harry pauses their snogging session.

Louis opened his eyes and sat up on his elbows.  "About that, I really still don't know how I feel about going to Tuscon with you, but I don't want you changing your plans on account of me- I'm really sorry..."

Harry pecks his lips.  "It's fine.  Niall's coming with me..." 

Louis gives him a look.

"We've had Christmas together every year for as long as I can remember.  Don't read into it please.  You're always welcome to join though..."  Harry says hopefully.

No, he will not change his mind just to spite Niall.  He stays silent.

"But...  I was hoping I could give you your present tonight."  Harry's eyes shine brightly.

"That depends.  What is it?"  Louis feels slightly anxious.  He hates presents and he hates surprises.  And he hates Niall.

"Well, you're always giving other people massages, but I don't know the last time you've ever received one- at least that you've mentioned to me.  I paid attention to what you did on me, and then did some additional research on YouTube.  So I was wondering if I could give you a massage?"  Harry looks like he had just asked a pastor for a large sum of money and is very nervous for the answer.  Louis really has no right to deny him because he just isn't worth that much anxiety on Harry's part.

"Yeah, of course love."  It would just be Harry touching him after all.  It's not like it's anything they haven't done before

Harry grins from ear to ear.  "Great!  Also..."  He looks at Louis nervously.  "I may or may not have gotten you a very small present too." 

Louis tries to refrain from fidgeting.  "Okay?"

"Can I give it to you now?"  Harry asks.

"I'm really not good with reactions to presents, but sure."  It's been a long time since Louis has received a real gift from someone other than his mother.

Harry stands up and goes to Louis desk to open the top drawer.  "Sorry, I brought it in with me and just wanted to keep it here just in case."  He pulls out a box that is a little smaller than his hand.  He walks back over to Louis and hands him the flat silver box with a small bow on it. 

Louis accepts it and stares at it in his hands.  "Thank you."  He says void of any emotion.

"You haven't even opened it yet."  Harry chuckles lightly then sits down next to Louis again.

Louis takes a deep breath and removes the top of the box.  His heart races as he sees the item inside.  It's a stained glass heart with different sizes and shades of blue shards soldered together.  He looks up at Harry. 

Harry looks back and forth between Louis' eyes.  "I prefer you to any perfect or seamless person.  You have so much more character and so much more of a story to tell.  Every part of you comes together to make something so much more beautiful than anyone I've ever seen before." 

"There's a hook on it so you can hang it from something if you want.  You don't have to though if you'd rather just shove it in a drawer somewhere."  Harry smiles softly.

"T-thank you.  It's perfect."  Louis breathes out.  "I don't know what to say."

"I just want you to know that you're perfectly beautiful to me.  We both have different and broken pasts, but I don't think it should keep us from continuing with what we have going.  I find you so intriguing and your flaws are honestly what I love most about you.  I've never felt as sure and happy in my life as I do when I'm with you."  Harry pushes a strand of Louis' hair behind his ear.

Harry licks his lips and Louis leans in to kiss him softly.  "Thank you so much Haz.  I love you."  He presses his lips to Harry again to kiss away the emotion running through his veins.

"I love you too."  Harry presses an indulgent kiss to Louis' forehead.  "Now, go get changed and turn on the green light when you're ready?"  Harry pulls Louis up with him.

Louis thinks it's was adorable how excited Harry is and how serious he's taking it.  "Kay."  Louis kisses the tip of Harry's nose and goes to his massage room.

To be honest, he hasn't gotten a massage in over a year.  And he hasn't ever gotten a massage in his own work room before. 

He closes the door behind him and undresses in the dim lighting.  Though he's been naked in front of Harry countless times, there is something about this time that makes him nervous with anticipation.  Having a sheet to cover what Harry's already seen adds a sense of modesty that he hasn't had with Harry for a while.

Suit off, he gets on the massage table and is reminded of the first real massage he ever gave Harry here.  He loved the way Harry's tattoos had looked on his chest, and the way the sheet bunched up at the bottom of his torso when they were sitting next to each other.  Harry made fun of the way he prepared tea, and Louis learned all the basics about Harry.

Since then, he's learned that the basics don't even do Harry justice.  The facts he learned about Harry's life that day were foundational building blocks to getting to know him, but didn't hold a candle to the person he is on the inside.  Louis has no idea how he ended up being the one lucky enough for Harry to share himself with.

He lays face down on the table and positions himself underneath the thin sheets.  He has never felt so exposed before.

Louis reaches under the table and presses the button to turn it green on the outside.  The door creaks open and Harry shuts and locks it behind him.

"You don't really need to lock it.  We're already locked in."  Louis mumbles from the slot in the massage table.

"I just want you to feel safe."  Harry places a hand on Louis' lower back.  Harry's hand holds so much heat.  "Do you mind if I play some music?"

"Please do."  Louis tries to calm his breathing.  Louis yearns to touch him.  It feels like it had been months when it had only been minutes.

Harry turns on the stereo and mellow Coldplay songs started to play through the speakers. 

"I didn't know you liked Coldplay."  Louis speaks softly, not even sure Harry could hear him.

"I love them.  It's their album Ghost Stories... Is it okay?"  Harry asks.

"I love them too.  It's perfect."  Louis says.

Harry rolls the sheet down to the bottom of Louis' hips.  Louis hears the pumping of his oil bottle, then feels Harry's slick hands on his shoulders. 

_Vanilla._

The smell is drown out by Harry's touch feeling like a string of firecrackers exploding on his skin.

Louis closes his eyes to try and focus on relaxing his muscles under Harry's hands.  He can tell Harry has been studying lots of techniques.  He recognizes many of his own movements, then there are some less familiar ones that he feels Harry doing. 

Harry's hands move delicately and unsurely.  It feels like heaven.  He wishes he could glue Harry's hands to his skin forever so that this feeling would never leave. 

Louis feels like he's being inked over and over again with the patterns that Harry is stroking into his skin.  He will never forget this feeling.  The feeling of Harry.

Louis' breathing hasn't slowed any, but he feels more blissful than he has in days.  It makes him light and hazy to give all of his trust and control over to Harry.

He didn't even realize how much time had passed until Harry signals for him to turn over onto his back.  The music makes it difficult for Louis to keep down the emotion that keeps fighting to express itself.

He breathes shallowly as he rearranges his body.  Harry again pulls the sheet down to his hips.  Instead of feeling the broadness of Harry's hands against him, he feels fingertips tracing the tattoo on his chest.

He opens his eyes to see Harry gazing down at him almost as if he were going to disappear at any moment.  Louis notices that Harry's suit jacket and tie are gone and his shirt is unbuttoned down to his butterfly tattoo with the sleeves rolled up.  Harry meets Louis' gaze and Harry almost looks sad.  Eyes flick from Louis' lips, and back to his eyes.

"Sorry I didn't plan-"  Harry looks uncertain.  "Can I?"

"Yeah."  Louis breathes.  "Anything Haz."  Louis searches Harry's face to try and decipher what's making him reluctant.

Harry slowly brings both hands to cup Louis' face.  Harry looks at him, then dips down to press his lips to Louis'.

Louis longs for more of Harry.  His heart beats out of his chest telling him that he needs more.  He reaches down to grab the hem of Harry's shirt.  Harry pulls his lips away for a moment to pull his shirt over his head, not bothering with unbuttoning it.  Immediately reattaching himself with Louis, Louis wraps his arms securely around his neck. 

Lips aren't enough, and Louis opens his mouth to let Harry's tongue enter.  He holds tightly onto Harry, feeling like he's grasping to the only sense of reality he has left.  He needs more.

He reaches down to tug at the clasp of Harry's pants.  Harry gets the memo and quickly shuffles out of the rest of his clothes, leaving them in a pile on the floor.  Louis kicks the sheet off from the table and grasps Harry's arm to pull him on top of him.

Harry straddles Louis on the massage table and leans down to kiss his neck over and over again.  Hands roam up and down Louis' torso.  It's hot and Louis is pretty sure he's sweating and breathing way too hard for what the situation calls for. 

But God, how is it that he still doesn't have enough of Harry?

_Touch me._

_Hold me._

_Kiss me._

_Love me._

_Need me._

_Smother me._

"Make love to me."  Louis whispers brokenly.

Harry exhales loudly then sucks down on Louis' neck gently.  He moves to kiss Louis' forehead.

Louis wants to whine out when Harry lifts his body off him.  Harry dismounts the table then crouches down to shuffle through his clothing pile.  The bottle of vanilla massage oil is laid next to his head. 

Harry places himself on top of Louis again on his hands and knees this time to look at Louis.  "I will always love you Louis.  Always.  You're my true love."

"You're my true love Harry."  Louis tries to keep his tears back and reaches up to kiss Harry as hard as he can.  Harry responds back with just as much fervor.  He feels a wetness hit the top of his nose, and Louis' glad he's not the only one tearing up.

Harry moves a hand up to coat his hand in oil, then down to between Louis' legs.  Louis feels Harry's knuckles brush the inside of his thigh and he isn't scared.  He continues kissing Harry feverishly and tilts his hips upwards to give Harry easier access.

A finger enters in smoothly and effortlessly.  After a moment of moving it around, Harry adds a second, stretching Louis without much trouble.  Louis pulls his lips from Harry's to move them to his neck.  He sucks gently and feels Harry resting his head on the table and breathing unevenly. 

"More Hazza.  I need more please."  Louis exhales into Harry's neck.

Harry trembles as a third finger enters.  Louis moans out breathily, letting himself succumb to Harry's touch.  Harry's fingers move gingerly in and out of Louis, and then there is a moment of hesitation.

"Haz?"  At the mention of his name, Harry withdraws his fingers from Louis.  "Harry?  Look at me."

Harry lifts his head from the table and is met with a completely transparent look on Louis' face.  Harry makes no move to speak.  He looks apprehensive. 

"I trust you Haz.  I love you.  I'm ready if you are, but we don't have to if you're uncomfortable."  Louis strokes Harry's cheek.

"Louis... This is all I've wanted since we first met.  I just- it's so different now.  I care about you so fucking much."  Harry's eyes are glazed with water.

"I know you'll take care of me."  Louis moves a curl from Harry's face.  "I love you."  

Harry closes his eyes and bites his lip.  He rests his forehead against Louis' for a moment before picking up the oil.  Harry puts a lot on himself, and a little extra on Louis, then positions himself.

Harry's arms are shaking and both of their breathing is barely audible above the music still playing softly.  Harry pushes into Louis and they both breathe out at the sensation. 

Harry doesn't look like he's about to move any time soon, so Louis gently retracts his hips, and then pushes forward again.  He's worried maybe it's hurting Harry more than him.

Louis wraps his arms around Harry to pull him closer, and this seems to alleviate the tenseness in Harry.

Louis kisses his shoulder, and Harry starts moving fluidly in and out of Louis.  Louis lays his head back and his eyes flutter shut.  He melts into Harry and Louis can't believe how complete he feels.

Harry's movements become quicker and it leaves Louis breathless.  Louis ingrains this moment into his brain forever- not just physically, but emotionally. 

"Love, I'm not used to this.  I think I'm going to orgasm soon."  Harry speaks softly into Louis' ear.

Louis remembers something from a while back that used to help.  "I think I can too.  Here."  Louis lifts his right leg effortlessly above Harry's shoulder, left leg still flat on the table.  "Try that."

Harry pulls out, then pushes in again.  It hits Louis at a completely different angle, right where he needs it.  "Ahhh, yeah.  Hazza."  Louis' breathing increases in anticipation for the next thrust.  Harry does it with more confidence this time and Louis lets out another 'ah' at the feeling.

Harry gradually picks up the pace and force behind his movements, and Louis moans out with every movement.  Heat courses to Louis' groin.  "I'm close Haz.  Really close."

"Me too Lou-"  Harry thrusts deeper into Louis then dips down to kiss his cheek.  "I love you so much."  Harry whispers.

"Hazza-"  Louis' body clenches up and releases his orgasm.  Upon feeling Louis' body tightening, Harry comes with a soft moan of Louis' name. They heavily breathe in and out in sync.

Harry's breathing turns into sniffling, and soon he's sobbing into Louis' shoulder. 

Louis holds him tight and cries with him.

~~~


	35. Chapter 35

 

~~~~~~

Monday morning.  Louis wakes up exhausted.  Normal for the days before Christmas, Saturday and Sunday had been full days of appointments and Louis had to pick up the slack with some of the employees taking the holiday off.

He has a message from Harry along with a selfie of Harry smiling very widely and Meeko with a 'Happy Birthday' hat looking very upset.

**Goodmorning my love dove! Happy birthday to you and all your perfectness! I love you so much and miss you XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

Louis laughs as he rolled out of bed and types up a reply.

**That's an awful lot of hugs and kisses for someone with such bad morning breath ;)**

He gets up and brushes his teeth.  His phone vibrates again with a reply.

**You know neither of us gives a shit about morning breath. Besides, Id give you more than just wake up kisses. It is your birthday after all..... ;)**

Louis groans. 

_How far away is Tuscon again?_

He can make it there and back after work to get in several rounds with Harry, then make it back before Christmas morning. 

_Maaayyybeee....._

_No.  Let's not have our life be run by our hormones now._

**I'll definitely rain check that. Since you're not here though, you should skype me later on ;)**

If Harry is anywhere near as horny as Louis, there will definitely be some virtual sex happening tonight.  His phone buzzes.

**Its a date ;)**

Louis giddily frolicks through the rest of his morning.

~~~~

"Closing time.  Open all the doors and let you out into the world.  Closing time.  Turn all of the lights on over every boy and every girl.  Closing time.  One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer.  Closing time.  You don't have to go home but you can't.  Stay.  Heeeeeere."  Louis takes a really deep breath and squeezes his eyes shut.

"I KNOW WHO I WANT TO TAKE ME HOME!  I KNOW WHO I WANT TO TAKE ME HOME!  I KNOW WHO I WANT TO TAKE ME HOME!  I KNOW WHO I WANT TO TAKE ME-"

"Louis!!  The chorus ended already!"  Kara yells at him from the front desk.

The spa is empty, except for him and Kara.  Closing Time is the last song on the playlist he and Kara had created.  Apparently the entire song had ended altogether.

Louis walks up to the front desk and dramatically sprawls his body across Kara's workspace with a big sigh.

"Oh my goodness Louis, I just cleaned this!  Get off!"  Kara smacks his chest.

"Ow!  I'm getting off tonight.  Are you?"  Louis wiggles his eyebrows and tries to suppress giggling.

"Gross.  And that makes sense why you've been acting like a fucking schoolgirl all day.  For God's sake you certainly don't act 26."  Kara rolls her eyes.

"Kara!  You've grown so much since I hired you.  You've come out of your shell and you're just so fun to be around now!  But cheer up that attitude before you go home or your girlfriend will be sad that she's not getting any tonight."  Louis re-tidies her desk.

"I wrecked her pretty bad yesterday, I don't think she'll be wanting any till New Year's."  Kara wiggles her eyebrows back at Louis.

"Ew!  Ew!  Ew!  Gross!"  Louis covers his ears and shakes his head.

Kara points defiantly at Louis.  "See!  How does it feel?"

"Definitely not as good as I'm going to feel tonight.  I'm just so- mmm- ahhh!"  Louis makes obscene faces and Kara pretends to throw up.

"I should file for sexual harassment.  Good hell.  You gay guys and your sex lives."  Kara grabs her purse.  "By the way, you have a lovely voice.  I think you could have been a singer in another life."  Kara pats his head.

"Why thank you my dear.  Now go home and have a very happy Christmas with your person!"  Louis shoos her away.  "I'm just going to make sure everything is in order in my office."

"Don't stay too long!"  Kara hugs Louis.  "Have a good night!  Happy birthday, happy Christmas, and happy evening!" 

"Oh, and here's your Christmas bonus.  Thank you for being amazing."  Louis hands an envelope to her with a big smile.

"Thanks Louis!  You're the best boss ever."  She says as she exits.

Louis turns to walk into his office and waves a hand backward to her.  In his office, he grabs his blazer.  Phone and wallet in his pockets, he walks into his massage room to make sure everything is cleaned up. 

_I need to get more vanilla oil._

The bottle is low sooner than normal because of its extracurricular activities.  He'll have to put it on his desk to remember to order more.

Over at his shelf he picks up the bottle and looked at the picture of him and Zayn next to it.  It's one of the few framed pictures he has left of the two of them.  The one at his house was destroyed several months ago when he punched it in an angry, tipsy stupor.  The one in his office ended in shattered pieces on the ground on account of Louis doing terribly inappropriate things to Harry on his office desk.

Louis looks so young in the picture.  Zayn doesn't look too much older than him.  He wonders what Zayn looks like now- he'd be 28.

"Louis?"

_That's rich._

Louis huffs out humorlessly. 

_It's been a long time since I've had audio hallucinations... Hasn't happened since Lucas.  Probably the long term effects of ecstasy finally kicking in._

Louis picks up the frame, determined to take it out to the trash tonight.  It really doesn't serve a purpose in his life anymore and probably is inviting bad juju and hallucinations into his life.  Besides, he thinks he's over Zayn.  He has Harry now.

Louis turns around to leave and his heart stops at the sight of Zayn standing in the doorway.

"It really is you.  You look so different now."  Zayn speaks softly.

Zayn is dressed in jeans and a button up, hands clasped in front of his body.  His hair is longer on top now and close cut on both sides.  Facial stubble was painted perfectly along the lines of his face.  Big golden brown eyes are lined by dark, thick lashes.  He looks like God in human form.

Louis is asphyxiating and sweating quicker than he can find any kind of logic or reasoning.  He looks around the room to see if he had died and is in heaven... or maybe he transcended down to Hell. 

"Did I catch you at a bad time- or?"  Zayn takes a step into the room towards Louis.

_So I'm not dreaming.  This is real.  This is really happening._

Louis tries to find his voice.  "What are you doing here?"  It comes out barely above a whisper.

"Lou,  I wanted to apologize.  Honestly, I've wanted to for a long time-"  Zayn takes a couple steps toward him.

"How are you here?  Why?"  Louis voice is a little stronger now.

Zayn holds a hand to his heart.  "Love, I know what I did to you was-"

"I'm not your love.  I never was."  Louis says insolently.

"Can we just have a normal conversation?  One where you don't interrupt me and we talk this through?  I didn't come here to have you kick me when I'm down.  Honestly, that's really low of you Louis."  Zayn says more firmly.

Louis' throat constricts.  Zayn is right.  He shouldn't be talking to Zayn this way.  Maybe this will help Louis get closure.

_I don't need closure.  I'm already over him._

_Your compliance and reactions right now say otherwise._

_I'm just being considerate.  Zayn deserves my forgiveness.  He's a person too._

_Tell him to leave.  What about Harry?_

_Shut up brain.  Harry and I don't have any rules to play by.  And I deserve this too.  It's just talking._

Louis takes a shaky breath.  "Yeah, I'm sorry.  Let's talk." 

Zayn hops onto the massage table and pats the spot next to him.  Louis gulps and takes a step forward.  He's honestly not convinced that this isn't all just a dream.  Everything feels so surreal. 

He sits on the massage table about two feet away from Zayn, and reality sharply slaps him in the face when he smells Zayn's very distinct scent of cinnamon.  Emotions and memories come rushing back through him in full force. 

"You can scoot closer.  You know I don't bite unless you want me to."  Zayn says lightheartedly.

Louis can hear his heartbeat in his ears and gingerly shuffles a little closer to Zayn.  He's was still grasping onto the bottle of massage oil and photo frame face-down in his lap.  "Okay.  Talk.  I won't interrupt you."

"God, Louis.  I don't even know where to start.  You look so gorgeous."  Zayn ghosts the backs of his fingers down the side of Louis' arm.  "There's just so much..."  Zayn trails off.

"Did you ever love me?"  Since his epiphanies, this has been the most frequently asked and relevant question that Louis' been running over and over again through his mind. 

If Louis knew that Zayn did at one point love him, maybe he'd be able to feel better about himself and the whole situation because then he wouldn't be proven to be so naive. 

But then again, if Zayn did love him, why did he leave him?  And what about the article?

Zayn places a hand on top of one of Louis'.  Louis' breath catches and he feels like he might throw up.  His body is effectively separating itself from the part of Louis' brain that is telling him to calm down.

"I've always loved you.  I always will.  I thought it was just an infatuation, but it wasn't.  I was so wrong.  That's why I opened a spa for you.  I don't know if you saw the article-"  Louis nods so Zayn continues. 

"That's why I'm here."  Emotion seeps through Zayn's voice and his eyes search Louis' face.  "I still love you Louis.  And I know you still love me too.  What we have isn't something that will ever go away."

Louis feels like he's about to have a heart attack and avoids Zayn's gaze because he knows that a black hole will suck him into oblivion the moment he looks Zayn in the eyes.  "If you love me, why did you leave me?  And why did you take so long to come back?  And why now?"  If he focuses on asking the questions he's had, maybe all these emotions he's feeling will go away.

Zayn sighs.  "I left because I thought I was doing what was right.  It's what my mentor did to me when I fell in love with him, and I knew it's what I had to do to you.  You begged me for two years for me to turn you into me.  I think you've figured out by now, that's exactly what I accomplished.  I can tell you're different now.  You've changed so much..."  Louis feels fingers brushing against his knuckles.

"Why now?"  Louis swallows the unsettling feeling in his stomach.

"Because I couldn't find you until now.  After I left you in Thailand, I continued to travel for the next year- trying to shake off what had happened between us.  It didn't work, so I moved to New York that's where you always wanted to go."  Zayn laughs lightly.  "I opened the spa for you, Louis.  I was hoping that you were in New York and would come to me once you knew..."

 _Why do I feel guilty?  I should_ not _feel guilty.  I did nothing wrong._

Zayn squeezes Louis' hand.  "Friday night, I saw your press release on the industry news, I'm so proud of you baby.  Then I flew out here yesterday.  It's quite hard to book a flight this time of year, but I was willing to do whatever it took to come see you.  And on your birthday, no less."  Zayn places his other hand onto Louis'.

_This isn't helping.  This isn't helping.  This isn't helping.  This isn't helping._

"Did you have anything else you needed to say to me?  I think you should be going."  Louis makes the biggest mistake of his life and looks up to meet Zayn's gaze.

He's thrown back into when he was 20 years old and first saw Zayn, then to their hundreds of kisses and the countless times they had sex.  Louis sees the moments of lust turn into love in Zayn's eyes as he learned from him and trusted him with his life.  He sees the days in Thailand where he felt invincible to the world because he had Zayn by his side and he knew nothing would come between them.  Louis sees Zayn sitting in front of him at this moment, with eyes full of emotion and looking completely flawless and beautiful in the dim lighting of his massage room.

"I have a question for you."  Zayn speaks smoothly.  When Louis makes no move to talk, Zayn continues.  "Why did you lie to me about not being a virgin when we met?"

Louis body freezes in petrification. 

This is getting extremely touchy and sensitive very quickly. 

_Zayn deserves answers though.  He answered my questions._

_No.  You know where this conversation is going to lead._

"I think you know the answer to that."  Louis tries meekly.

Zayn shakes his head.  "That's not fair Louis."

Louis speaks shakily.  "Nobody wanted to take my virginity because they told me I'd be one of 'those clingy fucks' who never let the person go.  They'd do anything else with me, but not that."  Louis takes a breath.  "I lied to you because I wanted you to want me.  I didn't want you to reject me like the others."

Zayn just hums and keeps looking at him.  Louis has no idea what to do, so he just keeps talking.  "I've had lots of sex since then.  I don't even know how many people I've fucked and left.  None of them mattered to me.  I just used them." 

Louis doesn't know why he feels the need to disclose his sexual history with Zayn all of the sudden.  Maybe it's because he doesn't want Zayn thinking he's the same person he was when they were together.  Louis is older and wiser now.  He's the kind of person to call the shots.  Not one to be manipulated.

But Louis couldn't feel farther from that in the presence of Zayn.

He figures he's just made himself look stupid and decides to stop talking.  It irks him that he still seeks for Zayn's approval.  Louis deserves to feel in charge.

"So I'm the only one you've had sex with that matters?"  Zayn askes.

_HarryHarryHarryHarryHarryHarryHarryHarryHarryHarryHarryHarryHarryHarry_

"No."  Louis speaks quietly.

"I see."  Zayn's gaze pierces Louis' soul.  "Do you still want me to want you?" 

_Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes_

_NO_

"Yes."  Louis whispers.

Zayn leans in the rest of the way and Louis closes his eyes, praying that he wouldn't pass out from the sudden rush of blood to his head.

Their lips meet, and it's all too familiar.  It's the feeling Louis has craved and cried over for years. 

Zayn seems slightly tentative at first, but at no move of rejection from Louis, he pressed his lips a little harder into Louis'.

The feeling of being wanted by Zayn is all it takes for Louis to drop the bottle of oil and photo to the ground and wrap both arms around his neck and his brain is on a loop of  _yes, yes, yes, yes, God yes please._

Zayn responds equally as quick and pulls Louis into him by his waist.  Louis' body is one big adrenaline rush as they passionately kiss each other. 

Zayn's tongue enters in and the familiar feeling ignites Louis to want more.  He knows where this leads.  It feels like no time had passed at all.  He has done this hundreds of times, and now it's just Louis falling into the way his relationship with Zayn works.

Louis reaches to unbutton Zayn's shirt, and Zayn lifts Louis' button-up over his head.  Several articles of clothing later and they're both naked with Zayn lying on top of Louis kissing up and down his neck.  "I've missed you so much Lou.  I love you so much.  You're so fucking gorgeous.  I can't tell you how much I've missed this."

"Zayn, please."  Louis whines into Zayn's soft raven black hair. 

"Tell me what you want baby."  Zayn whispers between kisses.

"There's a bottle of oil on the floor.  Please just- love me like you used to."  Louis' stomach is doing backflips over the moon.

Zayn kisses Louis then reaches down for the makeshift lube.  The lube that's almost out because he had let Harry use it on him the last time they made love.  And God, Louis feels fucking sick to his stomach.  Sick with shame and want.

Zayn coats his fingers and preps Louis without any trouble.  Louis feels like every limb may as well be tied up and secured to the massage table because he feels completely powerless.  He's almost mad at his body for how quickly it acquiesces to Zayn.  Zayn withdraws his fingers and enters into Louis and thrusts into him the way Louis remembers so well.

Zayn whispers sweet nothings into Louis' ear the whole time and touches him like Louis is the center of his universe.  Louis keens into the words and into Zayn's touch.

Zayn rubs a hand down the side of Louis' body, then hitches Louis' leg over his shoulder.  Louis feels like crying and kissing and yelling because of Zayn all at the same time, so his body responds again by being compliant.  Louis comes on cue with Zayn's practiced touch and Zayn comes shortly after.

The fireworks dissipate into nothingness.  It's dark and silent in the room.  There's heavy breathing.

Louis' brain slowly reconnects with his very vacant body.  "How long are you in Arizona for?"

"However long you want me to be.  I'm here for  _you_."  Zayn strokes Louis' face and his touch feels like battery acid. 

Louis presses the mental pause button and numbs his brain until he can think this through properly.

"I need to go.  I need to sort things out.  Give me your number please and I'll call you when I can."  Louis shifts from under Zayn and Zayn sits up.  Louis gives his phone to Zayn for him to type his number into while Louis mechanically gets dressed. 

Louis waits patiently for Zayn to get dressed, then locks up the spa behind them.  "How did you get here?"

"Taxi."  Zayn says.

"Where do you want me to take you?"  Louis says.

"A nearby hotel would be nice if you're not going to offer me to stay with you."  Zayn says with a hint of irritation.

Louis stops at the side of his car to look at Zayn.  Louis places both hands on the sides of Zayn's face and looks directly into his eyes.  "It's been four years.  Please just give me a couple days to work things out before I uproot my life to be with you."

Zayn nods and Louis kisses him with all the remaining energy he has left to give.

Louis pulls away from the kiss then opens the car door for Zayn.  They drive in silence and Louis pulls into the parking lot of a Marriott.

Zayn turns to Louis.  "You've already made you choice.  Coming to terms with it will be much easier when you realize that.  I'll be waiting.  I love you Louis." 

Before Louis can respond, Zayn leans in to kiss Louis softly.  Louis waits for it to end, and then Zayn kisses his cheek and exits the car.

Louis drives home absolutely refusing to think or feel.  It's nearly midnight and not a proper time to analyze one's life decisions.  He won't be able to think clearly unless all the walls through his brain are torn down.

He doesn't have any missed texts or calls on his phone.  He logs onto Skype and doesn't see any missed calls or messages.  In fact, Harry's last login time was yesterday.

Louis turns all the lights and TV's on in the house, turns on very loud music, and grabs as many water bottles as will fit in his hands, and puts them down on his living room table.  He goes upstairs to feed Gary and grabs his mouth guard.  He takes the bag of ecstasy from his nightstand and sets his phone alarm for every three hours.  His body is already getting jittery.

He goes down the stairs and pulls out four pills, putting three in his mouth and chewing on it, then sticking it under his tongue to quicken it's effect.  He puts his mouth guard in and once the pill dissolves under his tongue, he drinks a half a water bottle.

Taking off everything but his underwear, he stretches out his limbs, and 15 minutes later drifts into bliss as he dances by himself in his living room.

~~~~~~


	36. Final Chapter XD

 

~~~~~~

Thursday and Louis is still in his house, riding out the after effects of the ecstasy he took.  He feels light and happy.  It's the day after Christmas. 

He picks up his phone.  The only call he has received was from his mom on Christmas day.  He had a short conversation with her, and then had taken another few pills and went back to listening to music. 

The nice thing about having your brain fully exposed and unrestrained for a couple days is that Louis' path was clearly laid out in front of his eyes and there wasn't any struggle accepting it. 

It is time.  He dials Harry's number. 

"Hello?"

"Harry!  Are you back yet?  I need to see you as soon as you're here."  Louis kicks an empty water bottle on his living room floor.

"Yeah, Niall and I just got back actually.  I can be over in 10 if you want."  Harry says.

"Perfect!  See you soon."  Louis smiles and hangs up.  He skips upstairs to dress and take out his mouth guard.  He was kind of hoping for another shower before the effects wore off altogether, but on the other hand, he had already showered nine times since Tuesday night.  His skin could probably use a break.

He dresses into a collared shirt, aware that he has hickies from Zayn littered all up and down his neck.  The sound of a Harley then a knock on the door signals that Harry is here already.

With butterflies in his stomach, Louis hops downstairs and opens the door.  Harry looks like he had freshly showered too and was dressed nice in jeans and a collared shirt.  It feels like it had been weeks since Louis had seen him.  He offers Harry a crooked grin then leans in to hug him because he loves Harry's hugs.

"Come in Haz!"  Louis takes Harry's large hand in his and leads him to where they once built a blanket fort together.  Louis' previous outfit is strewn across the living room along with a dozen empty water bottles.  His bag of ecstasy is still out and there is a light red dust coating parts of the coffee table from Louis shuffling around the pills so much and cutting up half and quarter portions.

"How was Christmas?  Do you want a drink?  I have bottled water."  Louis motions to the water bottle graveyard in his living room.

"Christmas was good.  No drink, thank you."  Harry sits on the couch and Louis plops down next to him.  Harry eyes around the room, then turns his attention back to Louis' peppy demeanor.  "You look like you had an interesting holiday." 

"I did, thank you.  Look, I really need to tell you something though Harry."  Louis grabs both of his hands.  He wants to kiss them, but figures that would probably be too touchy for Harry right now.  He's aware that he can come off a little too strong when his brain is compromised and doesn't want Harry thinking he isn't thinking properly.

"First, um, are you still high?"  Harry looks guarded.

"The last pill I took was yesterday evening.  So not technically.  I am of a sound mind."  Louis reassures.

Harry nods cautiously. 

"I slept with Zayn on my birthday.  I just wanted to tell you because you deserve to know."  The words tickle his tongue as they leave his mouth and Louis suppresses a smile.  He doesn't want Harry thinking that he's being condescending; he's just not feeling dismal is all.  He said it, and there's a great feeling of power that comes with the freedom of knowing that there's nothing he could do to take it back.

Harry seems to choke on air for a moment and his face goes from disbelief to smiling to despair.  Louis knows his perception of the world may be slightly skewed, but this is definitely an abnormal reaction for Harry. 

Louis sets a hand on Harry's shoulder.  Harry dry sobs for a moment longer before trying to speak.  "I really didn't expect that, but... me too." 

Louis cocks his head in confusion.  Harry shakes his head.  "I mean, not Zayn.  Niall.  I slept with Niall on your birthday.  You deserve to know too."  Harry bites his lips and his face shows nothing but sadness now.

Louis laughs and Harry looks at him with regretful eyes.  Louis leans in to hug Harry.  Louis didn't mean to laugh at the situation, but it seems the most fitting thing to do. 

Ironic is what it is.  Laughing at an ironic situation.  Probably because he knew the whole time that this was all part of his and Harry's inevitable future.  He swears he should be a psychic.

Harry quivers under his touch.  "I'm so sorry.  I'm just really confused.  Niall admitted to being bisexual and had that whole identity crisis.  Then Christmas Eve, he told me he loves me and I was just so caught up in the moment, and it was Niall, and we..."  Harry sighs and puts a hand to his forehead.  "God, I've just- I've loved Niall for so long, but I love you more than anything.  And it was so different.  It's just so different with you than it was with him. 

"I just, I thought I'd come over here and beg for your forgiveness, but now I find out you slept with Zayn- and you've been doing drugs for God knows how many days.  I don't know Louis.  I'm confused about everything.  If we've both slept with other people it... it obviously says that we've got some major problems.  Not just one of us, but both."

Louis isn't surprised in the least to hear Harry's very logical analysis of the situation.  Now he just needs to stop it here before Harry starts getting emotional.  "I love you so damn much Harry, but we both know it would have never worked out between us."  Louis kisses Harry's cheek.

"No, that's not true."  Harry whispers to himself more than Louis.  "I-I wanted it to so badly."  Harry rests his head into Louis' shoulder.  "Lou, I love you.  That's got to account for something.  I love you, and I'm not even sure about Niall-"

Louis cuts him off because he knows what Harry is going to say, and he's not sure he can follow through if he hears the rest.  "I wanted it so badly too, but it's not going to work." 

Harry sleeping with Niall doesn't change his decision.  He came to the decision regardless of what happened with Harry the last couple days. 

Harry looks into Louis' eyes.  "I love you so much Louis.  It hurts."  His eyes are starting to gloss over.  "I don't think I'm ready to give up on us.  Maybe we just need a little time.  Maybe a little space.  I dunno, I just, I don't know if Niall is it for me.  God that sounds so selfish- but maybe you found out the same with Zayn?  I-if you want me, I think... fuck, we both fucked up whatever it is we have, but maybe-"

That pools sadness in Louis' heart and he feels like he's been shot with a thousand darts.  He has to stop before this escalates more.

Louis interrupts him again.  "I love you too Hazza.  It has hurt me since the day we met, but it will only continue to hurt.  Let's not lie to ourselves."  Louis kisses Harry's lips softly, wishing he could give some of his solace to Harry. 

He will miss Harry.  So much.  Those are emotions to deal with at another time though, definitely not something to backpedal with right now.

Tears stream down Harry's face.  "W-what about true love?  I know you had it with Zayn, but you said I was too.  Shouldn't that count for something?  We could repair what we've ruined?"

"True love doesn't exist.  And if it does, it's not meant for us, nor does it change what happened."  Louis stands and offers a hand out for Harry. 

"So you just pick Zayn over me then?  Not because of love, but because... what?  You have history with him?  Is he a better person than me?"  Harry stands and picks up both of Louis' hands.  "Louis, I would never do what Zayn did to you..."

_Breathe in two seconds, out four seconds._

Louis turns and walks Harry to the door.  "I'll never forget about you.  I hope things work out with you and Niall.  I knew I should have never trusted the bastard.  But I always knew he had part of your heart too."  Louis smiles.

Harry chokes out a sob.  "Louis, it's not about Niall.  I want  _you_.  Why don't you want me?"  His voice strains at the end and Louis can feel all of his heartstrings snapping in half.

Louis musters as much hardness as he can.  "This isn't about you Harry.  It's about me.  Stop trying to make everything about yourself.  I'm choosing this."  Louis' voice cracks on the last word and he breathes shallowly to keep from getting choked up.

"You deserve someone better than Zayn, but- I guess... if he's who makes you happy, then you should always be with him.  I'll miss you so fucking much."  Harry strokes Louis' cheek and more tears escapes the corners of his eyes.

"Miss you too."  Louis nuzzles his face into Harry's hand.  He can't afford to feel sympathetic for Harry right now.  Not right now.  Not until he leaves.

Harry leans in for one more kiss with Louis that leaves him weak in the knees and resolve almost broken, then walks out the front door.  Louis closes the door behind him. 

There's regret wanting to surface up in the back of his mind, but he shoves it back down as he slides down his door onto the floor. 

_This is the right thing.  This is the best thing._

Oh God, he can hear Harry crying on his porch outside. 

Louis runs to the living room to pick up his phone.  He punches in a number and waits for someone to pick up on the other end.

"Serenity Corporate Headquarters, this is Jaymie.  How can I help you?"

"Louis Tomlinson from Serenity in Phoenix.  Let me talk to Brandon please."  He can do this.  He is doing this.  This is what he wants.

"Of course."  Jaymie responds through the phone. 

The transfer music plays and Brandon picks up.  "Louis?  To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Promote me to regional manager in California or I'm quitting."  Louis says.

"How much of an increase in salary would you like?"  Brandon responds back without hesitation.

"20% increase with a yearly bonus if I meet the annual financial goals."  Louis paces back and forth in his kitchen.

"It will be arranged.  And when would you like to be flown out?"  He could hear Brandon writing things down on a notepad.

"Tomorrow."  Louis sits down on one of the barstools.

"You will need a personal assistant.  Do you have one in mind?"  Brandon asks.

"Kara Carter, the receptionist in Phoenix.  She will need relocation covered for herself and her significant other, as well as arrangements for schooling.  If she declines, I don't have a preference."  Louis stands back up and heads to the living room.

"I'll get it taken care of have my admin email you you're itinerary tonight."  Brandon replies.

"I look forward to it."  Louis hangs up and takes a drink of water.  He breaks an ecstasy pill in half and pops it into his mouth.  The anxiety bubbling up hints that may be getting too sober.

He picks up his phone again to call Zayn.  It rings a couple times until he picks up.

"Louis?  Are you calling from a blocked number?"  Zayn sounds confused.

"Fuck off and don't ever come and find me again."  Louis hangs up. 

He tosses his phone on the couch and walks upstairs.  He smiles to himself as he throws his suitcase on his bed and starts packing.

"Gary, we're going to California!" 

_~~To Be Continued~~_

 

Updated A/N: Gary the Axolotl Salamander is on Twitter as [@FadingZenGary](http://www.twitter.com/FadingZenGary). You may tweet him for questions and sneak peaks of the sequel.

I have another mature Larry story that is posted and completed. It's called Purple Reign and takes place in the Medieval century. When writing it, I was experimenting with a bit different writing style, so it will have a different feel than Fading Zen.

The Forgotten Habitat is the book I am currently working on.  It is Larry/Zourry, mature, and updates are every Friday at noon.

As soon as I get a new book cover (I got the pic off Google Images, whoops), and do (a lot of) editing, I will be publishing Fading Zen so that you can purchase it as an ebook or paperback.

Again, thank you so much all my little succubi for joining me on the adventure of Fading Zen. It would be very different story had I not had the support, feedback, and love from all of you. Even the readers finishing the story two years from now, thank  _you_ too!!

Hope to see you in the comment section of Purple Reign!!

-LemonSuccubus


	37. Sequel is Now Posted :D

As the title says, the first chapter of [Finding Zen](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5273534) is up. Enjoy :) 

Xoxo

-LemonSuccubus (Dannie Ybarra)


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